Has your SO/ DH ever banned you from doing anything?

[Fine 4s]

This thread brings up some interesting topics. I generally don't buy that there's a set amount of time you have to KNOW someone before getting married or engaged IMHO.
I wouldn't have an issue with him banning me from the club only because I *blushing* can 'act single' at times...But I would watch for further signs of banning lol

Funny that this topic is brought up because the previous guy I was seeing (nothing materialized) briefly didn't want me driving home (one time ban) because I had been drinking at his bday party. At first, I thought it was sweet and caring and well...rational I guess (less romantic lol.) But after persisting only a couple of times that I was OK, he completely gave up the fight. I think he called me the next day. I vaguely remembered thinking uuuuuuuuuhhhhhmmmm....either you believed I was able to drive or you didn't really care? I always wondered about that night....

That passing the purse situation was HILARIOUS but immature sounding.
I never really had an SO ban me or seem controlling but I kinda missed that feeling since I was 17!!!...Actually, now that I think of it, my SO has banned me from buying a motorcycle stating that learning how to operate one NOW is too dangerous (I guess especially if you plan on building a life with someone...death or dismemberment might push it back a lil'.) I think we settled on a Vespa lol

 

[cheryl26]

Oh yes dh has tried to ban me from many things like going out with friends, wearing certain clothes, listening to classic rock , all kinds of crazy things. He has yet to succeed though. It's probably better you leave her alone for now and maybe discuss it on the phone, if she does go it can cause a monstrous fight between them.

 

[MissMasala5]

dh banned me from shopping at one point. It was only for two months though.

"Only"?

 

[LunadeMiel]

DH has banned me from eating M&M minis and chocolate chip cookies I get terrible hearburn from sweets so I comply. I'm also banned from watching Syfy when he's at home. He says I'm too much of wimp for alladat

 

[SilentRuby]

I have never had this problem. Either in my teen years thru my adulthood a boyfriend or so has never attempted to tell me what to do.

I am by nature a quiet person. However, don't try to cross me or tell me what to do.

This is me to a tee.

Seems a little controlling to me. A person, worth their salt, should be able to go anywhere and still have respect for their relationship so banning clubs isn't gonna work. She could get "tried" at work, coffee shop, a gas station or anywhere else.

I agree with the other posters that first it starts with clubs then it will become her hair, how she's dressed, who she associates with, and etc. Warning signs! If he can't trust her while she's away from him then he needs to let her go. I also hate how women make excuses "oh I didn't like going clubbing anyway"

 

[frizzy]

Banned, heck no! Told me what he didn't like? Yes, and I do consider his feelings most of the time, and sometimes I don't.

I'm curious to how the DF will react when your friend does something she has been forbidden to do. I could be wrong, but it seems like she is in for a rude awakening, this guy is displaying a few red flags.

ETA- she needs to assert herself a position as an equal partner in this relationship AND let him know that he won't be happy with her 100% of the time....that's life.

 

[Syrah]

My husband has never banned me from anything. Made suggestions that I reconsider somethings, sure!

Thats the most and best he gets from me

I don't ban him from doing anything at all because in my book, he's a grown arse man. By the same token, I'm a grown arse woman so my expectation is that he treats me accordingly.


-A

I'm surprised your DH hasn't tried to put quotas on your gem-habit. Sounds like he knows better.

 

[CurlyMoo]

If she's clubing too much, like every weekend. Then yes she needs someone in her life to tell her it's not a good idea and her man is a good one to do it and that makes him caring. But if she's going once in a while then he is insecure and controlling.

 

[indarican]

My DH has banned me from watching Glee episodes while he is in the house.

Lmao... Oh yea, no bridezillas in the bedroom for me... Lol

 

[BreeNique]

he "banned" me from movies for a while, i was watching them A LOT and it was definitely affecting my work and productivity in class. anyway, he took my ethernet cords (with my permission, don't worry). but it was coming from a place of love, not maliciousness.

 

[Leesh]

I only tolerate it if its in my best interest... i used to have a habit of going to the corner store all hours of night 1 am, 3 am whatever... then there was a string of attacks by my block. His exact words were no more late night candy runs, and if you must go wake me to go with you.
Anything else he can do jumping jacks on thumb tacs

And for good reason. This sounds like genuine concern. But for someone to impose rules, because they're evidently insecure, is beyond me! Lets say she wasn't ready to stop clubbing, these are her clubbing years. I mean clubbing is what most 23 yr. olds do. He may have passed his want to club, and may be content doing other things, which is fine, but he should respect where she's at at this stage in her life. Now if it's excessive, that would be understandable, but only pertaining to the time spent that could be spent together, not cause he's afraid of someone else getting her. This is where the age difference can be an issue. It's like, he's been there done that, but in all actuality, It's her time to get her club on.

 

[Mis007]

An ex did try to impose a ban !!!

 

[tocktick]

lubbing generally involves drinking and dancing with the opposite sex. For the life of me I can't imagine how that would be fun if you are in a committed relationship. To me it's about boundaries and respect. But that's me.

