If Your Relationship/marriage Ended And You Two Had A Child

[Spin]

YES!!! Give the man a chance to f up first. If he is taking care of business, why do this (rhetorical question)?

There's a lot more to the story but the chick is a schemer who is straight bitter and manipulative..she pretended to enroll my nephew in daycare when she really had a family member watching him just to get more money, thank God the courts needed receipts so this yr she finally enrolled my nephew. Ugh she disgusts me.

It's clear that your family hates her. If both sides distrust each other, wouldn't a written agreement be a good thing?

 

[FemmeFatale]

It's clear that your family hates her. It both sides distrust each other, wouldn't a written agreement be a good thing?

Nope, she and my parents were cool up until the summer when the shenanigans began. She would always call my mom (and vice versa) with updates on my nephew, send pictures, make scrapbooks, etc. She's actually a good parent but a manipulative ex wife.

 

[HauteHippie]

This thread still kind of confuses me. Is OP in the US? Are there places in the US that will grant a divorce or legal seperation without mandating child support? Where? Where are these places?

The exwife did what she was supposed to do and would have had to do by filing for child support.
Sometimes, logical and emotional are mutually exclusive.

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[NOEChic]

Nope, she and my parents were cool up until the summer when the shenanigans began. She would always call my mom (and vice versa) with updates on my nephew, send pictures, make scrapbooks, etc. She's actually a good parent but a manipulative ex wife.

And he didn't see none of that with her dealing with her other kids' fathers? What was he thinking oh she need to get that money because I am not taking care of another man's child? Or did he not know she was getting child support?

 

[FemmeFatale]

This thread still kind of confuses me. Is OP in the US? Are there places in the US that will grant a divorce or legal seperation without mandating child support? Where? Where are these places?

The exwife did what she was supposed to do and would have had to do by filing for child support.
Sometimes, logical and emotional are mutually exclusive.

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Yes we're in the US (two different states), I'm not 100% sure if the divorce is finalized (sour subject for him) but I do know that they're legally separated and that he has filed.

I pray that I never have to go through ish like this .

 

[Zaynab]

I wouldn't have this problem.

If I have a child(ren) and divorce their father at any point, I will be giving my ex-DH primary to full custod

I always say this.

 

[FemmeFatale]

And he didn't see none of that with her dealing with her other kids' fathers? What was he thinking oh she need to get that money because I am not taking care of another man's child? Or did he not know she was getting child support?

He did but by that time my nephew was already conceived..he tried to do the right thing and marry her instead of leaving her to be a baby mama (my parents weren't having that). That lasted less than 2 yrs.

Oh and he took care of them all.

 

[NOEChic]

He did but by that time my nephew was already conceived..he tried to do the right thing and marry her instead of leaving her to be a baby mama (my parents weren't having that). That lasted less than 2 yrs.

Oh and he took care of them all.

ok well he knew she was s fertile mertle were they using condoms?

I have no sympathy for your brother. He met a chick with two children possibly 2 fathers and before he could get to really know her and her situation he knocked her up. Too bad too sad.

ETA: and if she is as bad as you say and y'all think she is, he should want to put the cs in writing and make it legal so she can't try to get over on him.

 

[HauteHippie]

Yes we're in the US (two different states), I'm not 100% sure if the divorce is finalized (sour subject for him) but I do know that they're legally separated and that he has filed.

I pray that I never have to go through ish like this .

Well, if they're legally separated, I don't get why your family is up in arms. It's part of the process.

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[Brownie]

Yes, I'd like to make it legal, so there are no misunderstandings. Also the child is not the grandparents' responsibility, but his. If the grandparents help out, that's helpful, but the child support money is also meant to keep a roof over the child's head...keep electric/food etc in the house...braces on the teeth; this can't be accomplished with sporadic $20 hand outs. I also wouldn't want to keep looking to the grandparents each month for their "contribution" and wondering how I would broach the subject if it didn't come. I'd also wonder what the court would say if I didn't seek child support until the child was like 10 years old. I may even get awarded less because it would appear I wasn't having any problem taking care of the child.

 

[UmSumayyah]

You have to be very careful who you have sex with.

Especially if you're not going to double and triple up on the birth control.

 

[Evolving78]

i am divorced and the state i live in the law automatically places an order on the non-custodial parent. there is no way getting around that.

but i wouldn't as long as he was taking care of his business, if we were never married.

