SincerelyJane
New Member
Lol those texts were funny, I feel bad for dude though. I agree that it doesn't sound like you're interested in him.
*Spinoff* "The Rules Challenge!--"Rules" girls get in here!
- Thread starter Crystalicequeen123
- Start date
ThePerfectScore
Well-Known Member
Y'all are right!
Crystalicequeen123 you said verbatim what several of my friends have said.
BLAHHHHHHHHH..... It's the case of #RightWordsWrongGuy
Crystalicequeen123 you said verbatim what several of my friends have said.
BLAHHHHHHHHH..... It's the case of #RightWordsWrongGuy
ThePerfectScore
Well-Known Member
Crystalicequeen123 on an completely unrelated note... I broke all The Rules for this other guy from OkCupid b/c he was just so damn fine, I couldn't NOT say hi.
He's extremely attractive, but he maybe a robot. He has this Blue Steel look going on because in all his pictures he has the same face and the same pose.
I'll PM a link to his profile. Can't put ole dude on blast, but here's how it all started:
SOOOOOOO anti- The Rules. OkCupid seems to think we're 90% Match/ 11% Enemy. That doesn't even equal 100, so IDK what that means. But we are probably complete opposites. He's 37, fav music is gospel, jazz and R n B, his Christian religion is very important to him, but on one of the questions he answered that all same-sex relationships are wrong. I'm way more liberal than that in a lot of ways. I like all his music choices, but I also like some ratchet music and pop music. I'm religiously fluid;I like to just absorb information and create my own moral ideology, and I'm an advocate for gay rights.
so even though the website says
You match…
90% on Sex questions
94% on Lifestyle questions
83% on Dating questions
87% on Other questions
the thing we disagree on seem to be HUGE political/religious ideologies... but meh never spoken to him in person or even had a real conversation with him so not going to rule him out. Plus he is just so damn fine.....
I'm so over dating... lol I know that no one is perfect but is seems every guy I talk to is missing some key components.
but anyway--- with this guy I think I need to go back to the rules and STOP messaging him to keep the conversation going. I think it maybe a case where he's just being polite, but isn't really that interested. Or maybe I'm over analyzing, which I tend to do....
He's extremely attractive, but he maybe a robot. He has this Blue Steel look going on because in all his pictures he has the same face and the same pose.
I'll PM a link to his profile. Can't put ole dude on blast, but here's how it all started:
SOOOOOOO anti- The Rules. OkCupid seems to think we're 90% Match/ 11% Enemy. That doesn't even equal 100, so IDK what that means. But we are probably complete opposites. He's 37, fav music is gospel, jazz and R n B, his Christian religion is very important to him, but on one of the questions he answered that all same-sex relationships are wrong. I'm way more liberal than that in a lot of ways. I like all his music choices, but I also like some ratchet music and pop music. I'm religiously fluid;I like to just absorb information and create my own moral ideology, and I'm an advocate for gay rights.
so even though the website says
You match…
90% on Sex questions
94% on Lifestyle questions
83% on Dating questions
87% on Other questions
the thing we disagree on seem to be HUGE political/religious ideologies... but meh never spoken to him in person or even had a real conversation with him so not going to rule him out. Plus he is just so damn fine.....
I'm so over dating... lol I know that no one is perfect but is seems every guy I talk to is missing some key components.
but anyway--- with this guy I think I need to go back to the rules and STOP messaging him to keep the conversation going. I think it maybe a case where he's just being polite, but isn't really that interested. Or maybe I'm over analyzing, which I tend to do....
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Crystalicequeen123
Well-Known Member
@Crystalicequeen123 on an completely unrelated note... I broke all The Rules for this other guy from OkCupid b/c he was just so damn fine, I couldn't NOT say hi.
He's extremely attractive, but he maybe a robot. He has this Blue Steel look going on because in all his pictures he has the same face and the same pose.
I'll PM a link to his profile. Can't put ole dude on blast, but here's how it all started:
SOOOOOOO anti- The Rules. OkCupid seems to think we're 90% Match/ 11% Enemy. That doesn't even equal 100, so IDK what that means. But we are probably complete opposites. He's 37, fav music is gospel, jazz and R n B, his Christian religion is very important to him, but on one of the questions he answered that all same-sex relationships are wrong. I'm way more liberal than that in a lot of ways. I like all his music choices, but I also like some ratchet music and pop music. I'm religiously fluid;I like to just absorb information and create my own moral ideology, and I'm an advocate for gay rights.
so even though the website says
You match…
90% on Sex questions
94% on Lifestyle questions
83% on Dating questions
87% on Other questions
the thing we disagree on seem to be HUGE political/religious ideologies... but meh never spoken to him in person or even had a real conversation with him so not going to rule him out. Plus he is just so damn fine.....
I'm so over dating... lol I know that no one is perfect but is seems every guy I talk to is missing some key components.
but anyway--- with this guy I think I need to go back to the rules and STOP messaging him to keep the conversation going. I think it maybe a case where he's just being polite, but isn't really that interested. Or maybe I'm over analyzing, which I tend to do....
WOW girl...... The difference between the way you talk to this guy and talk to the other dude is like NIGHT and DAY!!!
That's what I'm talking about.
With THIS new guy online you're engaging, you're asking HIM questions, you're trying to keep the conversation going, you're friendly 
, etc. It's the same way you would be able to tell if a guy were interested in you. Nothing is different.... You're obviously not interested in the other dude, so you should probably just cut the cord now... No sense in dragging it longer than usual.
With this NEW guy, I think it's too early to tell whether or not he's interested....
Although contacting a man FIRST is ALWAYS against "The Rules" 
, they aren't necessarily a death blow according to Matthew Hussey's book, and according to a lot of other girl friends of mine. Some of my girl friends have talked to a guy first in a flirty playful way, and they have ended up married to the guy. AND the guy is smitten with them. So, I see nothing wrong with a woman nudging a guy online..... Why not?? Just don't OVERdo it.
