If Your Relationship/marriage Ended And You Two Had A Child

[Letta]

And I'm LMAO at the thought of a dead beat dad being one with child support orders. Umm... a dead beat dad is a dad that might as well be DEAD. As in, he ain't doing nothing, never gonna do nothing, and ain't done nothing before. Child support? Pah-lease! You'd never see it!

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They mean, dead beat dad as in he isn't going to willingly pay for their child so they have to be mandated by the court to even be able to get a penny out of him. So yeah he wasn't gonna do nothing...but guess what? He legally HAS to now or they're garnish his wages/take his tax return.

 

[HauteHippie]

I don't know, I'm not too familiar with child support. This isn't something my family or friends are accustomed to so everyone was shocked when it happened. I can see why he said that

I mean, it's something that is standard as part of divorce/separation proceedings in most states and over and over again, Black women tend to not do it or take what they're given or whatever b/c they don't want to look like a moneygrubber or a golddigger-- as if we are the original golddiggers.

We are just constantly settling or not doing something b/c we don't want to look like [insert unfounded stereotype here].

Then Black men have the gumption to believe that they could do less or get away with more or have less regulation with a nonBlack woman. Ha! And seeing as how I'm like the lone AA in basically all of my groups of friends across the US, I know it's not true. Maybe with stringy-haired, overweight, Beckyqua from the hood, she'll take what she can get. But when it comes to women of caliber, you can't do better than a Black woman. Maybe he'll end up falling for someone else... but you still can't do any better than a Black woman.

ETA: though I do think garnishing wages is unnecessary

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[NOEChic]

They mean, dead beat dad as in he isn't going to willingly pay for their child so they have to be mandated by the court to even be able to get a penny out of him. So yeah he wasn't gonna do nothing...but guess what? He legally HAS to now or they're garnish his wages/take his tax return.

I know men that will work and as soon as cs enforcement comes knocking they quit their job. Then they find another job and its a cycle, so no they don't have to pay.

 

[HauteHippie]

They mean, dead beat dad as in he isn't going to willingly pay for their child so they have to be mandated by the court to even be able to get a penny out of him. So yeah he wasn't gonna do nothing...but guess what? He legally HAS to now or they're garnish his wages/take his tax return.

Yeah... still rather lofty. As a real deadbeat dad will just roll the dice and go straight to jail.

Or, as pointed out, ^^^^ quit and start anew. Or, wages? What wages? "Me and my boss got an understanding."

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[Guitarhero]

But this was never ever the case erplexed

You asked a general question...I provided an answer...I only responded to the OP...not any posts later which I have not read...

 

[Letta]

I know men that will work and as soon as cs enforcement comes knocking they quit their job. Then they find another job and its a cycle, so no they don't have to pay.

Yeah... still rather lofty. As a real deadbeat dad will just roll the dice and go straight to jail.

Or, as pointed out, ^^^^ quit and start anew. Or, wages? What wages? "Me and my boss got an understanding."

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Thats even more sad honestly. One of my family member's husband cheated and left the country trying to skip out on child support. IDK what happened or if she ever got it b/c I didnt really care since i never liked his arse no way

 

[NOEChic]

Thats even more sad honestly. One of my family member's husband cheated and left the country trying to skip out on child support. IDK what happened or if she ever got it b/c I didnt really care since i never liked his arse no way

Hey it happens, and I can't believe a man let alone a woman would be mad at another woman making sure that her kids are well provided for.

 

[Guitarhero]

Now that I read a few more posts...why are the non-parents involved in this issue? I agree with another poster that this is basically a guarantee and a common settlement issue. This is for the protection of the child and the person most responsible to raise the child to ensure that obligations are met. Why would he take issue or offense? The child support is a way the courts determine a fair sharing of funds and if he owes more, he cannot complain about it. Sounds like he might be scared he's going to have to pay more. They use a formula to determine what that amount should be.

 

[HauteHippie]

Thats even more sad honestly. One of my family member's husband cheated and left the country trying to skip out on child support. IDK what happened or if she ever got it b/c I didnt really care since i never liked his arse no way

OT: Oh, and my old roommate (who is European) had a hell of a time with her exhusband (who is AA). He thought he wasn't going to have to do anything, since in the past he'd left mothers in Europe or they'd have to go back there or back to South America b/c he wasn't really helping with the children. Now that International law has caught up, they all have him working around the clock. I'm really proud of her for not letting him scare her out of the country (plus the kids in her country are mean to her biracial child).

