"I think my boyfriend is gay."

[yeahisaidit]

I doubt her friend leaves this man, and this is the saddest thing about this entire situation.

If this was a woman he was cheating with, ALL of you would be saying how she should leave him, regardless of how perfect he seemed or how long they've been together. Why the change? Cheating is cheating, and she deserves someone that will give her the honesty and respect she deserves.

 

[Do_Si_Dos]

The smartest thing to do is hire a private investigator to follow him on one of his "boys nights out" or any other suspicious activity. This will serve as rock solid undeniable evidence not just to prove infidelity, but to solidify things for her and shake her out of her denial. Plus she'll eliminate that moment of weakness.... "what if" that will inevitably occur when he fabricates some phony excuse.

There was a poster that said something upthread and I agree with her 1000%. Its circumstances like this that are BLATENTLY obvious that make me scared of falling in love.

The most idiotic decisions I've ever seen people make, were usually done because the person was lost in the haze/insanity of love.

Terrifying.

That's just way too much. She has the proof. Straight men don't watch gay male porn. Think about it, women don't want to see gay male porn. She just needs to find the strength to leave.

 

[BlackMasterPiece]

/\ I was about to argue that if she see's him tonging down Roberto at the DL club with her own two eyes... on tape maybe it would jolt her out of her delusions, but then, if finding an extensive folder of gay porn, asking to enter the back door and his "buddy" that he gets dressed to the nines for didnt do it for her, then this probably wouldn't either

So um yea....nevermind, I'm giving her too much credit.

 

[Bun Mistress]

Im not going to comment on the leave or stay issues or most of what has been said. Don't see a point in that. But Iwill ask, "Why would you really need the closure conversation?"

It seems that women always wants to know why. Ususally when they already know why and there is just no reason why. I don't see how asking him about how long he has thought about men or if he has been smangin' his bro is going to anything for her closure or MOST IMPORTANT her self esteem. Would that be the really isses for most women in the situation. "I'm not good enough" (this is almost any situation when a man cheats) and the kicker, he likes the peen.

So often peopel want the closure convo when they know good and well with that man or most men) the closure convo is a brick wall. That is my two.

I don't know when she will leave. I think she has probably had thoughs about this for a while, but with most women who are cheated on they leave when they have had enough. I don't care if you did have family around and had to live a shelter, if you want out you will bounce.

 

[winnettag]

Before this gets locked or goes poof....

While this is a forum where everyone is entitled to their opinions, lets not forget that there are always tactful ways to express those opinions.

And the OP's friend didn't come here asking for advice; OP came to ask how to comfort her and keep her from slipping into depression over it. We all should know by now that depression can cause some people to take....drastic measures, and that is something that should not be taken lightly, regardless of our opinion on the situation itself.

I don't know what advice to give you OP, but I hope your friend gets through this okay and lets him go sooner rather than later.

 

[Sexyred]

Wow..finally finish reading all 8 pages of this thread and I dont know where to begin. Wait ..I am lying how about we start where he lied to her from the moment she packed up her life and move to a different state to be with him in a HETERO relationship. He did not respect, love, or cared enough about her well being to be honest about his sexual status from the get go. You are what you are, but when you mislead people to think differently then that just spells all sorts of wrong. People keep pointing out that they've been together for 4 yrs in a good relationship. She may have wanted a good loving HETERO relationship and convinced herself that she was in one but that's not what she got, she ignored her gut feelings of him being 'different' and continued the relationship. Not saying she is responsible for his deception, but the red flags have been there.

I would be gone faster than a fart on a windy day. She should pack her stuff up leave all the suitcases at the door so when he comes in he sees them and when he ask where we going I would tell that mother f****r, I dont know where your going but I am getting the f**k out of your life. I am sorry, just the fact that he deceived and disrespected me from the very begin would erase all those four years of whatever I felt I had with him. He built the relationship on a lie whether he cheated with a man or a woman. Why can't she leave now? move back home and start working on a all around healing process. Her peace of mind is not worth any kind of material pocessions she may have acquired with this man. I dont know but I have a strange feeling she is going to stay with him, at least for now.

 

[-Kąditty-]

I know a girl in this exact same situation. Not only is she in love with the bum, but she has a child with him. And after she knows for a fact that he love him some paynus, she has recently told me that they are going to get married. I was utterly disgusted and shocked. I don't care what anyone says, she is stoooooopid as hayle.