Whilst I drink and dance at clubs, I'm a dab hand at deflecting unwanted male attention and don't dance with guys even though I'm single. A lot of guys think it's an invitation to over-step certain boundaries. The attached friends I have don't dance with dudes either (probably because of the above) - this isn't what we go out for.

Imo, going to a club doesn't mean you're likely to disrespect your SO if you weren't already intent on this anyway. Her SO's demand was rooted in jealousy/possessiveness and wasn't about her safety or some other reason that would be in her best interest. So even though she says she's over the club scene anyway, the control part is the actual issue, imo. Men can and probably will "try it on" at other situations too. How's he going to stop that happening? He has to trust this chick at some point.

 

[hopeful]

Double post...

 

[hopeful]

Whilst I drink and dance at clubs, I'm a dab hand at deflecting unwanted male attention and don't dance with guys even though I'm single. A lot of guys think it's an invitation to over-step certain boundaries. The attached friends I have don't dance with dudes either (probably because of the above) - this isn't what we go out for.

Imo, going to a club doesn't mean you're likely to disrespect your SO if you weren't already intent on this anyway. Her SO's demand was rooted in jealousy/possessiveness and wasn't about her safety or some other reason that would be in her best interest. So even though she says she's over the club scene anyway, the control part is the actual issue, imo. Men can and probably will "try it on" at other situations too. How's he going to stop that happening? He has to trust this chick at some point.

To each her own. I stand by what I said and how I feel. I personally would need more info before judging the guy to be controlling and insecure, again that's me. I read online once where a lady's husband was going on a trip that she decided to pass on. So the husband said another lady's husband was skipping the trip too so the two of them were going to share a room together, separate beds, to save money. The wife flipped out. Some of you would say the wife was being insecure and he's going to do what he's going to do. Again to me it's about appropriate boundaries, respect, and yes, appearances. I think it just works best when the couple are of like mind regarding boundaries and respectfulness. Everybody is different.

 

[RocStar]

Like an earlier poster said sometimes it's in our best interest and kinda cute. I have been walking quite a bit lately and dh has banned me from walking at night. It makes him very nervous and I appreciate his concern.

We have had quite a few discussions on LHCF about clubbing. I would not ban a guy from clubbing but I also would not marry a guy who planned to continue clubbing. Clubbing generally involves drinking and dancing with the opposite sex. For the life of me I can't imagine how that would be fun if you are in a committed relationship. To me it's about boundaries and respect. But that's me.

So for now I don't think you need to worry about your gf. Seems to me she'd rather be a married woman who doesn't club vs. single and do as she pleases. If he starts trying to tell her how to dress, wear her hair, and who to be friends with, I would be concerned, but to me this is not a biggy. I am also assuming he told her that he didn't want his fiance/wife out clubbing and she said okay, I don't like it that much anyway. Assuming it's not a I forbid you to this or that kind of situation.

I don't want a SO/DH to tell me what is in MY best interest. I am grown. I have one dad and I don't need another. I don't think it is cute, but to each their own.

Now if you suggest things, or say, "I'm worried when you..." I am gonna sit up and listen, but to say you ban me, naw son.

 

[RegaLady]

To each her own. I stand by what I said and how I feel. I personally would need more info before judging the guy to be controlling and insecure, again that's me. I read online once where a lady's husband was going on a trip that she decided to pass on. So the husband said another lady's husband was skipping the trip too so the two of them were going to share a room together, separate beds, to save money. The wife flipped out. Some of you would say the wife was being insecure and he's going to do what he's going to do. Again to me it's about appropriate boundaries, respect, and yes, appearances. I think it just works best when the couple are of like mind regarding boundaries and respectfulness. Everybody is different.

With both of your posts. Dh does not care for me to go to clubs and bars. PERIOD. Some can call in insecurity, but to him a mother and wife has a certain responsibility to uphold. I will not lie, I would feel some kind of way if he went with his buddies every weekend. So I respect his feelings.

 

[MrsHaseeb]

This man sounds abusive. Two months is not enough time to be engaged. Building love and trust takes time and there is no way to know anyone well enough to be engaged after such a short time. See he's got this young thang and he is trying to tie her down so no other man will have her because he is insecure. Why doesn't he have a woman his own age? Men like that usually only date younger women because they are easier for them to control. And he thinks she is young and dumb so he feels the need to tell her what to do. I couldn't be with a man who thinks I'm incompetent and feels the need to ban me from things. He should discuss things he doesn't like with her in a respectable manner and if the love is real then she would try to comply. I can almost promise you that he would laugh in her face if she tried to ban his as$ from doing something. I have observed similar behavior in a man my friend is "engaged" to. He does the exact same things and is also 10 years older. They were engaged very quickly and were going to be married next month but she called it off after realizing he misrepresented himself and she didn't know him at all. Your friend needs to slow it down with this man.

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[hopeful]

I don't want a SO/DH to tell me what is in MY best interest. I am grown. I have one dad and I don't need another. I don't think it is cute, but to each their own.

