Interracial relationships

[CurlyMoo]

I had a male roommate who was Filipino and said his IRRs never worked out and when I dug deeper he said his last gf at the time was Portuguese and she broke it off after she met his family because they, really his mom didn't like her because she was Portuguese. His mom wants him to date and marry Filipina but he doesn't want to restrict himself and I'm like well if you want a IRR to last you're gonna have to get your mom told.

He has to cut her out of his life!

 

[AlexandriaKiera]

I date mostly white men and have a preference for white men. I'm currently in a interracially and my guy is absolutely amazing. We never really have any race related issues. We are both currently in college and plan on moving in together after graduation in May.

I'm the first black girl he's dated (which is perfectly okay with me); and we met in anatomy class lol.

My are complete and total opposites but it works because we have amazing chemistry

 

[klb120475]

I date mostly white men and have a preference for white men. I'm currently in a interracially and my guy is absolutely amazing. We never really have any race related issues. We are both currently in college and plan on moving in together after graduation in May.

I'm the first black girl he's dated (which is perfectly okay with me); and we met in anatomy class lol.

​

My are complete and total opposites but it works because we have amazing chemistry

@ AlexandriaKiera Is his family accepting of you?

 

[CurlyMoo]

In a three year relationship with a wm. Wedding in June. He is more what I would call an ally than an activist in discussing race issues when dealing with me and his sheltered, working class Irish & Italian family.
This past holiday season, racist jokes came up again.... I sat him down after I calmed enough to talk about it and we had a real talk about what I will and won't accept from him and his family for US and OUR future family. It was hard. But he knew I had already ended a previous two year relationship with another wm and a 1.5 yr relationship with an am because they wouldn't hear me and have that convo.

The thing I can't understand though, is that I'm not the first BW he's brought home. I asked what did the other girls do when his family started saying that mess. One girl shot back with racist jokes of her own and none of the others said anything but those relationships all petered out because they started to find other things to do than his family gatherings. SMH.

I mostly like his fam but they have truly chugged from the bottle of Diet Racism.
Sorry for the long first post. Glad to be here.

Sounds like your FH has a very race conscious immature clan.
I can't stand that, would be my worse nightmare for them, FH and me. This cannot be easy to deal with.

 

[AlexandriaKiera]

@ AlexandriaKiera Is his family accepting of you?

Yes, his mom absolutely loves me; she even sent me a Christmas gift. His grandma loves me too. I have yet to meet his father but I met 3 of his older siblings. His brother kinda likes me, one sister loves me and the other hates my guts (I'm not to fond of her either). The one who hates me isn't really in the picture though, she lives 12 hours away.

I recently met some of his extended family over the holidays; I attended his family's thanksgiving dinner and that went well. Initially it was rather awkward since I had never been around people who were so well off (his uncle is rich) but I faked it until I made it. Lol

 

[jeanghrey]

CurlyMoo...I have to skip past your posts, I feel like that baby is looking into my soul lol....

 

[greenandchic]

I don't remember if I've never posted here (can't search for any post of mine since the search function doesn't work).

My DH is a WM; we've known each other for 5 years and been married for almost a year and a half now. My ex husband (1999-2003) is black and his ex wife is white. I've dated across the lines and for me the person matters more than the race. Thankfully I don't have to "school" him on issues and matters having to do with race, he is ahead of the curve in that area. We have similar opinions when it comes to race, gender, politics so conversations never become heated. His late mother adored me. I was like the daughter she never had (she had two boys) and would do anything for me. Sadly she never lived long enough to see us engaged and married though that was her wish.

In terms of the outside world, most people don't care. Portland is very white but a bit farther left than other places. We've both seen a few burning souls on all sides: white women, black men, black women, white men but I've learned to ignore it. It is a bit different though given I'm from the Bay Area. When I dated "outside" no one cared and it was very common.

 

[LavenderMint]

Sounds like your FH has a very race conscious immature clan. I can't stand that, would be my worse nightmare for them, FH and me. This cannot be easy to deal with.

