Is Being Beautiful a Curse?

[Livingmylifetothefullest]

It's the shyness, since people stare often she is already anticipating people judging her so she probably ends up freezing up in social situations. Shy people need to feel comfortable and warm up a little before they open up. If somebody is mean mugging you and doesn't ever say anything I would definately be uncomfortable. I'm the sweetest person but I've heard a million times oh I thought you were mean or serious just cause I wasn't smiling the first two seconds of a conversation or telling my whole life story.

Yeah, that's what I get all the time. But I'm not going to walk around with a smile plastered to my face 24/7 then people would think I'm weird. So it looks like a no-win situation.

 

[hopeful]

She will probably have to learn how to be just a little friendlier. I hope things work out for her eventually, she sounds like a sweet lady.

 

[Livingmylifetothefullest]

She will probably have to learn how to be just a little friendlier. I hope things work out for her eventually, she sounds like a sweet lady.

She is friendly, it's just some people make really stark judgments about her. I told her to just continue being yourself and some people will see you for what you are.

 

[ChasingBliss]

I think beauty can be a curse if you don't learn how to disarm people right away.

I know someone who is very beautiful, but she is very outgoing and she has a very silly, fun personality so people give her a chance. She has mentioned many times that she plays down her beauty (no make-up or frilly clothes) and she knows that her goofy personality and willingness to laugh at herself makes her endearing to others.

I know others who are very beautiful, but not as outgoing . Men are certainly intimidated and both men and women make negative comments. Some of the men call them stuck up b!tches because they think the women are out of their league and the women talk sh!t because they don't want to openly admit that another woman is prettier and completely steals their shine.

God help me, I hope I never turn into a bitter old hag like some of these women. Why not just say the woman is pretty and k.i.m.?

Excellent post. I totally agree with this. Except I believe that no matter what, she should wear makeup and frilly clothing if she wants to. She shouldnt downplay her beauty for anyone.

 

[Magus484]

I met someone who is beautiful and cursed.

She's biracial, really gorgeous, but really ambiguous-looking. She kinds looks like a young elizabeth taylor with long, fluffy hair like the texture of Alicia Keys'

She said black males date her, but just to see if they can "get" her and she is not really accepted because she's too "white looking." White males date her, but not seriously because she's "black." She was really suffering, because I just walked up to a bank window and she was the teller. I didn't even know her, but she was crying and spilling her guts.

I could see beauty being a curse in her case. I don't think if she looked like Tiny she would have all that trouble.

She just opened up like that automatically?

 

[hopeful]

She is friendly, it's just some people make really stark judgments about her. I told her to just continue being yourself and some people will see you for what you are.

I made my comment based off the following post you made...

Well, she is really shy so maybe that's why. I mean she won't even make eye contact with a man unless she knows him.

I wouldn't consider a person who was "really shy" and who "won't even make eye contact" to be friendly. JMHO. Well maybe the proper word is that she needs to be more outgoing? Confident? IDK. But like I said I wish her the best and hope over time her beauty will become more of an asset than a curse.

 

[Dak]

I have a friend who is extremely attractive. I know it's hard to think of them as problems, but she often felt very much alone (growing up) because everybody wanted to be her friend because she was pretty, not for who she was. I can see that there's truth in that. People will just listen and fawn over anything she says, just to watch her talk, seriously. Just going to the store with her is like hanging out with royalty.

I wouldn't go so far as saying it's a curse, but it does seem to come with it's own problems. Just like they say money won't make you happy, beauty doesn't do it either.

 

[NYAmicas]

It can be both but I'd pick that over ugly. Inside and out.

 

[tash85]

If beauty is a curse, break out the voodoo and send it in my direction!

 

[gabulldawg]

I do think that being perceived as beautiful along with the combination of being shy is a curse.

 

[Livingmylifetothefullest]

Thanks everyone for your advice ; I will share with her what some of you have said. Maybe it will make a difference.

 

[MissNina]

For example, when I go out with her, men will just stare and stare yet won't say anything to her. Hell, they'll even come around her and just fidget the whole time yet won't speak. I've never spoken to the men so I don't know if they like or hate her but from my observation, it seems like they want to talk to her but are scared or something. The women on the other hand, they will stare also but sound really snotty when they compliment her. I don't think they are being genuine. Then comes the whole, "she's stuck up", "she thinks she better", etc. lines which she is really none of those. She feels that women don't like her and yes she has friends that are women so she's not only friends with one sex.

Beauty is the gift and the curse. This is why I don't understand the obsession w/ light/dark skin outside of an "industry context".

