Natural Hair and Interracial Relationships

[bludaydreamr]

I don't consider myself an a interracial relationship; although my SO is biracial. I decided to go natural and asked him what he thought if I cut all my hair off and wear a tiny fro. He said he didn't care as long as I kept it neat. I really didn't believe him at the time, but he supports my decision, and always tells me how beautiful I am.

My younger sister is natural, and her SO is another race. He loves her, and her hair is no exception. He will even detangle it for her. She calls it "practice" for when they have kids.

 

[spicypeppermint]

This is an interesting topic. My fiance is Puerto Rican and interestingly enough he doesn't care how my hair looks, even 8 weeks post he still throws me compliments.

The only non-complimentary thing he's said so far is that I'm buying the draino the next time I clog the bathtub shower drain. ::shrugs::

 

[LadyAmani]

My SO is Italian and Spanish and he LOVES my natural hair he is always complimenting it and loves to play with my curls. He even encouraged my big chop and helped me cut it lol he even gave me a shape up Now the weaves and wigs i use for protective styling he's not feeling those at all but i don't care i told him he'll be thankful of those weaves and wigs when im walking around mbl...

 

[Ozma]

My ex, who is white, always said that as long as it's my own hair and not weaves, he loves whatever I do with my hair.

 

[moore.1506]

My SO who is black doesn't have a problem with me going natural, he does however have a problem with me cutting it (as do I) so Im in this transistion for the long haul

 

[blkgurl2008]

My bf of 2 and a half years is middle eastern. The very first time I saw him and for a year and a half after that I wore weaves.I remember on our first date he asked me "why do black women wear fake hair?" I was so suprised because I know that my weave (bra strap length) didnt necessarily look like a weave. He just assumed because he's only seen black women with short hair. Since our relationship I have tried to go natural, which was more like a 9 month stretch and have been relaxd. he told me that he loves my hair without the weave rather its natural or relaxed. the sad thing is is that he still holds a small belief that blk women cannot grow longish hair (mine is apl),but i am steadily suprising him

 

[Theresamonet]

My boyfriend is Filipino and he also prefers my natural texture...but he has always been sort of in awe at black hair textures. He even tried get me to curly perm his hair into an afro before, and lately he's been asking me about how I think he would look in locs. I definitely think people of other races, who are interested in black women, have a greater appreciation for "blackness". I don't think my new natural self would have been as easily accepted by a black man (especially the ones I used to date when I was more Nicki Minaj-ish than Amel Larrieux), which is kind of sad.

 

[AnsbachFrizzpuff]

Back when I was lurking I always noticed that such a large number of women here are in interracial relationships and I always wondered what the cause of that was. I have my ideas, but don't want to offend anyone.

Well me, I am biracial and so is my husband. So are we an interracial couple or a couple of interracial people? That's our cheesy little joke we have. He likes my hair fluffy but not stick straight. Like he enjoys it blown out and kind of just wild. But me on the other hand I feel insecure with my natural texture even with him.

I always felt like he was used to his mothers silky blond hair and in a way I used to color my hair when I was natural to kind of be whiter looking. Kind of for myself but also kind of for him. But when I relaxed I started using black dye and he really loves it.

But I think the hair issue was more of my issue than his issue. When I was younger I was really confused and wanted to just be as much like my mother as I could, and then I wanted to be like his mother. But I had to just be comfortable with my hair and then it kind of became a non issue.

I am comforable with straight hair so relaxing works for me. And my husband likes that my hair is not always damp and that I don't have to spend much time on it.

 

[Mz.Shug]

Back when I was lurking I always noticed that such a large number of women here are in interracial relationships and I always wondered what the cause of that was. I have my ideas, but don't want to offend anyone.

Maybe I'm too sensitive but......

 

[princessnad]

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ yeah

 

[AnsbachFrizzpuff]

What do you mean maybe you're sensitive?

 

[yaya24]

My SO is 1/2 white 1/2 black. He does not care what I do with my hair as long as it is not in braids.. IDK what his issues are with them, but he loathes braids of any type, length or style.

