FemmeFatale
Well-Known Member
and your ex AND his family made sure that the child wanted for nothing..would you still put him on child support? Why or why not?
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If Your Relationship/marriage Ended And You Two Had A Child
- Thread starter FemmeFatale
- Start date
Letta
Well-Known Member
Honestly, if the marriage ended we'd have to discuss that in the divorce proceedings.
If my ex and his family are basically giving the child everything, I would only ask that they also set money aside for her to go to college. So basically set up a college fund or trust fund.
I figure if they are already paying for the more expensive things, birthday parties, w/e, I can pay for her day to day living. That's my job as her mother.
If my ex and his family are basically giving the child everything, I would only ask that they also set money aside for her to go to college. So basically set up a college fund or trust fund.
I figure if they are already paying for the more expensive things, birthday parties, w/e, I can pay for her day to day living. That's my job as her mother.
FemmeFatale
Well-Known Member
And what if the grandparents were doing that as well?
Qtee
Member
Child support is for financial support of the child...if he was already doing that on his own..then why take him to court..I'm not talking about just buying clothes or buying pampers..I'm saying if he is supporting his child financially (providing for his/her basic needs food, clothes, housing)..then he is doing his job...If he is also spending time with the child and getting him/her what he wants as well..then he's being a good father..
TamedTresses
Well-Known Member
Nope. I don't see a need to if he (and his family) ensured that my child was taken care of.
Now, if he stopped doing what he was doing, then I would certainly have a talk with him and let him know he needs to step up or I will take him to court. But, if he is doing what he is supposed to be doing, I don't see the point of putting him on child support.
Now, if he stopped doing what he was doing, then I would certainly have a talk with him and let him know he needs to step up or I will take him to court. But, if he is doing what he is supposed to be doing, I don't see the point of putting him on child support.
Letta
Well-Known Member
I wouldn't ask the grandparents to do anything. But if they chose to more power to them. I would also contribute to the fund when and if I wanted to.
I just prefer things not to be messy for the child's sake. I say that I want it in the divorce proceedings because if they are doing it on their own, whats stopping them from not doing it in the event they get upset at me?
But I'd never ask for additional money to care for her.
Mrs. Verde
Well-Known Member
There wouldn't be a need to go through child support if the ex is paying for the kid. Now if he stopped paying, then that would be a different story.
When you say "put him on support" I'm assuming that means having a judge order support.
It depends. Does mom have a full accounting of his income and an agreement that he will report additional/increases in income? Do the parents have a written agreement? I believe in written agreements between unmarried parents when it comes to the child. It saves a lot of hassle in the long run, especially when feelings get hurt when one parent moves on to another relationship.
The family provision would be a nice bonus, but I wouldn't take it into account when making decisions about our parental obligations.
It depends. Does mom have a full accounting of his income and an agreement that he will report additional/increases in income? Do the parents have a written agreement? I believe in written agreements between unmarried parents when it comes to the child. It saves a lot of hassle in the long run, especially when feelings get hurt when one parent moves on to another relationship.
The family provision would be a nice bonus, but I wouldn't take it into account when making decisions about our parental obligations.
LongTimeComing
Well-Known Member
If he is handling business then there is no need to interfere. The minute he neglects taking care of his responsibilities I will get a court order.
FemmeFatale
Well-Known Member
Yes that exactly what I mean.
LiftedUp
Well-Known Member
Yes. I'm fickle like that. IMO it's to protect all three of us. For me, I need the comfort knowing that every month he will meet his financial responsibility until our child is 18 whether we're still friendly or not, whether he meets someone else or not. For him, he should want documented evidence that he has been providing adequately for our child wrt his means. Of course, the child is the central beneficiary in this. This doesn't mean that he and his family shouldn't go the extra mile because I will be going the extra mile as well.
It has nothing to do with our personal feelings. That's just my personal feelings on life and this topic. I like most things as black and white as possible and accept those things that doesn't fit in those boxes.
It has nothing to do with our personal feelings. That's just my personal feelings on life and this topic. I like most things as black and white as possible and accept those things that doesn't fit in those boxes.
