Evolving78
Well-Known Member
That’s like meeting someone and you find out they don’t have any teeth.
I don’t have pretty privilege and that sucks
- Thread starter caribeandiva
- Start date
Leeda.the.Paladin
Well-Known Member
Wait, so he found out after they were married?
Leeda.the.Paladin
Well-Known Member
Oh no!I saw this on CNN and immediately thought of this thread.
The other lady's face is sending me too 
She should have told him upfront, cause he was bound to find out eventually.
Sosoothing
Well-Known Member
Aww..she should have just shown up to one of their many dates, before marriage, with her own hair and not said a word.
So he could have asked whatever question he had and understood that particular look wasn't foreign of his lady (shrug).
almond eyes
Well-Known Member
Yes he found out after they were married and many decades.
Best,
Almond Eyes
Crackers Phinn
Either A Blessing Or A Lesson.
Good. It was too late for him to do anything about it.
I was a poor 20 something student in a cheap BSS bob when the floodgates opened. Both with the male attention and white women's jealousy. Though I didn't come into my body confidence and style till that particular age, so I can't attribute it to the hair exactly. My facial looks were highly regarded by WW/WM and I had that skinny/athletic figure with big boobs.
That moment I looked in the mirror, chose to disregard all the preferences spouted around me and in the media and completely own my lane - everything changed after that in a big way. I received face compliments from non blacks in my TWA, but reaching my full potential.. I believe was partially linked to feeling myself and dressing for my figure which came years later. I walk with confidence. This isn't everyone, but I've definitely heard some people say they had the "aha" moment and more self-acceptance when they went natural. Men notice those types of mental shifts as well as a hairstyle that suits you better.
A lot of wigs and weaves are just really bad full stop and there's no incentive for these chinese makers to improve because they keep getting bought. On average I think more effort is made for white consumers of wigs/white brands.
I'm team wear stuff that actually suits you and makes you happy when it comes to attracting the right guys. You don't need to get a load of fillers because the Kardashians have them, run out and buy a butt length, blonde weave because you love Beyonce, or jet off to Turkey to get 1000's of ccs pumped into your butt when you don't have the thighs to match.
Would love to see more black women (especially young bucks) wearing things that suit them and also wearing the right foundation, concealer, powder shade but hey. If some black women having confusing hairlines lowers black women's stock then whatever happens to white and south Asian women's collagen stores and muscle tone from late 20's onwards must lower theirs
Real talk - I think most white women think their hair is more attractive than black women whether fake, or natural - yet enough of them still act uncomfortable around pretty, slim black women. I've caused a lot of arguments in their relationships/marriages also which I could do without. There's a lot more that makes us attractive than a hairstyle and as time goes on in the '30s, '40s, and 50's it just becomes increasingly apparent. Slightly off the point : I have an old avi in something that looks a bit like a headband wig. I feel to dig it out now and re-examine
. Not sure if I wore it out, but I took a few pics.almond eyes
Well-Known Member
@BonBon, I love how you started that sentence, "I was a poor 20 something student in a cheap BSS bob when the floodgates opened." That made me laugh; I remember having that reality too. And you are right, there are no incentives for the Chinese and Korean wig manufacturers to make the wigs more realistic looking. That's why my friend and I laugh about slapping on wigs, you literally do what you need to do to get through the day. I do think that black women also start getting more attractive as they age because we age better and know how to put ourselves together a bit better and stop trying to chase unattainable beauty standards. So much pressure in the world for black women to conform to constantly changing beauty standards. I myself have stopped chasing trends long long time ago. For awhile, my BW friends and relatives who wore wigs would get very triggered by my natural full hair and mostly intact edges and I felt like I had to appease them because they had lost their hairlines. But now, I don't. Blame the system don't blame other women. That's why BW have to be aware that beauty standards change, I know a legion of women who damaged their hairlines with weaves because ten years ago glue and tight sew in weaves were hot. Studies show that a bad hair day can literally ruin a woman's confidence.I was a poor 20 something student in a cheap BSS bob when the floodgates opened. Both with the male attention and white women's jealousy. Though I didn't come into my body confidence and style till that particular age, so I can't attribute it to the hair exactly. My facial looks were highly regarded by WW/WM and I had that skinny/athletic figure with big boobs.
