Katarina Phang's Dating Philosophy

[PrissiSippi]

A limiting belief is a belief you have (a thought you've repeated over and over and accept as fact) that you think makes it impossible for you to get what you want. Usually deeply ingrained from childhood or from past experiences.

Ex: Statistics say that 75% of black women are single so the odds don't look too good.

A trigger is an intense response to something that is out of proportion to the event that caused the response.

Ex: your man is talking to a pretty woman. You assume something is going on and later that night you pick a fight with him about it.
Ex: you invite someone to your event and they can't make it because they have a previous commitment. You feel they are rejecting you and shut down and distance yourself from the friendship.
Ex: someone texts you and you respond within a reasonable time frame. The person doesn't write back for several hours or even until the next day. You feel rejected by them and also wait several hours or a full day before responding back because you are trying to get even.

In order to heal a limiting belief you have to replace it with a different thought. In order to heal a trigger, you have to experience it, recognize you're being triggered, accept/love this irrational feeling that's coming up, investigate if it's true, and if it's not, choose to do something different (even if it's scary).

Fear of being replaced? Ex: your man is talking to a pretty woman. You assume something is going on and later that night you pick a fight with him about it.
Fear of abandonment and rejection Ex: you invite someone to your event and they can't make it because they have a previous commitment. You feel they are rejecting you and shut down and distance yourself from the friendship.
Fear of abandonment Ex: someone texts you and you respond within a reasonable time frame. The person doesn't write back for several hours or even until the next day. You feel rejected by them and also wait several hours or a full day before responding back because you are trying to get even.

So this is like really uncovering and getting over childhood wounds? I included what I'm guessing the fear is?

 

[Belle Du Jour]

Fear of being replaced? Ex: your man is talking to a pretty woman. You assume something is going on and later that night you pick a fight with him about it.
Fear of abandonment and rejection Ex: you invite someone to your event and they can't make it because they have a previous commitment. You feel they are rejecting you and shut down and distance yourself from the friendship.
Fear of abandonment Ex: someone texts you and you respond within a reasonable time frame. The person doesn't write back for several hours or even until the next day. You feel rejected by them and also wait several hours or a full day before responding back because you are trying to get even.

So this is like really uncovering and getting over childhood wounds? I included what I'm guessing the fear is?

Yes. It probably goes back to feeling rejected, abandoned or not good enough in childhood. The wounded child is in control when we're triggered. The adult has to step in and take hold of the situation.

 

[sweetvi]

So yesterday one of my rotational guys asked me so what is the best restaurant you've been on on a date. I answered sincerely. Half Shell and Drago's. Instantly he got mad. He got really silent. I said is something wrong. He said naw I would talk to a group of men too if goofy negroes spent all kinds of paper on me and took me out. Then he said something about I said that I went out with my friend girls and he should have known I was with another man.

I leaned back yall.
-I didn't try to fill in the silence.
-I didn't try to direct the conversation
-I didn't try to "fix anything". In fact I told him if he had a problem with me seeing any other men, he could easily fix that. I couldn't do anything about that. He said he knew that. He made up some bs about I think being exclusive not something you can switch off and switch on. And he said something about engagement and marriage but kind of waivered off. I JUST SAT THERE.
-He got an attitude and told me I needed to spend time with my child and he was going to go. I said okay baby. Have a great day So I went to the back for him to let himself out....he never left. I came back to the front and he was holding some of his belongings that he left at my house....waiting on me to say something. I was like Oh honey I thought you had left. You scared me.
-I leaned back and gave him time to process how he felt. I gave him space to think.
-He just stood there. He sat down and asked could we spend some time together before I had to lay it down.

It felt good not to be in control. I'm a lean back convert.

Love thisss because I go into making them feel better mode lol

 

[PrissiSippi]

Wow @PrissiSippi. I love how you are handling these scenarios. I see how leaning back is not engaging with arguing, observing and not feeling the need to argue your standards. This is an area I need to work on big time. I may start rotational dating just to practice. I stopped online dating because of how triggering it can be.