Now you should just sit back, relax, and let HIM contact YOU! If he's interested, then he will contact you again and will initiate conversations with you. Let him come to YOU now. I see nothing wrong with a woman "getting the ball rolling" (so to speak), but the guy HAS to keep the ball rolling, you get my drift?? :eyebrows2 You'll know soon enough if he's interested.
Don't fret! And if not him, then someone else!
ThePerfectScore
Well-Known Member
Update timeeeeeee
Crystalicequeen123, so I went on the date with the guy I may or may not be into. It was cool, we met at DSW b/c on our 2nd date he gave me some random-rse DSW refund card he had in his wallet for like 4 years. (He commented that he really liked my shoes, and I said that I had just bought them as an impulse buy from DSW- Hence why I suggested shopping at DSW earlier). Anyway they couldn't read the card b/c it was so old. No biggie--- I had a 2 rewards I had to use, and the pair of shoes were on sale. My receipt said I saved $61!
Then after there was a Hibachi restaurant in the same shopping center, so we walked across the street to it. So much fun--- this guy is seriously the life of the party. He engaged and made friends with everyone at the table (an Indian family of 3- Mom, Dad, teenage son) + (college students- 2 asians and a girl from Honduras). I include their races because we were all so openly talking about and joking about cultural difference. Very good conversation.
He had something on his cheek, so I reached over and brushed it off with my finger. Once I did that he said "Yes, you touched me! I need more of that. I'm getting the friend zone vibe from you and let me be honest, I do not want to be your "friend".
After everyone left the table the guy (he needs a code name--Billy D. Williams haha)... After everyone left the table Billy wanted to talk. He basically was saying more of the same, but we did have an interesting conversation about feet.
I was adjusting my shoe, and he commented that he saw I had really nice feet while I was trying on shoes at DSW. And he was like I'll give you a foot massage (he even tried to give me on in the empty restaurant.... we were in the back, but still...) Billy then proceeded to tell me that I need a man to do things for me and to take care of me. He made fun of the fact that I have a Brookstone $200 foot massager machine. He basically said that's a man's job.
Then he told me why well groomed feet are so important to men---- basically if a woman has jacked up feet she's not taking care of herself and probably has a nasty vajayjay. It was an interesting theory, but I was telling him how I have friends with jacked up feet from sporting injuries (ice skating, ballet, running).... then that lead him to saying I only think my friends are attractive because I'm a girl and girls consider the emotional bond they have with someone when rating them.
I told him no all my friends are genuinely attractive. And he told me he doesn't even have to meet my friends to know I'm hands now the most attractive one out of the group. (Just a lot of nice compliments)
ANYWAY.... so the restaurant was empty, so I did a very UN-rulsey thing. I figured I needed to go back to my dating roots of trying to prolong a date as much as possible. I suggested we walk around the outdoor shopping center (it's very upscale so it was pretty). I had a ginger mint in my mouth from the Japanese Steakhouse--- I commented it was nasty, but I kept playing with it in my mouth to draw attention to my lips. (Over the weekend Billy texted me saying he's been dying to kiss me since the moment I met him and he wanted to see me again.) So I'm playing with this mint, sucking on it, bitting it with my front teeth... just doing the most, then I said I was looking for a trash can to spit it out. Billy hands out his hand, and I said, "Do you really want it?" And I lean in to like kiss him, then he said, "Oh no, you've got to earn that..." Then I said, "Okay whatever...." and backed away. Well that made Billy reconsider and we kissed and I passed the mint to him.
Then we continue walking and Billy holds my hand. Then I scope out a beautiful park bench in the middle of a roundabout with a fountain. We sit down there and Billy's trying to touch me and caress me. So I decide put my legs across him while we're sitting. And he's rubbing my feet. Then I decide to kiss him again.
I absolutely HATE first kisses.... there's only been one man who's first kiss with me was absolutely perfect, no complaints on techniques, made me weak at the knees, wasn't sloppy. Every other man I've ever kissed I've had to teach them how to do it. Make that two men... there was one guy I made out with at a bar.... Anyway, poor Billy falls within in the later category--- i felt like he was gonna eat my face. Then he started to kiss my neck and he literally was licking it. Flicking his wet sloppy tongue against my neck meat... 
But anyway--- I tried to show affection back. I returned the massage favor and was basically caressing his hand and arm.... then I moved onto his neck after he commented that he thought that's where my hand was headed...
blah blah blah....
Then we get to the heavy stuff... basically this is what he said..he started off with, "I need you to flirt with me more..."
then ...
"I've told you many times before that I like you and want you. You repeatedly blow me off. And you're doing it on purpose. It's very easy to spot, and it's to the point of insulting me. You're a smart woman, so you can't play dumb." Then he says, "I think you're still in your party mode. And I understand that."
So I say, "Is my age showing?" (25 years) So I tell him that I do want to explore my options and I'm not ready to settle down. I ask him if he wants me to stop dating other people?
And he replies, "No, I'm not asking for that. Believe me I've been there done that. I've dated 15 woman at once... random date here and there. All that getting to know you. That's bullsh-t. I'm just want to focus on one woman. I want to devote my time and energy into one woman. And It's not saying I'm looking to get married instantly and settle down, but when you want something you go for it."
So I said, "We're on two different pages in our lives." And put my shoes back on. As we're walking back to the car you can see the tension. I commented on it. "Look at our body language. I'm a psych major so I pick up on things. Your hands are in your pocket..." I was walking way faster and there was so much distance. It was no longer the case of two people's strides matching up.
Then there was some music playing and the lyrics said something about "being lost..." And I commented if my life was a movie they were playing the soundtrack. Early I commented how our park bench in front of the fountain was like in a movie.
Anyway... he walks me to my car and that was it. I figured I'd never see him again.... was also what I figured on our 3rd date when he commented that I was on the fence when it comes to him.
I figured that was that, but I'd at least let him know I got home safely.