That moment I looked in the mirror, chose to disregard all the preferences spouted around me and in the media and completely own my lane - everything changed after that in a big way. I received face compliments from non blacks in my TWA, but reaching my full potential.. I believe was partially linked to feeling myself and dressing for my figure which came years later. I walk with confidence. This isn't everyone, but I've definitely heard some people say they had the "aha" moment and more self-acceptance when they went natural. Men notice those types of mental shifts as well as a hairstyle that suits you better.
A lot of wigs and weaves are just really bad full stop and there's no incentive for these chinese makers to improve because they keep getting bought. On average I think more effort is made for white consumers of wigs/white brands.
I'm team wear stuff that actually suits you and makes you happy when it comes to attracting the right guys. You don't need to get a load of fillers because the Kardashians have them, run out and buy a butt length, blonde weave because you love Beyonce, or jet off to Turkey to get 1000's of ccs pumped into your butt when you don't have the thighs to match.
Would love to see more black women (especially young bucks) wearing things that suit them and also wearing the right foundation, concealer, powder shade but hey. If some black women having confusing hairlines lowers black women's stock then whatever happens to white and south Asian women's collagen stores and muscle tone from late 20's onwards must lower theirs
Slightly off the point : I have an old avi in something that looks a bit like a headband wig. I feel to dig it out now and re-examine
Best,
Almond Eyes
Back in school the style was natural, or relaxed, but VERY tight buns and ponytails. This is what the gorilla glue debacle reminded me of. Basically the more flat, defined and in control you could get your hair the better. Some even wore their hair tight enough that it would change the shape of their eyes for "you look part Chinese" compliments...
Anyhoo I have a few fine haired friends that lost their nape hair before the age of 16 due to this. It's just shiny skin now and would need a transplant, I feel bad for them. Following trends lead to permanent damage sometimes.
ETA: Due to the increased knowledge about haircare I'm seeing more women owning healthier, longer hair underneath wigs.
Though I believe if people want to retain a healthy relationship with their hair while experimenting, it's easier if you wear weaves or wigs that are a kinda similar density and texture to theirs and a realistic length for them. I love BeautybyJJ, but I remember she always used to buy so many packs of hair, maybe 6+! Fair play, I think she pulls it off, but if you have low to medium density hair underneath the chances are you might not feel fabulous wearing your own hair, even when healthy.
Anyhoo I have a few fine haired friends that lost their nape hair before the age of 16 due to this. It's just shiny skin now and would need a transplant, I feel bad for them. Following trends lead to permanent damage sometimes.
ETA: Due to the increased knowledge about haircare I'm seeing more women owning healthier, longer hair underneath wigs.
Though I believe if people want to retain a healthy relationship with their hair while experimenting, it's easier if you wear weaves or wigs that are a kinda similar density and texture to theirs and a realistic length for them. I love BeautybyJJ, but I remember she always used to buy so many packs of hair, maybe 6+! Fair play, I think she pulls it off, but if you have low to medium density hair underneath the chances are you might not feel fabulous wearing your own hair, even when healthy.
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naturalgyrl5199
Well-Known Member
I definitely agree.I like her mannerisms. She’s frank, pragmatic, and authentic, which is quite refreshing. I wonder what she wanted to gain from posting this video and what she wants long-term.
If I was her close friend and she asked for my input, I’d say: You are actually quite pretty, sis. Pretty skin, nice lips, and big doe eyes (check out a video of her without glasses). Ditch the headband wig and that particular type of glasses or actually just get some contacts. And losing about 10 lbs. would upgrade her look even more.
I’d advise her to reconsider dating exclusively Black, if that’s what she’s doing. There is no other community in which frumpiness poses such an obstacle to getting married
Plus getting in shape is a morale booster for the soul/self. That bleeds off anyone and is contagious. Men love that.
naturalgyrl5199
Well-Known Member
The boldedI watched this video a few days ago, and I found her take much more interesting than I expected. I ended up watching another video of hers, and it gave a really good picture of what's going on. There's a lot going on.
1. She isn't pretty, but she's average-ish. Losing a good bit of weight and changing her styling would make her more attractive, but pretty just isn't her lane. What happened for her birthday outing is that she styled herself in a way that did nothing for her. She's not sexy. She doesn't have that type of presence, so trying for blatant sexiness fell completely flat. I'm not sexy either, and I learned a long time ago that that isn't my lane. But I'm cute as all get out, and I've gotten lots of attention from guys when I leaned into that. There are plenty of happily married women who aren't pretty. There are plenty of pretty women who have only had a string of trash relationships. It's not the end all be all, and she thinks that it is.