I mean, not only has this child found evidence on his computer of him looking at tranny men porn, and chatting it up with them, but his ex-girlfriend told her how he confessed his gayness and even let her do something to him with a big ol' dildo.

Anyway...there is a WHOLE LOT more to this story(you ladies would be shocked and disgusted), but, like I said, she said he is about to marry him. I have talked and talked and talked to this woman about hiv/aids, building her self-esteem, more fishes in the sea, being used...you name it. Still, she wants him. My husand and best friend hate that I have talked to her so much because they say she will always choose him and I am wasting my time. I have finally given up on her. I had to, stuff like this can weigh down your soul...even though it's not you, your situation.

OP:
If that girl doesn't want to leave that man, there is no evidence she can find and no advice that you could give that will make her leave. I learned a long time ago, some women, no matter what, will never let go....some of them are fortunate enough to have the man let go of them, first. The man will bounce when he is done dogging her out. The woman then screams - "how can you leave me?! After all I put up with/gone through with you??". Shoot, ain't the man fault they put up with bull and stayed where they truly were not wanted. And the sad thing is, even after the man leaves, that same disrespected woman will GLADLY take him back if he came crawling back...like I said, they never let go.

 

[song_of_serenity]

^ Ok the above is...WOW. why MARRY if he is ADMITTEDLY GAY? :/ That means he doesn't want her at all, why would HE subject himself to a woman for that matter once the secret is out. And the cheating?!

I spoke to her briefly. She said she's doing ok, her focus is off her relationship at the moment and on work until her mind settles down. That's about it.

 

[Do_Si_Dos]

^ Ok the above is...WOW. why MARRY if he is ADMITTEDLY GAY? :/ That means he doesn't want her at all, why would HE subject himself to a woman for that matter once the secret is out. And the cheating?!

I spoke to her briefly. She said she's doing ok, her focus is off her relationship at the moment and on work until her mind settles down. That's about it.

So she is staying?

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[ambergirl]

Asking him the question is to provide him an opportunity to be honest with her and himself. Regardless of how he answers she should hit the road. Very possible he cares for her but is gay and just wants to be pushed out. I have a friend who's 7 year boyfriend came out at the end of the relationship. They are still friends which is just beyond me. But why not try and end this relationship on a high note?

 

[song_of_serenity]

So she is staying?

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I have no idea. That's all she said on the subject. :/ It seems that way...if she had intentions of leaving or seeking answers she would have done so by now.

 

[SerenavanderWoodsen]

I know a girl in this exact same situation. Not only is she in love with the bum, but she has a child with him. And after she knows for a fact that he love him some paynus, she has recently told me that they are going to get married. I was utterly disgusted and shocked. I don't care what anyone says, she is stoooooopid as hayle.

I mean, not only has this child found evidence on his computer of him looking at tranny men porn, and chatting it up with them, but his ex-girlfriend told her how he confessed his gayness and even let her do something to him with a big ol' dildo.

Anyway...there is a WHOLE LOT more to this story(you ladies would be shocked and disgusted), but, like I said, she said he is about to marry him. I have talked and talked and talked to this woman about hiv/aids, building her self-esteem, more fishes in the sea, being used...you name it. Still, she wants him. My husand and best friend hate that I have talked to her so much because they say she will always choose him and I am wasting my time. I have finally given up on her. I had to, stuff like this can weigh down your soul...even though it's not you, your situation.

OP:
If that girl doesn't want to leave that man, there is no evidence she can find and no advice that you could give that will make her leave. I learned a long time ago, some women, no matter what, will never let go....some of them are fortunate enough to have the man let go of them, first. The man will bounce when he is done dogging her out. The woman then screams - "how can you leave me?! After all I put up with/gone through with you??". Shoot, ain't the man fault they put up with bull and stayed where they truly were not wanted. And the sad thing is, even after the man leaves, that same disrespected woman will GLADLY take him back if he came crawling back...like I said, they never let go.

 

[Ravenhairedbeauty]

I went through the same situation I was engaged to a guy and we had been together for3 years and during the last 6 months of the third year he started showing signs that he was gay I went ahead and broke it off and I'm glad I did he came out the closet after we broke up. I then went on to meet and marry the man I am married to now we've been together for 9 years so it doesn't mean you can't find love again. I hope your friend decides to move on.