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[PracticallyMe]

Absolutely yes! I want my agreement formalized, so there are no questions or issues down the line. If he wants to do more that's great. He should want to do as much as he can for his own kids.

If the support is formalized I don't have to worry about him changing stuff up down the line. I don't play about my children, so to avoid possible drama (and trust me if my children aren't getting what's due, there will be drama) in the future I will take care of it from the jump.

 

[Letta]

Now that I read a few more posts...why are the non-parents involved in this issue? I agree with another poster that this is basically a guarantee and a common settlement issue. This is for the protection of the child and the person most responsible to raise the child to ensure that obligations are met. Why would he take issue or offense? The child support is a way the courts determine a fair sharing of funds and if he owes more, he cannot complain about it. Sounds like he might be scared he's going to have to pay more. They use a formula to determine what that amount should be.

I don't think you need to be a parent to have a say. My parents divorced and my dad paid child support.

But I don't necessarily disagree with your viewpoint. But I think its different case by case. I don't think we should make a sweeping generalization that any time you divorce to have to or should make the man pay child support.

A man can just pay using check or money order to have proof of payment to the mother. He just makes sure he writes it in the name of the child and there be a bank account set up for the child. Thats what my parents did before my dad legally paid child support.

 

[anon123]

I don't think I would. If something happened and he stopped paying like he used to, then I would. But I don't see the benefit in doing it prematurely. It's not like you'd have to do any less work if you do it as soon as you divorce rather than later, right? Or is that wrong? And if he never skimps and you don't have to get an order, you end up doing less work.

But then again, I'm not totally sure I'd be the primary caretaker, so not sure I'd be getting it /needing it anyway.

However, if I were a man, I would make sure there was something in writing to protect myself, in case the mother wanted to say I wasn't paying or just giving her gifts. Wouldn't want to have to pay "back child support" if I had been paying all those years.

 

[Shimmie]

The divorce agreement MUST have provisions for the children; as things can change in the father's life.

Especially when another woman comes into his life and he becomes supportive of her. Not many woman are going to have a man in her life is he's not giving her support even if he has other children from a past relationship.

This is where things can change in support of a child from a previous marriage which is very sad. Support has to be secured legally.

 

[IrrationalThoughts]

FemmeFatale thanks for answering. I will say the whole garnishment thing is nasty and unnecessary. I would think that the court would put the order in place and only order that if he didn't pay. She was spinning yarns if she got them to do that...I think.

 

[topnotch1010]

Yes, I'd have him formally put on CS. The welfare of my children are at stake. That is something I must make concrete. Everything else of great importance is legally binding through a contract. Why should this be any different?

 

[Lynnerie]

If he's doing what he's supposed to be doing no I would not get the courts involved because there would be no need. I also wouldn't expect to have the child the majority of the time either. We need to split the time cause a child needs more than just money.

 

[Guitarhero]

I don't think you need to be a parent to have a say. My parents divorced and my dad paid child support.

But I don't necessarily disagree with your viewpoint. But I think its different case by case. I don't think we should make a sweeping generalization that any time you divorce to have to or should make the man pay child support.

A man can just pay using check or money order to have proof of payment to the mother. He just makes sure he writes it in the name of the child and there be a bank account set up for the child. Thats what my parents did before my dad legally paid child support.

I didn't make any sweeping generalization and the OP stated it was a woman/man situation in which the male was paying. That was the reference. What I said was that child support should not be an option for any parent and I meant male or female. As to why other people are bothering in a separating couple's business is strange. I don't understand why unless they fear somebody is going to be taken advantage of.

To the general discussion:


It's obvious that most here have not been in this situation. I can guarantee that a lot of men fall by the wayside in paying their support, whether court-secured or not. This is why it's important to have protections in place. Any lawyer worth his/her salt would make sure the children are secure and that both parents are paying their due. It's difficult to know what you would do until you're in that situation and given the average in society, yes, we are usually talking about men not doing sh!t for their kids after a certain point. Nice now won't necessarily be "nice" later..folks change, get jealous, find new partners, other interests, move...and forget the kids. It happens all the time. Ask a lawyer, the court trustees...any family court judge.

 

[Guitarhero]

FemmeFatale thanks for answering. I will say the whole garnishment thing is nasty and unnecessary. I would think that the court would put the order in place and only order that if he didn't pay. She was spinning yarns if she got them to do that...I think.

