Prettymetty
Natural/4b/medium-coarse
I'm sorry about the breakup, but I am glad you are happy.
Interracial relationships
- Thread starter Prettymetty
- Start date
I'm sorry about the breakup, but I am glad you are happy.
Felt nice being able to tell SO about Ferguson (and other shootings) the other day and he was really interested. I really could not be with someone that I cant talk to in depth about race issues.
I really liked that passage in Americanah where she cusses the black woman who says race is never an issue in her relationship
It made me think a lot. Race always comes up in IRR some way even if it's just one tiny thing. Last time I was single I was mingling and being courted by amazing guys. Still I got this feeling that although they thought racism was bad they were not that well read on that particular subject. Talking about microagressions for example might have them lost and I wouldn't get any true feedback other than listening.
My SO is great. I can come to him with anything and discuss freely. I think being with a person I couldn't talk to would drain my life force lol. I did do it once while younger; the colourblind SO. Never again.
I really liked that passage in Americanah where she cusses the black woman who says race is never an issue in her relationship
It made me think a lot. Race always comes up in IRR some way even if it's just one tiny thing. Last time I was single I was mingling and being courted by amazing guys. Still I got this feeling that although they thought racism was bad they were not that well read on that particular subject. Talking about microagressions for example might have them lost and I wouldn't get any true feedback other than listening.My SO is great. I can come to him with anything and discuss freely. I think being with a person I couldn't talk to would drain my life force lol. I did do it once while younger; the colourblind SO. Never again.
Prettymetty
Natural/4b/medium-coarse
Aww I understand. I've been there before with one of my exes
. Just made me feel alone at these times and like a part of me was repressed/not supported.
Weirdly enough he apologized to me towards the end. Said he'd been thinking about it and he'd been naive before about race issues. He's now really outspoken on the subject, well read and listens to conscious black music That experience really taught me that I needed actual knowledge and race consciousness from an IR partner.
Maybe there's hope for you dh yet though. Did he say anything about Trayvon?
. Just made me feel alone at these times and like a part of me was repressed/not supported. Weirdly enough he apologized to me towards the end. Said he'd been thinking about it and he'd been naive before about race issues. He's now really outspoken on the subject, well read and listens to conscious black music
That experience really taught me that I needed actual knowledge and race consciousness from an IR partner. Maybe there's hope for you dh yet though. Did he say anything about Trayvon?
Prettymetty
Natural/4b/medium-coarse
Aww I understand. I've been there before with one of my exes
Weirdly enough he apologized to me towards the end. Said he'd been thinking about it and he'd been naive before about race issues. He's now really outspoken on the subject, well read and listens to conscious black music
Maybe there's hope for you dh yet though. Did he say anything about Trayvon?
It seemed like he gave Zimmerman the benefit of the doubt. He just doesn't have enough info. He goes by what other (white) people say
CurlyMoo
Well-Known Member
Aww I understand. I've been there before with one of my exes
Weirdly enough he apologized to me towards the end. Said he'd been thinking about it and he'd been naive before about race issues. He's now really outspoken on the subject, well read and listens to conscious black music
Maybe there's hope for you dh yet though. Did he say anything about Trayvon?
I remember when I was in college I befriended a White guy, later we became more intimate (emotionally, intellectually, physically but no sex). I was driving him home when he asked me if I experience a lot of racism. He was so caring and curious with his questions, I was so touched. No guy had ever asked me that, of any race. I fell hard for him. Alas it ended in heart break.
Solidifies for me I can only deal with a certain type of white partner. All of the whites I have dated have a lot of Black friends and are quite up on Black issues. A white partner who had an Anglo Saxon only view of the world would make me bash their head in with a Maya Angelo book.
MystiqueBabe
New Member
For many reasons, I am forced to date outside my race. Like another poster said, I feel that I am just too eccentric for most black men. And black men have a bad track record with me. I have dated 3 white dudes and 1 Asian. Those are the men I am most attracted to. I find that they are more romantic, sweet, responsible, and caring then any black man I have ever dated. They are also more handsome. (Sorry, that is my opinion) None of these IR men I have dated have asked me to pay or go "half and half" on the bill when they took me out to dinner so that was refreshing. No weird obsession over the length and texture of my hair. I feel they just accept me for who I am which is the biggest reason I am attracted to them. The one I got serious with had nice blonde hair and beautiful green eyes, he was very handsome. I almost got to the point of a bf/gf relationship with this guy, but he had to move out of state for law school.
