Is Being Beautiful a Curse?

[Skiggle]

it's not a curse, but a lot of assumptions are held to what is socially accepted as beauty. but their are assumptions held to everything. I'm not complaining though, I'm just adjusting

For example, this is the first time I've ever publicly admitted I'm "beautiful"/pretty. I've always been worried about being viewed as vain.

LOL, I'm sure unattractive people
say they're "beautiful/pretty".
But viewed as vain?
Not, in my opinion..it just
means you're confident/comfortable with
yourself.

 

[biancaelyse]

it's not a curse, but a lot of assumptions are held to what is socially accepted as beauty. but their are assumptions held to everything. I'm not complaining though, I'm just adjusting

For example, this is the first time I've ever publicly admitted I'm "beautiful"/pretty. I've always been worried about being viewed as vain.

Good for you!! You are beautiful and admitting that out loud doesn't make you vain IMO.

 

[Livingmylifetothefullest]

I agree with this. I can't speak on behalf of 'beautiful' people but I'm willing to bet that nan one of them would trade places with Celie.



That's what I was thinking too. This person clearly had problems that extended beyond being beautiful if she's crying a work and talking to strangers on an intimate level like that



See this is me too a tee. Because I'm reserved people think that I'm stuck-up etc... I'm averagely attractive, not what people would consider beautiful. I think it's more in the way that you carry yourself than being beautiful that makes people make this assumption about you. Your beauty, no doubt adds, some extra venom though.

I think people that make these kinds of judgments have their own internal issues at work. How on earth do you know if someone is stuck up and you don't even have the guts to go talk to them. That right there is enough for me to not want to get to know you so I wouldn't go out of my way to embrace you into my life.

 

[GoingNatural]

See this is me too a tee. Because I'm reserved people think that I'm stuck-up etc... I'm averagely attractive, not what people would consider beautiful. I think it's more in the way that you carry yourself than being beautiful that makes people make this assumption about you. Your beauty, no doubt adds, some extra venom though.

ITA!!! Because a beautiful person can be average and a ugly person can get boosted. And honestly, beauty only gets you so far.

I will say I don't believe I'm exceptional. I just have certain "check marks" that seem to come into place. But I do think my mean girl swag (yes I said swag lol) couple with my comedic personality is what makes me feel good about myself and why I think people truly like me around.

 

[biancaelyse]

I am a quiet person and I get the "stuck up" comments often as well, followed by "you are nothing like I thought you were" remarks once they get to know me.

 

[GoingNatural]

I am a quiet person and I get the "stuck up" comments often as well, followed by "you are nothing like I thought you were" remarks once they get to know me.

if i had a penny for every time i heard that i would have a mountain of pennies

 

[janeera1]

Yeah, then I don't think it's her beauty that's the problem. She is perhaps too shy or introverted so it's hard to see or appreciate her personality. Unfortunately, shy girls are often perceived as being standoffish or get mislabeled "stuck-up".

Story of my life...

 

[caltron]

I do think that being perceived as beautiful along with the combination of being shy is a curse.

I'm having a hard time saying that it's a curse because there are too many beautiful people who are popular. I have a very close friend who is a former model and Miss America contestant and is breathtakingly beautiful. She has high cheekbones, 5'9, waist length hair, slim. She gets some haters, but overall she is universally well liked because of her charming personality. Men fall over themselves to talk to her.

I think that since beautiful people get more attention, and so if the woman is socially awkward, it makes things more difficult for them. So it's not the beauty that's the problem, but the lack of social grace.

I had another friend in middle school that was very pretty and was always getting teased and harassed. She was a very sweet and kind person to get along with once you got to know her...but at the same time, she sometimes said things that would rub people the wrong way. She would not mean anything by what she said, but people who didn't know her were always getting offended.

 

[JFemme]

Story of my life...

Its taken me a bunch of years to come to terms, and change my behavior around the issues stated in this thread...

 

[Livingmylifetothefullest]

I'm having a hard time saying that it's a curse because there are too many beautiful people who are popular. I have a very close friend who is a former model and Miss America contestant and is breathtakingly beautiful. She has high cheekbones, 5'9, waist length hair, slim. She gets some haters, but overall she is universally well liked because of her charming personality. Men fall over themselves to talk to her.

