Is Sex Really All That Important? (Yes I'm Serious)

[donewit-it]

I too am going to ask a very serious question. What about just casual sex??? I have a partner of 2 1/2 years who I date, go out, have sex and have deep conversation with but he doesn't want to get married like I do one day. So I met someone who I am extremely physically attracted to. However, I am not interested in developing a relationship with him, going out with him or anything remotely intimate with him. I just want to Fcuk him. I fought my demons last night because I am trying to be the "virtuous woman" I think I want to be. I have been struggling for years with this behavior and I don't like it. But I almost can't help myself. Sometimes, I just feel very animalistic What do you think. P.S. I have not let this man know my intentions. But I sure as heck feel like it.

 

[patient1]

I too am going to ask a very serious question. What about just casual sex??? I have a partner of 2 1/2 years who I date, go out, have sex and have deep conversation with but he doesn't want to get married like I do one day. So I met someone who I am extremely physically attracted to. However, I am not interested in developing a relationship with him, going out with him or anything remotely intimate with him. I just want to Fcuk him. I fought my demons last night because I am trying to be the "virtuous woman" I think I want to be. I have been struggling for years with this behavior and I don't like it. But I almost can't help myself. Sometimes, I just feel very animalistic What do you think. P.S. I have not let this man know my intentions. But I sure as heck feel like it.

Shimmie???? SummerRain??? Ladies???

Well, while we wait for the experts, I'd just say if your spiritual goals are not in alignment with your physical and emotional goals/desires/behavior then SPIRITUAL trumps all and should come first.

Does that make any sense?

p1

 

[dlewis]

I'm not up for casual sex, I don't belive in that, neva did.

I don't think I could stay with someone that had no intentions of marring me. That's just me. Even if I didn't what to marry that person, I would like to know that they were serious enough about me to marry me.

 

[glamazon386]

Yes.... Especially when you're single and not getting any...

 

[dimpalz]

I too am going to ask a very serious question. What about just casual sex??? I have a partner of 2 1/2 years who I date, go out, have sex and have deep conversation with but he doesn't want to get married like I do one day. So I met someone who I am extremely physically attracted to. However, I am not interested in developing a relationship with him, going out with him or anything remotely intimate with him. I just want to Fcuk him. I fought my demons last night because I am trying to be the "virtuous woman" I think I want to be. I have been struggling for years with this behavior and I don't like it. But I almost can't help myself. Sometimes, I just feel very animalistic What do you think. P.S. I have not let this man know my intentions. But I sure as heck feel like it.

I say do what you're doing. Not every woman is naturally "virtuous" and some people can't force themselves to be that way. Is being virtuous something you're aiming toward because you want to conform or do you genuinely not like where you're headed??? You have to ask are you being honest with yourself and if you aren't are you still happy with that? I don't lie to myself, I don't lie to other people. But with that comes responsibility that some people don't want to take on; responsibility for your actions and the consequences. Some people will say casual sex is wrong, but I think it's great you know what you want and where you're going. Take a deep look and if you're truly fine with it, there there's nothign wrong because only your opinion matters.

 

[donewit-it]

Shimmie???? SummerRain??? Ladies???

Well, while we wait for the experts, I'd just say if your spiritual goals are not in alignment with your physical and emotional goals/desires/behavior then SPIRITUAL trumps all and should come first.

Does that make any sense?

p1

Yeah, it does but I have to ask myself which one weighs more.

 

[donewit-it]

I'm not up for casual sex, I don't belive in that, neva did.

I don't think I could stay with someone that had no intentions of marring me. That's just me. Even if I didn't what to marry that person, I would like to know that they were serious enough about me to marry me.

I feel the same way too, and I'm not quite sure why I am. It is coming to an end. I feel it. Thanks for your input

 

[MissScarlett]

I'm just just speaking from the point of married sex but it is a very important aspect of a relationship.

For me, married sex is completely different from single sex. My single sex days did not have the level of initimacy that I feel in my sexual relationship with dh but its an entire spirtual and mental thing as well. There is nothing greater than being intimate with your spouse, knowing that you're committed to each other gives you a different sense of security I feel. I think compatibility in regards to sex is probably just as important as other areas of compatibility in a relationship.
And I also think that while sex it is NOT the most important thing in a relationship but when there is none or a problem, it becomes probably the BIGGEST problem in a marriage. I have heard many things about marriages that have fallen apart b/c of sex, the lack of or the compatibility of it.