Texts:
Also in the midst of that text convo I told him to lay off the neck licking
All and all... there was something so sexy about how he checked me. He basically called me out on my BS. I'm a glutton for punishment because I like him even more now. The more time I spend with him that more sides of him I see....
I was REALLY being SUPER RULESEY! haha Let's see where this goes folks.
Crystalicequeen123, so I went on the date with the guy I may or may not be into. It was cool, we met at DSW b/c on our 2nd date he gave me some random-rse DSW refund card he had in his wallet for like 4 years. (He commented that he really liked my shoes, and I said that I had just bought them as an impulse buy from DSW- Hence why I suggested shopping at DSW earlier). Anyway they couldn't read the card b/c it was so old. No biggie--- I had a 2 rewards I had to use, and the pair of shoes were on sale. My receipt said I saved $61!
Then after there was a Hibachi restaurant in the same shopping center, so we walked across the street to it. So much fun--- this guy is seriously the life of the party. He engaged and made friends with everyone at the table (an Indian family of 3- Mom, Dad, teenage son) + (college students- 2 asians and a girl from Honduras). I include their races because we were all so openly talking about and joking about cultural difference. Very good conversation.
He had something on his cheek, so I reached over and brushed it off with my finger. Once I did that he said "Yes, you touched me! I need more of that. I'm getting the friend zone vibe from you and let me be honest, I do not want to be your "friend".
After everyone left the table the guy (he needs a code name--Billy D. Williams haha)... After everyone left the table Billy wanted to talk. He basically was saying more of the same, but we did have an interesting conversation about feet.
I was adjusting my shoe, and he commented that he saw I had really nice feet while I was trying on shoes at DSW. And he was like I'll give you a foot massage (he even tried to give me on in the empty restaurant.... we were in the back, but still...
) Billy then proceeded to tell me that I need a man to do things for me and to take care of me. He made fun of the fact that I have a Brookstone $200 foot massager machine. He basically said that's a man's job. Then he told me why well groomed feet are so important to men---- basically if a woman has jacked up feet she's not taking care of herself and probably has a nasty vajayjay. It was an interesting theory, but I was telling him how I have friends with jacked up feet from sporting injuries (ice skating, ballet, running).... then that lead him to saying I only think my friends are attractive because I'm a girl and girls consider the emotional bond they have with someone when rating them.
I told him no all my friends are genuinely attractive. And he told me he doesn't even have to meet my friends to know I'm hands now the most attractive one out of the group. (Just a lot of nice compliments)
ANYWAY.... so the restaurant was empty, so I did a very UN-rulsey thing. I figured I needed to go back to my dating roots of trying to prolong a date as much as possible. I suggested we walk around the outdoor shopping center (it's very upscale so it was pretty). I had a ginger mint in my mouth from the Japanese Steakhouse--- I commented it was nasty, but I kept playing with it in my mouth to draw attention to my lips. (Over the weekend Billy texted me saying he's been dying to kiss me since the moment I met him and he wanted to see me again.) So I'm playing with this mint, sucking on it, bitting it with my front teeth... just doing the most, then I said I was looking for a trash can to spit it out. Billy hands out his hand, and I said, "Do you really want it?" And I lean in to like kiss him, then he said, "Oh no, you've got to earn that..." Then I said, "Okay whatever...." and backed away. Well that made Billy reconsider and we kissed and I passed the mint to him.
Then we continue walking and Billy holds my hand. Then I scope out a beautiful park bench in the middle of a roundabout with a fountain. We sit down there and Billy's trying to touch me and caress me. So I decide put my legs across him while we're sitting. And he's rubbing my feet. Then I decide to kiss him again.
I absolutely HATE first kisses.... there's only been one man who's first kiss with me was absolutely perfect, no complaints on techniques, made me weak at the knees, wasn't sloppy. Every other man I've ever kissed I've had to teach them how to do it. Make that two men... there was one guy I made out with at a bar....
Anyway, poor Billy falls within in the later category--- i felt like he was gonna eat my face. Then he started to kiss my neck and he literally was licking it. Flicking his wet sloppy tongue against my neck meat... But anyway--- I tried to show affection back. I returned the massage favor and was basically caressing his hand and arm.... then I moved onto his neck after he commented that he thought that's where my hand was headed...
blah blah blah....
Then we get to the heavy stuff... basically this is what he said..he started off with, "I need you to flirt with me more..."
then ...
"I've told you many times before that I like you and want you. You repeatedly blow me off. And you're doing it on purpose. It's very easy to spot, and it's to the point of insulting me. You're a smart woman, so you can't play dumb." Then he says, "I think you're still in your party mode. And I understand that."
So I say, "Is my age showing?" (25 years) So I tell him that I do want to explore my options and I'm not ready to settle down. I ask him if he wants me to stop dating other people?
And he replies, "No, I'm not asking for that. Believe me I've been there done that. I've dated 15 woman at once... random date here and there. All that getting to know you. That's bullsh-t. I'm just want to focus on one woman. I want to devote my time and energy into one woman. And It's not saying I'm looking to get married instantly and settle down, but when you want something you go for it."
So I said, "We're on two different pages in our lives." And put my shoes back on. As we're walking back to the car you can see the tension. I commented on it. "Look at our body language. I'm a psych major so I pick up on things. Your hands are in your pocket..." I was walking way faster and there was so much distance. It was no longer the case of two people's strides matching up.
Then there was some music playing and the lyrics said something about "being lost..." And I commented if my life was a movie they were playing the soundtrack. Early I commented how our park bench in front of the fountain was like in a movie.
Anyway... he walks me to my car and that was it. I figured I'd never see him again.... was also what I figured on our 3rd date when he commented that I was on the fence when it comes to him.
I figured that was that, but I'd at least let him know I got home safely.
Texts:
Also in the midst of that text convo I told him to lay off the neck licking
All and all... there was something so sexy about how he checked me. He basically called me out on my BS. I'm a glutton for punishment because I like him even more now. The more time I spend with him that more sides of him I see....
