I mean, am I buggin?

Starronda

Starronda

At the start of BSL! Patiently waiting for full❤️
My best friend called me earlier to ask my "opinion" on her situation. She's been dating a man for a little over a year. They're always together and they're always touchy feely, kissing and just have great chemistry together. They've talked about marriage, kids etc later in the future. They've met each others parents etc.

She said a few nights ago a female emailed her saying she's been "talking" to her boyfriend for over two years (on and off). Since they've been together the girl said they've fooled around (no sex, just touching and kissing) two months into their relationship. She also said that her boyfriend was still sending her sexual text messages. My friend showed me the screen shot and he said some pretty explicit things to this woman. He said he never intended on acting on it, but he said things he's never even done to my friend.

She asked what I would do. I told her that he didn't actually have sex with the woman, but obviously it was still wrong and a form of cheating with the text messages and she shouldn't just walk away from the relationship. Maybe some time away from him and for her to clear her mind.

Well she's blocked his text messages, phone calls and took him from her FB page. Says she's done. Would you be able to work through something like this or is she doing the right thing? I'm starting to feel like I gave her bad advice :ohwell:
 
I think she did the right thing. I don't think this is something you work through with a boyfriend. He is having a "relationship" with the other woman whether it is physical or not.
 
Sounds like she's going with her intuition and maybe this was the evidence she needed to confirm other red flags.

I thinks its possible to work through something like this but I doubt I would try.
 
She didn't atleast ask him about it? They have a fake text app that makes it appear that someone called u or texted u. What if the girl made this up to break them up?
Or did she have that feeling SOMETHING is up? Many times we feel something is not right even before the facts are revealed. If that's the case, she's right on point.
 
Starronda said:
He said he never intended on acting on it, but he said things he's never even done to my friend.

She asked what I would do. I told her that he didn't actually have sex with the woman, but obviously it was still wrong and a form of cheating with the text messages and she shouldn't just walk away from the relationship. Maybe some time away from him and for her to clear her mind.
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ETA: Reading that implies that he admitted to sending it, but didn't intend to act on it, so there's no misunderstanding or some trick the woman.

My answer based on that information:

I am, admittedly, entirely too insecure to stay after such revelations. There would be no working out for me....talk of marriage and all.
I.
would.
shut.
down.

He'd never see or get wind that I shed a single tear or played a single Toni Braxton/Keyshia Cole/Adele in his honor. I'd do exactly what homegirl did, all means of communication done.

But I surely envy the women strong enough or confident enough...whatever it is, to being able to withstand something like that or overlook those kinds of "mistakes."
 
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TopShelf said:
why do you think she should stay? just asking
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That's why I'm starting to think I gave bad advice. Part of me thinks "it was just a text" that he didn't act on. But then I put myself in that position and I'm not sure I would be able to do it. I guess I'm looking at it like it like it's been 9 months, they've met each others parents, they're together everyday, went on about three vacations together. You just look at them and you see love in their eyes. My friend said she had no idea that he would of done that to her. There were no clues or anything. She actually first didn't believe the girl until she got the screenshots and he fessed up to doing it and has been blowing her work phone up and sending messages to her fb and some of our friends trying to talk to her.
 
ms.mimi said:
She didn't atleast ask him about it? They have a fake text app that makes it appear that someone called u or texted u. What if the girl made this up to break them up?
Or did she have that feeling SOMETHING is up? Many times we feel something is not right even before the facts are revealed. If that's the case, she's right on point.
Click to expand...

She emailed him the screenshots and he owned up to it, so he did it.
 
I didn't know about the fake apps but screenshots are not reliable evidence. Other things would make me come to my decision, not the screenshot. Couples come back from all kinds of messy stuff. But any woman that can walk away from stuff like this gets a big fat KUDOS!
 
