Is Sex Really All That Important? (Yes I'm Serious)

[secretdiamond]

Sex is an important part of a life, but it's not everything. "Making love" is more important to me. I have had sex and made love. Big difference. Both are important and should be enjoyable to those that give and receive.

For example, if my husband or LP (life partner) and I enjoyed a good sex life together and then an illness or other issue prevented us from having sex again, would I stop making love to him? No. "Sex" would end, but other gestures and acts of "lovemaking" should continue. You make love to the mind as well as the spirit.

No, NOT Really All That Important, but if you have a great sex life, enjoy it! I do enjoy sex very much, but if I had to live without it, then I would.

I LOVE this post! Thank you for it!

 

[Shimmie]

Sex is interesting because its very emotional very physical and can effect so many things on different levels... so it is something not to take lightly.
Sex is different to me from a single angle and also from the married angle.

There is an undoubted strong emotional attachment to sex with my husband, and we have that because of the bond we have on other levels.
And to be honest I wouldn't trade that.

Beautifully shared...the 'bond in other levels.' It reminds that you will abound and increase in love towards one another... Eternally...

 

[Shimmie]

I LOVE this post! Thank you for it!

It's beautiful indeed...

 

[esoterica]

You know what's really important? Finding someone who continues to treat you like a queen even after he's got the goods.

 

[drasgrl]

It's not at all important to me but my boyfriend would probably disagree. I feel sorry for him that I don't want sex. I have no sex drive at all. I've been on the pill for several years off and on (on again) I know that kills your sex drive but even before getting on the pill I never had a sex drive. Given the choice between having sex and getting a tooth pulled I think I'd rather have my tooth pulled. It's just not on my top 10 to do list for anything. I think sex is highly overrated.

 

[erokawa]

Sex is important to me but not for the reasons society gives. I wouldn't go sleep with some random guy, but in my most recent case I started sleeping with my boyfriend before we got together. But we were close and even though the sex wasn't an "I love you" it was more of something I could do to say I trust and care about him.

But in a relationship I want sex because it's an unmatchable wordless communication, and I'm really passionate so I have to show it somehow. I wouldn't be crushed if I couldn't have sex but I'd rather have it.

 

[Valerie]

I have been celibrate for nine years and yes sex is EXTREMELY IMPORTANT!

 

[shelly25]

It's not at all important to me but my boyfriend would probably disagree. I feel sorry for him that I don't want sex. I have no sex drive at all. I've been on the pill for several years off and on (on again) I know that kills your sex drive but even before getting on the pill I never had a sex drive. Given the choice between having sex and getting a tooth pulled I think I'd rather have my tooth pulled. It's just not on my top 10 to do list for anything. I think sex is highly overrated.

Wow, ITA...I really thought I was the only one who felt this way. It just isn't that important to me. To my SO it's extremely important...

 

[cheeks87]

It's not at all important to me but my boyfriend would probably disagree. I feel sorry for him that I don't want sex. I have no sex drive at all. I've been on the pill for several years off and on (on again) I know that kills your sex drive but even before getting on the pill I never had a sex drive. Given the choice between having sex and getting a tooth pulled I think I'd rather have my tooth pulled. It's just not on my top 10 to do list for anything. I think sex is highly overrated.

I am in the saaaame place right now. I used to LOVE LOVE LOVE sex. Thought it was the best thing since sliced bread. And now I couldn't care less. And my SO ALWAYS wants to have sex. Poor thing. At the beginning of our relationship I was all over him all the time and now I'm like, Don't touch me. Get away from me.

 

[Farida]

It's not at all important to me but my boyfriend would probably disagree. I feel sorry for him that I don't want sex. I have no sex drive at all. I've been on the pill for several years off and on (on again) I know that kills your sex drive but even before getting on the pill I never had a sex drive. Given the choice between having sex and getting a tooth pulled I think I'd rather have my tooth pulled. It's just not on my top 10 to do list for anything. I think sex is highly overrated.

Wow. I know many women don't rate it high, but to put it on a lower level than wanting to have your tooth pulled? If you don't mind my asking (please ignore if you do) have you ever had a bad sexual experience in the past? Have you ever had a good sexual experience?

 

[motherx2esq]

Yes, I believe that sexual compatibility is very important. The act itself is secondary to compatiblity

I have to agree here. But I am abstaining currently. I do however remember thinking that sex with my ex ex ex was the bomb only to do it again later in life and think that it was the worse. So was it mind over matter or 19 years old over 27 years old?

I have also come to learn now that I am no longer engaging in sex, I do not think about it or get the urge, seriously I do not. People find it very hard when I do share but I only do so when asked because a lot of people think that most people think about sex 24/7.

 

[motherx2esq]

Well, I've had several phases in my life, some where I could not stand to be touched, some where sex was more important than good conversation. So, I guess it really hasn't been something important in my life or in my relationships because it definitely has not been a constant.

I understand what others mean about compatibility, I have to be with some one, who can kind of role with the punches and make the best of it.

Wow, I could have written this!

 

[carcajada]

You know what's really important? Finding someone who continues to treat you like a queen even after he's got the goods.

The real test is how he treats his woman after a period of not having sex with her. A lot men seem to fail that part.

 

[Farida]

I have to agree here. But I am abstaining currently. I do however remember thinking that sex with my ex ex ex was the bomb only to do it again later in life and think that it was the worse. So was it mind over matter or 19 years old over 27 years old?