 

[Shimmie]

I so agree. In a marriage, if there are problems with sex, there is a problem with the relationship. Sex alone will not solve that problem, but I think it is the area where you may see the first overt signs of a relationship in trouble.

THIS is where so many have missed it....thinking that Sex will solve a masked problem in a marriage. Couples have to communicate, for that is the only true path to Intimacy and compatibility. Look at Hollywood and all of it's marriage and relationship breaks-ups...sex isn't fixing their problems.

I agree. I think alot of very young people think that having sex and being sexually "down for whatever, whenever", are principal ways to define one's self. I think sex can be an expression of one's self but it should not drive or inspire most of your character.

True...sad but so true. There was a time when smoking a cigarette meant that a teenager was 'down' with it and grown up. (Of course it was still foolishness) but now, teens wear having sex as a badge of honor which only dimenishes their character and maturity in life.

Sex is very important to a marriage. Especially for a man...correct me if I'm wrong. It is important to keep ur DH happy and hence keep each other from temptation.

I agree compatibiliy and chemistry are important too, coupled with a willingness to learn and cater to each other.

There is a book that I have been reading by Shauntae Feldman, "For Women Only." It's a book that she wrote detailing how to understand men. She went out and interviewed men (married and single) and found out many mysteries of these handsome species of ours.

However she took a poll and over 77% of the men shared that they do not feel loved when they have been rejected sexually by their wives. She shared that men connect being loved by being sexually desired by the woman he is in love with. I found this quite Interesting....

ditto, ditto

Thank you, MrzLadyBuggz...

I think sex can be a very pleasurable experience with someone that you love and trust.

That being said, there are a lot of ways to be intimate without having sex e.g. cuddling, kissing, having "deep" conversations. You can also be "sensual" with the other person by enjoying good food together or good music (think about all the five senses).

Caligirl, Beautifully said. I personally, HAVE to be with the man that I love; it's not worth it otherwise.

And there's a 'sixth' sense as well. "His for her; and Hers for him"...all the more Intimate; all the more beautiful; they are one in love.

I believe sex is very important if you are in a (sexually active) relationship. It's important that you are on the same page - that you are compatible.
It's also important for men to have physical closeness, that is one of the only ways some men show emotions.

It's important for me as a woman to feel loved and adored in all ways...

How can two 'love' ... unless they be 'agreed'...?

I agree with you.

I know married couples who have not been sexually active with each other for years because one of them is very sick, honestly to me this is much more important than sex knowing that the other one will stick around even if you can't satisfy him or her in a sexual way anymore. kissing, touching, spending time together, looking at each other are just as important if not more because as we get older there will always be a time were the sex won't be as important anymore.

Afrolinda, this is so important for us to be aware of. We don't always consider this and the media surely doesn't help much. A beautiful example is the marriage of Christopher and Dana Reeve (Superman). Though it's sad that they are no longer here, yet their marriage remained strong in spite of his illness which left him paralyzed for so many years.

Excellent points Afrolinda...

Thanks Shimmie for starting this thread. i have opened my mind with some of the responses here, thanks everyone who responded

I thank you, Ucha123.... I'm really learning a lot here as well. There is a lot of wealth in the replies from everyone here. I'm grateful for it and I'm grateful for your encouragement. I almost didn't post this thread.

Hi Shimmie! I'm only 21 and right now for me sex is important. But only because that's where I am in life. I was celibate for a year, (I know it seems so small) partly by choice because I didn't really notice the time going but there were opportunities and I didn't take them.

I don't do one night stands or anything like that, mainly because I don't like "first time sex" it may have something to do with BMWSS's post: there's no intimacy there for me. I can understand people that love one nighters because they're looking for something different in their sex, they're not looking for that deeper connection which IMO makes it so much better. (ETA: Not dissing the one-night lovers no matter how that comes across)

I'd like to think I'm quite sexually liberal, but I still like a connection, some might see that as contradictory but I'm a serious backtracker. I don't feel wrong sleeping with my exs, and I can do so without thinking I want to get back with them or worrying about where its gonna go.

In a relationship I think its important that both people are fulfilled, whether that means loads of sex or no sex at all. For some people it's just not that important, whilst other can't get enough of eachother. Trimbride said sex isn't as important as society makes it and it's true, your relationship doesn't need to be based on it but I think it should play a part especially ensuring you're both satisfied.

If I don't have sex, I do miss it, but I guess the key to that year of celibacy was the fact that there was no intimacy potential, sure I could've just had sex with anyone but then what's the point? He's gonna get up and go after and in all likely hood I'll never speak to him again,

...the sex may have felt great but you can't remember physical feelings forever so after a while all you've got is the memory of an encounter with essentially a ghost.

