My Boyfriend Has All Femal Friends? Is this a Problem?

[LdyKamz]

Lawd. I went through this with my 2nd boyfriends ex (they only were together a week).

I know nothing was going on between the two of them, but she had similar possessive behaviour as the girl in this thread.

She found me IM handle and added me, then proceeded to tell me that I wasn't good enough for him. Told me I was wrong to ask him to reduce contact with her. Other stuff also from some details he told hererplexed.

I told him and he was reluctant to get rid of her, so I left him. Then he came begging back and said he chose me.

Long story short, after two years he started going cold on me (which was strange because he was a nicey, nicey type), wouldn't look me in the eyes etc... I downloaded a new IM client on my account and for some reason it signed me into his because we shared a computer. Instantly I see this ex send me a message "Has she stopped ruling over the computer then". Couldn't believe that ****. I opened up their chat history and he'd been back in contact for two months and bit-ching hard. She brought me up at any opportunity, pumped him for information about me, took my personal issues and spread them to people I knew. These women want to know everything negative about you as ammunition.

The worst thing is she actually asked him who gave the best head out of me and her because they had a week long relationship a long time ago. What type of whore throws dick sucking comparisons into conversation like that IDK.

I was young and clueless back then and didn't expect him to be so stupid, but I would never go there again with a man reluctant to let go of a hostile friend. Of any sex tbh. If a partner doesn't get outraged when you get treated rudely its a deal breaker to me. As far as I'm concerned I shouldn't have to ask.

This girl sounds like she hasn't said anything to you yet but if she does and he doesn't deal with her I'd beware. She will be trying to get into your business.

This whole story is just erplexed. The difference here is, iin your story the girl was an ex. Normally I would say it doesn't count if it was only a week. But sounds like she was pining for him long after that week was over and that's probably why she kept him as a friend, hoping something could develop again.

If there was any inkling that he had been even the least bit intimate with any of these women I would be gone and not looking back. He knows this. As far as the bolded, she hasn't done or said anything to me yet. Maybe I'm being paranoid but I feel something coming.

I haven't said anything to my boyfriend yet other than "I got a little vibe the other night" and it response was "The vibe is we've all been friends for over 10 years and we used to hang out weekly! We're all really close" I sensed a bit of a tone so I dropped it to avoid an argument. I think this woman will present me with an opportunity to have a real talk about this. But I am feeling some kind of way after that little exchange with my bf.

DrC. I completely agree with you!

 

[hopeful]

...oops, wrong thread...

 

[gabulldawg]

This whole story is just erplexed. The difference here is, iin your story the girl was an ex. Normally I would say it doesn't count if it was only a week. But sounds like she was pining for him long after that week was over and that's probably why she kept him as a friend, hoping something could develop again.

If there was any inkling that he had been even the least bit intimate with any of these women I would be gone and not looking back. He knows this. As far as the bolded, she hasn't done or said anything to me yet. Maybe I'm being paranoid but I feel something coming.

I haven't said anything to my boyfriend yet other than "I got a little vibe the other night" and it response was "The vibe is we've all been friends for over 10 years and we used to hang out weekly! We're all really close" I sensed a bit of a tone so I dropped it to avoid an argument. I think this woman will present me with an opportunity to have a real talk about this. But I am feeling some kind of way after that little exchange with my bf.

@DrC. I completely agree with you!

See, her behavior (and his for that matter nono to me would be an inkling. Of course it could be wrong. Have you flat-out asked him if he had dated any of them? Or if they have tried to date him? That's important info IMO.

 

[LdyKamz]

See, her behavior (and his for that matter nono to me would be an inkling. Of course it could be wrong. Have you flat-out asked him if he had dated any of them? Or if they have tried to date him? That's important info IMO.