In day to day life, beauty gives a better indication of how you will be treated than skin color or complexion (black-specific). Most ppl I know have gotten way more for being pretty/beautiful than being light/red/brown/dark/any other description/etc.

 

[GoingNatural]

this thread is the story of my life.

 

[awhyley]

I think beauty can be a curse if you don't learn how to disarm people right away.

She has mentioned many times that she plays down her beauty (no make-up or frilly clothes) . . .

See below.

Except I believe that no matter what, she should wear makeup and frilly clothing if she wants to. She shouldnt downplay her beauty for anyone.

Ditto. Why should she be less than because 'others' are uncomfortable? erplexed

It's the shyness, since people stare often she is already anticipating people judging her so she probably ends up freezing up in social situations.

Oh, I hate that. It's the worst. (this isn't relating to the prettiness issue, just in general) Your mind is going at a million miles a mile wondering what kinds of misconceptions they're dreaming up, and what you're going to say to combat them. Things are so much easier when you just stop caring.

oh I thought you were mean or serious just cause I wasn't smiling the first two seconds of a conversation or telling my whole life story.

I hate this even more! Do I have to show teeth to make you comfortable, even though you're the one who wants to talk to me? It's infuriating.

I do think that being perceived as beautiful along with the combination of being shy is a curse.

ITA. I've seen it happen.

 

[Livingmylifetothefullest]

this thread is the story of my life.

Sorry to hear this is how your life is; people need to learn not to make snap judgments about someone they can't even talk to

 

[jennboo]

I'm on the fence. If you are breathtakingly beautiful, i would think that others would be falling over themselves to meet you, talk to you, spend time with you...regardless of if you are shy or not.

 

[awhyley]

I'm on the fence. If you are breathtakingly beautiful, i would think that others would be falling over themselves to meet you, talk to you, spend time with you...regardless of if you are shy or not.

Guys are going to want to, (to see what they can get), and girls who are low enough to want your leftovers are gonna want to; but the others are haters. And if you reject them, male or female, then you are on the hit list. If you're beautiful and have true friends, then you are lucky indeed. Like I said before, I've seen it happen, and it ain't pretty.

 

[Livingmylifetothefullest]

Guys are going to want to, (to see what they can get), and girls who are low enough to want your leftovers are gonna want to; but the others are haters. And if you reject them, male or female, then you are on the hit list. If you're beautiful and have true friends, then you are lucky indeed. Like I said before, I've seen it happen, and it ain't pretty.

Yeah I agree, they can make your life a living hell then try to make it your fault

 

[ChasingBliss]

this thread is the story of my life.

Well keep your head up girl and continue to be the best YOU you can be. **** the rest!

Some folks love it when a beautiful girl/woman has low self worth and doesnt think she's pretty. It's like she's cool because she doesnt realize how pretty she is and everybody likes her. But let that same girl have an air of confidence and JUST KNOWS she's pretty (not cocky or conceited) but carries herself well. Those same folks will hate her.

 

[Denise11]

this thread is the story of my life.

I'm with you girl.

A woman tried to start a fight with me in the grocery store checkout line. Her problem with me was that I thought I was cute, I think I'm cute cause my hair is long, my breast are perkyy, the rest is a blur.

Some women can be terrible.

 

[Livingmylifetothefullest]

I'm with you girl.

A woman tried to start a fight with me in the grocery store checkout line. Her problem with me was that I thought I was cute, I think I'm cute cause my hair is long, my breast are perky, the rest is a blur.

Some women can be terrible.

Who knew that you could have that much control over someone; that woman is a sad excuse for an adult. Your beautiful, I could see why she is jealous

 

[lux10023]

yes i agree it is a gift and a curse due to my personal exp in life---i"ll leave it at that...
and has its pros and cons

like yesterday in the supermarket --the check out girl and the other one are str8 up talking about me--and im like giggling inside--but im also like sistahs we dont have to be like that with one another---insinuating that i bleach my skin--and jokingly said oh wonder if the rin gon my finger is real..hmmm--im like is it that serious--like really is it--

i didnt say one word--i paid for my items and smiled and said thank you--for her bagging my groceries

but all i was thinking was--is that called for--

 

[Renovating]

No, I don't think so. In this life you'll either get mistreated for being pretty or for being ugly, but at some point you're going to be mistreated.

 

[biancaelyse]

anything can be a curse if you let it.
but I have seen people who are stunningly beautiful experience some nasty stuff because of other people. I've come to understand that there is a LOT of envy in the world and people can give you hell for having what supposedly THEY should have.