Well that's my 2 cents anyway, I can't wait to read more responses =)

Hi Dimpalz...your post is honest and worth far more than 2 cents. I'm tempted to call you a 'baby', but I won't (it's the mommie in me). I love what you shared above which is bolded..."the sex may have felt great, but you can't remember physical feelings forever....all that's left is the memory as an encounter with a ghost."

These were not the words of a 'baby' but a woman who is aware of the consequences when there is no true Intimacy...

Good girl.... ( I didn't 'mommie' you... )
___________________

I'll add more replies in the next post...

 

[cutiestyles]

I think sex is important in the context of a loving relationship particularly marriage since thats what God designed it for.
IMO it has more value and meaning when its shared in a committed partnership.

 

[MissScarlett]

I too am going to ask a very serious question. What about just casual sex??? I have a partner of 2 1/2 years who I date, go out, have sex and have deep conversation with but he doesn't want to get married like I do one day. So I met someone who I am extremely physically attracted to. However, I am not interested in developing a relationship with him, going out with him or anything remotely intimate with him. I just want to Fcuk him. I fought my demons last night because I am trying to be the "virtuous woman" I think I want to be. I have been struggling for years with this behavior and I don't like it. But I almost can't help myself. Sometimes, I just feel very animalistic What do you think. P.S. I have not let this man know my intentions. But I sure as heck feel like it.

I tried that path in college and it was not for me many of my friends did this but I'm not able to separate sex and feelings, I have to have a relationship with someone AND have feelings to have sex with them, call me old school but that's just me. Guys like to say "oh let's just be friends" which is code for "I want to sleep with you, not be committed to you, you don't sleep with anyone else but I am"

Now if you can handle it, and are really cool with it, then fine, but look at your reasons for doing it. don't do it in hopes that the person will eventually want more from you b/c probaby they won't. You both have to start off on the same page.
Sometimes people that will accept a casual sexual fling only either don't feel they are worthy enough to attract or demand a committed relationship or have intimacy issues, or also may have been hurt in the past. Either way just evaluate why you think this might be acceptable.

 

[Shimmie]

I need to have intimacy first before the sex can happen.

At times when I have not felt close to DH, I had no desire to have sex with him at all.

I believe sex is very important in a marriage.

I totally agree Lady D...

Depends on the couple. Some place a greater value on sex than others. For me it would be high up there on the priority list.

You're right, it does depend on the individual couple. All are not the same.

Thank you for this thread. I was THE biggest virgin before I had sex. I lost it at a somewhat early age, never thought I would before I was married. I had a strong belief in waiting. But like most people, I was with him for a year (which at that time seemed like forever, but alas it wasn't so- I left him, he still loves me tho) Anyway, I think after the fear was gone and the disappointment set in, Sex wasn't a big deal anymore. Several partners later, I am asking myself WHY.
Sex is not all that important, good and can be great or can feel like nothing at al, therefore meaningless and for me, comes with many consequences-- not STDs. Actually sex IS important, I think that is why people put so much focus on it. It can be very powerful. (sorry for the contradiction)However, it is hard to stop. I think most women use sex, w/out realizing, as a way to gain a closeness and a relationship, which IMO doesn't usually work.
At this point in my life, I want to stop. Although, I like to think of myself as not your typical woman or person...my sexual past says otherwise. Sometimes, I feel like its too late- I know its not but it seems so. Sex has taken alot from me BUT I also know it can be a BEAUTIFUL experience. I think someone needs to start a celibacy challenge (if there isn't one already).

(Alittle off topic but: Just curious, does oral sex or other like activities count as sex in your opinion?)

Tenejita10473, It is I who thanks you angel for coming in to join us. Also I'm glad you asked the question at the end which is not off topic at all. "It' does count as sex...yes.

When I'm in love and I'm getting it and it's good, it's VERY important. Other than that, I'm cool. I don't have a maintenance man and all that stuff.

The longer I abstain and the older I get, the more this little Renaissance sonnet runs through my mind. It's telling a virgin to gather her rosebuds while she can because eventually that garden will be wormfood!