When we had this conversation I didn't mention her specifically. I just said "I noticed a vibe the other night" I didn't say I noticed it from her. But I agree the bolded is important info. And yes I did ask flat out have you had any romantic relationships with any of these women? He said no. I said anything romantic at all, a date, a kiss after all this time? I kind of pushed hard on this. This was before I met any of them. And his answer was still no. I said so whats the deal? He said he's known them all for a really long time and they all know each other really well but not that well. I guess I can just trust what he says. He is a decent guy. And I don't think anything is going on. I just don't like the chick.

 

[CurlyNiquee]

Not to sound jaded, but I have a male friend known him for at least 14 years. He lives with his girlfriend, is a good provider etc. But he still flirts with me on the regular and I know if he ever came out to Cali (he lives in New Jersey) something would pop if I let it.
For sure.

He would lie to her about it. He lies to her now about the fact that I am just his "friend". Yes we are friends, but we have had intimate conversations that have crossed the friendship line in the past and he has tried to recently. Men will tell you what they feel you need to know, if he thinks you will get upset because he slept with one of them or did something other than give a friendly hug I doubt he would tell you.He doesn't want to have to give up his friends because of one or two nights several years ago. I could be wrong though, just keep you eyes open and trust your gut...it usually leads us to the truth of it.

 

[Fine 4s]

CurlyNiquee,

A lot of (if not most *duck*) men do this behind their woman's back (go way too far in the flirting with female 'friends') and the woman will never find out. I see it at work all the time and from supposedly 'good' dudes who wouldn't cheat on their gf/wife. Then you have others that don't DARE look at other women, they keep their head down and nose clean. Love that type! But it's not realistic to assume that ALL men are like this nor that they SHOULD be like this. At least not IMO. I don't like it but from what I see out here...it's pick your poison.

The women at work were talking about this and all agreed that your male best friend would most likely take the P if you gave it to him. Which is why I don't believe in PURE M/W friendships and this coming from a person who has at least 5 close male friends that she talks to regularly. Best believe they would take it and BECAUSE of that, I keep VERY clear boundaries with any breathing human with an appendage hanging between its legs. I don't care how close we are, I don't do physical affection with any of them. For some, it's a matter of ACTUALLY crossing the line. Until they DO that, all else is fair game.

SMH.

It's rare to find a man who will truly adhere to a high, high moral code > unicorn status > gay > finds you unattractive > eunuch

But then again...maybe I'm just jaded lol

 

[Evolving78]

couldn't be me. i would just leave him alone all together. they will know all of your business and you will be on the chopping block every time. i don't trust women like that. him and his lady friends can go skip and easy on down the yellow brick road.

 

[CurlyNiquee]

@CurlyNiquee,

A lot of (if not most *duck*) men do this behind their woman's back (go way too far in the flirting with female 'friends') and the woman will never find out. I see it at work all the time and from supposedly 'good' dudes who wouldn't cheat on their gf/wife. Then you have others that don't DARE look at other women, they keep their head down and nose clean. Love that type! But it's not realistic to assume that ALL men are like this nor that they SHOULD be like this. At least not IMO. I don't like it but from what I see out here...it's pick your poison.

The women at work were talking about this and all agreed that your male best friend would most likely take the P if you gave it to him. Which is why I don't believe in PURE M/W friendships and this coming from a person who has at least 5 close male friends that she talks to regularly. Best believe they would take it and BECAUSE of that, I keep VERY clear boundaries with any breathing human with an appendage hanging between its legs. I don't care how close we are, I don't do physical affection with any of them. For some, it's a matter of ACTUALLY crossing the line. Until they DO that, all else is fair game.

SMH.

It's rare to find a man who will truly adhere to a high, high moral code > unicorn status > gay > finds you unattractive > eunuch

But then again...maybe I'm just jaded lol

You ain't said nothing but the truth. There is this attractive, fairly charming Latino guy at my job who will one moment show me a picture of his wife and kids and then flirt blatantly with me the next. Talking about how he loves R&B music and his wife said he should've been born black . And you can clearly see he loves his wife. I will never understand it.

And I think we all are a bit jaded