I was REALLY being SUPER RULESEY! haha Let's see where this goes folks.
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sweetvi
Well-Known Member
ThePerfectScore
Well-Known Member
girlonfire
Well-Known Member
Lol ^^^ I was so confused like I thought you were talking to 2 guys xD
sweetvi
Well-Known Member
@ThePerfectScore chile!! you know how these LHCFBI do,,,
btw i thought I responded earlier but it didn't go through . I wanted to write that you broke all the rules with that guy from okcupid lol and I can see the difference between howyou wrote to him and the previous guy. lol what i usually do is send a message first sometimes and let them continue from there.....usually they do all the chasing. it is so funny because the guy im talking to now is into feet as welll lol
btw i thought I responded earlier but it didn't go through . I wanted to write that you broke all the rules with that guy from okcupid lol and I can see the difference between howyou wrote to him and the previous guy. lol what i usually do is send a message first sometimes and let them continue from there.....usually they do all the chasing. it is so funny because the guy im talking to now is into feet as welll lol
girlonfire
Well-Known Member
ThePerfectScore do you use okcupid frequently? If so can you give me pointers? I feel like I'm using it incorrectly
ThePerfectScore
Well-Known Member
girlonfire Yes I use OkCupid frequently--- to be honest I like OkCupid better than Match and the $90 I paid to use it...
OkCupid has a more user-friendly interface, I think the matches are better picked and suited for your preference. Match.com be suggesting people who CLEARLY are the antithesis of everything I said I wanted in my profile.
The key to OkCupid is to answer the questions--- that really does affect the type of matches you receive.
I definitely suggest upgrading to the A-List package. Yes you have to pay, but it's so dang cheap. Just skip your $5 Footlong one day. The benefits are great:
6 month package
$4.95 / month
Save 50%
3 month package
$7.95 / month
Save 20%
1 month for
$9.95 / month
Honestly the browser in invisibility mode is very Rulsey b/c you can basically stalk a guy's profile and he'll never know.
Also the read receipt is Rulsey too b/c it lets you know if a person read a message and just decided to ignore you. Basically it's the ultimate tool to figure out if he's just not that into you.
It's pretty telling if you visit a guys page in invisible mode and see he was online after you sent him a message he never answered.
Honestly, I get more "action" on OkCupid, and I feel like the attractiveness, success level, charm, etc of the guys is slightly higher than on Match.
Plus with the Questions and the format of the profiles where people can answer in paragraph form allows you to learn more about others. I feel like on Match I never get a sense of who a person is prior to talking to them directly. Makes it harder to weed out the people and find the diamonds in the rough. I think Match is trying to steal the Questions from OkCupid, but that feature hasn't been activated yet.
I have yet to go to a Match.com-Stir event--- that might be the one benefit it has over OkCupid, but the Stir events are not free you have to register and pay, but you can bring a friend along with you who's a non-match member if they pay. So maybe get a group of girlfriends to share a Match profile just to get access to the stir events.
A lot of the time anyone you find on Match.com and be cross reference and found on OkCupid for free!
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ThePerfectScore
Well-Known Member
sweetvi yeah I was being so raggedy and thirsty with the super fine guy from OkCupid....
:fat:
I do think I'm going to modify my approach to online dating b/c I need more control over the people with whom I interact. I'm sick of my inbox being filled with guys to which I have ZERO attraction. I think I'll do a quick and easy introductory message, then back off and rules it up. I honestly don't even think my profile is popping up in some of these guys "matches". Who knows what logarithms they use on these websites to populate results. I'll at least get on their radar and then they can figure it out from there.
A good thing is that if you see a person viewed your profile and A) didn't message you and/or B) just sent you some lame wink or added you to their favorites then you know they really aren't that into you because they didn't take the chance to make the first move.
Crystalicequeen123
Well-Known Member
ThePerfectScore
Girl....I'm so SORRY for the late response. I got deathly ill a couple of weeks ago...I'm STILL recovering....
....So I didn't have the energy to put in a well-thought out, lengthy response unfortunately.
But now I'm doing MUCH better and I'm able to focus more on your update!
Here are my thoughts... (in purple)
Girl....I'm so SORRY for the late response. I got deathly ill a couple of weeks ago...I'm STILL recovering....
....So I didn't have the energy to put in a well-thought out, lengthy response unfortunately. But now I'm doing MUCH better and I'm able to focus more on your update!
Here are my thoughts... (in purple)
Update timeeeeeee
Then after there was a Hibachi restaurant in the same shopping center, so we walked across the street to it. So much fun--- this guy is seriously the life of the party. He engaged and made friends with everyone at the table (an Indian family of 3- Mom, Dad, teenage son) + (college students- 2 asians and a girl from Honduras). I include their races because we were all so openly talking about and joking about cultural difference. Very good conversation. I like that....
He had something on his cheek, so I reached over and brushed it off with my finger. Once I did that he said "Yes, you touched me! I need more of that. I'm getting the friend zone vibe from you and let me be honest, I do not want to be your "friend". WOW....
I was adjusting my shoe, and he commented that he saw I had really nice feet while I was trying on shoes at DSW. And he was like I'll give you a foot massage (he even tried to give me on in the empty restaurant.... we were in the back, but still...If a man told me this I don't know how long our "date" would last lol. "Check please!"
Then he told me why well groomed feet are so important to men---- basically if a woman has jacked up feet she's not taking care of herself and probably has a nasty vajayjay. **RECORD SCRATCH**For some reason, I don't like men talking about other women in that way, nor would I want a man talking about my female genitalia (even if he wasn't talking about MINE specifically) on a date in THAT way....or even at all....
It was an interesting theory, but I was telling him how I have friends with jacked up feet from sporting injuries (ice skating, ballet, running).... then that lead him to saying I only think my friends are attractive because I'm a girl and girls consider the emotional bond they have with someone when rating them.
