I met a wonderful man who is.....

[Overjoyed]

handsome, educated, sweet, owns his own home, owns properties, takes me out, adores me and has stuck around for 3 months even though we haven't been intimate, but he is white. erplexed

I have been hoping and praying for a good man I don't know for how long, but I thought it would be a black man. I have never dated out of my race so this is new to me. He has never dated a black woman, but he seems to have no problem with it - I feel awful and most of all I feel like a sellout.

I am annoyed with myself because this last year has not been a good year with me and black men. For the last 8 months I had been threatening to make the switch, but to be completely honest it was all talk(be careful of what you ask for you just may get it!). In fact, when I met this guy I assumed he & I would just be platonic friends who hang out, but after our date last week I realized he wants more from me like a relationship and I am now paralyzed with fear.

I'm not crazy I know a good man is hard to come by, but the color factor is really eating me up. I have spoken to my friends and they have told me to not be a fool and just go with it and see what happens.....easier said than done!!! In fact, some of them have jokingly said that if I don't want him that they will gladly take him. It doesn't help that over the years my mother has always suggested, "Don't marry a white man because all they will do is marry you, take out a large life insurance policy unbeknowst to you and then kill you".


I was talking to my friend the other day and she said any man who sticks around beyond 30 days and doesn't get the booty is a keeper - funny, but in my neck of the woods so true. Ladies I am hoping what I am feeling is normal, but then on the other hand if it isn't I do not want to waste this man's time. Please talk some sense in me(if it is at all possible)

 

[Butterfly08]

handsome, educated, sweet, owns his own home, owns properties, takes me out, adores me and has stuck around for 3 months even though we haven't been intimate, but he is white. erplexed

I have been hoping and praying for a good man I don't know how long, but I thought it would be a black man. I have never dated out of my race so this is new to me. He has never dated a black woman, but he seems to have no problem with it - I feel awful and most of all I feel like a sellout.

I am annoyed with myself because this last year has not been a good year with me and black men. For the last 8 months I had been threatening to make the switch, but to be completely honest it was all talk(be careful of what you ask for you just may get it!). In fact, when I met this guy I assumed he & I would just be platonic friends who hang out, but after our date last week I realized he wants more from me like a relationship and I am now paralyzed with fear.

I'm not crazy I know a good man is hard to come by, but the color factor is really eating me up. I have spoken to my friends and they have told me to not be a fool and just go with it and see what happens.....easier said than done!!! In fact, some of them have jokingly said that if I don't want him that they will gladly take him. It doesn't help that over the years my mother has always suggested, "Don't marry a white man because all they will do is marry you, take out a large life insurance policy unbeknowst to you and then kill you".


I was talking to my friend the other day and she said any man who sticks around beyond 30 days and doesn't get the booty is a keeper - funny, but in my neck of the woods so true. Ladies I am hoping what I am feeling is normal, but then on the other hand if it isn't I do not want to waste this man's time. Please talk some sense in me(if it is at all possible)

I have no advice as I have never dated outside my race, but your mom sounds like a hoot!

I still say give it a shot, you never know what may come of it.

 

[locabouthair]

handsome, educated, sweet, owns his own home, owns properties, takes me out, adores me and has stuck around for 3 months even though we haven't been intimate, but he is white. erplexed

I have been hoping and praying for a good man I don't know how long, but I thought it would be a black man. I have never dated out of my race so this is new to me. He has never dated a black woman, but he seems to have no problem with it - I feel awful and most of all I feel like a sellout.

I am annoyed with myself because this last year has not been a good year with me and black men. For the last 8 months I had been threatening to make the switch, but to be completely honest it was all talk(be careful of what you ask for you just may get it!). In fact, when I met this guy I assumed he & I would just be platonic friends who hang out, but after our date last week I realized he wants more from me like a relationship and I am now paralyzed with fear.

I'm not crazy I know a good man is hard to come by, but the color factor is really eating me up. I have spoken to my friends and they have told me to not be a fool and just go with it and see what happens.....easier said than done!!! In fact, some of them have jokingly said that if I don't want him that they will gladly take him. It doesn't help that over the years my mother has always suggested, "Don't marry a white man because all they will do is marry you, take out a large life insurance policy unbeknowst to you and then kill you".


I was talking to my friend the other day and she said any man who sticks around beyond 30 days and doesn't get the booty is a keeper - funny, but in my neck of the woods so true. Ladies I am hoping what I am feeling is normal, but then on the other hand if it isn't I do not want to waste this man's time. Please talk some sense in me(if it is at all possible)

at the bolded.

Are you attracted to him? if so, I dont see the problem. You're not a sell out you met someone who treats you well. There's nothing wrong with that.

And about not getting the booty, I've had guys stick around for 5 months or more but eventually they did me dirty.

 

[Overjoyed]

I have no advice as I have never dated outside my race, but your mom sounds like a hoot!

