If Your Relationship/marriage Ended And You Two Had A Child

[Charz]

I have seen it happen first hand where the man was doing what he could for his baby and the momma took him to court and he was told to pay less than what he was paying. But, I rather have it down on paper even if it is just $50 a month at least I know that I will get that $50 then if he decides to stop doing what he was doing. Then if he decides to stop paying the court ordered I have a recourse and can take him back to court.

See I agree that if he starts out "good", make him sign somethng..making it a legal written document so in case he does change you can take it to court but no reason to do that unless he gives you reason to IMO

and with all that has been said, all this ish is why I would never date/marry a dude with kids under 21.

 

[carcajada]

Yes. The welfare of my kids doesnt need to depend on a cordial relationship. Men are great when things are great. But when he moves on and starts another family? Who knows. There is no guarantee dh and his family will be all willy nilly in the future. Child support protects my children from the some timey attitude people can get once they move on.

 

[Twinspired]

I probably would. It's in the best interest of everyone. A child support order it just saying how much the other parent should pay. I wouldn't garnish his check. I've seen where the parents lived together then broke up and the guy had to pay back child support even though they were staying together.

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[FemmeFatale]

I have seen it happen first hand where the man was doing what he could for his baby and the momma took him to court and he was told to pay less than what he was paying. But, I rather have it down on paper even if it is just $50 a month at least I know that I will get that $50 then if he decides to stop doing what he was doing. Then if he decides to stop paying the court ordered I have a recourse and can take him back to court.

See now why did she feel the need to go and do all of that, I'm glad it backfired.

Anyway the reason why I asked this question was because this happened to my brother and I was shocked and just absolutely disgusted w/ the ex wife as the motive behind this is revenge.. $1000 per month when my brother took care of EVERYTHING (medical bills, daycare, clothing, food, kept him for the summer, has him for two weeks out of the month) pertaining to my nephew not to mention the extras from my family and I.

My brother swore up and down he would never deal/date/marry an AA woman again.

 

[NOEChic]

See now why did she feel the need to go and do all of that, I'm glad it backfired.

Anyway the reason why I asked this question was because this happened to my brother and I was shocked and just absolutely disgusted w/ the ex wife as the motive behind this is revenge.. $1000 per month when my brother took care of EVERYTHING pertaining to my nephew not to mention the extras from my family and I.

My brother swore up and down he would never deal with an AA woman again.

For me it would be to secure that my child gets taken care of. Like a poster said above men get a new family, the new wife is in his ear talking about don't pay her anything and the man is following along like a lil puppy dog. I would not go in there if he was payin 1g saying he needs to pay 1.5g. No I would just make sure that the CS and my part can cover my childs expenses.

 

[FemmeFatale]

@renewmetoo

Two reasons: my children will be a planned product of a marriage (there will be no accidents) and, also, I will have birthed children in the first place under the conditions that I have a supportive husband that is actively and equally (although our roles & duties will likely be different) involved & supporting me in the child rearing and previously had expressed his dedication to raising children in a two-parent home.

Divorce is a breach of contract. I would personally never file for divorce while having children under the age of 18. I don't care what's going on, we are going to have to find some way tolerate each other and keep the peace. But breaking up on my end IS NOT an option. I didn't have children to raise them alone so I will not be punished just because he didn't want to be married anymore. Nope, I'm not letting him off the hook that easy so he can be free and single to do as he pleases....If my DH insists on leaving, that's fine, he can take his kids with him. That is not what I signed up for...

I also believe the outcome for children raised by single-fathers is better than when they are left with the mothers

I like this

 

[GoingBack]

I don't think that a court of law will grant a divorce without addressing issues such as custody/child support at the same time.

 

[FemmeFatale]

I don't think that a court of law will grant a divorce without addressing issues such as custody/child support at the same time.

He has filed and moved out the state.

 

[Anonymous1]

The irony yis more often than not, for you take him to court despite him going above and beyond, the court will mandate LESS than what he was doing before and you end up looking like boo boo the fool

I personally think if a woman still try to take him to court despite doing what NEEDS to be done for the kid(s) she's just trying to find a way to get some of that money for herself.

This happened with my dh. He paid for everything and put money into savings for his daughter. When he met me, her mom got mad and put him on child support and she got way less than what he was doing. He still puts money in his daughter's savings but he is over it. They money will be directly paid to a university for her education

 

[Kalia1]

I think that it's best to have the order in place.

If one is married then the divorce decree will also include child support.
There is nothing etched in stone when a marriage or relationship ends.

Unfortunately even the most responsible men do a 180 or even a 360 when the relationship is over.