I think that since beautiful people get more attention, and so if the woman is socially awkward, it makes things more difficult for them. So it's not the beauty that's the problem, but the lack of social grace.

I had another friend in middle school that was very pretty and was always getting teased and harassed. She was a very sweet and kind person to get along with once you got to know her...but at the same time, she sometimes said things that would rub people the wrong way. She would not mean anything by what she said, but people who didn't know her were always getting offended.

I went to school with someone like this, the teasing got so bad she just dropped out. She couldn't understand why people would treat her like dirt. I've often wondered what happened to her.

 

[Almaz]

Goodness this has nothing to do with beauty because as someone said for every beautiful woman out there there is a man tired of her arse. To be crying like that on the spot indicates something wrong. Yes I know that people like being around beautiful people to steal some shine. That is normal. It is life and that is the way it is. It is not a curse until you let it be. I have one friend that will put a beautiful woman to shame with her looks and she is got the hate and the assumptions also. One woman actually spat at her on the bus. But she just KIM. Thank G-d she has a great Personality and a good Character because she is still beautiful but now she is a middle aged woman woman. She knows she is still very good looking but the allure of youth is beauty in and of itself. After your youth is gone and the Bloom is off the Rose Now what? You gonna be crying about how beautiful you were and now that you are older you are going to try to hold on to that youth or develop a character with some substance. And get mad because people are not giving you all that attention postitive or negative because you are getting older. Or get a grip Hummm


Thank G-d she went to Law School and got her MBA and raised and equally beautiful well adjusted daughter.

Another lady that I know was another drop dead gorgeous woman in her day. She is in her 40's also and having a REALLY hard time because all she had was her looks and now that she is older and not getting so much play like she used too she is having a hard time dealing with this.

Where do these so called SOOO beautiful women live because okay when I was in Brazil a few years ago ALL I saw was a basically half a country with DROP Dead GorGEous Racially Ambigious women walking around RIO, Sao Paulo, and Bahia. Okay THEY knew that they were fine and Everyone Else knew that they were fine too. No one was tripping about their looks and everyone was having a great time. My Friend Silvao was like Yeah Almaz you can get a SERIOUS case of Whiplash here because one woman is just a beautiful or even more beautiful than the next. When he was here visiting my family last year he was like Almaz the Average American woman is JUST That Average and what people think is beautiful here is just Average in Brazil. The Blacks here are just as beautiful as Brazil but the rest are just Dumpy, Frumpy, Fat, (BMW) Body made wrongs and goofy looking. Okay that is one man's opinion.

Okay when I was in Bahia I was in an area where most of the women were NOT racially Ambigious and Just as or even more beautiful. It is so easy when you are a big fish in a little pond. I wonder if these drop dead gorgeous women here were there I wonder if they would seem so beautiful.

Sometimes people trip over the wierdest things

 

[tocktick]

I don't think it's a curse in our society. However, I do feel it comes with it's own set of problems sometimes. Although there may be many people willing to hand out "pretty people privileges", there will also be people who feel the need to bring beautiful people down a notch since they assume they're all are stuck up/egotistical etc. I've seen it happen both ways.

 

[Deluxe]

Its taken me a bunch of years to come to terms, and change my behavior around the issues stated in this thread...

Hi, career lurker here:
I just wanted to take the time to fuss about how vague this post is. I think I could have learned something from what you have to say but I am uncertain. Would you mind sharing some details? I know this goes against your usual postings but if you could. Thanks.

 

[Livingmylifetothefullest]

I don't think it's a curse in our society. However, I do feel it comes with it's own set of problems sometimes. Although there may be many people willing to hand out "pretty people privileges", there will also be people who feel the need to bring beautiful people down a notch since they assume they're all are stuck up/egotistical etc. I've seen it happen both ways.

Have you ever tried defending someone that was in this position? For example, stating that this person (the beautiful one) is actually a nice person but people make assumptions about her.

 

[Jade Feria]

No, I don't believe it is a curse. But then I don't believe in curses either.

 

[spritex]

I'm having a hard time saying that it's a curse because there are too many beautiful people who are popular. I have a very close friend who is a former model and Miss America contestant and is breathtakingly beautiful. She has high cheekbones, 5'9, waist length hair, slim. She gets some haters, but overall she is universally well liked because of her charming personality. Men fall over themselves to talk to her.