Just heard the advice Belle gave in one of these videos from Rori who is who trained Kat. Hopes this helps.


This video explains what Belle just said about healing the wounded child. If you have a trigger of being rejected....where have you rejected yourself. Abandoned? Where have you abandoned yourself?

 

[PrissiSippi]

I had time today.

I wish I took screenshots because the post is gone now.
Lady said her rotation was a married man and a man 26 years older than her. and asked. "should I add another person?"

I was triggered lol. I said that the situation was low value/ low vibe and that karma is a b*tc8 and she should respect people's marriages.

I had 2 randos comment and go back and forth with me that I was being judgmental and should give advice in love.
TF?? Nah.

I like her journey inward group that's for people who have read the material. It helps cuts out most of the posts that are a mess.

So you are saying you were triggered in this situation. I’m understanding it made you come out of equanimity. That’s why you started going back and forth right?

Aight transparent moment about clapping back. I have been wanting to repost and say something petty or funny like what you mean? Where they do and thigh with these boots on just like you catch it all Summrr 18. But maybe this is a trigger for me. Fear of rejection in the past? Wanna prove it? I’m thinking a lot of clap back had some triggers attached to it. So I’m going to really sit back and think about....where have I rejected myself

 

[Belle Du Jour]

@PrissiSippi I don't think Kat is one of Rori's girls In fact she did a whole post about how she's different than RR and she abhors feeling messages and boundaries. While RR is all about feeling messages and boundaries. TBH I think all these folks are saying the exact same thing but they but their own spin on it LOL.

I cannot WAIT to watch that video you posted on the wounded inner child. This is an area I have not really explored yet, although I know it's in the background. All these concepts work together. A lot of the coaches are now talking about "wounded masculine" and "wounded feminine" and I think it relates to the inner child.

 

[yaya24]

So you are saying you were triggered in this situation. I’m understanding it made you come out of equanimity. That’s why you started going back and forth right?

My Dad cheated on my Mom my entire childhood. Once I get a feeling that a man is "straying" I detach from the situation. I am in therapy

But no when I was triggered I was blunt and said that she needs to stay in her lane blah blah blah. I guess being judgmental per one of the ladies.

The back and forth only came when the 2 ladies wanted me to I guess "correct my tone" .. which I was not going to.

 

[PrissiSippi]

@PrissiSippi I don't think Kat is one of Rori's girls In fact she did a whole post about how she's different than RR and she abhors feeling messages and boundaries. While RR is all about feeling messages and boundaries. TBH I think all these folks are saying the exact same thing but they but their own spin on it LOL.

I cannot WAIT to watch that video you posted on the wounded inner child. This is an area I have not really explored yet, although I know it's in the background. All these concepts work together. A lot of the coaches are now talking about "wounded masculine" and "wounded feminine" and I think it relates to the inner child.

Lol I’m glad you said that. Sometimes I get sooo confused because all these people are saying the exact same thing. But yeah you’re right. I saw that post where she said feeling messages is why you’re going to lose your man. You’re bombarding him with all these negative feelings and talking too much lol

 

[Belle Du Jour]

Lol I’m glad you said that. Sometimes I get sooo confused because all these people are saying the exact same thing. But yeah you’re right. I saw that post where she said feeling messages is why you’re going to lose your man. You’re bombarding him with all these negative feelings and talking too much lol

I think women do feeling messages wrong and use them to blame men: "I feel bad when YOU..." instead of just opening up and sharing the feeling without placing any blame. A man can connect the dots.

Now that I use feeling statements a lot I do see how effective they really are. But I stay in my zone. I don't make it about the other person.

 

[PrissiSippi]

I think women do feeling messages wrong and use them to blame men: "I feels bad when YOU..." instead of just opening up and sharing the feeling without placing any blame. A man can connect the dots.

Now that I use feeling statements a lot I do see how effective they really are. But I stay in my zone. I don't make it about the other person.

Yeees. I keep it really light without criticizing. Those feeling statements are really effective. Let me give some examples. They’re really helping me connect with how I feel and I’m seeing that men are starting to mirror it back.

