Ladies, I'm thinking about doing an experiment....
- Thread starter BlackHairDiva
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BlackHairDiva
Well-Known Member
I already know how to cook but I want to broaden my skills. I recently learned how to do ice cream. I already know how to bake, and cook a multitude of meals. I wish I knew how to sow and knit.
londontresses
Well-Known Member
Sample chapter of the Ring Forumla - thanks OP will def be checking out both books.
http://www.drtartt.com/ringformulapreview/ringformulacomplimentarychapter.pdf
http://www.drtartt.com/ringformulapreview/ringformulacomplimentarychapter.pdf
Makenzie
Well-Known Member
Thanks for this. Wasn't interested in getting the book until I read the link. He really broke down the need to know how to cook in a way I just never thought of before.
Renewed1
Well-Known Member
^^^I agree. His description of the whole cooking...really nurturing...made sense to me. Women had always said that men really want to marry their mothers; but it was always viewed in a negative light.
Men really just want the nurturing pieces (which is ingrain in most women) of their mothers. Mothers tend to treat their children like children. Men don't want to be treated like children, but nurtured.
I totally get it now and I'm willing to cook for my man.
Men really just want the nurturing pieces (which is ingrain in most women) of their mothers. Mothers tend to treat their children like children. Men don't want to be treated like children, but nurtured.
I totally get it now and I'm willing to cook for my man.
tinkat
Well-Known Member
I notice that the older I get the more I want to do those things anyway. I am always asking my mother how to fix this or that. Its funny bc a few years ago I had no interest in that but I was always nuturing by nature.
GraceV
New Member
Well darn! Since he put it that way....
I like his writing style and really enjoyed that chapter. Thankfully the cooking is not one of my problems. I've been accused of too much cooking (like such a thing can exist umph! If it's too much why are folks in the process of recruiting me to become the regular lunch-maker for our monthly singles meetings?
). I know what my issues are and he mentioned them in the introduction. I may need to buy this book....Is there a book that tells men how to get a good wife? Not bashing this book at all ; I'm really curious. I'd like to see the advice given in such a book, see what it is men think women really want.
ETA: Okay, I actually do have a question about this book and others that are similar. Is there actual research? Or is it just the author hypothesizing with what sounds reasonable to him? I read a few pages of the pdf posted and saw he was talking about women and their "baseless theories" about men, which lead me to wonder if his theories were baseless.
ETA: Okay, I actually do have a question about this book and others that are similar. Is there actual research? Or is it just the author hypothesizing with what sounds reasonable to him? I read a few pages of the pdf posted and saw he was talking about women and their "baseless theories" about men, which lead me to wonder if his theories were baseless.
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blac_quarian
Been here from long time
Because thanks is not enough! I skimmed through the PDF chapter and my response was le sigh. I'm not knocking anyone for reading this type of snag-a-man book and following the advice prescribed, but to me this stuff gets as tiresome as the negative articles.. I don't get why women should have to "fix" ourselves and figure out some "formula" to get a man to commit. In my experience if a man is checking for you a certain way, all you have to do is exist and be you; everything else you bring to the table is a bonus.
Having said all that, good luck with your experiment OP!
hopeful
Well-Known Member
And women remember you don't have to cook all the time or know how to cook everything. A few signature yummy items is enough: mac & cheese, spaghetti, etc. And a man will love it if you just make him a really good sandwich. Seriously, a really good turkey sandwich, his favorite chips and an ice cold drink will also make him melt. Men love to be catered to. The right one though will also wine and dine you in return.
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tinkat
Well-Known Member
I agree with what you are saying. I did not get the vibe from him when I went to his channel and heard him talk. If anything, I got the vibe that he was trying to remind woman to remember that you should always know your self worth (even though its suppose to be common sense, alot of us have to learn by lessons in life). He seems to focus alot on how single mother's can raise sons and parent/children relationships in general. I sensed that in some of the videos he has. Its seem like he really tries to reach out to not only women, the young ladies (teenagers). I get the vibe that he tries to reach out to the community with his practices.
Renewed1
Well-Known Member
Ladies, I get your point and would agree. But I think the key thing to remember is, MOST of these relationship books are SELF-HELP books. No one knows everything about anything.
I regard books (or posts, articles, forums, etc) about relationships, similar about books regarding improving your self-esteem, dealing with your past, alcoholism, sex problems, etc etc etc.
For some women, attracting and retaining a man is simple. For others it many not be and finding the answers to some questions (or realizations about oneself) may be necessary in a book....or a forum, in my case.
But I do understand your POV.
I regard books (or posts, articles, forums, etc) about relationships, similar about books regarding improving your self-esteem, dealing with your past, alcoholism, sex problems, etc etc etc.
For some women, attracting and retaining a man is simple. For others it many not be and finding the answers to some questions (or realizations about oneself) may be necessary in a book....or a forum, in my case.
But I do understand your POV.
greight
Well-Known Member
Reading that sample chapter is why I haven't purchased the Ring Formula. Nah. I need more people to back him.
In the case of Kent, she falls along the lines of men are very simple creatures. You don't have to do much but sit there and let him talk. Listen to him and decide whether or not he is right for you. If not, good bye. Find another man within these professions/places. If you are interested in him, let him continue talking himself into falling in love with you. Fin.