I'm halfway to 70 and I am on a mission, but I have to be honest. If I'm not married prior to menopause, I might fornicate just in case. You know, a last hurrah for the road....

p1

Patient1, your name is not in vain. For when you're 70 you will still have yet more rosebuds to gather and none will be withered, but seasoned with the wisdom of Patient1 who knew how to bide her timing and beauty...by dancing. No rush to road...just dance. You will never grow older, just more beautiful. I should know

 

[Shimmie]

I too am going to ask a very serious question. What about just casual sex??? I have a partner of 2 1/2 years who I date, go out, have sex and have deep conversation with but he doesn't want to get married like I do one day.

So I met someone who I am extremely physically attracted to. However, I am not interested in developing a relationship with him, going out with him or anything remotely intimate with him. I just want to Fcuk him. I fought my demons last night because I am trying to be the "virtuous woman" I think I want to be. I have been struggling for years with this behavior and I don't like it. But I almost can't help myself. Sometimes, I just feel very animalistic What do you think. P.S. I have not let this man know my intentions. But I sure as heck feel like it.

I'm right here Patient1....

ncarter72, this is where you put your value above the decision and the reason behind your decision for casual sex. The grave dangers of it far outweigh the seeming justification for it.

Bottomline, angel you are worth more than this. I will not lecture nor judge, but I can encourage you to take it more seriously. I was 'there', before I gave my heart to the Lord, I was 'there' with casual sex, because there was no real relationship with the person that I was involved with after my divorce. It wasn't worth it.

And now-a-days, it's just too dangerous; for the person that you are casually having sex with is also caually doing the same with others. You see it may be called casual sex, but there's no such thing as casual heartache and casual diseases.

You're worth far more than that. If for no other reason, do this for yourself...wait until the right relationship comes into your life. And it can and it will. Just allow God to make it happen for you.

Come here... (((( mommie hugs )))))

I'm not here to lecture or judge you. But stop! Stop! Stop before it's too late. It's not worth it. But you worth far more.

 

[locabouthair]

i dont have any experience but i will say that i think to most people it is. because when i tell people im abstinent or that i want to wait, they look at me like i have three breasts and then imply/say that no man will stay with a girl without getting any. so that leads me to believe that is a high priority for both women and men.

 

[Shimmie]

I'm not up for casual sex, I don't belive in that, neva did.

I don't think I could stay with someone that had no intentions of marring me. That's just me. Even if I didn't what to marry that person, I would like to know that they were serious enough about me to marry me.

Neither am I, Lady D. I can't handle it.

And to take it even further.....

I don't even want to date a guy who is dating or has an interest in other 'prospects.' I just don't.

I prefer to leave him to himself. And leave me out of his game. No hard feelings. I simply refuse to be a part of an assembly line.

I'm not on a product line where he feels has a right to place me upon while he makes up his mind with whom he wants to be with. Leave me the hell alone and go his own way. I don't compete for men. If a man wants me and only me, fine. If not leave me the hell alone. I don't have time and I don't share.

Off topic: Lady D, is that my birthday dinner you're preparing on the 21th...? If so....shoot, I'm on a dumb diet. Summer is coming and I have three adorable dresses that show me off....

 

[Shimmie]

i dont have any experience but i will say that i think to most people it is. because when i tell people im abstinent or that i want to wait, they look at me like i have three breasts and then imply/say that no man will stay with a girl without getting any. so that leads me to believe that is a high priority for both women and men.

They think I'm crazy too. Ummmmmm, I am "Crazy for Jesus" and myself and the man I'm saving myself for.

 

[Shimmie]

I tried that path in college and it was not for me many of my friends did this but I'm not able to separate sex and feelings, I have to have a relationship with someone AND have feelings to have sex with them, call me old school but that's just me. Guys like to say "oh let's just be friends" which is code for "I want to sleep with you, not be committed to you, you don't sleep with anyone else but I am"

Now if you can handle it, and are really cool with it, then fine, but look at your reasons for doing it. don't do it in hopes that the person will eventually want more from you b/c probaby they won't. You both have to start off on the same page.
Sometimes people that will accept a casual sexual fling only either don't feel they are worthy enough to attract or demand a committed relationship or have intimacy issues, or also may have been hurt in the past. Either way just

evaluate why you think this might be acceptable.

Thanks for sharing Ms Scarlett... It is so important for everyone to step back before they act and evaluate all that it entails...especially the consequences and if it is really worth it.

 

[Shimmie]

Yes.... Especially when you're single and not getting any...

Hey Beautiful Dancer.... The right man is coming soon.

 

[Browndilocks]

I'm sorry Shimmie but I'm a little confused. Is sex really all that important to you? Is that what you're saying and then asking for our own opinions?

