Is Sex Really All That Important? (Yes I'm Serious)

[Shimmie]

Sex is important, but intimacy is even more important. I mean sex is important meaning you should take it very seriously. I've always felt this way about sex, which is why I made a personal choice to abstain from it until I was older than 18,

...I absolutely do not regret it. I feel like sex can only have meaning with someone you truly love. Never say never, but I don't see myself having sex with someone I'm not in love with or could possibly fall in love with.

No regrets. ShaniKeys, your decision is the best gift of all to wait until it's with someone that you love and he has to be 'that one' and only one.

You can get 'sick' having sex without love. Sick in your heart and soul, for love was not allowed to have it's full control to fulfill you as God intended.

It's worth the wait...so worth it and with no regrets.

 

[Shimmie]

No but intimacy is.

Amen Chinagem. As I shared in an earlier post here, sex alone cannot stand without Intimacy. It's simply can't.

Trimbride: "They care..." They've settled for less; but yes they do care.

 

[B_Phlyy]

No, sex is not that important to me. I figure I was not born knowing about it and I spent years without it, so I'm okay. I do truly believe that intimacy is important, which is why I've never had sex with anyone who I wasn't connected with on a deeper level. I never had a desire to wait until marriage or anything like that, but I know that when I do find a husband, I'll be truly happy with him and our sex life.

 

[firecracker]

Sex is not important. Intimacy is.

I totally agree but sex sure can relieve some stress.

 

[RainbowCurls]

I am 25 years old and have not been celibate for 6 years.
I have avoided diseases by
a) not having unprotected sex with strangers
b) not being a slut

 

[caligirl]

(Alittle off topic but: Just curious, does oral sex or other like activities count as sex in your opinion?)

hmmm, I don't think so.

 

[caribeandiva]

Sex is very important for your physical, mental, and emotional well being. It's also very important in relationships with your SO. i'm currently taking a sex ed class at school so i study this stuff a lot.

 

[BlkManWithSomeSense]

Sex will bring you pleasure. Intimacy will bring you fulfillment. What do you truly seek? When I was younger, casual sex became a vice no different than drinking and smoking. You get a 'high' or a 'rush'. However, as with any vice, sobriety brings a reality check and then it's back to rock bottom.

When I grew older, intimacy brought the rush, the gratification and something extra... purpose. I found out the simplest touch could easily replace the most awesome casual sex experiences. Why? because I didn't have to be selfish. I didn't have to be guarded with my feelings. I could be genuine and open with someone who would return that affection.

Too much casual sex builds a desensitivity to entering committed relationships. One can get addicted to the instant gratification. I think thats why some relationships run into problems because theres a greater emphasis on sexual prowess than building / maintaining intimacy. Think about it. When we're first entering relationships, no one is getting any sex but you're still attracted to each other. So the little things like holding hands, an embrace, a longing stare or a dance are building you up. Thats intimacy and the reason why any enduring relationship should strive to maintain that closeness rather than sexual endurance and acrobatics.

P.S. Oral sex does count as sex.

 

[Tenejita10473]

Do you ladies think once some has had a sexual past they aren't proud of, that they would be able to redeem themselves? (in God's eyes- if he exists- I'm not sure, or just in general) WOuld they be able to be 'save' themselves?- granted you can't become a virgin again, but you get my point, I hope. And How?

 

[Shimmie]

Sex will bring you pleasure. Intimacy will bring you fulfillment. What do you truly seek? When I was younger, casual sex became a vice no different than drinking and smoking. You get a 'high' or a 'rush'. However, as with any vice, sobriety brings a reality check and then it's back to rock bottom.

When I grew older, intimacy brought the rush, the gratification and something extra... purpose. I found out the simplest touch could easily replace the most awesome casual sex experiences. Why? because I didn't have to be selfish. I didn't have to be guarded with my feelings. I could be genuine and open with someone who would return that affection.

Too much casual sex builds a desensitivity to entering committed relationships. One can get addicted to the instant gratification. I think thats why some relationships run into problems because theres a greater emphasis on sexual prowess than building / maintaining intimacy. Think about it. When we're first entering relationships, no one is getting any sex but you're still attracted to each other. So the little things like holding hands, an embrace, a longing stare or a dance are building you up. Thats intimacy and the reason why any enduring relationship should strive to maintain that closeness rather than sexual endurance and acrobatics.

P.S. Oral sex does count as sex.

Wow....

This didn't come from any book...that's for sure. Thank you for such a beautiful gift.

 

[Shimmie]

Do you ladies think once some has had a sexual past they aren't proud of, that they would be able to redeem themselves? (in God's eyes- if he exists- I'm not sure, or just in general) WOuld they be able to be 'save' themselves?- granted you can't become a virgin again, but you get my point, I hope. And How?