I appreciate the fact that Kent was more about discernment.
In the case of Kent, she falls along the lines of men are very simple creatures. You don't have to do much but sit there and let him talk. Listen to him and decide whether or not he is right for you. If not, good bye. Find another man within these professions/places. If you are interested in him, let him continue talking himself into falling in love with you. Fin.
I appreciate the fact that Kent was more about discernment.
I'm not attacking or anything, I understand the desire to read self-help books.
But do you know the answer to the questions I asked? I genuinely want to know. Is his book based on research? If so, just his own or does he bring in anyone else's? Or is it just what he thinks?growinghealthyhair
Well-Known Member
Interesting to see what yo ucome back with op.
Do_Si_Dos
Well-Known Member
Renewed1
Well-Known Member
I'm not attacking or anything, I understand the desire to read self-help books.
I didn't think you were attacking. I thought you were just expressing your opinion. And I was giving my opinion. No love lost....it's the internet....I don't take anything offensively on the net.....
As for your question...I'm sorry I don't know. You probably could google his name to see if he has a webpage and I think he has a youtube page. So those are a few ways for you to contact him to ask your questions.
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Divine Inspiration
Well-Known Member
Curious...where'd you get this information from? Last I knew, he was in a relationship but not married. That was as recent as 2 weeks ago.
Do_Si_Dos
Well-Known Member
He gives a story at the end of the book. I assumed it was about him.
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Divine Inspiration
Well-Known Member
Must be hypothetical or a story about a friend. His Facebook is showing in a relationship.
I make this distinction because men like him and Hill Harper profess to have it all figured out for women and yet they haven't married. I respect Dr. Tartt's work, but there's a bit of irony in offering the Ring Formula to masses of women when you apparently haven't given it to your woman or it supposedly works for everyone else but not for her.
Do_Si_Dos
Well-Known Member
(kanye shrug) All adults don't update their relationship status on facebook.
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I read Kent's book not too long ago and learned a lot from it. I plan to keep much of it in mind as I venture out into the dating world. I haven't read the other one, but I might check it out for another perspective. I also read a few femininity blogs and such.
I'm rather inexperienced and challenged when it comes to dating, so I need all the help I can get
I'm rather inexperienced and challenged when it comes to dating, so I need all the help I can get
metro_qt
Well-Known Member
And women remember you don't have to cook all the time or know how to cook everything. A few signature yummy items is enough: mac & cheese, spaghetti, etc. And a man will love it if you just make him a really good sandwich. Seriously, a really good turkey sandwich, his favorite chips and an ice cold drink will also make him melt. Men love to be catered to. The right one though will also wine and dine you in return
i'm going to thank you one million times for this and polish up my signature dishes....
metro_qt
Well-Known Member
I read this on his website as well, that he's currently dating a great woman, but they are *not* married...
it also made me think, as he bragged about all the great women he's dated.. doctors, lawyers, flight attendants, etc......
why didn't he marry ANY of them?
erplexed
Divine Inspiration
Well-Known Member
I read this on his website as well, that he's currently dating a great woman, but they are *not* married...
it also made me think, as he bragged about all the great women he's dated.. doctors, lawyers, flight attendants, etc......
why didn't he marry ANY of them?
Because thanks was not enough!
Somebody pushing a "ring formula" should start the book with the story of how his WIFE used methods he teaches to win his heart and a ring.
Again, I'm not attempting to take anything away from what may otherwise be a good book, but I firmly believe that as women, especially black women, we have to start being more selective about who we take relationship advice from.
Paul Carrick Brunson hasn't written a relationship book (yet) but as a "professional matchmaker", his advice can be taken in light of the fact that he married a black woman, has been married for several years, and had a child with her in wedlock. That doesn't mean he can do no wrong or that everything he says is gospel, but amidst his mission to help black folks find love, one can respect the fact that he handled his own business first.
OP, please forgive any derailing of the thread. Just wanted to make these points for anyone reading/pondering.
ebonylocs
New Member
Because they didn't know The Ring Formula.it also made me think, as he bragged about all the great women he's dated.. doctors, lawyers, flight attendants, etc......
why didn't he marry ANY of them?
That was his whole point in telling about them - that these women were beautiful, intelligent, sophisticated and accomplished, but they didn't go to the farmers' market and loving fondle the ripe produce then go home to cook him a three-course meal, otherwise their bellies would be "swollen with his twins" right now.
This book is his answer to their cries of "What was wrong with me???? Why didn't you pick me???"Exactly.
That's why I asked the obvious question.** Without this story one may with cause assume that he is just another perennial bachelor with unrealistic expectations of perfection, spinning out immature fantasies of justification. He may not be that, but one could have cause to assume it.
How does he know what the ring formula is, if it's never worked on him?
But let the experiments roll - the messenger is not the message!
**That, in addition to the Harlequin-romance sense of fairy-tale unreality that surrounded his account comparing the two women. I knew that could not be, was not, real life.
VelvetRain
Well-Known Member
I hear you but I look at things differently. I think his point is that you have to be able to differentiate yourself from the next woman who may in many ways be similiar traits as you. How can a man determine if you are special from the other five chicks he is dating? These days you have to set yourself apart from the next chick. The competition is stiff. The days of men pursuing women are over. Different times different mindset.
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