I need to get this off my heart

[phynestone]

Wow. What a total d*ckhead.

This is a dangerous individual you have been dealing with all this time, so treat him as such. Stay far, FAR away.

I am SO sorry for what happened to you.

 

[Vinyl]

I wish I could say something to comfort you, Yoko.

(((hugs)))

 

[ShaniKeys]

Be strong yokoyoko. *hug*

 

[KEWLKAT103]

My heart hurts for you. Your in a terrible situation and I know you must feel so hurt and confused.

I don't think you will be happy if you stay with him. He wont be either. Like he said, he tried to stop with that man, but his feelings and desires kept pulling him back.

Don't make any harsh decisions just yet about leaving japan. Give yourself some time and do what's best for you. (((hugs)))

 

[noemi]

Honestly, I don't think any of us can say whether or not he loves her. We often hurt the people we love. Hearing something like that only compounds the hurt and you end up feeling like YOU did something wrong. She already feels bad enough about this and has enough questions.

I do think he has no consideration for her or her health, and that's the angle she needs to base her decisions on. She has to be in self-protect mode, because clearly he could have gone on a lot longer without revealing his lifestyle choices.

To the OP, my heart goes out to you. I think you need to distance yourself from him and really get quiet and still and determine how you would like to move forward. Ultimately this is your life and you have to live it in a way that brings you peace.

I support you during this time and wish you the best.

I never implied that I have knowledge. The OP stated several times that he stated he loved her. At a time like this she is VERY emotional. And when you are emotional, you sometimes don't use LOGIC to think through a situation. I'm addressing the OP as if she was a BFF or sister. I hope I didn't offend the poster. I'm not asking her questions, just trying to give her guidance.

Now, to the OP. If was you I would stop talking to him period. You said you don't like the lies and are tired of the lies, STOP inviting the lies in by giving him an opening and talking to him. Unless you have some expensive items that can't be easily replaced, items such as clothes, I'd leave them. Let him wear them around his bf. (smile) Just you leave and stop talking to him. The faster you do that, the quicker you can start the process of getting your life back together and moving past this.

Although only you know what's best for you.

ETA: While you are getting yourself together, I strongly urge you to be making some moves to come home.

 

[Encore]

The Lord be with you because I would have had a nervous breakdown.

Leave Leave leave leavee and do not ever look back.

i think you should come home, being away from him and around new surroundings will help your healing process. My heart is heavy for you.

thank you for having the courage to post this, you may have helped another woman on here.

 

[GV-NA-GI-TLV-GE-I]

But he could say he didn't want to lose me, he wanted to be with me and have a family and WE CAN STILL MAKE IT WORK. He said.

We have two options:
1. Put this deceit in the back of our heart and never let it happen again.

Ask him where he was during the holidays in the U.S. when he was neglectful of you and shady-acting. Maybe he'll have more to admit.


2. "YOU (me) CAN CONTROL IT" meaning I guess I say if he can do something or I moniter his desires.


Only he can monitor his desires and behavior. That is not up to you.

He added that "you can never make it the same, but I want you to learn and try." He compared it to smoking. If you want someone to quit smoking they try the patch or gum, and eventually ween off of cigarettes. But I added so many ppl fall back into that---and this cannot be compared to smoking.


Do you honestly wish to be married to a bisexual knowing that they will desire sex with someone other than you? And to bring children into that scene? Please think it over well.


IHe said he wanted to tell me so many times, but he knew "I was a nice girl" and would leave him. He knew I wouldn accept him like that.


I'd have to wonder why he felt it was okay to lie to me, a nice and respectable girl who happens to be Black, and go and cheat with a Black male fantasy. Honestly, it's sad but it's a tad racist...

but he felt bad for lying to me. He feels glad he can be completly honest with us now. He wanted to "make it up to me", what can he buy me he said? How can he prove he loves me and doesn't need that man? Can we make an agreement, can we still be together? Can we have a beautiful future like he had planned?





I was thinking should I go home or move? My ex-husband is also a problem, making my life in this area hard. My job has also been stressful and I have been overall homesick. But I feel like if leave, I'm doing it for the wrong reason. I am thinking of moving to a totally different part of Japan. But I don't know.