When I told him I was going natural he supported me 110% because he does not want me putting relaxers in our future daughter's hair (down the line when we are married and have children..)

I do not sport my BC twa because I am not a fan of the whole super short look on me, but when SO first saw it he really loved it and wanted me to rock it.

Hair is def not a factor in our relationship.

 

[KynniB]

I didnt feel like watching the video but im natural and have had 2 interracial relationships (both white men) while my hair has been like this. My first SO loved my hair and supported my PJ habit. He was always playing with it and referred to it as a cloud. He was there from relaxer to transition to natural. He liked it as long as my hair smelled good. lol. I was a little more nervous with my 2nd SO. Hes the kind of guy that washes his hair with dove soap bar and that is the extend of his hair care. Hes seen my hair in a bun but never in a natural style. I did a twistout and he thought it was really cool. Hes seen my big afro hair after its been washed and seen how out of control it can get. I think hes more surprised than anything. This is all kind of new to him. But fast forward and a year later and hes stealing my AO conditioner and cowashing.

 

[KynniB]

What do you mean maybe you're sensitive?

We want to know.

 

[AnsbachFrizzpuff]

We want to know.

Well I mean its a hair board so I had figured it might have something to do with hair texture?

I feel like its the big pink elephant in the middle of the room no one ever wants to talk about so we just pretend its not there. Plus I noticed than anytime someone brings it up it just upsets people so I don't know really how to phrase it.

I know when I had my babies my husband and I wanted healthy babies first and foremost of course but we were also very curious as to how they were gonna look. Especially since both of us have kind of rough hair and people always expected our hair to be different because of our mothers. So of course we were curious about the kids.

No one else has ever thought of this before???? Or just don't talk about it? There is never a promise of what genetics are gonna do but that doesn't stop people from trying you know.

 

[Mz.Shug]

Back when I was lurking I always noticed that such a large number of women here are in interracial relationships and I always wondered what the cause of that was. I have my ideas, but don't want to offend anyone.

The above quote did offend me because instead of just asking I assumed that your assumptions as to why "a large number of women here are in interracial relationships" were the worst because you stated that you didn't want to share your ideas at the possibility of "offending anyone".(Assuming the worst)I didn't know why you would even write the statement as your personal views as to why we date/marry outside of our race has nothing to do with the topic at hand hence the Kanye shrug.Assumptions are never smart to make and I should've just PM'ed you with my curiosity pertaining to the matter.For that I do apologize.I hope this answers questions and relieves any tension.

 

[Michelle1971]

Sure, some marry outside because they want a baby with type 2-3 hair but not everyone. For ME, it was the furthest from my mind but yet, I don't think of my own hair as "rough" so *shrug*

 

[BlackMasterPiece]

I don't think thats ever been discussed because its the furthest thing from our minds.

I date men that have compatible personalities with mine, share my values and goals and treat me with the utmost respect. I never date any man anticipating the hair my child would have as a result, thats just ridiculous.

Furthermore some of us are very far from thinking about children in the first place. I will be having children only after I am a married homeowner with a thriving career so I'm more focused on getting my degrees and having a relationship at this point.

I also never set out to date any particular race, I simply remain open to the possibilities and judge based on character, sometimes its brothas, sometimes its men from other backgrounds.

When I finally do consider a man as a possible husband / father of my children material. I'll be concerned with being sure he is an exceptional husband and father....not the texture of the childs hair.

 

[Mz.Shug]

Well I mean its a hair board so I had figured it might have something to do with hair texture?

I feel like its the big pink elephant in the middle of the room no one ever wants to talk about so we just pretend its not there. Plus I noticed than anytime someone brings it up it just upsets people so I don't know really how to phrase it.

I know when I had my babies my husband and I wanted healthy babies first and foremost of course but we were also very curious as to how they were gonna look. Especially since both of us have kind of rough hair and people always expected our hair to be different because of our mothers. So of course we were curious about the kids.

No one else has ever thought of this before???? Or just don't talk about it? There is never a promise of what genetics are gonna do but that doesn't stop people from trying you know.