It's not. They are tiring. His mom and the "diet racist" sister are coming Sunday to watch the Super Bowl. I'm not into football and will happily occupy my time engaged in ANYTHING else so I'm looking forward to a minimum of interaction.

We're about to start premarital counseling. I hope that helps us gain some clarity around those issues (and others we may not have experienced or thought of yet) and be better prepared to deal with them as a unit in the future.

 

[Prettymetty]

Dh isn't talking to his mom. They had a falling out about my daughter's hair. Last week a lock of hair fell out and she has a small thin spot on the left side of her scalp. He basically told her to stop putting gel and other crap in her hair. She is almo 3 and I never had issues with her fine 4b hair until his (white) mom started playing hairstylist. It annoys me how people just snatch through other kids' hair without consulting their parents first.

 

[MuziqizLyfe]

It's not. They are tiring. His mom and the "diet racist" sister are coming Sunday to watch the Super Bowl. I'm not into football and will happily occupy my time engaged in ANYTHING else so I'm looking forward to a minimum of interaction.

We're about to start premarital counseling. I hope that helps us gain some clarity around those issues (and others we may not have experienced or thought of yet) and be better prepared to deal with them as a unit in the future.

I guess when I read about your issues what I don't understand is why you have to explain these things to your fiance? An issue like Ferguson I can understand needing to discuss, there are some things there that I wouldn't expect a white person to just "get" unless they were the really educated/liberal type(if IR suddenly became my only option then that's prob the only type I could be with). But telling racist jokes is like racism 101...I would have expected that to be handled the first time and you shouldn't be expected to socialize with that person or made to feel uncomfortable in your own home

 

[AlexandriaKiera]

Dh isn't talking to his mom. They had a falling out about my daughter's hair. Last week a lock of hair fell out and she has a small thin spot on the left side of her scalp. He basically told her to stop putting gel and other crap in her hair. She is almo 3 and I never had issues with her fine 4b hair until his (white) mom started playing hairstylist. It annoys me how people just snatch through other kids' hair without consulting their parents first.

I noticed that your hair is also 4b, does her hair behave similar to hers.
If I were you I would no longer allow his mother to tend to your child's hair, especially if she has no idea how to care for it. Is your husband 100% white, Has his mother ever cared for black hair before?

 

[DarkJoy]

Dh isn't talking to his mom. They had a falling out about my daughter's hair. Last week a lock of hair fell out and she has a small thin spot on the left side of her scalp. He basically told her to stop putting gel and other crap in her hair. She is almo 3 and I never had issues with her fine 4b hair until his (white) mom started playing hairstylist. It annoys me how people just snatch through other kids' hair without consulting their parents first.

That poor baby must have been crying and screaming bloody murder to be having her hair yanked enough to make her hair fall/thin out.

You a good one. Were it me....well... :hardslap:

 

[Prettymetty]

I noticed that your hair is also 4b, does her hair behave similar to hers.
If I were you I would no longer allow his mother to tend to your child's hair, especially if she has no idea how to care for it. Is your husband 100% white, Has his mother ever cared for black hair before?

I have 4b hair also, but my daughter's hair is finer and more cottony. It always looks dry no matter how much I cowash, moisturize and seal. My hair retains moisture a lot better and is a little coarser.

His mom is fully white, but her oldest child was half black. Her husband is black. I guess she thinks she gets a black card now She has agreed not to do Chloe's hair anymore. She never watches her longer than a few hours at a time So there is no need to even freshen up the styles I do.

 

[Prettymetty]

That poor baby must have been crying and screaming bloody murder to be having her hair yanked enough to make her hair fall/thin out.

You a good one. Were it me....well... :hardslap:

Girl I'm just trying to stay out of jail. Trust me I don't play when it comes to my babies. She doesn't understand how fragile our hair is and I don't have the patience to explain it to her

 

[DarkJoy]

Girl I'm just trying to stay out of jail. Trust me I don't play when it comes to my babies. She doesn't understand how fragile our hair is and I don't have the patience to explain it to her

Ugh... i even meant the pain of that kinda combing if the po child is tender headed.

