Katarina Phang's Dating Philosophy

Belle Du Jour said:
Leaning forward=attract a beta (more feminine) male who will allow you to do the work

Leaning back=attract an alpha male

I think we have to realize that many/most men aren't alpha or have never been around a woman that made them alpha up so to speak. So it's very possible that in leaning back the man may not lean forward. And that has to be ok. We have to get to the point where we love ourselves too much to invest in a man who isn't invested. Don't get too far ahead of the man.

I totally get it but I want to learn more about the energy shift that she talks about. I think loving yourself really is the foundation to everything. Which product or blog post does she go more in depth about this?

The only thing I flat out disagree with is her attitude regarding sex. But I know there are men out there who fall in line with my beliefs on sex outside of marriage so I'm not worried about it.
Click to expand...

This is exactly what I did. Now I know better so I can do better. I'll FOREVER be a lean back girl from now on.
 
PrissiSippi said:
So which one of yall are on the post in the group about not liking coffee dates lol. That group is a trip but it's a great group.
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I saw that. I only skimmed the comments. People were big mad.
I low key agree with her. I'm not going on a coffee date lol.

Some of those people are annoying af. Get mad because one says coffee dates are not real dates, but then want to console birds for having boyfriends in their rotations that are married.

I just read and laugh.

There are some good gems here and there.
 
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https://katarinaphang.com/accordion_tp/34-seven-conditions-of-how-men-fall-in-love/
GraceJones said:
Did anyone get Seven Conditions Of How Men Fall In Love or The Seven Principles That Put Him Under Your Spell?
Click to expand...
https://katarinaphang.com/accordion_tp/34-seven-conditions-of-how-men-fall-in-love/
I read the preview on her blog and applied those five conditions. I’m less available. I ONLY lean back and let him come to me.

When he gets into these little men tantrums I just give him space and let him think about what he wants. I let him lean forward and until then I live life.

I’m workimg on making every moment a very happy moment. I drop honey each and every day he sees me.

This is from her blog:
The 5 of 7 Conditions needed for a Man to fall in love

  1. They realize they need to pursue and court you to win your heart. You don’t need courting when you arrive before him (this is why you are so confused and end up on this page).
  2. They are given the space to rubber band and process their feelings. That includes they don’t get to hear from you babbling about your feelings all the time.
  3. They fear of losing you, they wonder what you’re doing when you are away cause you lean back. They suspect other men must be pursuing you as well so they need to step up their game.
  4. They feel wonderful whenever they’re with you, instead of being drained or stressed out. You bring joy into their life. You’re easy to lead and be with. You have very few neuroses. Your energy is light and uplifting.
  5. They have a chance to miss you! It’s so important for a man to be able to feel that you’re not around as much and their imagination starts to wonder to the sweet things you have shared together. It’s hard for them to fall in love when you’re always in their face. Your absence plays a big part when it comes to how men fall in love.
 
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caribeandiva said:
Say what?
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I had time today.

I wish I took screenshots because the post is gone now.
Lady said her rotation was a married man and a man 26 years older than her. and asked. "should I add another person?"

I was triggered lol. I said that the situation was low value/ low vibe and that karma is a b*tc8 and she should respect people's marriages.

I had 2 randos comment and go back and forth with me that I was being judgmental and should give advice in love.
TF?? Nah.

I like her journey inward group that's for people who have read the material. It helps cuts out most of the posts that are a mess.
 
So yesterday one of my rotational guys asked me so what is the best restaurant you've been on on a date. I answered sincerely. Half Shell and Drago's. Instantly he got mad. He got really silent. I said is something wrong. He said naw I would talk to a group of men too if goofy negroes spent all kinds of paper on me and took me out. Then he said something about I said that I went out with my friend girls and he should have known I was with another man.