 

[MissNadia]

Thanks for the videos @PrissiSippi. I do have abandonment issues that I am healing. I've been practicing showing up for myself the past couple of months by being nice to myself. Part of the lies my abandonment issues were telling me was that I had to hide myself because I was unworthy of love. If anyone found out who I was, I'd be rejected. So I kind of kept quiet and didn't explore much. I'm over that, I want to explore the world and discover me. I told myself that I am a woman that takes care of herself. So I've been taking care of myself by tending to my needs of being safe in my mind (honoring my feelings, not being judgmental, having interests) and body (exercising, appreciating how I look, buying clothes that I feel radiant in).

 

[PrissiSippi]

Thanks for the videos @PrissiSippi. I do have abandonment issues that I am healing. I've been practicing showing up for myself the past couple of months by being nice to myself. Part of the lies my abandonment issues were telling me was that I had to hide myself because I was unworthy of love. If anyone found out who I was, I'd be rejected. So I kind of kept quiet and didn't explore much. I'm over that, I want to explore the world and discover me. I told myself that I am a woman that takes care of herself. So I've been taking care of myself by tending to my needs of being safe in my mind (honoring my feelings, not being judgmental, having interests) and body (exercising, appreciating how I look, buying clothes that I feel radiant in).

I’m doing the same thing as you chica! Ima so appreciative for a community of like minded women. You all are awesome

 

[Belle Du Jour]

 

[Belle Du Jour]

Did anyone get Seven Conditions Of How Men Fall In Love or The Seven Principles That Put Him Under Your Spell?

I have both. PM if you would like to trade.

 

[PrissiSippi]

Up reading early on shadow work. I saw this post in Katarina's Group

You guys... everybody has a shadow.

A shadow is neither good nor bad, by the way... it just is.

Its a silhouette of us.

The more light, the less shadow... the less light, the more it takes over.

Similarly, to our physical shadow, we have our shadow selves...

In this "shadow self" are the parts of ourselves we've run away from....

The parts of ourselves we've deemed "wrong" and judged as "bad"...

The parts of ourselves we've shunned, rejected, refused, suppressed etc...

How come we reject our shadow selves.... when they are a part of us?

Does that make sense?
Especially when you think about our physical shadows - which we accept as a part of us - it sounds crazy to actively try separate from that!

No wonder sometimes things feel dark and bleak.

No wonder sometimes it feels like it's one thing after another.

No wonder sometimes it seems as though you keep finding yourself in the same place

No wonder sometimes it feels like you're being constantly "tested" and... keep 'failing'...

No wonder it sometimes feels like you can't get ahead

No wonder it seems like there's a SHADOW cast over your life... because, well, there is!

YOUR SHADOW.

It wants your attention.

Perhaps it's time to stop running away from it?

Give it what it wants. The only thing it's ever wanted.... your light.

Im wondering if this resonates with anyone here as I am INTENSELY aware that the relationships you are involved in are a mere reflection of your shadows. The guy that brought me here is my shadow (expression).

 

[Saludable84]

Up reading early on shadow work. I saw this post in Katarina's Group

You guys... everybody has a shadow.

A shadow is neither good nor bad, by the way... it just is.

Its a silhouette of us.

The more light, the less shadow... the less light, the more it takes over.

Similarly, to our physical shadow, we have our shadow selves...

In this "shadow self" are the parts of ourselves we've run away from....

The parts of ourselves we've deemed "wrong" and judged as "bad"...

The parts of ourselves we've shunned, rejected, refused, suppressed etc...

How come we reject our shadow selves.... when they are a part of us?

Does that make sense?
Especially when you think about our physical shadows - which we accept as a part of us - it sounds crazy to actively try separate from that!

No wonder sometimes things feel dark and bleak.

No wonder sometimes it feels like it's one thing after another.

No wonder sometimes it seems as though you keep finding yourself in the same place

No wonder sometimes it feels like you're being constantly "tested" and... keep 'failing'...

