I need to get this off my heart

Well, I'm not advocating being with a bi-sexual man but my bestfriend of 13 years has a bi friend who is happily married with kids and his wife is cool. I don't know if you want to embrace this lifestyle or even can but it is possible it's just up to you and what you can tolerate.
 
yokoyokogirl said:
I appreciate all of your kind words. I would hit the "thanks" button many times for all you but I'm so tired.

I WILL NOT go back to him. Don't worry.

I made him think so, so I could hear his story. I'm sure he thought he can "keep" me, but I just played along to be compassionate to understand why.

I had two questions for him tonite:

1. What is his name, who is he?

*He is a gospel preacher in the air force in Tokyo, with a wife in America. My bf said he "quit" messing with him this Dec. b/c he "Black man" wanted a relationship. And my bf "T" said "I cannot have a relationship with a man, just fun"

He also added many Black men he met in Tokyo came here on Gospel music tours are involved in Gospel music also. He said Hezekia Walker is gay and he knows from this "Black preacher man" in tokyo.

**In a way, I want to go to that base to that man's church and take his picture. I want to let his wife know or post his photo. What if she has no clue? Maybe she knows but I think this man is preaching God's word and lying to himself and the world. Just lying all up in the church.


2. Have you lied to girls before like me?

**No. That was all he said. He said I'm the first he told.
I can't believe it, but it doesn't matter.

He asked me again, if I allow him to live his life like this, he will do it in front of me or in the next room. We can make it work. He said he doesn't want to lose me. Please he said, let me buy you some jewerly some LV bag.

ARE YOU NUTS?? I couldn't say it but it's all I can think.

All I could say is please meet me to return my house key and items from your apt. this weekend.

I honestly don't care about his sexual interest. I don't care about him having sex with men. It kinda interest me, making me want to understand how this happens--how ppl live life of lies. But I don't want to be a part of the research.

Anyways I cannot share a man with anyone other than a child--no other girl no other man--and I cannot deal with lies and lies and lies. I refuse.

Thank you for all the advice, I appreciate it so much. I really do.

I was tested back in August, but I will get tested again this week. That is my biggest concern as he has been cheating all along.
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Thank you for checking back in. Please post to let us know you are "okay". I will keep you in my prayers...:bighug:
 
Kawaii1 said:
Well, I'm not advocating being with a bi-sexual man but my bestfriend of 13 years has a bi friend who is happily married with kids and his wife is cool. I don't know if you want to embrace this lifestyle or even can but it is possible it's just up to you and what you can tolerate.
Click to expand...

It's not the lifestyle I cannot tolerate. It's the lies. Lies equal more lies and it never ends. Nothing good has every come of someone continuously lying.
 
I'm sorry that happenned to you. Personally I couldn't get back with him for the same reasons you listed. I remember what you wrote about him over Christmas so he has some surprises. I'm sure you know what's best for you. Whatever you decide to do, at least you know what went on.
 
(((Hugs))). I can't imagine this happening to me, but it could--it could happen to any of us.

THANK YOU for being so honest. I believe you will help someone here. Too often we ladies ignore things that we have "feelings" about because we don't want them to be true--especially when it comes to men. I agree with what some posters said. I think you definitely need to give yourself plenty of time away from him and spend time with God. Hopefully, if you feel like you still want him in your life, it will be as friends. I believe anyone can change, but you deserve so much more than to be worried about your relationship and what he is doing 24/7. Praise Him that you didn't make it to the alter with this man. It will be a slow process, but you will get through it. My prayers are with you sweetie:rosebud:!
 
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So sorry. I think going home is a good idea. Your friends and family here can be a source of great comfort to you.
 
yokoyokogirl said:
It's not the lifestyle I cannot tolerate. It's the lies. Lies equal more lies and it never ends. Nothing good has every come of someone continuously lying.
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I figured that was the bigger issue. I always say people should be honest. Don't take away the other person's right to make a choice. You never know what a person will deal with or work with you on but when you take away their choice and lie about it, that's an even bigger problem.

I feel for you chica and said a prayer for you.
 
I'm just going to give you a (((hug))) right now. :hug2:

I don't know what to say except that this situation will get figured out.
You know what you must do. It will hurt, but you will heal.

I don't believe (as one poster said) that he doesn't love you. He does, but not in a hetero way and his sexual desires are elsewhere. He is homosexual. Did he put you in an unsafe position, yes he did and he must apologize for that. Make him do that, make sure you are safe and healthy and move on.
 
yokoyokogirl said:
It's not the lifestyle I cannot tolerate. It's the lies. Lies equal more lies and it never ends. Nothing good has every come of someone continuously lying.
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HUGS to you!! And that is what the biggest issue is. He is a liar. There are bisexual men that can be faithful to a woman from my understanding they are open about their past in the beginning though. He betrayed you not because he has had sex with a man but because he cheated and lied. I wish you the best and you will make it through.
 
http://heritagesart.com/catalog/pro...cts_id=2586&osCsid=m3tnrrg4gtb8tfpkt439c2fln7



I Said A Prayer For You Today

I said a prayer for you today and know God must have heard
I felt the answer in my heart ,Although he spoke no word!