So glad my exMIL has never or will never try this BS...

sorry.... its that time. Feeling a little extra

 

[AlexandriaKiera]

Do you guys experience a lot of questions from other black women requesting for you to hook them up with your SO's friends and how to get with white/nonblack men?

How do you deal with that?

I'm currently in college and I've been when my bf for a little over two years and the questions have beginning to occur more frequently.

Questions like...
"What's it like dating white guys"
"Does he have friends?"
"Where did you find him he's perfect."
"Girl give me the hook up! "

...are beginning to become the norm.
Just last thurs. I experienced an incredibly awkward convo with another black woman asking me if my bf had any "non thuggish white friends" or "friends that are white like him".
She also made me rather uncomfortable by stating that I was a "safe choice", and okay to bring home.

I was at a loss for words. How do you handle these situations?

 

[LavenderMint]

Do you guys experience a lot of questions from other black women requesting for you to hook them up with your SO's friends and how to get with white/nonblack men? How do you deal with that? I'm currently in college and I've been when my bf for a little over two years and the questions have beginning to occur more frequently. Questions like... "What's it like dating white guys" "Does he have friends?" "Where did you find him he's perfect." "Girl give me the hook up! " ...are beginning to become the norm. Just last thurs. I experienced an incredibly awkward convo with another black woman asking me if my bf had any "non thuggish white friends" or "friends that are white like him". She also made me rather uncomfortable by stating that I was a "safe choice", and okay to bring home. I was at a loss for words. How do you handle these situations?

Maybe it's my location or my profession but I get the exact opposite:
"I couldn't see myself sleepin with massa." (I never know how to respond to that and usually say something smart and possibly rude)
"What does his p___ look like?" and other sex/anatomy related queries (....really?)
"Nah, I just couldn't be with no white guy. IRR just not for me." (Because white guys and black guys are the ONLY men who exist that we BW can have relationships with :rollseyes: )
"What does he think of your hair?!" (He loves it. Non-black men have never given me grief over my natural hair)
I wish the women I work with WOULD expand their options rather than waiting on some magical unicorn.

I can sooooorta get the other woman's first point about "non-thuggish" white guys. At one point I lived in a poor, predominantly white neighborhood that, if you closed your eyes and just listened to your surroundings, you could not identify if you were in a ghetto black or white neighborhood. I think the issue is that there are undesirable attitudes and behaviors that come with "thuggish" white guys (read: acting stereotypically "black") while they still reap the benefits of white privilege. It was irritating that I'm this preppy black chick and the least likely person to act out but I was the one followed in stores when really the blonde dude with the tims, undershirt, snapback and saggy jeans is robbing them blind.

As far as her "safe choice" comment..... I looked at your profile pic and chalk that up to the affliction of colorism and her inexperience. Still rude.

 

[AlexandriaKiera]

Maybe it's my location or my profession but I get the exact opposite:
"I couldn't see myself sleepin with massa." (I never know how to respond to that and usually say something smart and possibly rude)
"What does his p___ look like?" and other sex/anatomy related queries (....really?)
"Nah, I just couldn't be with no white guy. IRR just not for me." (Because white guys and black guys are the ONLY men who exist that we BW can have relationships with :rollseyes: )
"What does he think of your hair?!" (He loves it. Non-black men have never given me grief over my natural hair)
I wish the women I work with WOULD expand their options rather than waiting on some magical unicorn.

I can sooooorta get the other woman's first point about "non-thuggish" white guys. At one point I lived in a poor, predominantly white neighborhood that, if you closed your eyes and just listened to your surroundings, you could not identify if you were in a ghetto black or white neighborhood. I think the issue is that there are undesirable attitudes and behaviors that come with "thuggish" white guys (read: acting stereotypically "black") while they still reap the benefits of white privilege. It was irritating that I'm this preppy black chick and the least likely person to act out but I was the one followed in stores when really the blonde dude with the tims, undershirt, snapback and saggy jeans is robbing them blind.

As far as her "safe choice" comment..... I looked at your profile pic and chalk that up to the affliction of colorism and her inexperience. Still rude.