Ladybelle
New Member
Well, what do you mean if you say the child wants for nothing??? Because there's a difference between wants & needs.
are they paying for daycare, afterschool care? extracurricular activities? What about groceries and clothing? Then medical co-pays, prescriptions? hair appts? health insurance? Then what about the gas it takes to transport them to & fro?
If they were doing ALL of that, then child suppot isn't neccessary. But, if they are just spoiling the child with stuff, child support would still be needed. It takes a lot more than "stuff" to raise a child.
are they paying for daycare, afterschool care? extracurricular activities? What about groceries and clothing? Then medical co-pays, prescriptions? hair appts? health insurance? Then what about the gas it takes to transport them to & fro?
If they were doing ALL of that, then child suppot isn't neccessary. But, if they are just spoiling the child with stuff, child support would still be needed. It takes a lot more than "stuff" to raise a child.
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NOEChic
I may not always be right, but I'm never wrong.
I would put any man that I have a child with on child support it is just a safety net for all of us. Because sometimes the things that he is doing can be considered as gifts for the child and not support. What if he got but hurt and decided to do less for the child because I met someone?
FemmeFatale
Well-Known Member
Yes the needs are covered.. daycare, healthcare..not just the fluff.
Ladybelle
New Member
I wouldn't put them on child support then. I would have no reason to, because the purpose of child support is to insure the support of the child and if that's being done without government intervention, no need for it.
In this scenario, the child is probably coming out better than he/she would on child support because child support doesn't really cover everything.
barbiesocialite
Well-Known Member
I wouldn't have this problem.
If I have a child(ren) and divorce their father at any point, I will be giving my ex-DH primary to full custody. Although I might occasionally do freelance work, considering that my primary profession while married will be that of a SAHW/M--this is the ONLY way I would ever agree to have children in the first place--I highly doubt my ex would petition for child support from me unless I remarried someone with more money than he than he makes. That said, given the circumstances of the divorce (before and after), it would be obvious that any attempt to demand payment from me would not be on behalf of the child's well-being, but rather, the motive would clearly be a vindictive and vengeful act resulting from my ex's bitterness and wanting to "make me pay." smh. That wouldn't sit well with me and I'm not sure how I would feel about it...
If I have a child(ren) and divorce their father at any point, I will be giving my ex-DH primary to full custody. Although I might occasionally do freelance work, considering that my primary profession while married will be that of a SAHW/M--this is the ONLY way I would ever agree to have children in the first place--I highly doubt my ex would petition for child support from me unless I remarried someone with more money than he than he makes. That said, given the circumstances of the divorce (before and after), it would be obvious that any attempt to demand payment from me would not be on behalf of the child's well-being, but rather, the motive would clearly be a vindictive and vengeful act resulting from my ex's bitterness and wanting to "make me pay." smh. That wouldn't sit well with me and I'm not sure how I would feel about it...
Tolle
Team Fluid
starfish
Well-Known Member
Heck yes I'd require child support. Couple split up. Ex is paying for things, doing everything for his child. Ex gets remarried and has more children. Suddenly, payments start dwindling. The extras are gone.
Now, ex-wife must take ex-husband to court amidst arguments, bad feelings, hurt and anger. Since ex now has a bigger family and less to go around, ex-wife gets less in child support than if she would have pursued the manner when the divorce initially happened.
I've seen this scenario happen too many times to count.
Now, ex-wife must take ex-husband to court amidst arguments, bad feelings, hurt and anger. Since ex now has a bigger family and less to go around, ex-wife gets less in child support than if she would have pursued the manner when the divorce initially happened.
I've seen this scenario happen too many times to count.
barbiesocialite
Well-Known Member
@renewmetoo
Two reasons: my children will be a planned product of a marriage (there will be no accidents) and, also, I will have birthed children in the first place under the conditions that I have a supportive husband that is actively and equally (although our roles & duties will likely be different) involved & supporting me in the child rearing and previously had expressed his dedication to raising children in a two-parent home.