How do you move on?
I know I can never trust someone again? What have I done that I deserve this? Why is this all happening to me?

I hope this post doesn't get anyone in trouble here, but I had to get this out. I feel like a bus hit me hard. Like I feel it hard. And I can't really focus on anything, but I just wanted to let you all know and be honest.

You should probably step back, breathe and think of what would be best for you, not you and him. Think of healing yourself in this situation. If that warrants a move to be free, then do so. I wouldn't come back yet. There's much for you to learn in Japan. Don't waste that experience. But it will be inextricably linked to a bad situation and I will pray you can put bad things behind. I'd concentrate on myself at this point, if I were you. I wish you well

 

[yokoyokogirl]

Thanks again. At work now and everyones excited about valentines day tomorrow but it's a little upsetting. I'm not sad because I don't have someone anymore. I'm sad because my perfect relationship was a complete fabrication.

I'm thinking I might not even go get my stuff just random clothes I can replace. I can't face him without breaking down.

 

[cocoaluv]

Thanks again. At work now and everyones excited about valentines day tomorrow but it's a little upsetting. I'm not sad because I don't have someone anymore. I'm sad because my perfect relationship was a complete fabrication.

I'm thinking I might not even go get my stuff just random clothes I can replace. I can't face him without breaking down.

Good idea.


If its just some clothes that you left over there and nothing important like a computer or your wallet it can all be easily replaced. Just please break away from him and take some time out to heal. I am really praying for you. What happend to you could have happend to ANYONE. I know you probably dont feel like it now but you are very VERY lucky. He told you....he lied in the beginning but he told you to your face and you now are able to make the choice to leave him behind.

 

[iCandyc]

I'm so sorry your going through this

 

[naijamerican]

Yokoyoko, I cannot say anything that hasn't already been aptly said by the other women in this thread. I am so sorry that this is happening to you. On the other hand, I trust that this experience will only serve to make you stronger and more wary of deceitful men.

On a personal note, I want to personally thank you for exposing those charlatan Gospel singers that praise God in the US and sex men abroad, lying left and right to their wives or girlfriends, fans, etc. I know that that's not the focus of this thread and I don't want to detract from the pain you are feeling, but I sincerely must thank you for your honesty. In addition, as another poster said, what you posted is going to save a lot of women from heartache, especially when it comes to trusting our instincts. Again, my deepest sympathies for what you're experiencing.

There's one more thing that struck me: your ex is disgraceful and greedy, trying to keep you and going so far as to tell you that if you stay with him he'll do it in front of you. If he wants to be with multiple partners, he should be single instead of concocting a web of lies and feeding into another man's deceit. He truly defines trying to have his cake and eat it too. I am glad that you love and respect yourself enough to end it. It must have been hard to come to that decision but I admire you.

 

[princessnad]

((((((((((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

Don't be afaid to let it out.

 

[varaneka]

Often women think they "made" or "turned" their husband or boyfriend gay or bisexual by someting they did or didn't do. This is not the case! Rest assured, your significant other's present display of homosexual or bisexual feelings were there before he met you. They were simply repressed until now. Some men come out at 13, others at 30. Each circumstance is different.

IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT

One of the unfortunate side effects of unfaithful men on the down low is the transfer of sexually transmitted diseases such as HIV. Outside of this issue, It's important that you always practice safe sex (remember, women carry STD's as well!) This is especially important for the protection of you and your children. Get tested for HIV!

but...bisexual doesn't mean unfaithful. you're in my prayers!

 

[adi687]

Like many before me I'm speechless. I'm sorry this happened to you so far from home.

Right now, you need to be brave and to hold on; it hurts now but it'll pass and you'll come out of this stronger.
Praying for you!

 

[Irresistible]

oh God I just feel so sick for you

I just cant grasp this!

I FEEL SICK INSIDE , that anyone could do this to someone

 

[Irresistible]

Yokoyoko, I cannot say anything that hasn't already been aptly said by the other women in this thread. I am so sorry that this is happening to you. On the other hand, I trust that this experience will only serve to make you stronger and more wary of deceitful men.