I told him no all my friends are genuinely attractive. And he told me he doesn't even have to meet my friends to know I'm hands now the most attractive one out of the group. (Just a lot of nice compliments)
ANYWAY.... so the restaurant was empty, so I did a very UN-rulsey thing. I figured I needed to go back to my dating roots of trying to prolong a date as much as possible. I suggested we walk around the outdoor shopping center (it's very upscale so it was pretty). I had a ginger mint in my mouth from the Japanese Steakhouse--- I commented it was nasty, but I kept playing with it in my mouth to draw attention to my lips. (Over the weekend Billy texted me saying he's been dying to kiss me since the moment I met him and he wanted to see me again.) So I'm playing with this mint, sucking on it, bitting it with my front teeth... just doing the most, then I said I was looking for a trash can to spit it out. Billy hands out his hand, and I said, "Do you really want it?" And I lean in to like kiss him, then he said, "Oh no, you've got to earn that..." Then I said, "Okay whatever...." and backed away. Well that made Billy reconsider and we kissed and I passed the mint to him. Say WHAAATTTT???I wouldn't say you were being "Unrulesy" in what you did. After all, you've been kind of guarded around him lately, so I think giving him a little and then dropping back is a good tactic. Especially if you're still not sure about how you feel about him.
Then we continue walking and Billy holds my hand. Then I scope out a beautiful park bench in the middle of a roundabout with a fountain. We sit down there and Billy's trying to touch me and caress me. So I decide put my legs across him while we're sitting. And he's rubbing my feet. Then I decide to kiss him again.
I absolutely HATE first kisses.... there's only been one man who's first kiss with me was absolutely perfect, no complaints on techniques, made me weak at the knees, wasn't sloppy. Every other man I've ever kissed I've had to teach them how to do it. Make that two men... there was one guy I made out with at a bar....
But anyway--- I tried to show affection back. I returned the massage favor and was basically caressing his hand and arm.... then I moved onto his neck after he commented that he thought that's where my hand was headed...
blah blah blah....
Then we get to the heavy stuff... basically this is what he said..he started off with, "I need you to flirt with me more..." Dang...he's a little demanding isn't he??
then ...
"I've told you many times before that I like you and want you. You repeatedly blow me off. And you're doing it on purpose. It's very easy to spot, and it's to the point of insulting me. You're a smart woman, so you can't play dumb." Then he says, "I think you're still in your party mode. And I understand that." Hmmmm.....Well, at least he was honest and straight forward. How did you feel when he said that??
So I say, "Is my age showing?" (25 years) So I tell him that I do want to explore my options and I'm not ready to settle down. I ask him if he wants me to stop dating other people?
And he replies, "No, I'm not asking for that. Believe me I've been there done that. I've dated 15 woman at once... random date here and there. Well dang......
So I said, "We're on two different pages in our lives." And put my shoes back on. As we're walking back to the car you can see the tension. I commented on it. "Look at our body language. I'm a psych major so I pick up on things. Your hands are in your pocket..." I was walking way faster and there was so much distance. It was no longer the case of two people's strides matching up.
Then there was some music playing and the lyrics said something about "being lost..." And I commented if my life was a movie they were playing the soundtrack. Early I commented how our park bench in front of the fountain was like in a movie.
Anyway... he walks me to my car and that was it. I figured I'd never see him again.... was also what I figured on our 3rd date when he commented that I was on the fence when it comes to him.
I figured that was that, but I'd at least let him know I got home safely.
Texts:
Also in the midst of that text convo I told him to lay off the neck licking
All and all... there was something so sexy about how he checked me. He basically called me out on my BS. I'm a glutton for punishment because I like him even more now. The more time I spend with him that more sides of him I see....
I was REALLY being SUPER RULESEY! haha Let's see where this goes folks.
ThePerfectScore
Well-Known Member
Girl....I'm so SORRY for the late response. I got deathly ill a couple of weeks ago...I'm STILL recovering....
But now I'm doing MUCH better and I'm able to focus more on your update!
Crystalicequeen123
AWWW!!!!!! I'm sorry to hear that you felt sick. Glad you're feeling better!
To be honest I'm just not as physically attracted to him as I need to be. His mentality is cool. I think it's sexy how sure of what he wants and upfront he is, but I just don't have any desire to procreate with him. I'm not a huge fan of how he kisses. If I thought he was super hot and attractive then everything he has said and done would be a win for me, but at this point it's just plain annoying.
To update: Last week I asked him what he was doing over the weekend, and he said that he was on Spring Break with his daughter.
Then he randomly texted me some pictures of them on the vacation.
We talk the next day... I give him props for being a good dad. Blah blah blah
I even texted him over the weekend.
Then yesterday I get all this random attitude. He's so butt-hurt:
Then this morning on Match I get this random-rse message from him:
"I swear to god. I just signed back up and your profile was on my first page!"
I ain't got time for it. That message will promptly be ignored, just like how Google Voice has promptly blocked him.
I really don't want to talk to him anymore b/c he's far too intense. I could see if I was acting like this after we'd spent some serious time together and have been dating for a while. But he's way too new for this sorta proclamation of my attention. He's a little too needy and controlling for me.
He needs to calm his tits, but whatever. I'm not crying over it.
caribeandiva
Human being
Crystalicequeen123@ThePerfectScore
First of all, CONGRATULATIONS girl on your new "Rules Relationship"!!!
Doesn't it feel WONDERFUL!??? I've been in a "Rulesy" relationship before in the past, and the difference was like NIGHT and DAY!! OMG!!!
But what's this I hear?? You're not really into this dude?? How long have you two been dating? Could it just be that you're in the Uncertainty Stage? Are you at least att
I need more details about this dilemma that you have before I can fully give my analysis lol.