I get the is his p_____ pink question quite often as well.
But I agree it may be my location. I live in michigan and attend a PWI university.

I also didn't even think of colorism and its affects on the black community but you may be right. I did however tell her that nonblack men tend to care less about the shade of our skin but moreso our shape and personality (at least in my experience).

I have not experienced thuggish white men hitting one, but I imagine that would be weird. All in all I agree with your points.

 

[kupenda]

I went on a date with a white guy about a month ago. I liked him a lot. Race wasnt an issue, and we haven't ever discussed it but I dont feel it could become an issue either. Also, he travels for work so I dont see him ofteb anyway.

However I was a little uncomfortable when he seemed way too impressed by my body. Like he had never dated a curvy woman before. The farmer I dated was super impressed too.

 

[CurlyMoo]

I went on a date with a white guy about a month ago. I liked him a lot. Race wasnt an issue, and we haven't ever discussed it but I dont feel it could become an issue either. Also, he travels for work so I dont see him ofteb anyway.

However I was a little uncomfortable when he seemed way too impressed by my body. Like he had never dated a curvy woman before. The farmer I dated was super impressed too.

I had that reaction too, was a bit uncomfortable.
Especially when asked if my boobs were real. erplexed
But that was when I was slimmer yet shapely.

They were sexually attracted to you.
Are you very fit and curvy?
Most White women are super thin or chunky.
Even at their most curvy it's not "Black Girl" curvy.

 

[CurlyMoo]

Do you guys experience a lot of questions from other black women requesting for you to hook them up with your SO's friends and how to get with white/nonblack men?

How do you deal with that?

I'm currently in college and I've been when my bf for a little over two years and the questions have beginning to occur more frequently.

Questions like...
"What's it like dating white guys"
"Does he have friends?"
"Where did you find him he's perfect."
"Girl give me the hook up! "

...are beginning to become the norm.
Just last thurs. I experienced an incredibly awkward convo with another black woman asking me if my bf had any "non thuggish white friends" or "friends that are white like him".
She also made me rather uncomfortable by stating that I was a "safe choice", and okay to bring home.

I was at a loss for words. How do you handle these situations?

Gross, you are not an interracial dating service.
Let me guess you guys are openly out and about and happy together right?
And they want to join the band wagon.
I would ignore them and tell them to get out and meet people.
Sounds like some sly mess, before you know it they will be trying to "snatch."

It's curiosity and disingenuous piggy backing.
I was dating interracial before it became popular.
And before Black women decided dating a trophy White guy would relieve them of brokeness, "nappy headed children" and the drama from "trifling brothas."

 

[AlexandriaKiera]

Gross, you are not an interracial dating service.
Let me guess you guys are openly out and about and happy together right?
And they want to join the band wagon.
I would ignore them and tell them to get out and meet people.
Sounds like some sly mess, before you know it they will be trying to "snatch."

It's curiosity and disingenuous piggy backing.
I was dating interracial before it became popular.
And before Black women decided dating a trophy White guy would relieve them of brokeness, "nappy headed children" and the drama from "trifling brothas."

Yes we are. I'm very visible since I'm a resident assistant on my campus and him and I are all over the building holding hands, laughing and enjoying each other's company. He's very supportive and helps out a lot at my events.

You have a good point. The same girls that proclaimed white men aren't for them are now asking where I found him or does he have any friends.
I've also been dating IR since I first started dating, 90% of my boyfriends and dates have been white.

I've experienced a girl try to steal my bf before and it was very unpleasant, and this was when I was dating the only black guy that I've ever dated that treated me like a princess. Initially everyone made fun of how skinny he was and said I was dating down but once they seen how amazing he was a girl tried to steal him on the low.

But I do get a lot of curious questions from outsiders, almost entirely college aged black women, and it's awkward and rather annoying at times.I feel like it makes us look thirsty and desperate in the way many of them have presented their questions, and now my boyfriend had begun noticing and laughing about it.

He brought up the spike of bwwm relationships in the media and attributes it to that. Everyone seems to want a jake or fitz lol.