Sent from my T-Mobile myTouch 3G

 

[barbiesocialite]

That's just way too much. She has the proof. Straight men don't watch gay male porn. Think about it, women don't want to see gay male porn. She just needs to find the strength to leave.

OT: actually i read an article stating that bisexual and lesbian women have high rates of watching male porn. I've also found this to be true as well. On the other hand, most bi/lesbian women I've encountered hate lesbian porn. The only women I know that watch lesbian porn are allegedly "straight" heterosexual women who have never--allegedly--had homosexual relations with another woman.....

 

[MzLady78]

OT: actually i read an article stating that bisexual and lesbian women have high rates of watching male porn. I've also found this to be true as well. On the other hand, most bi/lesbian women I've encountered hate lesbian porn. The only women I know that watch lesbian porn are allegedly "straight" heterosexual women who have never--allegedly--had homosexual relations with another woman.....

barbiesocialite, interesting, any ideas why this is?

 

[Do_Si_Dos]

I have no idea. That's all she said on the subject. :/ It seems that way...if she had intentions of leaving or seeking answers she would have done so by now.

Dang, I hate to hear that. All you can do at this point is be there when ish hits the fan and it will.

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[Zuleika]

^ Ok the above is...WOW. why MARRY if he is ADMITTEDLY GAY? :/ That means he doesn't want her at all, why would HE subject himself to a woman for that matter once the secret is out. And the cheating?!

I spoke to her briefly. She said she's doing ok, her focus is off her relationship at the moment and on work until her mind settles down. That's about it.

Sigh.

 

[barbiesocialite]

@barbiesocialite, interesting, any ideas why this is?

because it sux.

but really, most lesbian porn isn't an accurate depiction of woman-woman sexual relations. It's simply unrealistic and a heterosexual-fantasized version of lesbian sex (most of the actors and producers are usually heterosexaul too---ppl will do anything for the right price).

 

[-Kąditty-]

^ Ok the above is...WOW. why MARRY if he is ADMITTEDLY GAY? :/ That means he doesn't want her at all, why would HE subject himself to a woman for that matter once the secret is out. And the cheating?!

I spoke to her briefly. She said she's doing ok, her focus is off her relationship at the moment and on work until her mind settles down. That's about it.

Yes! When she questioned him about the "dildo incident" with his ex, he told her that it was always a fantasy of his. And so she told me "well, I have read up on this being a fantasy of some men". My husband told me to tell her she is absolutely correct, gay men . I mean but seriously, is it?

She knows in her heart that he is gay or at least bi because sometimes when we talk, she will say "...you know, I still wonder about B., if he secretly likes men..." I just ignore her because it ain't no secret at this point...baby, you've found all the evidence and he's blatantly told you.

Oh, as far as your friend taking her focus off her relationship, same thing this girl says after the numerous times she has found gay findings on her boo's computer. They are basically waiting until the dust settles and things can go back to "happily ever after". Well, lets hope your friend is smart enough to leave, but yea...

 

[yaddad123]

He is obviously bisexual. If she is okay with this, stay with him. If she is not, leave him.

 

[Zuleika]

Has your friend confronted him yet OP?

 

[song_of_serenity]

We spoke for about an hour catching up. She blamed her distance on her new job. She didn't bring him up and I didn't either. His presence or anything to do with "us" (relationship stuff) wasn't a part of any of the conversation, just work, stuff with her fam, what's going on in my life...they're still living together. None of her fb posts mention him and she always posts a picture of them/him weekly. :/ She seems happy and focused, she's making good money at her job...so I guess that's not a real update.

She's still with him. Ok, I guess it's SAFE to say she's still with him, but the extent, I don't know.

 

[ladysaraii]

Yes! When she questioned him about the "dildo incident" with his ex, he told her that it was always a fantasy of his. And so she told me "well, I have read up on this being a fantasy of some men". My husband told me to tell her she is absolutely correct, gay men . I mean but seriously, is it?

She knows in her heart that he is gay or at least bi because sometimes when we talk, she will say "...you know, I still wonder about B., if he secretly likes men..." I just ignore her because it ain't no secret at this point...baby, you've found all the evidence and he's blatantly told you.