I didn't ask for wealth or fame I knew you wouldn't mind.
I asked Him to send treasures of a far more lasting kind!

I asked that He'd be near you at the start of each new day and to
grant you health and blessings and friends to share your way!

I asked for happiness for you in all things great and small .
But it was for His loving care I prayed the most of all!
http://heritagesart.com/catalog/pro...cts_id=2651&osCsid=m3tnrrg4gtb8tfpkt439c2fln7

I pray this for all my net friends and
pass it on for you to pray!
 
yokoyokogirl said:
It's not the lifestyle I cannot tolerate. It's the lies. Lies equal more lies and it never ends. Nothing good has every come of someone continuously lying.
Click to expand...


I can understand that, lies just make for a bad relationship, especially when it's lies about another person. I know that is what is most important, if you don't want me then just be honset. I can respect honesty. I might be pissed first but if you lie it's going to be a lot worse.
 
Girl, girl, girl. :bighug:

My heart breaks for you. Just end this relationship. Don't try to understand him and stop blaming yourself. It is what it is, people afraid to admit their real sexuality and misleading others and leading double lives. :nono: You didn't do anything wrong. Move to another part of the country if you have to and take care of yourself. You will get through this. :bighug:
 
I'm so sorry you're going through this. It's like I can feel your pain and I'm hurting with/for you. I know you said you're not going back but you should also cease contact with him, at least for a while (after you get your things). You need to sort through your feelings alone, without his input. He's said all you need to know. The ball is in your court now.

You've been given some great advice here. As Que says, chew the meat and spit out the bones.

I'm so glad you trusted your intuition. Hugs to you, sweetheart.
 
noemi said:
OMG!!!!!!!!! :bighug:


OP, I am so sorry. That is one of the worst things I can imagine. But right now I think the best thing you can do is get away. I would come home and get myself together. Being around people that really love you and want whats best for you is what you need. If you were my daughter I'd want you home. ASAP.

He is a LIAR!! He has sexual tendencies that you CAN'T fulfill. If someone that "loves" you lies about something, I don't care how little, or in this case how LARGE, that is a REDflag that you MUST take heed to. I know its hard and I know its real raw right now, but try to take time away from whatever you need to and get your mind straight. This man DOES NOT LOVE YOU! HE HAS NO CONSIDERATION FOR YOU, YOUR HEALTH. You already said you had suspicions. You were told in plain words that what you suspected was true. You need nothing else from him. He gave you the truth and now its up to you to do the right thing. Believe one thing, if it happens once it can happen again.

I'm praying for you.
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Honestly, I don't think any of us can say whether or not he loves her. We often hurt the people we love. Hearing something like that only compounds the hurt and you end up feeling like YOU did something wrong. She already feels bad enough about this and has enough questions.

I do think he has no consideration for her or her health, and that's the angle she needs to base her decisions on. She has to be in self-protect mode, because clearly he could have gone on a lot longer without revealing his lifestyle choices.

To the OP, my heart goes out to you. I think you need to distance yourself from him and really get quiet and still and determine how you would like to move forward. Ultimately this is your life and you have to live it in a way that brings you peace.

I support you during this time and wish you the best.
 
i'm so sorry yoko. i dont even know what else to say other than i'm so sorrythat happened. i said a prayer for you and i hope your heart can heal
 
OP, I just wanted to send you a big (((HUG))

I've been cheated on so I know how bad betrayal hurts. It almost feels like death......death of the person you once loved and the birth of a new demon in their place.

Yes....you will still love him in spite of what he did but now is the time to learn how to love you more. You deserve more. I'm not sure I'd say that you should leave Japan but maybe move to a new part of Japan. Don't stop living your dream because of this. When this storm passes (and it will) you'll be happy that you didn't stop living your life for him. Replace the time that you used to spend with him with new things, new people, new hobbies, a new you.

Understand that none of this is your fault. Thank God that this was brought to the light. The fact that he was trying to fill the void that his father left lets you know that he still had a lot to work on even if he hadn't cheated. It probably would've come out a different way. He still would not have been ready for marriage or a woman as a wonderful as you without having dealt with his issues first.

Maybe start reciting some daily affirmations. Right now you need to be built up and since you don't have your family around you might have to be the one to build yourself up. Write down the positive things about yourself.
Also, I know that you might want him to answer all of the many questions that you have...but some things are best left unsaid. There's no excuse for what he's done.

Get outside, go exercise, buy fresh flowers, paint your nails, do you hair, clean up your place, and start living!!
All in all.....love you! You are uniquely and wonderfully made and you deserve the best so expect that you'll receive the best!

Please pm me if you want to talk or if you ever need a picker upper.
 
Yokoyokogirl,

I am sending you a whole bunch of hugs from home. You'll get through this and you will be stronger for it. It was your intuition that led you to question those photos and not just take his word for it.