Oh Darlin...indeed. Me...for sure. My life and my past has been redeemed and by God. The pure love of God. Angel, there is no sin too great that He has not forgiven us for...none.

I was not proud of my sexual past. "After" my divorce, I was very scared and lonely and I was also very vunerable. And there were men who took advantage of it. I thought they cared about me, but they did not. I gave them a part of me that I held dear...my virtue.

But then as I began to realize that I was not living 'right', I gave my heart to the Lord and God in His loving mercy forgave me and I chose to live my life for Him from then on. God's love for me replaced the love that I was looking for. I was given a brand new chance and I've been free of guilt and regret ever since.

You see, ALL of us have sinned and have fallen short of the glory of God. ALL of us. There is no one in this earth any better than the other. We ALL have short comings, but we must each come to terms with them and allow God to restore and rebuild us and He does so in such a loving manner that we cannot help but make the change in our lives for better. For 'better' is what we deserve and 'better' is what God has and wants to give us with all of His heart.

So Indeed Yes, little one. You can be redeemed, no matter what you have done. Be it sexual misunderstandings, or anything else. We ALL have a past.

Don't ever be ashamed to allow God to love you and restore you. Don't ever be afraid or ashamed to talk to Him about it. He already knows and He cares more than others may think or say. All He wants to do is love you and give you 'better.' That's what He does best...He loves us no matter what. All we have to do is believe and receive what He wants to give us...His gift of life and love.

(((( Hugs ))))

 

[dlewis]

I love that response Shimmie.

 

[Tenejita10473]

Thank you for taking the time to respond. I needed to hear (or rather read) those words. You are a truly special and strong woman. Thank you for sharing your wisdom, strength and faith.

 

[Shimmie]

I love that response Shimmie.

I love you too, Lady D.... We're all in this together.

 

[Shimmie]

Thank you for taking the time to respond. I needed to hear (or rather read) those words. You are a truly special and strong woman. Thank you for sharing your wisdom, strength and faith.

You're welcome Darlin.... And you are so well worth the love that God has for you... indeed. No one, no past, no 'thoughts of failure', nothing at all can change that...ever.

Romans chapter 8:1 -- "There is therefore no (further) condemnation. " "And nothing can separate us from the love of God."

 

[Tee]

Yes, I believe that sexual compatibility is very important. The act itself is secondary to compatiblity

Yes Yes Yes.

 

[avanese]

Your answer inspires me to share this....

Sex is a beautiful communication between a man and a woman that no other can match. The beauty of it is such a rare gift meant to be treasured. So if the sex is not good, this means the communication is not good, hence the lack of compatability.

Totally agree!

 

[ShaniKeys]

No regrets. ShaniKeys, your decision is the best gift of all to wait until it's with someone that you love and he has to be 'that one' and only one.

You can get 'sick' having sex without love. Sick in your heart and soul, for love was not allowed to have it's full control to fulfill you as God intended.

It's worth the wait...so worth it and with no regrets.

Thank you for your beautiful words Shimmie, appreciate it.

 

[Poohbear]

Gooooooo Shimmie!

Sex is only important to me within a marriage commitment since that's what God intended sex for. Right now, as an unmarried single woman, sex is not important to me. My focus is on my relationship with Christ. I must trust and rely on God in my singleness and that He'll bless me with a God-fearing loving husband (that's if it is His will for me to be married in the future).

 

[MJ]

Like breathing, eating, having one's period (unless in menopause), living in a safe and comfortable environment, being loved and being able to love, feeling happiness... sex is extremely important.

 

[Shimmie]

All of you have made this such a beautiful thread. You've put sex/Intimacy where it should be...up front in a healthy and clean discussion.

I've always found it so interesting that something that all of us 'do' or have done or plan to do, is still not 'talked' about 'respectfully.' It's the reason so many have so much 'trouble' with it now.
(Notice how I called 'it' ..'it' and 'something' and do and done? ). Yes, it (sex/Intimacy) should be respected for it's privacy and most definitely, it should not be graphic in conversation. I guess what I'm trying to say is that, we would have far less sexual / Intimate issues, if it was 'discussed' in a healthy format as much as it is being 'done.'

Even in marriage/relationships, it's not being discussed as openly as it should. There's no communication, hence no Intimacy...no compatability.

I got pregnant when I was 16 years old, because sex was never 'talked' about...yet it was 'done' and done a lot.... a whole lot. I have a handsome son and daughter by God's grace to prove it.

Anyway, not just sex, but all of our issues in life, need to be discussed which opens the door to understanding and healing and peace with those we love.

For each of you, I could not wish you more to have the beauty of fulfillment in each of your lives in every area...not just sex/Intimacy.

In Jesus' name...Amen. Thanks again for such a beautiful thread.