2. From this and another video (one about online dating), it's really obvious that she's built up a whole fantasy life in her head and she's got unrealistic expectations. She said that she wants a relationship that has Billy Bob and Angelina Jolie energy. Huh? What? I don't know who she thinks she is in that dynamic, but she doesn't have Billy Bob or Angelina energy, so how would that work
3. She's never had a male friend, and believes (from one comment made by one child) that the only way a guy will be friends with a chick is if he really wants to get in her pants. So she's absolutely wrong, and I say this as someone who has had a lot of male friends and has been friends with dudes since kindergarten. I have absolutely had male friends who I flirted with, and we were mutually attracted to each other. I've also had male friends who were like brothers to me, where there was no sexual chemistry, tension or spark.
She mentioned never having male friends to go on dates with (not the purpose of male friends but okay), and that she avoids becoming friends with guys because she doesn't want her feelings hurt.
4. LA ain't it for dating, and that's not just an issue "dark-skinned" black women have. White women also say that LA is horrible for dating. LA just isn't it. Bars and clubs are also not it, especially for the lane that she's in. Knowing your lane is a whole thing. She's not dazzling visually, and she doesn't have an attention grabbing personality or energy. She's figured that out the hard way, but she hasn't been able to mentally pivot without taking baggage with her.
One thing that I've noticed, as someone who's had pretty privilege up until I got really fat ( now I have the lesser fat pretty privilege
Its the same where ppl who grew up broke (like I did) covet money, yet when they get it, they flash it and don't know how to KEEP it.
naturalgyrl5199
Well-Known Member
My issue is that someone is looking at her, with her ability to speak freely on a platform and affording wigs and make-up and going "man I wish I was her."
I need her to have more people in her life to tell her that as well. IDK if she has girlfriends or what. But There is an ocean of stuff under her frustration.
I need her to have more people in her life to tell her that as well. IDK if she has girlfriends or what. But There is an ocean of stuff under her frustration.
Leeda.the.Paladin
Well-Known Member
Leeda.the.Paladin
Well-Known Member
She really needs to take a social media break. I know it’s probably tied into her income or job, but man, it will do wonders
caribeandiva
Human being
I refuse to watch this video. I’ve watched the other 3 she posted on pretty privilege. Here’s what I got from watching them: she’s complaining about not having pretty privilege but is unwilling to do a damn thing to improve her situation. I get the vibe that she has a calm superiority to it all… yet won’t stop talking about it. At this point I iz tired. I’m like: gurl bye!
Leeda.the.Paladin
Well-Known Member
I couldn’t make it through all of it. Unfortunately it popped up on my suggestions.
Evolving78
Well-Known Member
She is full of it.
caribeandiva
Human being
It popped up on my recommendations too. I’m like: nope!
MissNina
Libra Girl
Pretty privilege is def a thing and it always has been. It is what it is. Her giving it this much emphasis is odd.
Plus, a lot of her examples are really just plain ol’ colorism and the fact that she can’t seem to differentiate between the two is interesting. This all likely would have bothered her a hell of a lot less if she could.
I can also see how her personality would be off putting to a lot of men even though as a woman I really dig it.
Plus, a lot of her examples are really just plain ol’ colorism and the fact that she can’t seem to differentiate between the two is interesting. This all likely would have bothered her a hell of a lot less if she could.
I can also see how her personality would be off putting to a lot of men even though as a woman I really dig it.
awhyley
Well-Known Member
Green: I think the opposite. She keeps comparing her treatment to her light-skinned, exotical friends, so I believe that she knows it's colorism and that's the underlying thing that's bothering her, because she really can't change her phenotype to match (read: compete with) what her friends have and the attention they get.
Blue: What's so off-putting? That she's well-spoken and opinionated?
(eta: P.S. Watched the latest video and I enjoyed it.)
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ckisland
Well-Known Member
She's whiney, super whiney. She's also intellectual so she thinks that she knows exactly how the world works, but she's really saying that grass is blue- close but not quite right.