 

[FemmeFatale]

You have to be very careful who you have sex with.

Especially if you're not going to double and triple up on the birth control.

Things like this make me want to remain single and childfree and I'm not even a man. I can honestly understand why a lot of men aren't interested in marriage and children

 

[dicapr]

Men don't understand that child support protects them. My uncle had an "arrangement" with one of his baby-mamas. He paid for what the kids needed, gave her cash each month, ect. They went on like this for years until he became serious with a new woman. Baby-mama wasn't happy with that and set out to get back at him. She filed for back child support and won. He had been paying for the kids for over 5 years and then had to pay back child support for 5 years. If they had something legal or in writting he would not have lost all that money. Child support protects all who are involved.

 

[winterinatl]

Things like this make me want to remain single and childfree and I'm not even a man. I can honestly understand why a lot of men aren't interested in marriage and children

What, that you could procreate with a dude that could turn out to be a jerk? That's why you don't pop out babies before getting to know him. Nothing in life is certain, I wish more people including men, would get that. That's what committment is. She might gain some weight. He might get sick. For sickness or for health, you know?

 

[Honey01]

You know what? I have actually heard of a few situations where the custodial parent filed for a formal child support agreement and actually ended up with less than what the other parent was already paying (directly to the other parent).

 

[RedVelvet310]

Needs as in what? If he's buying my child what he wants and not what he needs than I'd expect child support. That would go into the child's school, groceries, payments for the house & utilities, etc...

I thought that was standard, just because a father pays child support doesn't mean that he is now "off the hook" to buy anything else for his child.

 

[likewtr4chklit]

All we need is a lawyer to help us come up with our own written agreement. The last thing I want is to step foot in family court ever again. Now if he breaches the contract then I guess court would be the last resort.

 

[HauteHippie]

Needs as in what? If he's buying my child what he wants and not what he needs than I'd expect child support. That would go into the child's school, groceries, payments for the house & utilities, etc...

I thought that was standard, just because a father pays child support doesn't mean that he is now "off the hook" to buy anything else for his child.

I know, right? Goodness! This whole thread is warped.

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[nappyeditor]

Ok, I'll go back and read in a sec, but my answer is **kinda**. If we came to an agreement, I would make it a signed agreement, regardless of what kind of terms we are on, and make sure it is binding. I would expect he would do the same for me to ensure our child is taken care of, regardless of future circumstances or decisions.

 

[likewtr4chklit]

I know, right? Goodness! This whole thread is warped.

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What's warped about it? Needs are needs, and needs are usually met in the form of money. Obviously we arent talking candy and video games. If the ex has agreed to pay a substantial amount towards the child's living expenses then going to court is just an added headache. Simple math will give you an idea of whether you will get more money if you go to court or if you settle out of court. Visit your state's child support website.

 

[likewtr4chklit]

Men don't understand that child support protects them. My uncle had an "arrangement" with one of his baby-mamas. He paid for what the kids needed, gave her cash each month, ect. They went on like this for years until he became serious with a new woman. Baby-mama wasn't happy with that and set out to get back at him. She filed for back child support and won. He had been paying for the kids for over 5 years and then had to pay back child support for 5 years. If they had something legal or in writting he would not have lost all that money. Child support protects all who are involved.

Wow that's horrible! People don't realize that these agreements need to be written and legally binding smh. The same goes for pre-nups, it's protection from the unexpected.

 

[likewtr4chklit]

Is that what people are thinking? That he shouldn't be troubled by the system?

I can't speak for others but family court is a b!tch. So if we can sit down with the lawyers and settle out of court I would much rather do that.

 

[daydreem2876]

I would... If for nothing else than to create a paper trail. I have seen people without formal agreements have things come back and bite them in the butt too many times on both sides. I think its easier to have a formal plan in place, that way if things take a turn everybody is protected legally.

 

[The Girl]

*Perhaps, Mom is protecting herself and the child =if she remarries/gets a BF, etc* if they are divorcing,maybe she doesn't want to have to deal with him to get support. With the courts, there is NO CONTACT NECESSARY.
My CS support order came because he filed, lol. I am ok with it now because he is married to a jealous wife (no children between them but trying). I used to feel like 'if he is doing it, no order necessary'. He is now accountable until she turns 33 (statute here is all back support is payable until 10 yrs after 'age of majority'= 19 if in H School, 23 if in college).