Speaking of "dilemma's", I have a little one of my own lol
Recently, I've been reading Matthew Hussey's book "Get the Guy", and I honestly LOVE his book, and I've been having sooo many "aha!" moments from it. It's probably one of the best relationship books written by a man (made for women) that I've read in my life!
WELL....in his book, he actually ADVOCATES women talking to more men, or just being more SOCIABLE PERIOD. Honestly, I have to admit, the "Rules" way of "never talk to a man first", "never even LOOK at a man", etc just seems a little archaic to me.
I have to admit, 2 of my girl friends who are now married said that they spoke to, or playfully engaged their husbands FIRST when they met, and that led on to other things...including marriage. Their husbands are enamored with them btw. It's almost as if, they put themselves in their husbands line of sight and gave him the "opening" to pursue her, instead of just passively waiting, wishing, and hoping he would approach or make a move.
Matthew Hussey advocates "dropping your handkerchief" (ie. giving a guy the green light to approach or pursue you) by either smiling his way, striking up a conversation, asking him a question , complimenting or noticing something about him, etc. THEN you wait for the man (if he's interested) to pursue you. So, in other words...the MAN feels like he chose YOU, but in reality, YOU chose HIM!
I feel that with "The Rules", you are almost at the mercy of men who choose YOU, and 9 times out of 10, most of the men who have approached ME first, I haven't been interested in enough to make it LONG-term. I want someone that I'm mutually attracted to as well!
So....my dilemma is, do I STRICTLY follow the rules? Or should I try some of Matthew's advice and be more OPEN around guys (or people in general)? I've always been so much more Rulesy around guys that I'm interested in, but I have noticed over the years that the guys that I'm just myself with (talk to first, playful, relaxed, not afraid to banter back and forth with him, etc) end up liking me!!!! But I just see them as FRIENDS and that's why I'm so relaxed around them!
But I'm REALLY interested in trying out some of Matthew's tips.
Tell me, what do you think??
I read that book too so I understand your dilemma. I'm a rules girl too. The way I incorporated his advice is to make and hold eye contact with guys I find hot and smile at them while holding eye contact. Believe me that small step was hard for me! The old smile at him, look away then look back a few moments later works for me too.
spellinto
Well-Known Member
I read this book a few months ago and I'm taking this opportunity to start applying the rules and observing what happens! Right now I am practicing the rule of not accepting last minute or unplanned dates. It's hard when you really like the person but I did feel empowered--and less desperate-- in setting the standard. :yup:
spellinto
Well-Known Member
So far I feel like there's a discrepancy between the ideal courting scenario and how young men of this generation actually court. (I'm totally optimistic that this will change as I continue to attract what I want into my life!) As a college student, I've received pretty casual and spontaneous requests to date...things as simple as "want to hang out/go to this party with me?" or "want to eat at the dining hall? (as opposed to going somewhere intimate and romantic). Often times I find myself making excuses that justify theses approaches...like the fact that we're all "broke college students" then I remember, if I were to take someone I like out on a date, I wouldn't mind spending a little extra just to show them how much I like them. Even if I had zero to spend, I would still find a creative way to court them (ie a planned picnic, cooked dinner or an intimate movie night in your dorm, etc.). That's how I know I can have something better for myself and I'm not asking for too much.
then I remember, if I were to take someone I like out on a date, I wouldn't mind spending a little extra just to show them how much I like them. Even if I had zero to spend, I would still find a creative way to court them (ie a planned picnic, cooked dinner or an intimate movie night in your dorm, etc.). That's how I know I can have something better for myself and I'm not asking for too much.
hopeful
Well-Known Member
Crystalicequeen123 I love the idea of dropping your hankie, very nice metaphor. But remember that it is a slippery slope. It is very easy to want to do more. Oh look I dropped my hanky. My goodness did you see that I dropped it? Oh perhaps I need to drop it one more time to make sure he notices. So I say drop away but you have to have the courage and self-esteem to KIM if the dropped hanky is blown off or ignored. So many guys that women are attracted to enjoy being chased and absolutely will not take a subtle hint. Guys that like to be chased can be very magnetic and heck to be in a relationship with. Oftentimes the "lucky" girl who snagged him is not very lucky at all.
ThePerfectScore
Well-Known Member
Crystalicequeen123
AWWW!!!!!! I'm sorry to hear that you felt sick. Glad you're feeling better!
To be honest I'm just not as physically attracted to him as I need to be. His mentality is cool. I think it's sexy how sure of what he wants and upfront he is, but I just don't have any desire to procreate with him. I'm not a huge fan of how he kisses. If I thought he was super hot and attractive then everything he has said and done would be a win for me, but at this point it's just plain annoying.
To update: Last week I asked him what he was doing over the weekend, and he said that he was on Spring Break with his daughter.
Then he randomly texted me some pictures of them on the vacation.
We talk the next day... I give him props for being a good dad. Blah blah blah
I even texted him over the weekend.
Then yesterday I get all this random attitude. He's so butt-hurt:
Then this morning on Match I get this random-rse message from him:
"I swear to god. I just signed back up and your profile was on my first page!"
I ain't got time for it. That message will promptly be ignored, just like how Google Voice has promptly blocked him.
I really don't want to talk to him anymore b/c he's far too intense. I could see if I was acting like this after we'd spent some serious time together and have been dating for a while. But he's way too new for this sorta proclamation of my attention. He's a little too needy and controlling for me.
He needs to calm his tits, but whatever. I'm not crying over it.
Crystalicequeen123 here's an update:
The individual who promptly confirmed that I should....lose his number has again messaged me on MATCH talkinbout, "How have things been going?"
I'm not responding, but I think it's really funny. I mean what I say and say what I mean. In the words of Fantasia, "If you don't want me then don't talk to me."
SincerelyJane
New Member
^^isnt he 40-something? He's too old for these games
ThePerfectScore
Well-Known Member
hopeful this reminds me of a funny story. I was at the gym last week and I noticed that a woman on the treadmill dropped her iPod and a guy promptly picked it up.