I don't mind if it's general curiosity and respectful but I also get the trashy sex questions or does he have family/friends. It doesn't help that he appears to have money and he comes from a family with great careers and well off relatives.

 

[AlexandriaKiera]

I had that reaction too, was a bit uncomfortable.
Especially when asked if my boobs were real. erplexed
But that was when I was slimmer yet shapely.

They were sexually attracted to you.
Are you very fit and curvy?
Most White women are super thin or chunky.
Even at their most curvy it's not "Black Girl" curvy.

Agreed. I get those reactions very often. I'm a size 4/6 with triple D's and curvy thighs along with a flat waist. I get praised a lot for my body but to be honest I wish that I was a tad bit skinnier.

It simply means they find you hot, there's no problem with attraction just keep your eyes open to determine if he's simply looking for a hookup or a relationship.
I don't do hookups so I'm also screening men especially since I tend to be the first black girl that these guys have dated.

Embrace the attention, it's simply them admiring the differences. As long as the guy is respectful and not overly objectifying or displaying fetish-like behavior I see no issue.

 

[DarkJoy]

The dumb questions are only asked in youth. Ppl get a clue after college years.

My retort to ppl asking differences between races of men used to be "oh I guess you've just never dated a MAN before. They're all the same." They'd get insulted and stfu.

 

[LavenderMint]

The dumb questions are only asked in youth. Ppl get a clue after college years. My retort to ppl asking differences between races of men used to be "oh I guess you've just never dated a MAN before. They're all the same." They'd get insulted and stfu.

The women at my job(s) asking those questions were the stereotypical older bitter black woman, usually with kids, never married BUT they are also highly educated and in good jobs/careers. They believed in "date down" rather than "date out". Often, they have a story about a white (or Latino, Asian, European, etc) male who was interested in dating them that they turned down.

Those women are why I tend to tell younger BW, it's nice to want to be with a BM but don't get hung up on that, don't settle for less, and to open their options to other men who are just as ____ (educated, ambitious, etc) as they are.

 

[DarkJoy]

The women at my job(s) asking those questions were the stereotypical older bitter black woman, usually with kids, never married BUT they are also highly educated and in good jobs/careers. They believed in "date down" rather than "date out". Often, they have a story about a white (or Latino, Asian, European, etc) male who was interested in dating them that they turned down.

Those women are why I tend to tell younger BW, it's nice to want to be with a BM but don't get hung up on that, don't settle for less, and to open their options to other men who are just as ____ (educated, ambitious, etc) as they are.

Woooow. Sorry you experienced that with "mature" women. Has never been my experience. Mine has been more "get it, girl" when I was younger from older women. Much more positive.

 

[Prettymetty]

The women at my job(s) asking those questions were the stereotypical older bitter black woman, usually with kids, never married BUT they are also highly educated and in good jobs/careers. They believed in "date down" rather than "date out". Often, they have a story about a white (or Latino, Asian, European, etc) male who was interested in dating them that they turned down.

Those women are why I tend to tell younger BW, it's nice to want to be with a BM but don't get hung up on that, don't settle for less, and to open their options to other men who are just as ____ (educated, ambitious, etc) as they are.

This sounds like my mom. She insists on dating/marrying black men and I just feel like she's cheating herself. Last week she showed me a pic of a guy she's dating and he is Indian or something. I'm glad she finally decided to think outside the color box.

 

[AlexandriaKiera]

Have you all noticed the sudden increase of interracial relationships in the media lately?

I was watching big hero 6 with my boyfriend Saturday and we both noticed the main characters are Japanese and white. My bf then mentioned that interracial relationships are becoming super common in the media and joked about the fact that we are no longer "special."

Examples: scandal, how to get away with murder, guardians of the Galaxy, big hero 6, empire, and those are only a few.

Have any of you ladies noticed this trend?

 

[DarkJoy]

Yea. The trend started taking off in the late 90s very slowly. It didnt all start with relationships but some aa as hero/ines saving white folk (or vice versa) and then they slowly transitioned over to relationships the last 15 yrs or so.

 

[theRaven]

Yes its something I definitely noticed and I'm happy