I am not willing to do long distance so I am out again looking. I told him it is okay for him to date other girls - we can just be friends. We keep contact thru email and such.
I am not willing to do long distance so I am out again looking. I told him it is okay for him to date other girls - we can just be friends. We keep contact thru email and such.
ThirdEyeBeauty
Well-Known Member
Almost got to the point of a bf/gf relationship with the guy you were most serious about??? Watch out for men that only want to experiment. I would think you would have progressed to a bf/gf relationship if that is what you want.
Have you been in a serious relationship before?
CrinkumCrankum
New Member
I suspect it's due to the increasing number of white men who are looking for asian and latina mates, since white women in the West have become insufferable due to their increasingly princessy attitudes.
+ Black guys who are looking for "exotic" pssy abroad where they haven't already developed a nasty reputation.
+ Generally, loser dudes who get no play here. But the blue passport makes them shine in less developed nations.
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MystiqueBabe
New Member
No, not yet. It takes a while before I will call a guy my boyfriend. With him, it almost got to that point. I just considered him someone I was seriously dating and I would not date another guy in fear that it would make him upset. I really liked him. But he is gone now, and I do not care for long distance. Now we are just good friends.
Crystalicequeen123
Well-Known Member
How long distance is he? Like, how many hours away are you two?
Prettymetty
Natural/4b/medium-coarse
Update: DH and I are doing much better. We had a rough few months, but lately he has been on the ball. His mother and I are really close now. She's the one I call when he is acting up. No one can get him straight like momma
klb120475
New Member
In in a 2 year relationship with my boyfriend who is Korean & Dominican but mostly related to his Korean Asian side because his mom is Korean. We do get side stares sometimes but can careless. I usually receive negative comments by black men but I can careless. Now his mom on the other hand isn't so accepting of me.
Prettymetty
Natural/4b/medium-coarse
That sucks for her. She is missing out.
LavenderMint
Well-Known Member
In a three year relationship with a wm. Wedding in June. He is more what I would call an ally than an activist in discussing race issues when dealing with me and his sheltered, working class Irish & Italian family.
This past holiday season, racist jokes came up again.... I sat him down after I calmed enough to talk about it and we had a real talk about what I will and won't accept from him and his family for US and OUR future family. It was hard. But he knew I had already ended a previous two year relationship with another wm and a 1.5 yr relationship with an am because they wouldn't hear me and have that convo.
The thing I can't understand though, is that I'm not the first BW he's brought home. I asked what did the other girls do when his family started saying that mess. One girl shot back with racist jokes of her own and none of the others said anything but those relationships all petered out because they started to find other things to do than his family gatherings. SMH.
I mostly like his fam but they have truly chugged from the bottle of Diet Racism.
Sorry for the long first post. Glad to be here.
This past holiday season, racist jokes came up again.... I sat him down after I calmed enough to talk about it and we had a real talk about what I will and won't accept from him and his family for US and OUR future family. It was hard. But he knew I had already ended a previous two year relationship with another wm and a 1.5 yr relationship with an am because they wouldn't hear me and have that convo.
The thing I can't understand though, is that I'm not the first BW he's brought home. I asked what did the other girls do when his family started saying that mess. One girl shot back with racist jokes of her own and none of the others said anything but those relationships all petered out because they started to find other things to do than his family gatherings. SMH.
I mostly like his fam but they have truly chugged from the bottle of Diet Racism.
Sorry for the long first post. Glad to be here.
The family is probably still making racist jokes several black gfs along because they thought he would be OK with it and/or he never seriously warned them to stop.
JMO, but if you have to sit down and teach grown non black people about basic stuff it isn't a good sign. If you have such a talk with them then it shows they don't understand. They may nod and agree not to do something, or to start sticking up for you. However, deep down they don't meet eye to eye with you on race issues, or they would have reacted automatically themselves.
JMO, but if you have to sit down and teach grown non black people about basic stuff it isn't a good sign. If you have such a talk with them then it shows they don't understand. They may nod and agree not to do something, or to start sticking up for you. However, deep down they don't meet eye to eye with you on race issues, or they would have reacted automatically themselves.