I leaned over to my friend and said, "So that's the key to getting a man at the gym, eh? Next time I come I'ma drop an iPad that way they'll be sure to see it!"
Crystalicequeen123
Well-Known Member
caribeandiva
Oh yay! Someone else has read "Get the Guy" like me!
Well, I haven't read the ENTIRE book yet (I'm almost half-way through), but so far it's a GREAT read! Totally re-shaping the way I see men, dating, and how the whole "attraction thing" works. But you're right, it can be kind of confusing figuring out where "The Rules" come about in it all.
Don't get me wrong, "The Rules" is GREAT advice (or I'll say a GREAT principle), but following it to the letter IN THIS day in age (so I've found) will probably keep me perpetually SINGLE, OR only getting the attention from men that I'm not interested in, or men who like the "game chase". I'm looking for something MUTUAL.
I love the eye-contact advice he gives too, but honestly...that is the HARDEST part for me (maybe that's why I'm still single lol
). It's even hard for me to keep eye contact with platonic people that I have absolutely ZERO interest in! erplexed Growing up I was kind of shy, and although I am VERY different these days lol, I still find that every once in a while parts of my "shyness" from childhood seep through every once in a while. erplexed spellinto
Good for you girl!!
You will probably seem weird or like an anomaly to most (especially in college...), but don't lose hope! While some are just looking for hook-ups and short flings, keep your standards and morals and respect for yourself if you're really looking for something more serious and long-term. I would also give the guy a LITTLE leeway for SOME last-minute get togethers only because you guys are young, in college, and it seems like most people don't really plan things much these days lol.
But don't make it a HABIT of accepting last minute visits or dates, and I think you'll be fine. PS---I LOVE your hair in your siggy!
Awww thanks hopeful
I always appreciate your well-thought out advice and input. You're right, some can get a little TOO caught up in the "did he see me drop my hanky??" part.
erplexed I think due to my past experience with a couple of guys that I've been really interested in however, I have now learned from my mistakes, and maybe I'm just older and wiser now, so I am coming from a totally DIFFERENT place than I was just even 5 years ago. I have noticed the change in myself this year....it's like, I'm not even really all that pressed. Idk if it's "The Rules" or maybe even Matthew's book 'Get the Guy" that has added to this change in me, but my moto now is, "if a guy hasn't seen me drop my hanky, then NEXT!!! I don't have time to waste
I'm on to the next, because I am FABULOUS!" It's almost as if I really don't care if a guy reciprocates or catches my "hints" or not.
If he doesn't catch them, then hey...someone else (lucky dude) will. 
I WILL give a guy a little bit of time/hints just in case because after talking to some of my friends who are married, SOME of their husbands really WERE shy/awkward/clueless and didn't want to "ASSUME" that there was interest, so the ladies had to give a few more hints (nothing blatant or "pursuey") in order to drive home the point lol.
So, I'll give a guy a benefit of the doubt in SOME instances, because I think that a lot of times we forget that guys are just human too, and they have insecurities, second-guess themselves (especially if they're REALLY attracted to you), and can have very fragile egos. So, I try to also keep that in mind. But at the same time, I won't continue to have my heart set on a guy who isn't showing ANY sign of interest, OR (more than likely) who is wishy-washy with his feelings about me.
Those days are OVER! I believe men will go after what they REALLY want eventually... ThePerfectScore
Oh wow.....
So, is he still interested or is he not? I have to admit, his behavior is too hot and cold for me, but I think part of it is probably because he's just responding to how YOU'RE acting. I think that women set the "tone" of the relationship from the get-go and I think that men can sense if a woman is truly interested in them or not. I've noticed that in the past, when there were guys that I WASN'T interested in, it would almost seem like I was playing games with the guy because I wasn't really all that invested.
erplexed Then, the guy would end up playing games back because he could tell that I wasn't really all that into him. It was SUCH a headache. Idk girl...this is a tough one lol. On the ONE hand, YOU were the one who suggested first that you can "lose his number"....it wasn't him that suggested that. Maybe he just agreed because he was ticked off or didn't want to seem like he was hanging on and pressed. Idk. Usually guys his age don't really play games like that if it's a woman they REALLY want.
But at this point, it's almost better to just tell him the truth and say that you don't think that you two are a good fit for each other. Just END it and say "please don't contact me any further", if that's what you want. Because something tells me that a relationship that has started off like THIS is just asking for more drama and game playing.
This isn't a good start to a relationship.
ThePerfectScore
Well-Known Member
ThePerfectScore
Oh wow.....
I have to admit, his behavior is too hot and cold for me, but I think part of it is probably because he's just responding to how YOU'RE acting. I think that women set the "tone" of the relationship from the get-go and I think that men can sense if a woman is truly interested in them or not. I've noticed that in the past, when there were guys that I WASN'T interested in, it would almost seem like I was playing games with the guy because I wasn't really all that invested.
Idk girl...this is a tough one lol. On the ONE hand, YOU were the one who suggested first that you can "lose his number"....it wasn't him that suggested that. Maybe he just agreed because he was ticked off or didn't want to seem like he was hanging on and pressed. Idk. Usually guys his age don't really play games like that if it's a woman they REALLY want.
But at this point, it's almost better to just tell him the truth and say that you don't think that you two are a good fit for each other. Just END it and say "please don't contact me any further", if that's what you want. Because something tells me that a relationship that has started off like THIS is just asking for more drama and game playing.
This isn't a good start to a relationship.
Crystalicequeen I agree. Safe to say I'm no longer on the fence which is best for us both.
hopeful
Well-Known Member
Welp if he ignores a dropped iPad you have your answer!
The thought of bringing an iPad to the gym is funny though.
hopeful
Well-Known Member
...
Awww thanks hopeful
You're right, some can get a little TOO caught up in the "did he see me drop my hanky??" part.