Divorce is a breach of contract. I would personally never file for divorce while having children under the age of 18. I don't care what's going on, we are going to have to find some way tolerate each other and keep the peace. But breaking up on my end IS NOT an option. I didn't have children to raise them alone so I will not be punished just because he didn't want to be married anymore. Nope, I'm not letting him off the hook that easy so he can be free and single to do as he pleases....If my DH insists on leaving, that's fine, he can take his kids with him. That is not what I signed up for...
I also believe the outcome for children raised by single-fathers is better than when they are left with the mothers
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winterinatl
All natural!
Yes, I would.
Things are never certain in the future. Plus it's not his family's responsibility to provide for the child, it's his and mine. Who knows what could happen to me or my funds even if they seem secure now, our child gets provision from me AND HIM - the two halves that made the whole- no matter what.
Also, the man's situation could change for the better as well, and our child would be a beneficiary of that.
And, people get funky sometimes. Usually around the time new psssy is introduced, or said woman wants to get married and have a baby of her own, and now wants to limit what mine is getting. Ain't no new wife convincing a court to change a child support decree. But she CAN and will convince a man to scale back the "non essential" support.
ETA: I read the OP wrong. So he and the family support the kid 100%? That's great, but I would still have him on support for the above reasons. What floats Dad's fancy NOW might not in the future.
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ladysaraii
Well-Known Member
I think that its best to do so while everything is still relatively friendly. And if we were married, we would have to go to court to get the divorce and split up the assets, we might as well do child support while we are there
I think its really best for all parties involved
I think its really best for all parties involved
jdvzmommy
Well-Known Member
I'm still with dd's father and we live together, but since we are not married, he pays child support.
Some of the money goes towards her life insurance policy, the rest goes into her savings account. At the end of the year, that money is put into a CD for her.
A lot of people look at us like
when they find out, but it works for us and we both have our bases covered in case we part ways.
Some of the money goes towards her life insurance policy, the rest goes into her savings account. At the end of the year, that money is put into a CD for her.
A lot of people look at us like
when they find out, but it works for us and we both have our bases covered in case we part ways.
Tolle
Team Fluid
I'm still with dd's father and we live together, but since we are not married, he pays child support.
Some of the money goes towards her life insurance policy, the rest goes into her savings account. At the end of the year, that money is put into a CD for her.
A lot of people look at us like
jdvzmommy
Who pays for her day to day expenses?
jdvzmommy
Well-Known Member
Whoever's at the store
We split her expenses. It's usually like, "Hey, when you go out, can you pick up xyz for J?"
She goes to public school, so we don't pay for daycare and she's out of diapers, so we don't worry about that anymore.
ETA: Actually, I buy all of her clothes. I was sick and he had to get her ready for school. When I saw her ready to leave the house, I had to get up and change her myself. It was tragic. He's not allowed to buy her clothes.
The irony yis more often than not, for you take him to court despite him going above and beyond, the court will mandate LESS than what he was doing before and you end up looking like boo boo the fool
I personally think if a woman still try to take him to court despite doing what NEEDS to be done for the kid(s) she's just trying to find a way to get some of that money for herself.
NOEChic
I may not always be right, but I'm never wrong.
I have seen it happen first hand where the man was doing what he could for his baby and the momma took him to court and he was told to pay less than what he was paying. But, I rather have it down on paper even if it is just $50 a month at least I know that I will get that $50 then if he decides to stop doing what he was doing. Then if he decides to stop paying the court ordered I have a recourse and can take him back to court.
IrrationalThoughts
Well-Known Member
I'm still with dd's father and we live together, but since we are not married, he pays child support.
Some of the money goes towards her life insurance policy, the rest goes into her savings account. At the end of the year, that money is put into a CD for her.
A lot of people look at us like
This is a thought. We are together and now living together, but I think we need to have a conversation about baby expenses. I like to have my bases covered.
I already let him know that if things don't work out between the two of us, my first stop the next business day will be the family court. He seemed really concerned when I told him this. I don't think that he would shirk his responsibility, but what do y'all say about the person you break up with not being the person you got with?
I guess I don't see what the issue would be with having an order on file. If he is doing more (which in most cases he should) that is just him manning up and making sure his youngin is well cared for. As long as the $$ is going towards the care of the baby, no big whoop.
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