Honestly, when I read your post about the photos and the friend, I and probably a lot of us knew it was you. I could see your concerns came from your own heart. Now you know the next time you feel that feeling in your gut act on it, don't even question it. To wonder is to know. Remember that.

What you need right now is time and space. Time away to be with yourself and in your own space. With your own. I think you may have been thrown off by customs and culture but deep down what feels wrong is wrong no matter where you are.

Find comfort with the ladies on this site, they will give you good advice. What ole boy is trying to cook up, he's probably served many times. I don't think for one minute this was his first time nor will it be his last. From what you have described he is entrenched in this lifestyle (plays, opportunities to meet gay black men who are DL, etc). It's a way of life for him he didn't just stumble upon it and then accidently tried it out.

What he wants is for you to co-sign to being his beard. Telling you about the other wife and how she is okay not knowing. He is trying to convince you to live his life, let him fulfill his fantansies. The cost of that is that you give up yours. Way too high of a price tag.

You are a beautiful woman both inside (I can tell) and out. And you deserve so much better. Cut ties and give yourself time for your heart to mend. He was just Mr. Right Now...maybe Ms.

I'm not trying to be insenstive, but I think given the opportunity to explore these lifestyles often lead to men deciding they want to stay for the second act. You don't want to find yourself married with a baby to a husband who decides he wants to get a sex change and live life as he already stated "makes him feel comfortable".

I'm glad you are making the decision to get away from him. That shows despite your feelings for him or the relationship you two had, you are a strong person. We are here for you. You may not be home, but you don't have to go through this without support from home. Take care girl and keep your head up.
 
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I didn't read the whole thing yet, but I am so sorry to hear what you are going through. That man is so darn selfish! :nono:
 
Im so sorry this man did this to you OP, I understand how you feel cause i just CANNOT stand dishonesty it makes me literally sick to my stomach. If your heart is telling you to leave then please do, you are free to so whatever you want to do so dont think you will be leaving for the wrong reasons. I really do wish your heart wasnt breaking right now
 
Please go get tested for all STDs and HIV/AIDS.

Please get all of your belongings from his house/place, block his cell phone number, his email. Delete his picture(s) from your blog. Do not frequent the places he will be at. Get a new cell phone number if necessary.

Please, if possible, seek counseling. I mean really seek an objective third party who will be able to just listen to it all. We are all here for you but we can't reach out to you like a professional can. There is so much guilt and shame for you right now, it's understandable to not divulge this info. to family and friends.

Please get to a safe location, somewhere where he cannot fill your head with ideas of you being able to fulfill the role of a STRONG BLACK MAN. He is gay and more than that, he is a LIAR. In reading your previous posts, there have been problems all along and red flags. You are human.

Sending you all the prayers and hugs I can. And most of all, PRAY. Please.
 
Wow. I'm so sorry to hear this. Whatever you do, know that there are people who are thinking of you and care about you. This is so horrible and he thinks everything can still be the same?:bighug:
 
Well, it's certainly not hard to identify the Black Chaplain stationed at Yokota AFB....his church affiliation sponsorship, and other background material. So when is Obama going to overturn the "don't ask, don't tell" policy? This chaplain better hope he hurries up!

Let me know when you want to send the wife a confidential email! While living in Japan,I can't tell you how many times I heard the phrase "I want a strong black man," but it came from ladies.
 
I am so sorry that this happened to you. I can't imagine the feeling of deceit that you're feeling. I'm so sorry.
 
I'm so sorry you're going through this and I know your hurt is beyond what words can describe. I've been there w/ a cheating spouse, many of us have, and even with little hints and clues of cheating during the relationship you still feel blindsided when the whole truth comes out.

Please, get tested and distance yourself from him as much as possible. Take a friend with you to get your things if possible so he doesn't have alone time with you. Trust me, he will use this time to cry, beg and make all the promises in the world and having someone with you may keep him in his place while you gather your belongings. Change your number and routine if you can because some men develop stalker tendencies when they know you're leaving them.

Take your time to cry, vent, journal and talk to those close to you (only those you really trust, of course). When you hear yourself recounting the events of the breakup out loud, you recognize how outrageous it sounds and it helps you to see your ex for who he really is.

I was in a daze for months after I found out my ex was cheating. I was so shocked/hurt/confused I could barely function. It will take a little time to heal, but you will heal. Prayer, meditation, counseling - any of these things will help to give you clarity during this time.

You're in my thoughts and prayers:giveheart:
 
Gilr I am giving you a big ole hug and I am sorry to hear that this has happened to you, but on the real go and get all the test done from A to Z. this i how people catch STD's when partners are not honest. Girl do what yo feel is right. If you feel like moving to another part of Japan then do so. If you are home sick then coem back home. Just take some time and try not to make any quick decisions. See that is how folks get cut lying and playing with your health like that.
 
I'm so so sorry this happened to you. I know you are heart-broken but I am so glad you know, that is a blessing. You will get past this, it may take awhile, but you are going to be okay.
 
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