 

[Guitarhero]

Any man worth his salt will care for his child emotionally and financially. It doesn't matter if she's a millionaire. If he produced the child, nothing says "I care about you" more than actually putting that money and time where the mouth is. Any woman who would not expect nor demand that the father continue his role as father is deluded and playing the role of a fool. If you produce children, provide for them even if their financial situation is great without the other parent's input. Why should anyone be let off the hook in the care of their children? Beyond me.... erplexed I thought that, in some states, it's automatic, Imho, it should not be optional anywhere in this country because it's in the best interest of the child.

 

[FemmeFatale]

Any man worth his salt will care for his child emotionally and financially. It doesn't matter if she's a millionaire. If he produced the child, nothing says "I care about you" more than actually putting that money and time where the mouth is. Any woman who would not expect nor demand that the father continue his role as father is deluded and playing the role of a fool. If you produce children, provide for them even if their financial situation is great without the other parent's input. Why should anyone be let off the hook in the care of their children? Beyond me.... erplexed I thought that, in some states, it's automatic, Imho, it should not be optional anywhere in this country because it's in the best interest of the child.

But this was never ever the case erplexed

 

[IrrationalThoughts]

Why does having an order in place mean that the guy should stop the 'extra' (what is extra when it comes to your child, wouldn't you do it if you were together?)? How does her covering her bases mean she is being vengeful especially if he isn't around as much or if he is getting serious with someone else? Another person or family means that there pie is being cut up in smaller pieces...

 

[IrrationalThoughts]

OP, are you and your family now going to do less for your nephew now that she put in for an order? I mean did you do it because your bro was doing a lot or because you wanted to do for your nephew?

 

[FemmeFatale]

Why does having an order in place mean that the guy should stop the 'extra' (what is extra when it comes to your child, wouldn't you do it if you were together?)? How does her covering her bases mean she is being vengeful especially if he isn't around as much or if he is getting serious with someone else? Another person or family means that there pie is being cut up in smaller pieces...

Getting the courts involved and a garnishment issued when there was NO NEED (she's still bitter) for is just low to me. My brother has been in love with his son since he was conceived and has always made sure that my nephew was taken care of.

 

[Letta]

I can see where the OP is coming from because that seems like if the child was being cared for and her brother and their family had no intentions of doing any less for the child, there seemed to reason to get the court involved. But like others have said, sometimes it just needs to be in writing for everyone's sake.

I think the problem for OP's brother is that he was doing everything a father was supposed to do. Now he is basically being TOLD how much his child is worth for him to no longer be in that marriage each month. I'm not saying it makes him less of a father, but there is still a stigma for being a "child support dad". People still associate dead beat dad with child support even when that isnt the case. I don't think thats right but its still out there.

 

[NOEChic]

Getting the courts involved and a garnishment issued when there was NO NEED (she's still bitter) for is just low to me. My brother has been in love with his son since he was conceived and has always made sure that my nephew was taken care of.

But she is trying to make sure it continues. Would you not want to make sure your child is taken care of just in case something happens and he nuts up?

 

[FemmeFatale]

OP, are you and your family now going to do less for your nephew now that she put in for an order? I mean did you do it because your bro was doing a lot or because you wanted to do for your nephew?

Of course! However I no longer communicate with or visit his mother.

 

[FemmeFatale]

But she is trying to make sure it continues. Would you not want to make sure your child is taken care of just in case something happens and he nuts up?

I wouldn't take my ex to family court if he was doing everything and then some for my child.

Now if he started slipping for whatever reason? Absolutely.

This chick has made this a hustle (she has two other kids).

 

[NOEChic]

I wouldn't take my ex to family court if he was doing everything and then some for my child.

Now if he started slipping for whatever reason? Absolutely.

This chick has made this a hustle (she has two other kids).

and then she she/you would take him he would have to pay back child support for all those years before he nutted up. And if she had 2 other kids before she got with your brother, he should have kept on walking. But he didn't so he made his bed and now he has to lie in it.

 

[jdvzmommy]

Getting the courts involved and a garnishment issued when there was NO NEED (she's still bitter) for is just low to me. My brother has been in love with his son since he was conceived and has always made sure that my nephew was taken care of.

If that's the case, his best bet is going along with the child support. What if he talks her into not going through with it now. 5 years from now, he's ready to move on to wife #2. She's still bitter, so she decides to take him to court for back child support for the past 5 years, even though he's been paying money to her directly. I've seen very similar situations happen.

IMO, it's best to get it all down on paper, especially when dealing with bitter people.

 

[FemmeFatale]

and then she she/you would take him he would have to pay back child support for all those years before he nutted up. And if she had 2 other kids before she got with your brother, he should have kept on walking. But he didn't so he made his bed and now he has to lie in it.

I'm a fair person, I wouldn't do all of that.