I still say give it a shot, you never know what may come of it.

She is!!!!

 

[Overjoyed]

at the bolded.

Are you attracted to him? if so, I dont see the problem. You're not a sell out you met someone who treats you well. There's nothing wrong with that.

And about not getting the booty, I've had guys stick around for 5 months or more but eventually they did me dirty.

As a matter of fact I am attracted to him. Considering your location is the "city that never sleeps" I am assuming you live in NY. I live in New York and in my neck of the woods if they don't get the booty within the first month they will do a Whodini on ya.

 

[locabouthair]

As a matter of fact I am attracted to him. Considering your location is the "city that never sleeps" I am assuming you live in NY. I live in New York and in my neck of the woods if they don't get the booty within the first month they will do a Whodini on ya.

Yep, I'm in NY.

I never had a guy do a whodini on me, wait no I'm lying. I told one guy I didnt want anything sexual right now and I never heard from him again. Those are the types that I like. The show you who they are from the beginning.

Back to you, I say give him a chance. I'm not saying that having a man is everything but if he likes you and like him, you betta grab him before someone else does

 

[Tinky]

Don't let a thing like skin color hold you back. He sound's like a good man if that is the only thing you can find "wrong" with him. I say get out there and try some thing new.

 

[sydwrites]

Yep, I'm in NY.

I never had a guy do a whodini on me, wait no I'm lying. I told one guy I didnt want anything sexual right now and I never heard from him again. Those are the types that I like. The show you who they are from the beginning.

Back to you, I say give him a chance. I'm not saying that having a man is everything but if he likes you and like him, you betta grab him before someone else does

I agree with the bolded. Also I have never dated a white man and I totally understand where you are coming from, but this guy sounds like a keeper, especially since you are attracted to him.

 

[kbody4]

I say give it a chance. Your feelings are normal. I went through before, and eventually I was concerned with how well he treated me vs. his skin color. We broke up because we just grew apart.

I wish you the best of luck

 

[NYLegalNewbie]

I honestly think that you would be doing yourself a great disservice if you didn't give this guy a chance. You never know what could come of it and you also never know what you could learn about yourself and what you want in a man in the process.

And if he's been around for 3 months without you two being intimate, then there's a REALLY, REALLY good chance that he's looking to get to know you for YOU and not for the "you know what"...

 

[dlewis]

I honestly think that you would be doing yourself a great disservice if you didn't give this guy a chance. You never know what could come of it and you also never know what you could learn about yourself and what you want in a man in the process.

And if he's been around for 3 months without you two being intimate, then there's a REALLY, REALLY good chance that he's looking to get to know you for YOU and not for the "you know what"...

I agree.

I find it odd that women move to other countries to get a white man yet you have one and don't know what to do with him. j/k

But seriously we complain about there not being good men out there. You seem to have one but you don't want him because he's white. Pass him to me, I'll take him, marry him and give him many multiracial babies.

 

[NYLegalNewbie]

I agree.

I find it odd that women move to other countries to get a white man yet you have one and don't know what to do with him. j/k

But seriously we complain about there not being good men out there. You seem to have one but you don't want him because he's white. Pass him to me, I'll take him, marry him and give him many multiracial babies.

Girl...I second that! And I live in NY so I can EASILY take him off your hands!

Nah...I'm just playin' I've actually been hanging out with a sweet cutie pie from school, so I want to see where that goes

 

[gone_fishing]

I was in your same situation only I didn't let outsiders tell me how to live my life.

I'm happy as a clam?

How happy are clams?

They must be VERY happy if they are as happy as me.

I had a hang up like this when I first started dating my DH. One of my friends said...maybe you don't deserve someone like him (with all the attributes you described) if all you can see is his color.

 

[trini_rican]

stop living your life being afraid of what people will say or think of you. At the end of the day when you two are in bed and the lights are out what color is there - none (got that from Chaz Palmentari sp/ Bronx Tale). Try it what do you have to loose? At least you won't wonder for the rest of your life "should I have?" Good luck, sounds like you got a keeper.

 

[drasgrl]

Girl you need to stop tripping. Love knows no color. God knows no color too and he sent you the man you've been dreaming of you better recognize! Trust me after a while you will look past the color and know him for the person he is on the inside you won't even notice he's white. Don't be scurrd give it your best shot.

 

[Monigirl]

I say give him a chance. On your next date or get together watch the movie "Something New" LOL!!!

"Let go and let flow" quote from the movie....LOL!!!

 

[coconow2007]

I say go for it - life is too short

 

[KAT25]

you prayed for a good man and that seems to be what GOD sent you so ummmm..... don't complain you better keep that good man cause some other sister out there will get him if you don't want him

 

[Opalsunset]

I also think you should give him a chance.You certainly are not selling out. Keep an open mind, because the more you get to know him for who he is, color won't matter.

 

[FunkyMunky]

If you are getting what you truly want and need from a relationship why does it matter. For real!!