On a personal note, I want to personally thank you for exposing those charlatan Gospel singers that praise God in the US and sex men abroad, lying left and right to their wives or girlfriends, fans, etc. I know that that's not the focus of this thread and I don't want to detract from the pain you are feeling, but I sincerely must thank you for your honesty. In addition, as another poster said, what you posted is going to save a lot of women from heartache, especially when it comes to trusting our instincts. Again, my deepest sympathies for what you're experiencing.

There's one more thing that struck me: your ex is disgraceful and greedy, trying to keep you and going so far as to tell you that if you stay with him he'll do it in front of you. If he wants to be with multiple partners, he should be single instead of concocting a web of lies and feeding into another man's deceit. He truly defines trying to have his cake and eat it too. I am glad that you love and respect yourself enough to end it. It must have been hard to come to that decision but I admire you.

yes this is the other part that sickens me

I have heard of this and some names, including the one named here

its sickening to the soul

 

[TrendySocialite]

I'm sure someone has already said this...

As I thought more about this situation, I became very upset at your ex's lack of respect for your feelings. How dare he think that buying some jewlery or an LV bag could possibly undo the hurt, betrayal and devastation you feel? He thinks that there is a price tag to your heart and devotion?!?!?!!? Truly, WTH?!?!?!?!

That has me more pissed than his indiscretion....that shows almost a slight level of contempt. Like he's so great that you couldn't possibly stay mad at him as long as he buys you something.

That is insulting...

I don't mean to add insult to injury, but I wouldn't talk to him again til Jesus returns for the simple reason that he feels there is a price tag on my emotions, my health and my well-being.

You are still in my prayers...

 

[TrendySocialite]

Yokoyoko, I cannot say anything that hasn't already been aptly said by the other women in this thread. I am so sorry that this is happening to you. On the other hand, I trust that this experience will only serve to make you stronger and more wary of deceitful men.

On a personal note, I want to personally thank you for exposing those charlatan Gospel singers that praise God in the US and sex men abroad, lying left and right to their wives or girlfriends, fans, etc. I know that that's not the focus of this thread and I don't want to detract from the pain you are feeling, but I sincerely must thank you for your honesty. In addition, as another poster said, what you posted is going to save a lot of women from heartache, especially when it comes to trusting our instincts. Again, my deepest sympathies for what you're experiencing.

There's one more thing that struck me: your ex is disgraceful and greedy, trying to keep you and going so far as to tell you that if you stay with him he'll do it in front of you. If he wants to be with multiple partners, he should be single instead of concocting a web of lies and feeding into another man's deceit. He truly defines trying to have his cake and eat it too. I am glad that you love and respect yourself enough to end it. It must have been hard to come to that decision but I admire you.

I agree with this. Not to have a theological or philosophical discussion but I once heard a minister say that before Satan was kicked out of heaven, he was the angel in charge of music. So when he was banished, part of his mission was to pervert the area he was in charge of. I believe that's why there is such a stronghold of sexual pervesion among musicians and others in the creative arts, especially in the church.

But that's my .02....

 

[january noir]

Thanks again. At work now and everyones excited about valentines day tomorrow but it's a little upsetting. I'm not sad because I don't have someone anymore. I'm sad because my perfect relationship was a complete fabrication.

I'm thinking I might not even go get my stuff just random clothes I can replace. I can't face him without breaking down.

(((Yokoyokogirl)))
Sometime a CLEAN and COMPLETE break is needed. This situation sounds like it. Like you said, the things you have at his place can be replaced; he can box them up and mail them to you. He can say nor do nothing else to to repair what has been broken.

I am going say that he is emotionally immature to even suggest that buying things and making love to a MAN in front of you would make things right. Girl, in the midst of your pain, keep thanking God that this didn't go any further.

I went through something like this in my late 30s. The man I loved turned out to be a cross-dressing sexual deviant. I tried to hang, but when he left me for someone else, I FINALLY GOT THE MESSAGE!!! Emotionally I was devastated, but today I am healed and in a loving, kind and gentle relationship.

Hold on, hold on. This too, shall pass...

 

[NYAmicas]

I'm so so sorry Yoko, I remember from your past posts about him and things really did seem fishy. I admire your courage to post about this and the fact that you're concerned about the other man's wife. Please dont let this man take any more of your time and kind heart. You'll be in my thoughts!