Now if you suggest things, or say, "I'm worried when you..." I am gonna sit up and listen, but to say you ban me, naw son.

My dh has never said he bans me from doing anything. He's much more tactful and respectful than that.

 

[Theo]

Maybe its due to the context, but that scenario in the OP would definitely rub me the wrong way.

I get irritated when these men live their life doing whatever the pluck they want in their 20s and then when they're tired of the single lifestyle settle down and pick the youngest girl they can find and start trying to impose limits on her. Its happened to me and its annoying. They're cool cuz your friend doesn't like clubbing, but if it was me, I would have told him to find someone his own age to sit and be a homebody with him.

Personally I love going out and clubbing, and at 24, this is how me and my friends socialize.

As far other men "trying it", he's silly. At his age, he should know better. If she was inclined to cheat, it would more likely be with someone she actually knows from school or work than some random man she met at the club. Is he going to ban her from going to work too?

 

[hopeful]

I think I am assuming the guy didn't actually say I ban or forbid you to go to clubs. Of course that is controlling. I am assuming he voiced his concerns (strong dislike of her clubbing if she is going to be his wife), they had a discussion, came to an agreement, and that she said he banned her kind of jokingly. Maybe I am giving him too much credit, IDK. OP keep us updated, okay?

 

[Je Ne Sais Quoi]

No banning but he is not quiet about things he doesn't like. Like me texting, watching shows like bridezillas or rhwoa, etc. meh. He's trying to be the boss of me. I let him think that he wins on certain things to make him feel good. Come to think of it I try to boss him around too. I think secretly he loves it lol.

 

[melissa-bee]

I think I am assuming the guy didn't actually say I ban or forbid you to go to clubs. Of course that is controlling. I am assuming he voiced his concerns (strong dislike of her clubbing if she is going to be his wife), they had a discussion, came to an agreement, and that she said he banned her kind of jokingly. Maybe I am giving him too much credit, IDK. OP keep us updated, okay?

I have been reading everybody's responses everyday but I've just decided not to express any concerns to her.
I totally agree with ya'll saying about a woman acting like a wife/future mother VS acting single. But she rarely goes clubbing. She is exactly like me when it comes to clubbing, meaning we will only go clubbing if someone is doing that for their birthday or once in a blue moon,whether we are single or not. So I know she didn't say that it doesn't bother her just to brush it off as nothing. She has never been one to clubbing every weekend. It was just weird that, IF one of her friends wanted to go clubbing for their b'day that she can't go even though the last time she went was last year, for example.

Yesterday, we just went restaurant and to a bar after (yeah he allows bars). However, the whole time we were there she was texting him.
I jokingly brought up the subject with her and she just repeated the same thing "I don't like going clubbing anyway, so it doesn't bother me, he's just doesn't like other guys trying it".
So I took that as my opportunity to bring up the other side of the argument, that men can try it with you anywhere...
But we really didn't go in to detail, she seems really happy with him so I don't wanna ruin it for her or act like a hater. Like I said before I don't know how they interact and I don't no how he imposed this ban so it's none of my business, I was just initially concerned

 

[MyInvisibleChyrsalis]

I got banned from using the credit card once. That's about it. Her dude sounds insecure, and she's trying to avoid a fight. An insecure man can make a relationship a pure nightmare. I had an ex scream on me because I took my best friend out to his sister's the club. We chilled in her vip booth all night and he flipped. Control freak. Although I wouldn't like it if my husband went clubbing, but we're fuddy duddies and aren' t cool anymore, anyway

sent from the nebula quadrant 2-4-niner-foxtrot

 

[FeelinIt]

My DH has banned me from watching Glee episodes while he is in the house.

I concur with this ban.........what? lol

 

[ChocalateDiva]

I have been reading everybody's responses everyday but I've just decided not to express any concerns to her.
I totally agree with ya'll saying about a woman acting like a wife/future mother VS acting single. But she rarely goes clubbing. She is exactly like me when it comes to clubbing, meaning we will only go clubbing if someone is doing that for their birthday or once in a blue moon,whether we are single or not. So I know she didn't say that it doesn't bother her just to brush it off as nothing. She has never been one to clubbing every weekend. It was just weird that, IF one of her friends wanted to go clubbing for their b'day that she can't go even though the last time she went was last year, for example.

Yesterday, we just went restaurant and to a bar after (yeah he allows bars). However, the whole time we were there she was texting him.
I jokingly brought up the subject with her and she just repeated the same thing "I don't like going clubbing anyway, so it doesn't bother me, he's just doesn't like other guys trying it".
So I took that as my opportunity to bring up the other side of the argument, that men can try it with you anywhere...
But we really didn't go in to detail, she seems really happy with him so I don't wanna ruin it for her or act like a hater. Like I said before I don't know how they interact and I don't no how he imposed this ban so it's none of my business, I was just initially concerned

I would just like to say that bars and clubs are a place that just being there can indicate that you are open to them "trying it". They can try anywhere but certain atmospheres are more condusive to that kind of thing.

 

[socurlyqt]

But she got banned from the club #doe? cold blooded....