Garnishments only happen if he fails to pay. There's also jail time awaiting. Parents are given the opportunity to comply and make it up if they lapse or have trouble paying...they will reformulate the amounts in the event of a job loss or pay lowers. You don't go to court and immediately secure a garnishment.

 

[Tolle]

Garnishments only happen if he fails to pay. There's also jail time awaiting. Parents are given the opportunity to comply and make it up if they lapse or have trouble paying...they will reformulate the amounts in the event of a job loss or pay lowers. You don't go to court and immediately secure a garnishment.

Not true in my state. Mothers are given the option to use child support enforcement once an order is in place. CSE garnishes wages.

 

[Guitarhero]

Not true in my state. Mothers are given the option to use child support enforcement once an order is in place. CSE garnishes wages.

I wonder why that is... Va. doesn't play! Mine paid the courts and they distributed it...then he went that typical route ... and the garnishment would have started but he lost his job. He began to mooch off others to keep his money and look like he was poor. Jail was hot on his butt.

Well, all I can say is that it's set up this way because of the average abuse of the courts. Folks aren't paying up. I still don't get this underlying tone (not you at all Renewmetoo) here that "she's trifling" somehow for going straight to court. I think she's a smart woman. You just never know. Ex's are fickle and you gotta be 2 steps ahead. I'd expect a man to do the same if he were the custodial parent. Shrugs. But to me, it seems kinda like folks are looking at Black women as something extra just because he's paying up TODAY. What about tomorrow?

Is that what people are thinking? That he shouldn't be troubled by the system?

 

[barbiesocialite]

wrong thread...my bad lol

 

[jdvzmommy]

^^wrong thread?

 

[barbiesocialite]

^^^^^

LMAO I figured that out

I was busy yelling at the screen, I wasnt paying attentoin lolololol

 

[FemmeFatale]

Not true in my state. Mothers are given the option to use child support enforcement once an order is in place. CSE garnishes wages.

And she resides in your state.

 

[FemmeFatale]

I wonder why that is... Va. doesn't play! Mine paid the courts and they distributed it...then he went that typical route ... and the garnishment would have started but he lost his job. He began to mooch off others to keep his money and look like he was poor. Jail was hot on his butt.

Well, all I can say is that it's set up this way because of the average abuse of the courts. Folks aren't paying up. I still don't get this underlying tone (not you at all Renewmetoo) here that "she's trifling" somehow for going straight to court. I think she's a smart woman. You just never know. Ex's are fickle and you gotta be 2 steps ahead. I'd expect a man to do the same if he were the custodial parent. Shrugs. But to me, it seems kinda like folks are looking at Black women as something extra just because he's paying up TODAY. What about tomorrow?

Is that what people are thinking? That he shouldn't be troubled by the system?

YES!!! Give the man a chance to f up first. If he is taking care of business, why do this (rhetorical question)?

There's a lot more to the story but the chick is a schemer who is straight bitter and manipulative..she pretended to enroll my nephew in daycare when she really had a family member watching him just to get more money, thank God the courts needed receipts so this yr she finally enrolled my nephew. Ugh she disgusts me.

 

[NOEChic]

YES!!! Give the man a chance to f up first. If he is taking care of business, why do this (rhetorical question)?

There's a lot more to the story but the chick is a schemer who is straight bitter and manipulative..she pretended to enroll my nephew in daycare when she really had a family member watching him just to get more money, thank God the courts needed receipts so this yr she finally enrolled my nephew. Ugh she disgusts me.

I don't think she is agreeing with you. I think she is saying, why wait till he messes up.

 

[FemmeFatale]

I don't think she is agreeing with you. I think she

I was answering her question that's highlighted.

 

[NOEChic]

I was answering her question that's highlighted.

oh ok.....

but why wait till he messes up. Then you gotta wait months to get a court date, and get a judgement and in the end he gonna be mad anyway. So just do it now make sure its all spelled out and written down.

 

[Mis007]

and your ex AND his family made sure that the child wanted for nothing..would you still put him on child support? Why or why not?

Yes I would, I would be stupid not to, When a relationship/marriage ends things get real tricky and messy even if he is providing and has promised to do so, there is no guarantee this will continue in the future what if he meets another, what if he suddenly becomes mean etc . People change I just like to know that things are in order for now and the future.

 

[loved]

Mandated child support is not meant to be punitive or a punishment. It's just a means of figuring out a fair way of consistently providing for the child(ren). If a parent is already providing, what's the big deal about cementing the arrangement?