Sometimes, you have to spend time with someone that treats you really well to elevate your expectations of what you deserve and expect in a relationship. He may be your catalyst for change. Showing you that there are good, consistent, reliable, honest, loving men out there. He may be setting the bar for your future relationships.

This is what my first white man did for me. I was also the first black girl he ever dated. I learned so much from him and vice versa. I always credit him for showing me what I really wanted in a man and he showed me that men like him existed. We changed each others lives in so many ways. We are still very close friends and always will be. For real!!

Sidenote:

I remember the first time we were intimate, he was so nervous. He said "I have never been with a black woman before" and I replied "Hell, neither have I," we laughed and then we got busy

 

[vestaluv1]

Ok, so you say he's:
handsome
educated
sweet, owns his own home
owns properties
takes you out
adores you
and he's stuck around for 3 months even though you haven't been intimate. Well's to be honest, I don't think 3 months is long, but thats a whole other thread right there.
But these are all great positives.

I can't believe this. Do not throw away what could be a great opportunity to finally be with a good man. They are WAY to hard to find these days.
I would love to find someone with all these qualities...who is not married, old or has a bunch of kids yo. I'm serious.

Give it a shot and give it some time. He sounds like a great guy.

 

[tocktick]

I was in your same situation only I didn't let outsiders tell me how to live my life.

I'm happy as a clam?

How happy are clams?

They must be VERY happy if they are as happy as me.

I had a hang up like this when I first started dating my DH. One of my friends said...maybe you don't deserve someone like him (with all the attributes you described) if all you can see is his color.

that's a good point.

i think feeling like a "sell-out" could mean you pass up on someone who may well be very good for you in order to please other people and not yourself. no-one is going to end up unhappy with this decision aside from you. at some point, you kind of have to ignore some outside opinions if you want to find happiness. he sounds like a good man; like someone says god knows know colour, if you're religious then accept this person as a human first because he may well just be the person you were praying for.

 

[Overjoyed]

I agree.

I find it odd that women move to other countries to get a white man yet you have one and don't know what to do with him. j/k

But seriously we complain about there not being good men out there. You seem to have one but you don't want him because he's white. Pass him to me, I'll take him, marry him and give him many multiracial babies.

 

[chellero]

Have you read the crazy stories on this forum? You'd better keep that good man.

 

[Armyqt]

If you are attracted to him/have chemistry, GO FOR IT!

 

[Leslie_C]

*** that....I never even took it into consideration, but oh well, it wouldnt be the first time I was accused of being a sell out. I was never black enough growing up...whatever that is supposed to mean. Ive been waiting for someone to actually define black for years. But that is neither here nor there...that came from growing up in a small town filled with closed minded people. Still, Ive always dated black men although I wasnt opposed to dating outside of my race.

My hubby came along and swept me off my feet. He happened to be white. So what? You cant live your life for other people. I still sometimes have a problem figuring out what it is about IR relationships (especially black woman/white man) that is supposed to be so freakin extraordinary. Its really not a big deal, but some folks get so up in arms over it. Im just happy and blessed that God sent me a good man. What more can anyone woman for? I didnt ask for a good black man, white man, or blue man...just a good man. And that is what I got. And I thank God everyday for it.

It makes me L O L to think of the possibility that I would have avoided a relationship with the love of my life because somebody out there might think Im a sellout if I date outside my race. That would be ridiculous.

Do black men hesitate to date white women because they are afraid to be seen as a sell out? I rest my case.

 

[sunnydaze]

If he is a good man and an answer to your prayers and you are attracted to him..then you should at least ride with this to see where it goes. If you truly are into him and it continues, you will see color become less and less of an issue with you.

Good luck and have fun!

 

[Kiadodie]

If he is a good man and an answer to your prayers and you are attracted to him..then you should at least ride with this to see where it goes. If you truly are into him and it continues, you will see color become less and less of an issue with you.

Good luck and have fun!

I totally agee with this. Give it a chance

 

[tallygirl]

Girl, you better go get that man...He sounds like a keeper to me...You've been hoping for a good man, now you have what appears to be a good one, so don't let him slip away...It's amazing how what others say to us can paralyze us with fear and keep us of possibly finding true love and happiness...It's time to stop playing that tape that your mom put in your head, and GO GET THAT MAN!!!!

 

[Bunny77]

Shoot, I ain't never had a problem dating a white man. At the end of the day, he's a man, and I've never had this natural affinity toward black men just because they're black.

(And just in case anyone misinterprets that, I'm not saying anything bad about black men. It's just that I've never thought that I could only find love in a black man.)

I just met a wonderful man earlier this month who does all the things you said and he's white too. He wants to take me to Chicago to meet his family and everything... you better believe I'm holding on to him!

I guess I've never felt more comfortable with a black man just because he's black, so it's kinda hard for me to totally understand.