I leaned back yall.
-I didn't try to fill in the silence.
-I didn't try to direct the conversation
-I didn't try to "fix anything". In fact I told him if he had a problem with me seeing any other men, he could easily fix that. I couldn't do anything about that. He said he knew that. He made up some bs about I think being exclusive not something you can switch off and switch on. And he said something about engagement and marriage but kind of waivered off. I JUST SAT THERE.
-He got an attitude and told me I needed to spend time with my child and he was going to go. I said okay baby. Have a great day :kiss: So I went to the back for him to let himself out....he never left. I came back to the front and he was holding some of his belongings that he left at my house....waiting on me to say something. I was like Oh honey I thought you had left. You scared me.
-I leaned back and gave him time to process how he felt. I gave him space to think.
-He just stood there. He sat down and asked could we spend some time together before I had to lay it down.

It felt good not to be in control. I'm a lean back convert.
 
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yaya24 said:
I had time today.

I wish I took screenshots because the post is gone now.
Lady said her rotation was a married man and a man 26 years older than her. and asked. "should I add another person?"

I was triggered lol. I said that the situation was low value/ low vibe and that karma is a b*tc8 and she should respect people's marriages.

I had 2 randos comment and go back and forth with me that I was being judgmental and should give advice in love.
TF?? Nah.

I like her journey inward group that's for people who have read the material. It helps cuts out most of the posts that are a mess.
Click to expand...
How much does it cost to get into the journey inward group?
 
GraceJones said:
If anyone wants to has any other program they want to trade me for, I have Journey Inward. I can give you my password if you have the Feminine Energy Program
Click to expand...
What's the gist of what to do on the Journey Inwards? I'm having a hard time getting over some stuff that happened in my past marriage. I'm having a GREAT time living life these days, but when I get quiet I know I have trouble with it and some limiting beliefs.
 
yaya24 said:
After I bought the ebook back in May, then I got an email.
I think it was $50 or something.

Since then, I have purchased some of her other courses.
Click to expand...
I wanted to buy the ebook but now she bundled it with the audio recordings which I don't want and bumped up the pricing. Blah. It's a smart business move but I wish I could just buy the book.
 
PrissiSippi said:
So yesterday one of my rotational guys asked me so what is the best restaurant you've been on on a date. I answered sincerely. Half Shell and Drago's. Instantly he got mad. He got really silent. I said is something wrong. He said naw I would talk to a group of men too if goofy negroes spent all kinds of paper on me and took me out. Then he said something about I said that I went out with my friend girls and he should have known I was with another man.

I leaned back yall.
-I didn't try to fill in the silence.
-I didn't try to direct the conversation
-I didn't try to "fix anything". In fact I told him if he had a problem with me seeing any other men, he could easily fix that. I couldn't do anything about that. He said he knew that. He made up some bs about I think being exclusive not something you can switch off and switch on. And he said something about engagement and marriage but kind of waivered off. I JUST SAT THERE.
-He got an attitude and told me I needed to spend time with my child and he was going to go. I said okay baby. Have a great day :kiss: So I went to the back for him to let himself out....he never left. I came back to the front and he was holding some of his belongings that he left at my house....waiting on me to say something. I was like Oh honey I thought you had left. You scared me.
-I leaned back and gave him time to process how he felt. I gave him space to think.
-He just stood there. He sat down and asked could we spend some time together before I had to lay it down.

It felt good not to be in control. I'm a lean back convert.
Click to expand...

Brilliant.
 
I don't like how he keeps targeting me. So now he was criticizing me. He said, "When I first met you, you frivolously spent money. You always had take out plates in the the fridge like nope I didn't cook today. I just have boxes and boxes of food."

I told him the truth. Was I supposed to be feminine and coy and use some feminine mystique? I was blunt. I told him I didn't buy all that food it was from me going on dates. Was that wrong? I guess I could have said, "Oh really?" and left it at that. I'm still working on my deflection. I guess I didn't have to lean forward and tell him the answer....he could have figured that part out on his own and I'm sure he had already figured it out.

Why is it such a big deal. We've been dating for months and months.
 