 

[belle_reveuse28]

Hey Shimmie,
A fellow "lady in waiting" along with you. Yes, I think sex is important in the proper boundaries of marriage. Outside of it, well, IMHO it shouldn't be happening. But if you want to know more about what I think, check out my blog at http://blog.myspace.com/beautifuldreamer28. I think it has great insight into those that care about putting sexuality in it's proper place. God bless!

 

[Shimmie]

Hey Shimmie,
A fellow "lady in waiting" along with you. Yes, I think sex is important in the proper boundaries of marriage. Outside of it, well, IMHO it shouldn't be happening. But if you want to know more about what I think, check out my blog at http://blog.myspace.com/beautifuldreamer28. I think it has great insight into those that care about putting sexuality in it's proper place. God bless!

Precious "Belle" thank you for sharing your support and for your blog. Do you know how important this information is and will be to others who come across this thread? It's needed...and I thank God for your heart and ministry which you have poured into the hearts of many from your heart in your blog.

I love the books by Jeff and Shaunti Feldman "For Women Only" and "For Men Only". The one for 'women' I've been reading quite a lot and it really gives us (as women) much insight into how men think. Men really do 'love' the woman who is in his life. And it's important for women to be aware of what's going on inside of our mens' minds so that we don't over react when we don't understand them.

God bless you....I'm keeping the link to your blog in my favorites.

 

[Kurlee]

....

 

[Shimmie]

Okay, I haven't read the whole thread, but I voted no. I have just never understood the big "hoopla" over sex . I mean yea its good, it can be GREAT!! But i jus don't see why people are so obsessed about it. Like i mean I find there to be soo much more fulfilling parts of a relationship like intimacy. After u "come" which last a minute? Then what? Its nap time?! LOL. To me sex is a spiritual thing a connection between two people and it shouldn't be taken lightly or reduced to something that jus "feels good". Kids come from that, hence our "baby momma/daddy" excess in our community and all the emotional stuff that comes along with it too. I dunno for me, I like sex, but in the grand scheme of things theres so many other things to life that are fulfilling.

This is beautifully said. And you will find that all will agree with you in this thread..."Intimacy" trumps 'sex'.

Thank you for adding to the beauty of this topic. I wish you much fulfillment in your life and love.

 

[luna916]

ITA. Intimacy is the utmost for me, and sex naturally flows out of that.

I agree. I don't have a problem with casual sex,if other people want to do it, whatever floats their boat. For me though there has to be a certain level of intimacy, and a certain level of emotional commitment. I consider my self a very sexual person, but only with the right guy. If he's not around, then I'm perfectly content to be celibate.That's why toys were invented...for those drought times...lol

 

[tuffCOOKiE]

I guess I need you to rephrase the question..

Is sex important in a committed relationship? No, I believe intimacy is and sometimes the ultimate expression of intimacy is having sex.

Is sex important in day to day life for example, as a bodily function? No, I dont think that at all and I feel bad for those that don't realize they don't need it but I've also learned its hard to stop.

For everyone that has sex- before or after marriage- I do feel like the frequency matters also. For example, if in a regular week you have sex twice, then all the sudden it starts increasing or waning and there is no real explanation, I think it's a cause for concern. JMO..

And I also think that sex is a very powerful expression and the public (media, stars in movies) has desensitized us to believe that it means close to nothing. Like women/men who wanna 'pimp' 5 guys at a time. I think the reason it is shown so often in TV, movies is because it is so beautiful and we can't get enough. Which should make us see how special it is.. but it is doing the opposite because of the 'casualness' of sex in the media.

 

[autumnbeauty29]

Sex is not as important to me, as the actual intimacy that comes with it, that I love! Right now I am going through something where I don't want to be touched or sex is even blah to me. If I don't have that level of connection with you then I can't give my all to you and sex becomes a chore, and I am actually going through that right now . Also it seems like the longer I go without it, the longer I can, no biggie.

 

[Shimmie]

Sex is not as important to me, as the actual intimacy that comes with it, that I love! Right now I am going through something where I don't want to be touched or sex is even blah to me. If I don't have that level of connection with you then I can't give my all to you and sex becomes a chore, and I am actually going through that right now . Also it seems like the longer I go without it, the longer I can, no biggie.

AutumnBeauty, if you look at the meaning of your name, you will see that it gives meaning to what you are going through. As opposed to saddness, you are entering into a 'season' of rest. A season where things which need to be purged will be purged; then into the winter season where you will 'sleep' (your time of not hungering for sex/intimacy) and then into your season of 'Spring where all things will become new.

You are only going through a 'change' of seasons in your life, allowing the love of God to renew and restore and refresh your life; answering the prayers you've been longing for. Be encouraged and be at peace. God loves you and He has heard and has seen all. Yes all and all is being dealt with.

You're going to come through all of this...okay.

(((hugs)))

 

[vevster]

If I had not had the sexual experiences I have had at my current age I would be very depressed. Great sex is important. Bad sex is just... bad.