I have also come to learn now that I am no longer engaging in sex, I do not think about it or get the urge, seriously I do not. People find it very hard when I do share but I only do so when asked because a lot of people think that most people think about sex 24/7.

I have had men think I must be crazy because I would not so much as flinch at their sexual advances. It really is a thing of willing your mind to control your body.

I read this book about this woman whose husband had his unit chopped off during a civil war, right in front of her. She'd talk about how for the first few years she'd be so horny and his male friends would come over and she'd be staring at their crotches....her husband told her it was okay for her to leave him for another man or find a man to please her, but she chose not to.

She said after a few years he stopped thinking about it or even getting the urge and remained married to the same man for years.

 

[drasgrl]

Wow. I know many women don't rate it high, but to put it on a lower level than wanting to have your tooth pulled? If you don't mind my asking (please ignore if you do) have you ever had a bad sexual experience in the past? Have you ever had a good sexual experience?

Nope never had a bad experience, never been raped, never sexually abused nothing like that. I guess I've had good sexual experiences too. But overall I just don't want it.

 

[motherx2esq]

I have had men think I must be crazy because I would not so much as flinch at their sexual advances. It really is a thing of willing your mind to control your body.

I read this book about this woman whose husband had his unit chopped off during a civil war, right in front of her. She'd talk about how for the first few years she'd be so horny and his male friends would come over and she'd be staring at their crotches....her husband told her it was okay for her to leave him for another man or find a man to please her, but she chose not to.

She said after a few years he stopped thinking about it or even getting the urge and remained married to the same man for years.

That is one of the biggest turn offs to me. Why are you talking sexual to me and we, first don't know each other, second are not anywhere near a relationship. But I guess they have to see if they can get it! But most time I get all kinds of flack about it. "What's wrong someone broke your heart and you don't want to give it up anymore?" No stupid I'm just respecting myself and God's purpose for me and that is not to let you jump up and down on me for 5 seconds!

 

[JFemme]

I have had men think I must be crazy because I would not so much as flinch at their sexual advances. It really is a thing of willing your mind to control your body.

I read this book about this woman whose husband had his unit chopped off during a civil war, right in front of her. She'd talk about how for the first few years she'd be so horny and his male friends would come over and she'd be staring at their crotches....her husband told her it was okay for her to leave him for another man or find a man to please her, but she chose not to.

She said after a few years he stopped thinking about it or even getting the urge and remained married to the same man for years.

Not sure how I feel about this, either she was honoring her wifely duties by staying or its a grim tale... woefully sad for both, though

 

[StrongWomanNYC]

Sex is important in a marraige or relationship. Its important for there to be mutual satisfaction for both the male and female. I find that there are couples who are afraid to tell each other how they would like to be pleased out of embarrassment or for whatever reason, and then sex just becomes pointless.

Im glad I dont have this problem

 

[sweetpuff]

I just would like to say a simple thanks to OP for starting this thread.


much love

Sweetpuff

 

[Shimmie]

I just would like to say a simple thanks to OP for starting this thread.


much love

Sweetpuff

Thank you. I wish you much love and more for the happiest life ever, and the beauty of all that life brings; which is all of God's best for you. :Rose:

 

[darlingdiva]

Sex will bring you pleasure. Intimacy will bring you fulfillment. What do you truly seek? When I was younger, casual sex became a vice no different than drinking and smoking. You get a 'high' or a 'rush'. However, as with any vice, sobriety brings a reality check and then it's back to rock bottom.

When I grew older, intimacy brought the rush, the gratification and something extra... purpose. I found out the simplest touch could easily replace the most awesome casual sex experiences. Why? because I didn't have to be selfish. I didn't have to be guarded with my feelings. I could be genuine and open with someone who would return that affection.

Too much casual sex builds a desensitivity to entering committed relationships. One can get addicted to the instant gratification. I think thats why some relationships run into problems because theres a greater emphasis on sexual prowess than building / maintaining intimacy. Think about it. When we're first entering relationships, no one is getting any sex but you're still attracted to each other. So the little things like holding hands, an embrace, a longing stare or a dance are building you up. Thats intimacy and the reason why any enduring relationship should strive to maintain that closeness rather than sexual endurance and acrobatics.

P.S. Oral sex does count as sex.

ITA w/ the bolded. I want to have pleasure but I NEED fulfillment, so both are important to me.

OT: Shimmie, I love Diary of a Mad Black Woman too. I really like that it's a story about love & forgiveness.

 

[Ladybelle]

If you haven't had enough responses already: i agree that sex is important, hence the reason God ordained it for marriage- he knew what he was doing!!!

In the bible when you see the phrase and he knew her or she knew him - it means they got down with the get down & i think the word used to coin the act biblically is veerrry significant of something so much greater- to have intercourse with a person is allowing yourself to know & be known in a way no words could ever express. That's why it's important to only know your husband. (not that I waited until marriage but after experiencing the complete difference between pre-marital sex & marital sex, I wish i would have waited for DH), but you get the point, i hope.

 

[JinaRicci]

Wow- I just read the whole thing. This is the best thread I have ever read- ever!

Thank you Shimmie for starting this and sharing so much light. You are truly a blessed woman of God. This brought me so much encouragement- sometimes I feel so alone b/c I have taken this stand of waiting till marriage. And I trust God to do what He has promised for me. Your proud shining example of waiting is a beautiful one and I pray that God will give you all the desires of your heart.

 

[WorkInProgress88]

it must be ... 99.9% of my last relationships (only had 2 relationships, lol) ended b/c i didn't give "it" up ... guess they got tired of waiting