PrissiSippi said:
So yesterday one of my rotational guys asked me so what is the best restaurant you've been on on a date. I answered sincerely. Half Shell and Drago's. Instantly he got mad. He got really silent. I said is something wrong. He said naw I would talk to a group of men too if goofy negroes spent all kinds of paper on me and took me out. Then he said something about I said that I went out with my friend girls and he should have known I was with another man.

I leaned back yall.
-I didn't try to fill in the silence.
-I didn't try to direct the conversation
-I didn't try to "fix anything". In fact I told him if he had a problem with me seeing any other men, he could easily fix that. I couldn't do anything about that. He said he knew that. He made up some bs about I think being exclusive not something you can switch off and switch on. And he said something about engagement and marriage but kind of waivered off. I JUST SAT THERE.
-He got an attitude and told me I needed to spend time with my child and he was going to go. I said okay baby. Have a great day :kiss: So I went to the back for him to let himself out....he never left. I came back to the front and he was holding some of his belongings that he left at my house....waiting on me to say something. I was like Oh honey I thought you had left. You scared me.
-I leaned back and gave him time to process how he felt. I gave him space to think.
-He just stood there. He sat down and asked could we spend some time together before I had to lay it down.

It felt good not to be in control. I'm a lean back convert.
Click to expand...
Wow!!! Standing ovation!! This dude sounds like a handful. Proceed with caution.
 
PrissiSippi said:
I don't like how he keeps targeting me. So now he was criticizing me. He said, "When I first met you, you frivolously spent money. You always had take out plates in the the fridge like nope I didn't cook today. I just have boxes and boxes of food."

I told him the truth. Was I supposed to be feminine and coy and use some feminine mystique? I was blunt. I told him I didn't buy all that food it was from me going on dates. Was that wrong? I guess I could have said, "Oh really?" and left it at that. I'm still working on my deflection. I guess I didn't have to lean forward and tell him the answer....he could have figured that part out on his own and I'm sure he had already figured it out.

Why is it such a big deal. We've been dating for months and months.
Click to expand...
Like I said: be careful with this one. I don’t like how he keeps taking shots at you.
 
PrissiSippi said:
So yesterday one of my rotational guys asked me so what is the best restaurant you've been on on a date. I answered sincerely. Half Shell and Drago's. Instantly he got mad. He got really silent. I said is something wrong. He said naw I would talk to a group of men too if goofy negroes spent all kinds of paper on me and took me out. Then he said something about I said that I went out with my friend girls and he should have known I was with another man.

I leaned back yall.
-I didn't try to fill in the silence.
-I didn't try to direct the conversation
-I didn't try to "fix anything". In fact I told him if he had a problem with me seeing any other men, he could easily fix that. I couldn't do anything about that. He said he knew that. He made up some bs about I think being exclusive not something you can switch off and switch on. And he said something about engagement and marriage but kind of waivered off. I JUST SAT THERE.
-He got an attitude and told me I needed to spend time with my child and he was going to go. I said okay baby. Have a great day :kiss: So I went to the back for him to let himself out....he never left. I came back to the front and he was holding some of his belongings that he left at my house....waiting on me to say something. I was like Oh honey I thought you had left. You scared me.
-I leaned back and gave him time to process how he felt. I gave him space to think.
-He just stood there. He sat down and asked could we spend some time together before I had to lay it down.

It felt good not to be in control. I'm a lean back convert.
Click to expand...

Yep. It sounds like you gave him a version of RR's "no girlfriend" speech. Men aren't stupid. They know what it takes to remove a woman from the dating market. But they act all wounded when you're not waiting around for them. I love that you just expressed your desires and just let him process that. No ultimatums. No drama. Well played :yep:
 
Alright y’all. Two more lean back scenarios.