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silverbuttons
Not Impressed
he probably needs to sit his own family down and tell them that he won't accept that. IMO, thats his job as a man, to protect you at any cost. choose your in-laws as carefully as you choose your husband.
eta: i'm interested.. why hasn't he had that conversation with them?
eta: i'm interested.. why hasn't he had that conversation with them?
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DirtyJerzeyGirly
Well-Known Member
Briabiggles
Well-Known Member
LavenderMint
Well-Known Member
It didn't happen in his presence. If I recall correctly, thanksgiving was the third time. And to be clear, it's really just one old, single bitter sister attempting to be edgy and memorable. She's the kind of woman who gets off on how she can tell a joke in a room full of grizzled old soldiers and make them groan. In addition to the fact that she's not well, in near constant pain and frequently mixes meds and alcohol.
I said something to him the first time and at the next gathering (2nd time), I was chilling with a book when I heard "Oh, wait, I can't tell that joke. It'll hurt Mea's feelings." No one said anything and it was really quiet so I got up "Well, if that's the *only* reason you're not telling it, let me move so YOU can be comfortable." No one stayed in the room after I left.
This past thanksgiving, I sat SO down and repeated every. single. thing. I made it clear: nip this or I will. I believe that family doesn't have to be blood and will have no problems restricting her access to our children.
Then I found out from one of his other sisters that she'd had a short sharply worded conversation with the offensive one when her BM bf's biracial daughter asked why auntie said such & such about black people. So, this chick DOES know.
I said something to him the first time and at the next gathering (2nd time), I was chilling with a book when I heard "Oh, wait, I can't tell that joke. It'll hurt Mea's feelings." No one said anything and it was really quiet so I got up "Well, if that's the *only* reason you're not telling it, let me move so YOU can be comfortable." No one stayed in the room after I left.
This past thanksgiving, I sat SO down and repeated every. single. thing. I made it clear: nip this or I will. I believe that family doesn't have to be blood and will have no problems restricting her access to our children.
Then I found out from one of his other sisters that she'd had a short sharply worded conversation with the offensive one when her BM bf's biracial daughter asked why auntie said such & such about black people. So, this chick DOES know.
LavenderMint
Well-Known Member
I agree. Thing is, I don't think any of his gf's said anything to him. I met one of them a few times and she was so church mousy that I asked him if I was making her uncomfortable. (I wasn't. Apparently, she was always quiet)
I have to keep reminding myself that, just like some black people grow up never seeing/knowing a non-black, it's much easier for that to be a white persons experience. Their fam went from Little Italy in 50s Baltimore to the middle of nowhere PA; a little diversity to none. It's real easy to forget about what may be offensive/wrong to someone different when everyone around you looks like you.
Prettymetty
Natural/4b/medium-coarse
It saddens me that some white people are so hateful, disrespectful and ignorant. Telling racist jokes in the presence of a black person is rude and insensitive.
TayMac
Well-Known Member
What was his response after the conversation? At this point it's sound like he has to chose between you or them. As in y'all move states away and see them once a year or just skype.
They are not likely to change their views and attitudes but don't make excuses for them. Would they make mean jokes if front of grandchildren while you aren't there?
LavenderMint
Well-Known Member
That is EXACTLY the question I asked him! If I already said its wrong and she persists and already has been known to say stuff in front of another biracial child!? (HE didn't even know that until the younger sister told him)
He knows I don't play: I will do whatever is necessary to protect our/my future children and if that means cutting someone off- my fam or his- then they're out.
The mention that he WOULD cut them off (again) was probably enough for his parents to pressure her. When we met, he was just getting back into contact with most of them (he was still in contact with just one of his four siblings) after three years away.
I try not to make excuses, I try to find explanations & causes that contribute to the situation. Excuses don't help get in a head and find viable solutions. That said, there are numerous things not right with that sibling besides being a "diet racist". :-/ :-(
ScorpioBeauty09
Well-Known Member
I had a male roommate who was Filipino and said his IRRs never worked out and when I dug deeper he said his last gf at the time was Portuguese and she broke it off after she met his family because they, really his mom didn't like her because she was Portuguese. His mom wants him to date and marry Filipina but he doesn't want to restrict himself and I'm like well if you want a IRR to last you're gonna have to get your mom told.
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