 

[ClassicChic]

(((((((((Hugs)))))))))))))))

I am at a lost of words right now.

 

[LunadeMiel]

My heart is hearting for you...
I don't know how you are managing to stay so calm right now. Please stay away from him and get tested right away..

 

[~~HoneyComb~~]

Many hugs to you for what you're enduring now. If I were with you I'd give you a shoulder to cry on.

 

[CurliDiva]

I wish I was there to give you a big HUG! I'm so sorry this happened but his decisions and lifestyle is not you.

I know it hurts, but you don't have anything to be embrassed about...thanks for reaching out to us, but share with the trusted people in your real life, too. You need the love and support right now!

Try to gentle with yourself; do or make any decisions on YOUR timetable(and benefit), not his.

 

[yokoyokogirl]

My BFF said I was "not thinking clearly" to put my life out there for everyone to read, but I feel so much better. I just felt like I had to let ppl know about this.

I appreciate all of your kind words and assurances, but I NOT going back to him. I don't want a LB bag or anything else from him. Just to be left alone. And I hope he never does this to another woman again.

That's all.

Thanks again.

 

[BrooklynSouth]

Absolutely unreal...I am so sorry your happiness has been shattered. Time will heal your hurt.

 

[Xavier]

My BFF said I was "not thinking clearly" to put my life out there for everyone to read, but I feel so much better. I just felt like I had to let ppl know about this.

I appreciate all of your kind words and assurances, but I NOT going back to him. I don't want a LB bag or anything else from him. Just to be left alone. And I hope he never does this to another woman again.

That's all.

Thanks again.

((((HUGS))))

I am happy that you feel better. I am sure you are going to need more time to heal from the heartbreak but just hang in there and it will eventually get better.

Know that if you look back and feel exposed by the personal nature of this thread you can ask a mod to delete it. I do thank you for sharing, because as you were posting to vent and share your pain and sadness, I am sure that someone who has read this thread has been helped in one way or another.

 

[yokoyokogirl]

Know that if you look back and feel exposed by the personal nature of this thread you can ask a mod to delete it. I do thank you for sharing, because as you were posting to vent and share your pain and sadness, I am sure that someone who has read this thread has been helped in one way or another.

Thank you that is good to know.

I want to share something else with you ladies.

Last night, my gfs and I went out. "Get a drink, dance, get it off your mind" they said, b/c I was sitting in my apt. taking down pictures and crying.

So we went to Roppongi, a big party place in Tokyo--had drinks, talked about what happened but then fun dancing all night and came home this morning. On the train home were 4 black guys who were in the military. (I know this because one guy asked me what train stop was the stop for where the military base is located) My Japanese/Black girlfriend told me she couldn't believe it--"Is that what American black guys are about?" I didn't understand. When we got off the train she said she had seen two of them in the club grinding on each other and kissing in the dark corner when she went to the bathroom!!!!

I don't know if they're married or what, but when I first looked at them on the train--I thought those look like some respectable Black men who had a fun night in town--they didn't have any Japanese hoochies going back home with them.

But I understand why.

Anyways that was just a shocker in the morning.

My ex called me 5 times and emailed me at least 8 that I counted. (Good thing my phone had died early on in the evening in the club) The same nonsense over and over. My BFF said I should let him buy my first LV bag, since I deserve it. But just thinking I will look at the bag and everytime think I have it because someone I loved lied to me for a year of my life. I cannot get that time back.

I want to go to this Black man's church and see him preach or sing and just go up to him after the service and tell him he's a liar. But what good would that do? Nothing.

So I'm leaving it at that. Today's Valentine's Day here in Japan. I'm going to meet my ex later in the train station and get stuff back. I was thinking aout it and I want my pjs and bra and curling iron. But I'm going to give him all the pictures of us and stuff back. I think I'm not so sad anymore, just sad for him and sad I've wasted time.

I'm going to focus on my goals now, which were something I put on a backburner while being with him.

Thanks again.

 

[Keen]

Girl, you are strong. You are taking this a lot better than most women. I think you are thinking clearly. Maybe you're just in shock but only time will tell. I don't think you wasted your time because you learned something along the way.

 

[rabs77]

Wow Thanks for sharing. Hopefully your post will help another woman!