Starronda said:
That's why I'm starting to think I gave bad advice. Part of me thinks "it was just a text" that he didn't act on. But then I put myself in that position and I'm not sure I would be able to do it. I guess I'm looking at it like it like it's been 9 months, they've met each others parents, they're together everyday, went on about three vacations together. You just look at them and you see love in their eyes. My friend said she had no idea that he would of done that to her. There were no clues or anything. She actually first didn't believe the girl until she got the screenshots and he fessed up to doing it and has been blowing her work phone up and sending messages to her fb and some of our friends trying to talk to her.
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I always feel like ...it's only been 9 months and you are being sneaky already....what will he do in 9 years when things are kinda mundane, humdrum, same ole, same ole.
 
Op, they've been together 9 months and 2 months into the relationship, he was kissing some other woman? How long did they know eachother before getting into a relationship?

Not that it will change my answer. LOL.
 
intellectualuva said:
Op, they've been together 9 months and 2 months into the relationship, he was kissing some other woman? How long did they know eachother before getting into a relationship?

Not that it will change my answer. LOL.
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They were together for 9 months. My friend said the first few months they weren't really exclusive. They didn't have "the talk" lol. But I'm started to feel he was basically in contact with this woman the entire time. He was messing around with her in the beginning, then she finds out about these messages with the most recent one being 4 weeks ago. Her SO and the other woman both said there was no sex during the time they were together, but he has had sex with this woman in the past. Dear lord, I need to call her back. I 100% gave bad advice.
 
Starronda said:
They were together for 9 months. My friend said the first few months they weren't really exclusive. They didn't have "the talk" lol. But I'm started to feel he was basically in contact with this woman the entire time. He was messing around with her in the beginning, then she finds out about these messages with the most recent one being 4 weeks ago. Her SO and the other woman both said there was no sex during the time they were together, but he has had sex with this woman in the past. Dear lord, I need to call her back. I 100% gave bad advice.
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Well it doesn't look like she took your advice anyway and instead if cutting him off completely. I say good for her.
 
Starronda said:
They were together for 9 months. My friend said the first few months they weren't really exclusive. They didn't have "the talk" lol. But I'm started to feel he was basically in contact with this woman the entire time. He was messing around with her in the beginning, then she finds out about these messages with the most recent one being 4 weeks ago. Her SO and the other woman both said there was no sex during the time they were together, but he has had sex with this woman in the past. Dear lord, I need to call her back. I 100% gave bad advice.
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Don't feel bad Starronda. You were trying to be a sounding board and empathic friend. Like others have stated… 9 month is too soon - rather 2 months is too soon for "can't act right":perplexed
 
Starronda said:
They were together for 9 months. My friend said the first few months they weren't really exclusive. They didn't have "the talk" lol. But I'm started to feel he was basically in contact with this woman the entire time. He was messing around with her in the beginning, then she finds out about these messages with the most recent one being 4 weeks ago. Her SO and the other woman both said there was no sex during the time they were together, but he has had sex with this woman in the past. Dear lord, I need to call her back. I 100% gave bad advice.
Click to expand...

So he's probably sending these message and, pardon me, beating off to memories of the past. :nono:
 
Based on who she talks to she will get a range of advice and opinions on her situation. When it comes to relationships, women may ask for advice but we are always going to do what we want to do anyway.
 
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I would break it off completely. There is nothing to work through. When someone shows you who they are, believe them.
 
Random thought:

I never understood why a loved one would encourage someone to stay or go back to someone who betrayed them. I would be furious with anyone who encouraged me to stay with someone just because we were together for such and such a time, and spent every second of the day together. So???...he betrayed me. F him.
 
TwoSnapsUp said:
Random thought:

I never understood why a loved one would encourage someone to stay or go back to someone who betrayed them. I would be furious with anyone who encouraged me to stay with someone just because we were together for such and such a time, and spent every second of the day together. So???...he betrayed me. F him.
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Especially if there aren't children involved . Bump that ,move on. There are so many men out there .
Starronda ,your friend got all my respect ,she doesn't play around . Kudos to her
 
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