I have noticed the change in myself this year....it's like, I'm not even really all that pressed. Idk if it's "The Rules" or maybe even Matthew's book 'Get the Guy" that has added to this change in me, but my moto now is, "if a guy hasn't seen me drop my hanky, then NEXT!!! I don't have time to waste
It's almost as if I really don't care if a guy reciprocates or catches my "hints" or not.
I WILL give a guy a little bit of time/hints just in case because after talking to some of my friends who are married, SOME of their husbands really WERE shy/awkward/clueless and didn't want to "ASSUME" that there was interest, so the ladies had to give a few more hints (nothing blatant or "pursuey") in order to drive home the point lol.
But at the same time, I won't continue to have my heart set on a guy who isn't showing ANY sign of interest, OR (more than likely) who is wishy-washy with his feelings about me.
...
The bolded made me smile. I hope you meet your guy soon.
spellinto
Well-Known Member
This guy I bumped into a few times asked me out to drinks on Thursday. He asked me on a Monday (yesterday), so according to the Rules that's an appropriate time to say yes to. I still mentioned that I may be busy that day, which is true because it's finals week. It will be interesting to tell him that I don't drink alcohol, but I'm just going with the flow for now.
It's so funny how excited my mind gets when I meet a new guy. I immediately start trying to guess what kind of personality he has, what he'd be like as a boyfriend, how I'll introduce him to everyone.. even if I know absolutely nothing about him. I'm not even sure if I'm physically attracted to him yet. But I want to play this date on a conscious level and take everything exactly how it is, no more no less.
It's so funny how excited my mind gets when I meet a new guy. I immediately start trying to guess what kind of personality he has, what he'd be like as a boyfriend, how I'll introduce him to everyone.. even if I know absolutely nothing about him. I'm not even sure if I'm physically attracted to him yet. But I want to play this date on a conscious level and take everything exactly how it is, no more no less.
ThePerfectScore
Well-Known Member
I just decided to give y'all an update on the guy I was overly Rulsey towards b/c I wasn't really interested in him:
Crystalicequeen123 since you helped me with this along the way, check this out:
ETA: I will have to more clearly let him know that I am no longer interested in him nor interested in entertaining the thought of him.
ETA:
ETA: He just texted me, "If you ever change your mind let me know because I'm definitely interested."
Ugh... I don't need a stalker
Crystalicequeen123 since you helped me with this along the way, check this out:
ETA: I will have to more clearly let him know that I am no longer interested in him nor interested in entertaining the thought of him.
ETA:
ETA: He just texted me, "If you ever change your mind let me know because I'm definitely interested."
Ugh... I don't need a stalker
Last edited:
Crystalicequeen123
Well-Known Member
ThePerfectScore
Oh WOW!! That's quite an update girl!
Goodness, I guess what they say is true....when a guy is REALLY interested, he will be relentless in his pursuit lol!
But one thing I want to know.... Is he used to having a lot of girl attention?? I mean sometimes you can tell just by interacting w/a guy and meeting him in person. Did he strike you as THAT type of guy? Or, did he strike you as the type that doesn't really have too many options?? Like, kind of a loser/socially awkward/not really the "type" most women would go for....etc.
The reason why I ask is because USUALLY in MY past experiences, the guys who just DON'T ever take "NO" for an answer are either:
1) Super Alpha Males who are USED to a LOT of girl attention and they can't figure out why you're not interested in them. They just like "the chase"
OR
2) Socially Awkward/Loser/Don't Have That Many Options types who cling on to any woman hoping to wear her down because they know that they don't have any other options.
That's not ALWAYS the case of course, but a lot of times those two types have been my experience.
Now of course, it could just be that the guy is REALLY really into you. But after a while, I would think that any self-respecting man would take the hint and leave. IT's not like you two dated for two years or anything...
ThePerfectScore
Well-Known Member
ThePerfectScore
Oh WOW!! That's quite an update girl!
Goodness, I guess what they say is true....when a guy is REALLY interested, he will be relentless in his pursuit lol!
But one thing I want to know.... Is he used to having a lot of girl attention?? I mean sometimes you can tell just by interacting w/a guy and meeting him in person. Did he strike you as THAT type of guy? Or, did he strike you as the type that doesn't really have too many options?? Like, kind of a loser/socially awkward/not really the "type" most women would go for....etc.
The reason why I ask is because USUALLY in MY past experiences, the guys who just DON'T ever take "NO" for an answer are either:
1) Super Alpha Males who are USED to a LOT of girl attention and they can't figure out why you're not interested in them. They just like "the chase"
OR
2) Socially Awkward/Loser/Don't Have That Many Options types who cling on to any woman hoping to wear her down because they know that they don't have any other options.
That's not ALWAYS the case of course, but a lot of times those two types have been my experience.
Now of course, it could just be that the guy is REALLY really into you. But after a while, I would think that any self-respecting man would take the hint and leave. IT's not like you two dated for two years or anything...
Crystalicequeen123, I guess he's socially awkward. I can say he looks like an old man, and I don't think he's particularly rich, so I guess he's trying to hang on to the hot young smart intelligent successful chick because there's not too many just signing up for middle age, middle class men.... or maybe there are?
Honestly, I'm not quite sure what's going on. I guess I'm the best option he's had? Maybe no fish are biting?
I am a pretty great catch if I do say so myself.
He would be perfect, even with his strong attachment issues, if I was physically attracted to him. If this exact same attention was coming from a man, I deem fine as heck, I'd be all over it! It's so sad I couldn't get this attention from a guy I actually want. Oh well......
Considering we went out for only 3 dates, it's almost scary he's soo persistent. I blatantly told him I'm not interested. To be fair I was wishy-washy and ambivalent in the beginning, but I did come to a concrete conclusion, so he should respect that at this point.
ThePerfectScore
Well-Known Member
Ugh.... These men. I already know who he is... I'm going to entertain it tomorrow, but based on this he's crazy too.
These weren't rapid fire messages- the time between the texts varied.
These weren't rapid fire messages- the time between the texts varied.