I think that since beautiful people get more attention, and so if the woman is socially awkward, it makes things more difficult for them. So it's not the beauty that's the problem, but the lack of social grace.

I had another friend in middle school that was very pretty and was always getting teased and harassed. She was a very sweet and kind person to get along with once you got to know her...but at the same time, she sometimes said things that would rub people the wrong way. She would not mean anything by what she said, but people who didn't know her were always getting offended.

Yeah but do you think she might have been held to a higher standard because she was beautiful? I knew quite a few nasty, *****y girls in school who got away with their behaviour probably because they were average looking. It was as if they were unwilling to give the pretty girl a chance or were less forgiving of her mistakes because of the "privileges" her looks gave her.
It is amazing to me how people can be jelaous or petty over something which cannot be controlled. If they have an issue with someone's appearance they need to take it up with GOD Himself.

 

[SleekandBouncy]

No, not a curse, but like everything else in life it has it's minuses and it's pluses.
Men can be intimidated and sometimes favor women that are comfortably in the middle. People have all kinds of misconceptions about others and that includes beautiful people so some men are intimidated. They'll want the beautiful woman as a mark of their status, but fear she will cheat because she has many options or consider her looks too flashy (yes, I've heard this). Some men think beautiful women are high maintenance so look, but don't touch. Some men prefer women who's beauty is more familiar to them, not so out of the ordinary and in your face so they approach women who are pretty, but attainable (in their mind).

The higher you are, the harder your fall. Aging for a very beautiful woman for example is a different bag of beans than for someone who is average or "just" pretty. The transition is not as soft between the attention one used to get and what they get at an older age and for women who's identities are tied into that it can be earth shattering.

 

[spritex]

No, not a curse, but like everything else in life it has it's minuses and it's pluses.
Men can be intimidated and sometimes favor women that are comfortably in the middle. People have all kinds of misconceptions about others and that includes beautiful people so some men are intimidated. They'll want the beautiful woman as a mark of their status, but fear she will cheat because she has many options or consider her looks too flashy (yes, I've heard this). Some men think beautiful women are high maintenance so look, but don't touch. Some men prefer women who's beauty is more familiar to them, not so out of the ordinary and in your face so they approach women who are pretty, but attainable (in their mind).

The higher you are, the harder your fall. Aging for a very beautiful woman for example is a different bag of beans than for someone who is average or "just" pretty. The transition is not as soft between the attention one used to get and what they get at an older age and for women who's identities are tied into that it can be earth shattering.

I agree with your statements especially the bolded. I had a male friend ( my SO's best friend) who actually said he was not going to marry a beautiful woman because he would not trust her to be faithful to him as other men would be all over her. Guess what? He ended up marrying a "homely" woman. They are now divorced after 2 years.

 

[caltron]

[/b]

Yeah but do you think she might have been held to a higher standard because she was beautiful? I knew quite a few nasty, *****y girls in school who got away with their behaviour probably because they were average looking. It was as if they were unwilling to give the pretty girl a chance or were less forgiving of her mistakes because of the "privileges" her looks gave her.
It is amazing to me how people can be jelaous or petty over something which cannot be controlled. If they have an issue with someone's appearance they need to take it up with GOD Himself.

In her case, I don't think she was held to a higher standard. She just didn't have the ability to express herself in a way that didn't come off wrong. She grew up very sheltered and just didn't have enough experience with different types of people to know whawt to say and not to say. Like, she would make passing references about how she had good hometraining or girls with short hair. Everytime she said something like that, I would say a prayer for her, because I knew she was going to get it.

 

[tocktick]

Have you ever tried defending someone that was in this position? For example, stating that this person (the beautiful one) is actually a nice person but people make assumptions about her.

Personally, I tend to distance myself from people who engage that kind of tomfoolery perplexed) so I don't have a real yes or no answer. I don't think I know anyone in my personal circle who openly tries to bring down beautiful people. If one of my friends or acquaintances did act in such a way, I would counteract their negativity with something positive about the person. It's usually in my nature to do that. I would also distance myself from them as much as possible since I find negative people draining.

With that said, I believe that every adult who is insecure must one day realise that in order to be happy they must learn how to not let other people make them feel inferior and worthless. Other people cannot always be there to always defend or boost them up them in order to rebuild their self-esteem. Most of us will face criticism and stupid people's attempts to tear us down for reasons that our beyond our control, just like beautiful people.

