Guilt Free Sex? What's there to Feel "Guilty" About?

[jwhitley6]

I will say that some of the guilt stems from religious beliefs but I know non-religious people who feel a sense of guilt and even embarrassment after sex. It can come from not knowing where you stand with someone, wondering if they respect you, wondering who they'll tell, wondering if they deserved you or if you should have waited to give up the goodies....also just the thought of adding another notch to the belt can make a girl feel guilty. JMHO

 

[jwhitley6]

I think it's emotional guilt, hoe guilt, religious guilt. I can't say that I've ever been guilty about the sex act while it's going on (ha), but sometimes I've felt a little bad about my partner choice in hindsight. I've have great sex with partners I was only moderately emotionally involved with, but when the sex is mediocre (and yes, some days it be like that, even with your SO)...it's that emotional connection that still makes it OK. If you don't have that connection, sometimes it can leave you feeling some kind of way.

Also, those of us who really like sex can feel a bit guilty for being toss-ups (especially when you don't have a SO), whereas with your DH, you can toss-it up every night and not feel anything about it.

Finally, other people make you feel guilty--my family gave me and my SO the side-eye whenever we all went on vacation and my SO and I would share a bed. As soon as we got married, it was all good in the hood.

EXACTLY...I agree 100% with this.

 

[MD_Lady]

...But I'm sure guys aren't going around saying "I wanna get married so I can have guilt free sex".

This also made me think about something else... I think a lot of women expect/feel pressured to take remove the word 'no' from their sexual vocabulary once they have a husband. I wonder how many men expect/feel pressured to loosen their boundaries/go beyond their comfort zone in an effort to please their wives AND how many women have that expectation of their husbands...

 

[ThatJerseyGirl]

This also made me think about something else... I think a lot of women expect/feel pressured to take remove the word 'no' from their sexual vocabulary once they have a husband. I wonder how many men expect/feel pressured to loosen their boundaries/go beyond their comfort zone in an effort to please their wives AND how many women have that expectation of their husbands...[/QUOTE]


alright na....sounds like anotha thread to me.....

*Passes da mic back to MD_Lady*

now, in ur last sentence, I interpret:

AND how many women have that expectation of their husbands.

vice versa, yes?

 

[MD_Lady]

This also made me think about something else... I think a lot of women expect/feel pressured to take remove the word 'no' from their sexual vocabulary once they have a husband. I wonder how many men expect/feel pressured to loosen their boundaries/go beyond their comfort zone in an effort to please their wives AND how many women have that expectation of their husbands...[/QUOTE]


alright na....sounds like anotha thread to me.....

*Passes da mic back to MD_Lady*

now, in ur last sentence, I interpret:

AND how many women have that expectation of their husbands.

vice versa, yes?

Pretty much! And don't make me catch spin-off fever Jersey Girl!!

 

[kryolnapps]

I think it's emotional guilt, hoe guilt, religious guilt. I can't say that I've ever been guilty about the sex act while it's going on (ha), but sometimes I've felt a little bad about my partner choice in hindsight. I've have great sex with partners I was only moderately emotionally involved with, but when the sex is mediocre (and yes, some days it be like that, even with your SO)...it's that emotional connection that still makes it OK. If you don't have that connection, sometimes it can leave you feeling some kind of way.

Also, those of us who really like sex can feel a bit guilty for being toss-ups (especially when you don't have a SO), whereas with your DH, you can toss-it up every night and not feel anything about it.

Finally, other people make you feel guilty--my family gave me and my SO the side-eye whenever we all went on vacation and my SO and I would share a bed. As soon as we got married, it was all good in the hood.

I agree with this. I feel that society still have a double standard when it comes to a woman's right to have sexual pleasure without the boundaries of marriage. I think some people (men and women) will still call you names if you are a single woman having great adult consenting safe-sex with Steve today and doing the same with Micheal a week later.

 

[BrownBetty]

I've seen a number of people list this as a reason that they want to get married and I'm wondering why you would feel guilty about having sex in the first place. We're human beings with needs and urges, why is that something to feel bad about? Unless you're doing it for the wrong reasons (i.e. trying to use sex to get love) OR it goes against your religious upbringing, umm....I don't quite get it. erplexed

I will say that my feelings about sex are a little different from what seems to be the norm around here, which is fine, I respect everyone's point of view. But I'm sure guys aren't going around saying "I wanna get married so I can have guilt free sex".

............

 

[locabouthair]

I will say that some of the guilt stems from religious beliefs but I know non-religious people who feel a sense of guilt and even embarrassment after sex. It can come from not knowing where you stand with someone, wondering if they respect you, wondering who they'll tell, wondering if they deserved you or if you should have waited to give up the goodies....also just the thought of adding another notch to the belt can make a girl feel guilty. JMHO

Yeah I've heard girls say "I just made my number go up and it wasn't even that good". lol.

 

[anon123]

Now you know very well that women have been taught for a very long time to feel guilty about having sex outside of marriage in a way that men have not. Personally, I think it's something very basic about a man-controlled world and paternity issues that drives this common cultural belief and all of its extrapolations.

 

[QueenFee]

Knowing if you die during or right after the act ur going to hell...

 

[Mis007]

I would hate for my daughter to marry someone and feel like she is missing out. I am not saying that all people needs multiple partners in their life. But IMO I think that experiencing different people plays a huge role in knowing what you want and what you don't want.

As long as they take precaution and stay safe, I would want my children to be sexually free/experience different people. I would hate for them to end up in a marriage and not be sexually fulfilled, I know for me, bad sex is a deal breaker; I am not going to teach a grown man how to jooke it.

I have found that Cultures that don't buy into the 'try before you buy' philosophy, have more succcesful marriages. Furthermore, what's wrong in learning and developing on how to please each other!

 

[softblackcotton]

I never understood this either. Feeling guilty about having sex? Why are you having the sex in the first place?

That's why I don't have sex and never have, because my conscience is very powerful and it hasn't been worn away by years of doing things I think I shouldn't be doing. That is why I have to get married. I am going to tear my potential, future husband up. At least I think I may,

 

[Dragone]

I have found that Cultures that don't buy into the 'try before you buy' philosophy, have more succcesful marriages. Furthermore, what's wrong in learning and developing on how to please each other!

length does not mean satisfaction. There were plenty of Orthodox Catholics waltzing down to divorce court once it became less socially scandalous to do so.

I don't understand people who point at the outside statistics of marriage to define 'success'. There are couples married their entire lives where the husbands beat the ever living $h!t out of their wives and their kids grew up to have good jobs and the wife showed up looking respectable to church every Sunday. Maybe 'try before you buy' cultures have higher rates of failure because the women are unashamed to leave rather than afraid of being seen as a $!ut or bad woman/wife/what have you.

 

[smwrigh3]

Dang now I feel guilty for never feeling guilty...lol

 

[Evolving78]

i'm going to just put it out there and this is just one way to look at this. folks don't want to be labeled a tramp. it's a prideful, ego thing. it has nothing to do with moral, or values. they like being able to brag about saving sex for marriage. a lot of folks are hot in the pants and know they will go crazy if the let go. it gives them power.

i woman puts a lot of power into her reputation and what others think of her.

 

[Lylddlebit]

~~~~~~~Deleted~~~~~~~~~~

 

[Imani]

never felt guilty ashamed or embarassed about having pre-marital sex, thankfully. I have enough things in my life to stress over and sex isn't one of them.