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softblackcotton, I don't know where this thought came from or what it is that led me to think this but from when I was very young, I came to the conclusion that women have so much power and can get any man they want. I still think we do. Call it the law of attraction but I've never wanted a guy so bad and he not give some type of attention. If he's with someone else, then I would lose interest really quickly. I've never really let myself settle. I think there's something about being happy in yourself that people find attractive.
When I was in elementary school I hated boys so much yet it seemed they would not stop hitting on me. Or even if not really hitting, just being nice to me which led to a lot of teasing from girls making me bawl my eyes out. When I reached teens I started to wish for male attention but I was fat and no one really gave me much attention and when they did, I'd clam up coz I had never had any male friends since I spent my young years hating boys. But I started to just daydream. I'd talk to my image in the mirror and act out scenes that I hoped would happen. I learned to smile with my eyes. And then a few friends of mine came up with the idea of "phone pals". Looking back it was more like stalking LOL, but we'd get the number of a guy we like and call him and tell hi we're phone pals. We would not give our number (and caller IDs or tracing calls wasn't common back then) but we'd promise to call whenever they wanted. And so I spent my early teens talking on the phone to my crush without him ever knowing who I was because I didn't even give my real name. I also told a lot of half-truths so they'd not track me down. And these were usually people who were family friends so there was no fear of any of them being psychos. If we got busted we'd stop calling. It was actually this way that I met my first bf. And I was at my heaviest, had a TWA that couldn't even hold a comb and a fat face and so I really didn't think anyone would give me the time of day. So phone-pals were OK and comfortable for me; I could let my personality shine without my looks getting in the way. But that phonepal insisted on meeting me. We had talked for so long so I finally agreed to it, and he was as gorgeous as I thought he'd be (I vaguely remembered him from years ago when we'd been at a family party and there were all these people I didn't know...but I couldn't for the life of me remember what he looked like until that day, plus it was a few years later). 6 feet and a tennis player. I actually used to go to the same sports club but I'd never met him and that's where we agreed to meet. He was playing squash alone when I watched him for ages before getting the courage to say hi. And he was so nice. Didn't barf at my sight or run shrieking. He actually seemed to be into me. And I suppose it was he who gave me the confidence to know that I do have something about me that others find attractive. And do you know what else? I never used to go to clubs. I was a home buddy and some girls who looked like Halle Berry met him at a club and went to talk to him (so you see? Some girls DO approach guys!). He was cordial but excused himself and went to sit at the bar. These girls didn't know he was my guy and when he came to visit me at school they were shocked that *I* was his girl. They were like, "Dayummm...you have a nice guy there because he didn't give us the time of day when we tried to say hi and flirt with him." I had no idea this had happened and they had said they thought he must date one heck of a girl or be gay coz they couldn't believe he didn't ogle them like they are used to. So it was he who also taught me about faithfulness. If it can feel so good to have someone so true to you, I decided I wanted to be that girl that guys can feel as "secure" with as I did with him.
Anyway, bottom line is whenever I was single, I never found myself pining for a guy who was out of reach. I used to have this thing where I assumed every good looking guy was taken so I'd just not even waste time wanting them. But I also had this confidence that, taken or not, gadammit he's gonna notice me. I'd not flirt or put myself out there, but I'd just be myself--act aloof but make sure my personality is noticed somehow. (Guys are attracted to what seems out of reach and someone that looks like she's fun, so the more aloof you are w/o being arrogant or looking like a snob, the more you will catch their eye). If down the road it turned out that he was available, then it was usually a bonus for me, but perhaps that thing where you're not looking for something and it finds you is what would be at work because I'd find that the one pursuing me would be someone I actually found attractive.
I will admit that I did learn over time that all that glitters isn't gold. I have always dated very good looking guys and "tall, dark and handsome" seemed to be a must before I would consider dating anyone. But with maturity, I came to appreciate personality more than looks. I didn't want to deal with anymore dogs or maniacs or be hurt anymore. I shared my story of how I met my hubby, by giving up all that superficial BS thinking and just trusting God to find me a good person (Looks no longer mattered). But as God knows my heart, he surprised me by not just fulfilling my request (inside qualities/personality) but throwing in the looks and the body I always dreamed of but didn't think I'd ever get. Most of the guys I dated were cute but not all had the physiques I liked. They were either too slim or a bit soft...never cut or toned or built or with broad shoulders...and until I met my hubby, a six-pack and perfect physique were only things I saw in magazines.
Anyway, I digress, but I do think that if women realized just how much magnetism we have, they'd use it to their advantage. I mean it isn't just about looks. There are so many women that are more beautiful than some women you may know who are dating good catches who may look too attractive for them. Men appreciate confidence and it can be hypnotizing so that they swear there's no other woman out there. It's almost as if you can convince them you're the most beautiful girl in the world if you believe it yourself. They admire their mothers because their mothers are so "together" and a woman who gives off the same air of confidence can get any man to fall for her. I really believe this. Of course some guys reading this will give me the side eye, but whatev'. If I were interested in you, I'd get you too but I'm not.
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) "You gonna be my girlfriend" checking me out!
I need to try to project more of that type of attitude into my OWN life! I should be the "leading lady" in my OWN life gosh darnit! 
) They were married within a year of meeting and are expecting their first baby. 
because deep down I'm not that kind of person.