 

[Livingmylifetothefullest]

In her case, I don't think she was held to a higher standard. She just didn't have the ability to express herself in a way that didn't come off wrong. She grew up very sheltered and just didn't have enough experience with different types of people to know whawt to say and not to say. Like, she would make passing references about how she had good hometraining or girls with short hair. Everytime she said something like that, I would say a prayer for her, because I knew she was going to get it.

I give people like this a break because 9 times out of 10, they don't know any better. My parents were extremely strict in some cases so I don't do well in social situations unless I know the person.

 

[FluffyRed]

Beauty is the gift and the curse. This is why I don't understand the obsession w/ light/dark skin outside of an "industry context".

In day to day life, beauty gives a better indication of how you will be treated than skin color or complexion (black-specific). Most ppl I know have gotten way more for being pretty/beautiful than being light/red/brown/dark/any other description/etc.

ITA. I have observed this MANY times.

 

[JewelleNY]

Interesting thread

 

[Livingmylifetothefullest]

Interesting thread

I kind of feel this thread goes along with the saying, "beautiful women are often lonely" but I just wanted others opinions on the issue since I knew someone that I think is going through this

 

[biancaelyse]

No, not a curse, but like everything else in life it has it's minuses and it's pluses.
Men can be intimidated and sometimes favor women that are comfortably in the middle. People have all kinds of misconceptions about others and that includes beautiful people so some men are intimidated. They'll want the beautiful woman as a mark of their status, but fear she will cheat because she has many options or consider her looks too flashy (yes, I've heard this). Some men think beautiful women are high maintenance so look, but don't touch. Some men prefer women who's beauty is more familiar to them, not so out of the ordinary and in your face so they approach women who are pretty, but attainable (in their mind).

The higher you are, the harder your fall. Aging for a very beautiful woman for example is a different bag of beans than for someone who is average or "just" pretty. The transition is not as soft between the attention one used to get and what they get at an older age and for women who's identities are tied into that it can be earth shattering.

You are so right about that. That is why I say that it comes down to who you are inside. I've seen women that have nothing but their looks going for them start to age and it is awful. Their identity is so tied to their outward appearance and their esteem is based upon the amount of attention that they get. Very sad.

THe women who are more balanced, have other interests and accomplishments seem to deal with the aging better because they realize what they have gained with time, not just what they have lost lookswise.

Interesting thread

Speaking of beautiful women, Hey Ms Jewelle !!!

 

[JFemme]

Hi, career lurker here:
I just wanted to take the time to fuss about how vague this post is. I think I could have learned something from what you have to say but I am uncertain. Would you mind sharing some details? I know this goes against your usual postings but if you could. Thanks.

Oh, lawd...

In this instance, my vagueness is b/c others posters mirrored much of what my experience/feelings have been as well, and it did not bear repeating..

I'm an aging beauty, with an awesome heart, life, spirit, mind,...(gratefully, so)

I can not tell you how powerfully calm it feels to finally stand in my beauty.(No apologies, concessions, discussions)

 

[JFemme]

Interesting thread

hey, lady

thats kinda vague...

(with yo pretty self)

 

[Deluxe]

Thank you.

 

[JFemme]

Thank you.

You are most welcome...*wink*

 

[JewelleNY]

I kind of feel this thread goes along with the saying, "beautiful women are often lonely" but I just wanted others opinions on the issue since I knew someone that I think is going through this

I think the topic is a good one. I think for those who are not comfortable in their beauty or may feel self conscious as a result, it can feel like a curse.

You are so right about that. That is why I say that it comes down to who you are inside. I've seen women that have nothing but their looks going for them start to age and it is awful. Their identity is so tied to their outward appearance and their esteem is based upon the amount of attention that they get. Very sad.

THe women who are more balanced, have other interests and accomplishments seem to deal with the aging better because they realize what they have gained with time, not just what they have lost lookswise.



Speaking of beautiful women, Hey Ms Jewelle !!!

aawww, thank you Mrs. Bianca You are quite beautiful yourself

hey, lady

thats kinda vague...

(with yo pretty self)

I also think some really attractive guys have the same problem. I am talking to one now and he tells me how hard he had it in school and had to fight frequently because other guys gave him such a hard time. He was also very intelligent, an athlete, and gorgeous