Oh, as far as your friend taking her focus off her relationship, same thing this girl says after the numerous times she has found gay findings on her boo's computer. They are basically waiting until the dust settles and things can go back to "happily ever after". Well, lets hope your friend is smart enough to leave, but yea...

Actually I've read there are a lot of straight men who like anal play b/c it feels good to them. Something about nerves and sensation. A lot of men scoff or refuse to engage b/c of the gay overtones. I wouldnt assume a name who liked that was gay on that evidence alone, but if there were other indicators (such as the porn) then that would sway me

because it sux.

but really, most lesbian porn isn't an accurate depiction of woman-woman sexual relations. It's simply unrealistic and a heterosexual-fantasized version of lesbian sex (most of the actors and producers are usually heterosexaul too---ppl will do anything for the right price).

There is some good stuff out there (don't ask me how I know but I agree that most of it is turrible.

 

[allmundjoi]

Although not erectile tissue (penis/clitoris), the skin surrounding the anus is very sensitive in both men and women. In fact, rubbing/massaging that area may be pleasureable. For men, rubbing the prostate, located beneath the bladder, (can be palpated through the thin rectal lining) can also lead to a pleasureable experience for the male. Especially if this is done prior to ejaculation. These are facts.

Also to note, the area between the genitals and anus is extremely sensitive too.

Ijs.

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[SerenavanderWoodsen]

Although not erectile tissue (penis/clitoris), the skin surrounding the anus is very sensitive in both men and women. In fact, rubbing/massaging that area may be pleasureable. For men, rubbing the prostate, located beneath the bladder, (can be palpated through the thin rectal lining) can also lead to a pleasureable experience for the male. Especially if this is done prior to ejaculation. These are facts.

Also to note, the area between the genitals and anus is extremely sensitive too.

Ijs.

Sent from my DROIDX

That does not = gay porn though lol. Also, I would never ever feel comfortable with a man who wanted me to touch his backdoor lol, . I'd figure a man can do the same for him so...

 

[allmundjoi]

That does not = gay porn though lol. Also, I would never ever feel comfortable with a man who wanted me to touch his backdoor lol, . I'd figure a man can do the same for him so...

Wasn't speaking to the pornography. I was speaking to the fact (and reason) why some hetrosexual men engage in anal play. I thought a mature crowd could handle the physiological and anatomical reasons why some men, independent of orientation, may engage in this. *shrug*

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[thetall1]

Any updates OP?? I hope everything is ok...

 

[yokoyokogirl]

Been there. Trust me, it's hard. Although I had NOWHERE near the info, your friend had---til I decided to do my own digging.

She will probably not get any answers, if she asks. I didn't.

I think it's best, she move out (or ask him to leave), and cut herself from all things attached to him. I also think she should get tested ASAP before anything else.

Even if he loves her, he would be HONEST. Love can withstand all things with honesty. But being gay or bi, and NOT telling your partner is dishonest to the 100th degree and also disrespectful. Don't get me started on that bit.

Anyways time will pass and she will be ok, find someone new who loves and respects her. I did.

And if her family or friends ask, she can tell the truth or just say "he wasn't honest" which, is in fact, the "truth" as well.

HTH.

 

[BEAUTYU2U]

I'm laughing because this is dumb. Do you realllly need advice after seeing hundreds of files for gay porn on your boyfriend's computer, seeing your boyfriend get sexy for his male friend, never being able to hang out with those two, him always asking for anal??? I cant even type this without laughing at someone still needing advice after nothing but evidence being presented. My advice is to tell her to sleep with tape across her cheeks, on her back with one eye open and checking her panty drawer when he leaves with his boo, Tyrone, to see if a pair is missing OR she can just leave. SMH.

It's not a laughing matter and although I don't agree with the tone of the quoted post, she's right. Get over the delivery and take the message.

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[BEAUTYU2U]

OT: actually i read an article stating that bisexual and lesbian women have high rates of watching male porn. I've also found this to be true as well. On the other hand, most bi/lesbian women I've encountered hate lesbian porn. The only women I know that watch lesbian porn are allegedly "straight" heterosexual women who have never--allegedly--had homosexual relations with another woman.....

Wait, if the women who enjoy lesbian porn weren't straight, they'd be bi/lesbian ... wouldn't they hate it? (lol) Since you seem to question their sexuality with the "" ... Does that make sense? I'm confuzzled.

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