I find the colorism thing annoying as a member of the chocolate people coalition. As someone who is unsquintably black to the point that people stay thinking that I must be African, and as someone who tans hard and has spent years of my life a good 4 shades darker than I am now, I reject the idea that black women don't experience pretty privilege by default because they're dark skinned.
I have experienced pretty privilege the majority of my life as a dark skinned black woman because a good number of people found my black features attractive. Mind you, I grew up in super colorist Virginia with plenty of light skinned barely blacks to be compared to. I'm the darkest one in my family. I have never been picked on or ignored by people for being too black. And it not like I had a banging body to add to my face. I had a pretty face and was very charismatic, and I was treated as such.
Of course colorism exist, but sometimes you're just not attractive in the face. I didn't grow up in a bubble with only black people though. I saw how unattractive light skinned girls and white girls were also treated. It sucked for them too. The world isn't fair and all things aren't equal. I just find that the constant reaffirming of the idea that you can't be dark skinned and be found attractive annoying, cause it's not actually true.
I find the colorism thing annoying as a member of the chocolate people coalition. As someone who is unsquintably black to the point that people stay thinking that I must be African, and as someone who tans hard and has spent years of my life a good 4 shades darker than I am now, I reject the idea that black women don't experience pretty privilege by default because they're dark skinned.
I have experienced pretty privilege the majority of my life as a dark skinned black woman because a good number of people found my black features attractive. Mind you, I grew up in super colorist Virginia with plenty of light skinned barely blacks to be compared to. I'm the darkest one in my family. I have never been picked on or ignored by people for being too black. And it not like I had a banging body to add to my face. I had a pretty face and was very charismatic, and I was treated as such.
Of course colorism exist, but sometimes you're just not attractive in the face. I didn't grow up in a bubble with only black people though. I saw how unattractive light skinned girls and white girls were also treated. It sucked for them too. The world isn't fair and all things aren't equal. I just find that the constant reaffirming of the idea that you can't be dark skinned and be found attractive annoying, cause it's not actually true.
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MissNina
Libra Girl
You supported my point Bc even what you stated is not actually separating the two. Saying “My light-skinned and exotical friends are seen as more attractive and treated differently than me” is a whole lot different than “I’m not pretty b/c I’m not exotical & light skinned and I’m treated differently Bc I’m not and I probably won’t ever get married Bc I’m not.” Problem. Atic.
Do you see what I’m saying? If she saw it was colorism, she could compartmentalize that thought vs. internalizing it and allowing it to shape her own thoughts about herself. She would see that a simple solution to her issue is to, one way or another, surround herself with men/ppl that value Black women as a whole.
As far as what’s off putting, she is intellectually snotty. I can be kinda like that, so I dig it, but she has a way of phrasing things/coming off as if her opinion is fact and she’s already figured out the reasons for all her issues & all of life. Men don’t really value that like women do, IME, and even women find it annoying. Amanda Seale comes off similar and I can’t stand her. Intellectually superior vibe.
awhyley
Well-Known Member
As a member of the chocolate coalition, I know many dark-skinned women that get compliments. The YouTuber didn't even hint at the highlighted in any of her videos on this topic, (because I guess it would have diffused her argument).
Yes and no, because I still think that it's two sides of the same coin, but I see where compartmentalizing would help her work through her issues as opposed to letting it permeate into her mindset, but it's hard getting rejected over and over. As someone said upthread, she should consider leaving LA because her environment is not helping.
Yall, have me scared because I see myself in her in this way.
ckisland
Well-Known Member
That is the whole truth and nothing but the truth!!! She is such a snob, and she is annoying, but I'm rooting for her cause she's so sad
cocosweet
Well-Known Member
Holy Mother of Revlon, she did three videos on this? Methinks that air of superiority she is projecting is a defense mechanism.
Rocky91
NYE side boob.
This woman is sooo stunning. Whew.
certified baddie with great style. I’m so glad you posted her—I like her personality too.
caribeandiva
Human being
That has been my experience too as a member of the chocolate coalition! Heck I think my dark skin added to my appeal. Call me naive but I didn’t even know pretty privilege was a thing until a year or 2 ago. I really thought all women got treated the way I did.
caribeandiva
Human being
You’re right! I couldn’t put my finger on it but you described it perfectly! I too can get in that mode at times but it is off putting.
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