Well let's just keep a positive attitude and give the big pink elephant a good 'ole kick in the arse shall we?(Joke....I know I'm horrible at them.)
Let's not assume anything from here on out...Truce?

I married my husband w/ the understanding that we wouldn't have kids.Until we were preggers..
I think love is the primary reason why alot of us married not color or hoping we have babies w/ good herrrrrrr.

Now let's get back to the topic....appreciating our men for loving our naturality! (is that a word?)

 

[joytimes10]

My DH is caucasian. He is facinated w/ my hair.

I've been texlaxed since the age of 15, but I've always stretched my relaxers for 4-6 months. Having a relaxer was never about pin straight hair for me, just managability, I guess.

So, when DH met me 90% of the time I wore a loose bun or some variation thereof. I say all that to say I'm style lazy and he never got a chance to get hung up on my hair. As long as it's clean and smells good and he gets to play in it occasionally, he's all good.

Now that I'm transitioning, he's even more intrigue with what it's going to look like when I'm done. He's so excited, he may BC me in my sleep. j/k, not really... I'm adamantly opposed to the BC as of late, because I am so style lazy. If I couldn't bun, I would become unhinged !

So, all that to say, my DH loves me and my hair is just a byline, in our happy, full lives.

 

[AnsbachFrizzpuff]

Ok well that is good to hear that most of you guys don't think about that.

I know one of my sisters had hair type as a prerequisite for her mate. My brothers both married white and that was one of the reasons. Plus maybe I have my own insecurities as well.

I always feel so insecure about my hair. I am working on that. I'm not 100% okay with it but I'm at least comfortable with my husband so I guess that's all that matters, right?

 

[BlackMasterPiece]

Well I think alot of people started out where you are. Keep posting here and I think your perspective will broaden and you will come to have a renewed appreciation and love for your hair........ if your open to it.

I've loved my coils for what seems like forever now and I just adore the versatility of type 4 hair, I actually look forward to having a daughter with coils like mine that I can do up in various styles, like I said in my earlier post....I'm open to the possibilities so we'll see what the future holds but that was always my dream.

Welcome to LHCF I hope you learn and grow from your time here

 

[AnsbachFrizzpuff]

Oops doubly posted.

 

[Mz.Shug]

I always feel so insecure about my hair. I am working on that. I'm not 100% okay with it but I'm at least comfortable with my husband so I guess that's all that matters, right?

I was the same way!!! The more I came here and practiced what I learned the more confident I became in my abilities to take care of my hair and my hair's texture. to the forum!!!

Well I think alot of people started out where you are. Keep posting here and I think your perspective will broaden and you will come to have a renewed appreciation and love for your hair........ if your open to it.

Welcome to LHCF I hope you learn and grow from your time here

WELL SAID!!

 

[jennboo]

My last bf was European (french). I met him with shoulder length relaxed hair that i started transitioning while i was with him. He has seen me at my worst...two textures, see-through ends toward the end of the transition. When i told him i was going natural he was like "oh so its gonna be big and curly then" I said no, lol, my hair is kinky and nappy, not curly. I still didn't think he understood what i meant by kinky/nappy so i googled some images for him and showed him pics of friends who had type 4 natural hair. He looked at me and goes "Yea that looks good, why do you put that crap (relaxer) in your hair anyway?"

Another guy i was involved with (Russian) i met when i was natural but rocking braid extensions. I decided to take the fake hair out and rock my own (short) two strand twists. He always used to say to me that he did not understand why people do not see the beauty of african hair and why black women wear weaves and relaxers. I used to tell him that its a long story and that i'd explain it to him later, lol.

Finally, the guy i'm talking to now is also european: italian. I met him rocking my short two strand twists with real hair. He came up to me and started dancing, then leans over and tells me that he loves my hair. When we became fb friends he commented that he didnt /couldnt picture me with straight hair when we first met (i have some pics of me with straight hair from college still up). I asked him what he liked better, to see what he would say. He said that he thought i was beautiful regardless (good game, lol) but that he really preferred my hair as it is now (natural). On our first date he was like how do you get it like that, do you wrap the hair around itself? lol. I explained that they were twisted yadda yadda yadaa. He was like in awe. Too funny.