I took my son Trunk or Treating at the outdoor mall. My son is almost 2 so he came out of a full blown tantrum when we got there. I mean he fell out on the floor and refused to get up. He cried the entire time. I’m very short so I really couldn’t handle him. I brought the umbrella stroller but he continue to fight the umbrella stroller and make a scene. I asked RD-J to could he come help me because he lives very close. He came to save me and in only ten minutes flat. BUT he’s an introvert. He saw all these children getting candy and he was so annoyed. He didn’t say a word. He helped me with my son but he never spoke to me or my son other than telling my son directions like “get up, keep going, say thank you” and all. Old me would have been so annoyed. I mean would it hurt you to smile and engage in conversation to me. I instead focused on what I DID like. I thought in my head I was so grateful he came and rescued me and I got to spend some time trick or treating with my son. I was also grateful we all got to spend some time together. Well I wrapped it up after about 45 minutes and he walked us back to the car. I thanked him and said oh RD-J you really are my hero. I couldn’t have gotten him back to the car without you. :kiss: He was quiet. You could tell he was trying to not smile. He said yeah okay. I leaned forward (Ooops) and asked what was he about to do since I was about to drop off my son at my parents. He said I don’t know. I left it alone and smiled and said, “Well okay! It really felt great spending time with you. Bye love! ” He said okay and smiled and kissed me before leaving. (Keep in mind I think they act this way so I’ll never ask him to go anywhere with me in the future). I ignored it and stayed in my lane. I can only control MY behavior. Not his.


Fast forward to three hours later. He said I really got to see you. I can’t enough of you. I wanna come see you. Me: I would love to go somewhere! It’s such a beautiful Friday night. Him: Okay well I’m going to come get you.


Well RD-J has this thing. He doesn’t want to take me out on often dates. He wants to chill a lot. I’d prefer dates. We’ve been dating 7 months. We’re at the point where I don’t mind chilling at times, but once a week I prefer a date.


He told me he wanted to take me on a date. I asked him where. He said to a bar. I wanted to say I didn’t want to go to the bar but I decided to go with the flow and be present and have fun. However he drove and took me to the liquor store and Walmart and then went back to my house. He made the excuse we would pre drink before we went out. But it was already 10:30 PM. I felt like he was going to be sneaky and have drinks and either wait Til I got sleepy or try to have sex with me rather than take me out. I took one drink and said, “Baby could we leave before we get to drunk. I would really love to spend some time with you outside of the house.” (I didn’t tell him what to do I asked)


He tried to push me into my masculine. “What kind of nut do you get from going out on dates? Do you get off physically or emotionally?” I felt this wasn’t a sincere question. It was a question to paint me like it’s wrong to want to go out on dates. So I leaned back and replied, “Well I don’t know what do you think honey?” He got upset that I didn’t answer. So he just deflected and kept drinking. That was his chance to turn it into an argument and then have an excuse not to take me on a date.

So instead he just picked up everything and said “yeah I’m about to go. We’re not going on a date.” I said, “Okay honey well bye! ”. I felt the need to break the awkwardness so I wanted to ask him to call me once he made it home (coddling). Instead I shut up and smiled some more and said, “Bye baby! ”. He was so confused. He was treating ME wrong and here I was smiling. He left and I responded to a text from RD-L. He had asked did I want to go out. So there I was.

I went on a date one hour later with another man. He didn’t want to pick a spot. I kept saying, “Love where would you like to take me”. He took me to this upscale bar. I’ve never been. It was sooooo nice! He also made a date for me on Tuesday. I stayed true to my boundary of having a date, got my date (but with another man), stayed in my feminine, protected my peace, and had a great time! Now I have a new drinking spot to go to as well. It was so romantic and secluded. I had an amazing time!


Ima lean back and not contact RD-J until he contacts me. He has no choice too. I’ve gotten him addicted to me stroking his ego and how I make him feel so free and alive when we’re together. Now if he doesn’t call that’s okay too. But I give it two days tops.

Where is that lean back gif haha.
 

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MissNadia said:
Wow @PrissiSippi. I love how you are handling these scenarios. I see how leaning back is not engaging with arguing, observing and not feeling the need to argue your standards. This is an area I need to work on big time. I may start rotational dating just to practice. I stopped online dating because of how triggering it can be.
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Thank you! I tended to respond so reactively before. I’m really trying to work on that. I’m trying to soften my tone but harden my boundaries. It’s coming along slowly.