The ppl that I know that blame their problems on being too beautiful have other unrelated issues at play.

IMO, it starts with who you are on the inside. Beauty in and of itself is a blessing and not a curse in our society. If you have other issues going on with self-esteem, self-confidence, shyness, body image, etc. then the beauty can compound them until the issues are dealt with.

Even the not so beautiful among us have to deal with mean ppl or unjustified attitudes so that is something we have to all learn to get through in this world. At least beautiful ppl do have the upside of being shown favor in some instances that they would not otherwise experience.

 

[GoingNatural]

Yes, everyone has told me that they think I'm stuck up, mean, uppity, etc. This without them ever saying a word to me or me saying a word back. I am quiet and reserved. If I don't know someone I usually don't talk. I'm not a fan of just talking just to talk. A lot of my friends and associates say they thought I was one of the aforementioned adjectives until they got to know me. Because, in reality, I'm funny, sarcastic, witty, blunt, hilarious, kind, etc."

I also grew up looking kind of funny, so when I did come into my own it was hard for me to accept it--I'm still learning to embrace compliments. From high school until earlier this year I have tried to downplay my looks.

When someone compliments my eye color I say "Oh, well I couldn't see out of them for 20 years and I start talking about lasik"

When someone compliments my hair I mention my BC and how I was bald and funny looking not long ago.

When someone compliments my looks I tell them of how I was a funny looking child.

etc., etc., etc.. I felt like I had to downplay myself to make other people feel more comfortable talking about me and to see I was "down to earth".

But, honestly, if I have to make excuses for myself to make someone else more comfortable then that's someone that I don't want to be around. So I'm really working hard on changing the way I approach and react to situations.

 

[Livingmylifetothefullest]

The ppl that I know that blame their problems on being too beautiful have other unrelated issues at play.

IMO, it starts with who you are on the inside. Beauty in and of itself is a blessing and not a curse in our society. If you have other issues going on with self-esteem, self-confidence, shyness, body image, etc. then the beauty can compound them until the issues are dealt with.

Even the not so beautiful among us have to deal with mean ppl or unjustified attitudes so that is something we have to all learn to get through in this world. At least beautiful ppl do have the upside of being shown favor in some instances that they would not otherwise experience.

Yeah, I know some women who act like this;I don't think they realize it even when you try to point it out to them.

 

[Nayna]

I agree that sometimes people blame looks and certain things wihout lookig at other factors. I had a friend once that blamed everything on how beautiful she was. Her bf dumped her and she said it was because he couldn't handle her beauty. Nevermind the fact that she did some scandalous things in his presence.

However I do agree that their are nasty people out there that assume things based on someone elses beauty and their own insecurities.

I still wouldn't say it's a curse though. There are worse things than being beautiful.

 

[GoingNatural]

it's not a curse, but a lot of assumptions are held to what is socially accepted as beauty. but their are assumptions held to everything. I'm not complaining though, I'm just adjusting

For example, this is the first time I've ever publicly admitted I'm "beautiful"/pretty. I've always been worried about being viewed as vain.

 

[Livingmylifetothefullest]

it's not a curse, but a lot of assumptions are held to what is socially accepted as beauty. but their are assumptions held to everything. I'm not complaining though, I'm just adjusting

For example, this is the first time I've ever publicly admitted I'm "beautiful"/pretty. I've always been worried about being viewed as vain.

Well, I'm glad you did because it's nice knowing there are others out there that feel the same way you do. I never realized how many women go this on a daily basis.

 

[FRO-EVER 21]

Ugly is more of a curse.

i think being beautiful CAN be a curse

but i think being ugly is 10x worse

I agree with this. I can't speak on behalf of 'beautiful' people but I'm willing to bet that nan one of them would trade places with Celie.

She just opened up like that automatically?

That's what I was thinking too. This person clearly had problems that extended beyond being beautiful if she's crying a work and talking to strangers on an intimate level like that

everyone has told me that they think I'm stuck up, mean, uppity, etc. This without them ever saying a word to me or me saying a word back. I am quiet and reserved. If I don't know someone I usually don't talk. I'm not a fan of just talking just to talk. A lot of my friends and associates say they thought I was one of the aforementioned adjectives until they got to know me. Because, in reality, I'm funny, sarcastic, witty, blunt, hilarious, kind, etc."

See this is me too a tee. Because I'm reserved people think that I'm stuck-up etc... I'm averagely attractive, not what people would consider beautiful. I think it's more in the way that you carry yourself than being beautiful that makes people make this assumption about you. Your beauty, no doubt adds, some extra venom though.