This is why I ask:

Think about it: Why would you want a husband if sex (or sexually imposed intimacy) wasn't high up there on the wish list? I see you talk about getting and preparing for a husband all the time, so there's obviously a basic human need for everyone, beyond what a good friendship with just any person can bring. For that reason, it's a no-brainer... of course it is!

Sex and sexual compatibility for me is very important. I look forward to having both in the near future. The only time it's overrated is when it's degraded and misused beyond its purpose. Otherwise, other than the spiritual connection with God himself, there's no stronger means of intimate connection with someone. Who would want to resist that? Very important indeed...

 

[Shimmie]

I'm sorry Shimmie but I'm a little confused. Is sex really all that important to you? Is that what you're saying and then asking for our own opinions?

This is why I ask:

Think about it: Why would you want a husband if sex (or sexually imposed intimacy) wasn't high up there on the wish list? I see you talk about getting and preparing for a husband all the time, so there's obviously a basic human need for everyone, beyond what a good friendship with just any person can bring. For that reason, it's a no-brainer... of course it is!

Sex and sexual compatibility for me is very important. I look forward to having both in the near future. The only time it's overrated is when it's degraded and misused beyond its purpose. Otherwise, other than the spiritual connection with God himself, there's no stronger means of intimate connection with someone. Who would want to resist that? Very important indeed...

Thank you, Browndilocks... .

Correct, sex is important to me but in it's proper context based on my faith and personal decision to wait.

I started this thread because it was always a question in the back of mind, just how important others felt sex was or wasn't to them. The responses have been beautiful. Plus this is something that needs to be talked about. Not to judge, but to just get it out there in the open. How else do we learn and make decisions in our lives?

Make better sense? Hope so.

 

[Southernbella.]

Sex is not important. Intimacy is.

ITA. Intimacy is the utmost for me, and sex naturally flows out of that.

 

[dlewis]

Off topic: Lady D, is that my birthday dinner you're preparing on the 21th...? If so....shoot, I'm on a dumb diet. Summer is coming and I have three adorable dresses that show me off....

Yep, it's for you Shimmie............ham, mac and cheese, black eyed peas, turnips, yam, assorted veggies, don't know about desert yet but that banana bread looks good (I'll add a glaze)

 

[Shimmie]

Yep, it's for you Shimmie............ham, mac and cheese, black eyed peas, turnips, yam, assorted veggies, don't know about desert yet but that banana bread looks good (I'll add a glaze)

Oh Lady D, thank you so much... I'll just have to spend an extra hour a day on the treadmill...

Yeah...right... I'll be right in front of the TV watching my Tyler Perry movie...

 

[chica_canella]

I think it is and I'm having that exact problem right now!

 

[prettywhitty]

I think intimacy, true intimacy is more important than sex.

There was a time when I was having sex. Now I abstain. Back then there was no intimacy and it was not all that. I see God's purpose in saving sex for marriage, because in marriage the husband and wife are also intimate (or at least strive to be). Maybe a lot of married people stop having sex because they lose the intimacy connection.

I'm waiting for marriage. I'm worth waiting for. I want God's best for my life and I believe that this is where it is .
Just my 2cents.

 

[ShaniKeys]

Sex is important, but intimacy is even more important. I mean sex is important meaning you should take it very seriously. I've always felt this way about sex, which is why I made a personal choice to abstain from it until I was older than 18, I absolutely do not regret it. I feel like sex can only have meaning with someone you truly love. Never say never, but I don't see myself having sex with someone I'm not in love with or could possibly fall in love with.

 

[Radianthealth]

I am all about letting people do what is best for them but My husband is the only one for me. If I didn't marry him I probably would have had more than 1 partner but I am pretty sure that if it didn't last or if it ended badly I would regret my decision to share myself with him/her (Just kidding on the her ) Really I am kidding

Okay back on topic I have friends and I never believe them when they say they don't care and can do the casual sex thing, I don't think this is as common as some girls would have you believe. I think they just tell me it doesn't matter, and what they are really trying to do is convince themselves. Or maybe I am just being closed minded and thinking of the situation from my perspectiveerplexed

 

[Chinagem]

No but intimacy is.

 

[Shimmie]

I think sex is important in the context of a loving relationship particularly marriage since thats what God designed it for.

IMO it has more value and meaning when its shared in a committed partnership.

Cutiestyles, I missed your post.... I'm sorry.

Yet, I cannot agree with you more. You're speaking God's word.

 

[Shimmie]

I think it is and I'm having that exact problem right now!

Chica, no problem to big for the Lord... . ((( hugs ))) angel.