Are you insinuating that women with children aren't marriageable? I feel bad for the good men out there that get caught up in situations like this.

 

[NOEChic]

I'm a fair person, I wouldn't do all of that.

Are you insinuating that women with children aren't marriageable? I feel bad for the good men out there that get caught up in situations like this.

no, but you said that she has 2 kids and that is her racket. Well if he would have kept moving he wouldn't be paying her any money.

 

[moda]

Since she has two kids from a previous relationship maybe she had a bad experience with their father and wants to save her child from an uncertain future.

I would prefer a court order for my child's future. It would have nothing to do with trying to get more, it would be about securing what was already being provided. Since he loves his child so much and is doing more than what is necessary why be so mad about the child support order?

I can see where the OP is coming from because that seems like if the child was being cared for and her brother and their family had no intentions of doing any less for the child, there seemed to reason to get the court involved. But like others have said, sometimes it just needs to be in writing for everyone's sake.

I think the problem for OP's brother is that he was doing everything a father was supposed to do. Now he is basically being TOLD how much his child is worth for him to no longer be in that marriage each month. I'm not saying it makes him less of a father, but there is still a stigma for being a "child support dad". People still associate dead beat dad with child support even when that isnt the case. I don't think thats right but its still out there.

I did not know that child support had a stigma, I thought it was unpaid child support.

 

[moda]

I'm a fair person, I wouldn't do all of that.

Are you insinuating that women with children aren't marriageable? I feel bad for the good men out there that get caught up in situations like this.

So they were married? This should be standard in divorce anyway.

 

[mstar]

No, I don't believe in unnecessary court-ordered child support. My husband never had any court order to support his child after he divorced. He and his ex-wife co-parented until their son was 18, and made sure that their son was very well taken care of. Since DH was actively involved in his child's life, he didn't need anyone to TELL him how much tuition was, how much health insurance was...he already knew all that, as should any sound father.

Matter of fact, I think I would have a problem dating a man who was court-ordered to support his own child. Because at the end of the day, I think it reflects more on his relationship with women than anything else. If you need a court order, it usually means one of these things:

1. You had an OOW child. You did not respect yourself, or the woman enough to use a condom.
2. You divorced on bad terms, and no longer have a cordial relationship with your ex-wife.
3. You are trifling, and have proven that you won't support your child without being told.
4. You are not able to successfully co-parent with your ex, which means that your communication skills are lacking, and you are most likely selfish and/or angry.


There are definitely exceptions...all child-support paying men are not bad. But it would raise some red flags for me...I don't like extra drama in my life.

 

[HauteHippie]

See now why did she feel the need to go and do all of that, I'm glad it backfired.

Anyway the reason why I asked this question was because this happened to my brother and I was shocked and just absolutely disgusted w/ the ex wife as the motive behind this is revenge.. $1000 per month when my brother took care of EVERYTHING (medical bills, daycare, clothing, food, kept him for the summer, has him for two weeks out of the month) pertaining to my nephew not to mention the extras from my family and I.

My brother swore up and down he would never deal/date/marry an AA woman again.

Is that a joke? The only women I've ever heard of NOT getting an order for child support are AA women. So, maybe he's swearing up and down for latent reasons of his own.

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[HauteHippie]

And I'm LMAO at the thought of a dead beat dad being one with child support orders. Umm... a dead beat dad is a dad that might as well be DEAD. As in, he ain't doing nothing, never gonna do nothing, and ain't done nothing before. Child support? Pah-lease! You'd never see it!

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[FemmeFatale]

Is that a joke? The only women I've ever heard of NOT getting an order for child support are AA women. So, maybe he's swearing up and down for latent reasons of his own.

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I don't know, I'm not too familiar with child support. This isn't something my family or friends are accustomed to so everyone was shocked when it happened. I can see why he said that

 

[winterinatl]

See now why did she feel the need to go and do all of that, I'm glad it backfired.

Anyway the reason why I asked this question was because this happened to my brother and I was shocked and just absolutely disgusted w/ the ex wife as the motive behind this is revenge.. $1000 per month when my brother took care of EVERYTHING (medical bills, daycare, clothing, food, kept him for the summer, has him for two weeks out of the month) pertaining to my nephew not to mention the extras from my family and I.

My brother swore up and down he would never deal/date/marry an AA woman again.

So he just funnels the money he WAS spending into the CS. I don't see what the big deal is- oh wait, yes I do. This, IMHO, is about control. If it's the same money he shouldn't feel anyway but is mad he has to give up control of his money to HER. If it's more, then he should have been spending more anyway.

Folks always want to say the woman is being vindictive. She's just doing the right thing, making sure the kid is covered before the whims of the man change.


Y'all didn't know Cache sells iPhones? Please excuse the typos.