I agree. Online dating can be so triggering. Rotational Date-J is from online. I kinda feel like most online men are low value. RD-L was found organically which is probably why I’m getting more luck.
 
MissNadia said:
Wow @PrissiSippi. I love how you are handling these scenarios. I see how leaning back is not engaging with arguing, observing and not feeling the need to argue your standards. This is an area I need to work on big time. I may start rotational dating just to practice. I stopped online dating because of how triggering it can be.
Click to expand...

Online dating is GREAT to work through these triggers. Use these men as practice. As you heal your triggers, the higher quality men will start to show up.
 
Belle Du Jour said:
Online dating is GREAT to work through these triggers. Use these men as practice. As you heal your triggers, the higher quality men will start to show up.
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Can you explain how triggers and limiting beliefs are connected? Are they the same? I’m working on reframing my limiting beliefs now.

Limiting Belief 1: There are no good black men out here. —-> There is an abundance of high quality masculine men that are willing to give me commitment and love.

Limiting Belief 2: No one would want to marry a woman with a child and disability. —-> There is a plethora of men that would love a ready-made family and I am worthy of happiness health and prosperity and men in the universe see and respect this.

Limiting Belief 3: I am unlovable. People don’t like to do special things for me. —> I love the people close to me and I only focus on and appreciate the people that shower me with love and affection.

Limiting Belief 4: Love doesn’t last forever. —-> What wasn’t for me was not for me. It made room for new blessings in my life. For this I am grateful.

Limiting Belief 5: Everyone always abandons me. Everyone I love eventually leaves —-> I am worthy of continuous love. I am never abandoned because I am here for myself.
 
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PrissiSippi said:
Can you explain how triggers and limiting beliefs are connected? Are they the same? I’m working on reframing my limiting beliefs now.
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A limiting belief is a belief you have (a thought you've repeated over and over and accept as fact) that you think makes it impossible for you to get what you want. Usually deeply ingrained from childhood or from past experiences.

Ex: Statistics say that 75% of black women are single so the odds don't look too good.

A trigger is an intense response to something that is out of proportion to the event that caused the response.

Ex: your man is talking to a pretty woman. You assume something is going on and later that night you pick a fight with him about it.
Ex: you invite someone to your event and they can't make it because they have a previous commitment. You feel they are rejecting you and shut down and distance yourself from the friendship.
Ex: someone texts you and you respond within a reasonable time frame. The person doesn't write back for several hours or even until the next day. You feel rejected by them and also wait several hours or a full day before responding back because you are trying to get even.

In order to heal a limiting belief you have to replace it with a different thought. In order to heal a trigger, you have to experience it, recognize you're being triggered, accept/love this irrational feeling that's coming up, investigate if it's true, and if it's not, choose to do something different (even if it's scary).
 
Belle Du Jour said:
A limiting belief is a belief you have (a thought you've repeated over and over and accept as fact) that you think makes it impossible for you to get what you want. Usually deeply ingrained from childhood or from past experiences.

Ex: Statistics say that 75% of black women are single so the odds don't look too good.

A trigger is an intense response to something that is out of proportion to the event that caused the response.

Ex: your man is talking to a pretty woman. You assume something is going on and later that night you pick a fight with him about it.
Ex: you invite someone to your event and they can't make it because they have a previous commitment. You feel they are rejecting you and shut down and distance yourself from the friendship.
Ex: someone texts you and you respond within a reasonable time frame. The person doesn't write back for several hours or even until the next day. You feel rejected by them and also wait several hours or a full day before responding back because you are trying to get even.

In order to heal a limiting belief you have to replace it with a different thought. In order to heal a trigger, you have to experience it, recognize you're being triggered, accept/love this irrational feeling that's coming up, investigate if it's true, and if it's not, choose to do something different (even if it's scary).
Click to expand...
That gives me a lot to think about. Thank you soooo much for taking the time to type that out. It’s a lot but it’s sooo thorough! :kiss: I needed that.
 
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