I will say though that i have met some black men in passing that have told me that they loved my hair as well, so, it really does depend. I have a few black male friends that say that they actually prefer black women with natural hair.

 

[sharifeh]

^^^^ You've met some really cool guys, jennboo.

 

[divya]

Well, my father is mostly East Indian and he loves my mother's natural hair. She's worn a twa for most of my life and that's how he likes it.

Once she put this braid/weave in...and he said was "different" b/c he couldn't feel her real hair. Needless to say, it only lasted a few days.

He doesn't like the idea of relaxers at all, and finds that women of African descent have gorgeous hair. He's always said he doesn't know why sister and me use chemicals. Now that we are transitioning, I'm sure he's happy.

 

[Candy1978]

I noticed a few posts on why certain women decided to open up their options by dating interracially. For me, I got sick and tired of meeting educated black men who acted as though they were doing me a favor( like you know I could have a white women, hispanic women or whoever with me right no attitude) by allowing me to sit in their presence for dinner or what not. Just so happened one day just minding my own business, a really cute Puerto Rican guy who happened to be an accountant asked me out, and he just couldn't get over how beautiful I was, and that he thought dark skinned women were gorgeous....I was sold. It was like the gates of my mind had been opened to other possibilities. The rest is history! It wasn't so my kids could have "good" hair (which I totally DETEST that term "good" hair), or self hate, or anything psycologically ill. Pure and simple I just found that there are other men out there who happen not to be black, who appreciate me as a person, and don't have the same issues and hangups that some black men do, especially when you start dating educated black men who are successful.

 

[Soliel185]

I don't think thats ever been discussed because its the furthest thing from our minds.

I date men that have compatible personalities with mine, share my values and goals and treat me with the utmost respect. I never date any man anticipating the hair my child would have as a result, thats just ridiculous.

Furthermore some of us are very far from thinking about children in the first place. I will be having children only after I am a married homeowner with a thriving career so I'm more focused on getting my degrees and having a relationship at this point.

I also never set out to date any particular race, I simply remain open to the possibilities and judge based on character, sometimes its brothas, sometimes its men from other backgrounds.

When I finally do consider a man as a possible husband / father of my children material. I'll be concerned with being sure he is an exceptional husband and father....not the texture of the childs hair.

Oh TRUST me. It has been discussed. This topic has been kicked up and down the proverbial LHCF block and periodically returns to inspire more locked threads and board division than I think is really neccessary....but whatevs.

Honestly, before I started coming here I was mostly ignorant to "color" issues or being "color struck". I had never even THOUGHT about hair texture as a motivation to 'date out' and I really had no idea that people were really having that many issues with their personal appearance.

For anyone that is in an interracial relationship for those reasons...I pity you, and I pity the person you're with b/c you don't love them for them. I pity the eventual children you may have and resent if they don't come out with the eyes/hair/nose/skin you wanted. That is not a motivation to be with anyone. Period.


ETA: This is not to discourage you from exploring it further, but if you're truly interested in started a thread, I think some research into the others that have already been and gone will help you have a more fruitful discussion.

 

[Soliel185]

^^^^ You've met some really cool guys, jennboo.

I would venture to say that non-black men that are intially attracted to BW or have a preference for BW will probably have mostly favorable things to say about natural hair - it's part of the black identity, and thus part of what attracts them in the first place. So most of the non-black men that we deal with (in relationships etc) are, for the most part, going to be wildly enthusiastic about the idea of their lady going natural.

A non-black man that is not attracted to BW as a rule, but rather as the 'exception' is more likely to want a mainstream look - i.e the men you've met that said they thought it was ugly. But we aren't spending much time interracting with these men, so we're not as exposed to their opinions.

As BW, we're exposed to a wider array of BM as possible mates/dates, and due to the shared race they carry a lot of the same issues/hesitancy that a BW has with embracing/wearing natural hair and so they're less likely to be supportive, or to initally like the new look. (Though like any other man they can come around once they see the finished product)