No wonder it sometimes feels like you can't get ahead

No wonder it seems like there's a SHADOW cast over your life... because, well, there is!

YOUR SHADOW.

It wants your attention.

Perhaps it's time to stop running away from it?

Give it what it wants. The only thing it's ever wanted.... your light.

Im wondering if this resonates with anyone here as I am INTENSELY aware that the relationships you are involved in are a mere reflection of your shadows. The guy that brought me here is my shadow (expression).

 

[Belle Du Jour]

@PrissiSippi thank you for posting this. I'm planning to do some shadow work soon because it's about integrating all parts of me. No one is all good or all bad. When we neglect or ignore certain parts or emotions, they have a sneaky way of coming out at the most inopportune times

 

[Belle Du Jour]

Apparently this is a good book on shadow work for those who don't want to invest in the full Journey Inward program:

 

[hopeful]

Up reading early on shadow work. I saw this post in Katarina's Group

You guys... everybody has a shadow.

A shadow is neither good nor bad, by the way... it just is.

Its a silhouette of us.

The more light, the less shadow... the less light, the more it takes over.

Similarly, to our physical shadow, we have our shadow selves...

In this "shadow self" are the parts of ourselves we've run away from....

The parts of ourselves we've deemed "wrong" and judged as "bad"...

The parts of ourselves we've shunned, rejected, refused, suppressed etc...

How come we reject our shadow selves.... when they are a part of us?

Does that make sense?
Especially when you think about our physical shadows - which we accept as a part of us - it sounds crazy to actively try separate from that!

No wonder sometimes things feel dark and bleak.

No wonder sometimes it feels like it's one thing after another.

No wonder sometimes it seems as though you keep finding yourself in the same place

No wonder sometimes it feels like you're being constantly "tested" and... keep 'failing'...

No wonder it sometimes feels like you can't get ahead

No wonder it seems like there's a SHADOW cast over your life... because, well, there is!

YOUR SHADOW.

It wants your attention.

Perhaps it's time to stop running away from it?

Give it what it wants. The only thing it's ever wanted.... your light.

Im wondering if this resonates with anyone here as I am INTENSELY aware that the relationships you are involved in are a mere reflection of your shadows. The guy that brought me here is my shadow (expression).

Apparently this is a good book on shadow work for those who don't want to invest in the full Journey Inward program:

Thanks to both of you. This is fascinating.

 

[Soaring Eagle]

Is this information only for new relationships or is leaning back important for pre-marital relationships in general?

If the latter, how would one begin to lean back in a less than six month relationship where she was previously leaning forward? Is all hope lost in a case like this? Although I have not been leaning completely forward, I think it would do me some good to lean back a bit. I find myself being aggressive and in my masculine at times.

 

[PrissiSippi]

Is this information only for new relationships or is leaning back important for pre-marital relationships in general?

If the latter, how would one begin to lean back in a less than six month relationship where she was previously leaning forward? Is all hope lost in a case like this? Although I have not been leaning completely forward, I think it would do me some good to lean back a bit. I find myself being aggressive and in my masculine at times.

Just start doing it. Balance it out with a lot of appreciation when he leans forward.

If you need specific examples of how to lean back, many examples are listed on this post
https://longhaircareforum.com/threa...ivine-femininity.829251/page-45#post-24938771

 

[GraceJones]

Did yall hear that Katarina was at the coup? lmao

 

[Keen]

Did yall hear that Katarina was at the coup? lmao

I wouldn’t be surprised

 

[Black Ambrosia]

Did yall hear that Katarina was at the coup? lmao

 

[Black Ambrosia]

I wouldn’t be surprised

I don’t keep up with these people but I’m surprised. What about her made you think this was her crew?

 

[Keen]

I don’t keep up with these people but I’m surprised. What about her made you think this was her crew?

Just the vibe that I get. I've never purchased her product but I did subscribe to one of her free Facebook group. She never strikes me as a nice person. She talk down of other gurus who have different methods.

 

[GraceJones]

She's expressed alt-right sentiments before.