I don’t have pretty privilege and that sucks

[Leeda.the.Paladin]

She stated that she feels basically robbed of experiences that other women get to have. This is her primary issue. She doesn’t want to just get to know a man at church, find they have things in common and develop a relationship. She wants a man to see her and find her irresistible, and sweep her off her feet. This is what she thinks is happening to pretty girls, and she feels cheated.

Oooh ok, that makes more sense. I guess I need to actually watch the video.

 

[Leeda.the.Paladin]

I love a headband wig. I cover the black headband though with a cute/patterned band/scarf/sash though. They are so convenient **shrug**

I've been eyeing a straight headband wig at the beauty store. I just need to come off the money. I have a friend that makes fun of them and is side eying me for even thinking about getting one.

 

[Evolving78]

Lol I didn’t know there were levels to it. I like that, so Brad is an extra fine white man, but Peter is regular degular? Lol.

Yea, the kinky curly texture really works for her, but that headband man...just adds a layer of frump. If she wants the length, she may want to consider a sew in or clip-ins. But frankly, I’m willing to bet her own hair, styled flawlessly, would upgrade her look.

idk if folks realize just how frumpy some of these wigs can be. It seems the impulse is to think wig=glamorous, but nah...that ain’t always the case. Viola has always been a gorgeous woman to me, but when she started hitting the scene with that TWA or even her natural looking extensions? Just added a new layer of sexiness, IMO.

I was like what is wrong with her natural hair? I’m like she is going out of her way to look the way she is looking.

 

[Evolving78]

I've been eyeing a straight headband wig at the beauty store. I just need to come off the money. I have a friend that makes fun of them and is side eying me for even thinking about getting one.

You have beautiful hair! Stay away from the headband wig.

 

[Rocky91]

Loving the posts from @almond eyes and @Crackers Phinn.

Now I have a whole vision for her in my head. Well-blended kinky straight hair with soft curls, different glasses, a whole wardrobe of cleavage-enhancing tops and dresses. A reputable matchmaker who has proven success for unambiguous BW.

also, not to sound like a creep but she has quite a nice figure. I just checked out her summer fashion nova haul and the first time she turned to the side in one of the more form-fitting outfits, I said well damn.

 

[Evolving78]

Loving the posts from @almond eyes and @Crackers Phinn.

Now I have a whole vision for her in my head. Well-blended kinky straight hair with soft curls, different glasses, a whole wardrobe of cleavage-enhancing tops and dresses. A reputable matchmaker who has proven success for unambiguous BW.

also, not to sound like a creep but she has quite a nice figure. I just checked out her summer fashion nova haul and the first time she turned to the side in one of the more form-fitting outfits, I said well damn.

Yeah she needs a real friend.

 

[caribeandiva]

straight styles may look better on people for reasons that have all to do with European standards of beauty. If makeup can take you from this to this then ball out at Sephora and get it done regardless of people talking about wizardry and being fair to men and what not.

Agreed 100%!!

 

[caribeandiva]

What other tips do you have? Besides enhancing cleavage, not slapping a wig on and better glasses?

Yes @Crackers Phinn spill!!

 

[Chicoro]

I like her mannerisms. She’s frank, pragmatic, and authentic, which is quite refreshing. I wonder what she wanted to gain from posting this video and what she wants long-term.

If I was her close friend and she asked for my input, I’d say: You are actually quite pretty, sis. Pretty skin, nice lips, and big doe eyes (check out a video of her without glasses). Ditch the headband wig and that particular type of glasses or actually just get some contacts. And losing about 10 lbs. would upgrade her look even more.

I’d advise her to reconsider dating exclusively Black, if that’s what she’s doing. There is no other community in which frumpiness poses such an obstacle to getting married so increase your pool and your chances. Leave the West Coast and come get you a nice Midwestern Brad or Jamal if you find one at your local multicultural church or at the gym. If she stays focused, she could be married in about two years, tops.

@Rocky91. Can I hire you?

 

[OmbreLune]

She is beautiful to me; her facial features are proportionate, skin is glowing and she has a nice smile (got a cute shape too, I noticed in another video). She is not however the typical description of hot which combines looks, super fit body, well styled clothes and sexy vibe. I think one of her challenges is that she is living in a city where hotness is of utmost importance. She has a very insightful, practical and genuine kind of vibe which seems to clash with the stereotype of the superficial LA culture. I mean, even celebrities who started off gorgeous end up turning themselves in plastic surgery aliens in pursuit of perfection. I wonder what made her move there? I hope she can find a place where there are more down to earth, hardworking type of men that will compliment her energy better. If she wants the high earning LA men, how much of herself would she have to change and would it lead to true happiness in the end? I know it hurts to feel like you're missing out on a part of life that others get to enjoy. I subscribed, her honesty is appreciated.

 

[vevster]

I am also a becoming a bit of a “wear your real hair” devotee because i just see so many weave/wig monstrosities.

Say that again. #teamnowigs

 

[Leeda.the.Paladin]

I watched it and this is incredibly sad. When she said she fell in love with her gay friend I wanted to cry. How she was treated in school, all of it.

You have beautiful hair! Stay away from the headband wig.

Thanks! I like my hair but sometimes I want a straight style without the effort Headband wig seems quick and easy. Plus I like to buy stuff

 

[lesedi]

I've been eyeing a straight headband wig at the beauty store. I just need to come off the money. I have a friend that makes fun of them and is side eying me for even thinking about getting one.

I spent quite a bit on the two I have and they are a godsend. I wear my hair out mostly, but I love the convenience of just doing my edges and throwing on a cute scarf for a quick glam look occasionally, because I no longer have the inclination or enthusiasm to spend a whole day on my hair. I agree that they look a mess when you don't show any edges , as do most wigs IMO

 

[Rastafarai]

Brad wouldn’t date her, but Peter would.

The image in my head with this comment... And it totally matches the one Brad and one Peter I know in my own life.

 

[Rastafarai]

If I was a friend to this sister I would tell her to travel. Meet men from different cities and cultures throughout the world. Perspective is everything, and unfortunately she thinks the men in LA reflect on her chances with men in general. There is literally a whole world out there with great men who will snatch her up in a second. This is why I encourage travel for Black women, even if its to help gain self-confidence to know we are wanted and worthy.

 

[almond eyes]

Beauty is also an indicator of health. The sad reality is that if you do have balding hair, obese, bad skin, rashes etc these are indicators that something is wrong in the body and should be tended to. I have a cousin who has a chronic illness that has left her bald with inflamed skin. So she really tries to play up her hands by making sure her nails are done.

I also think that not everyone knows how to put their looks together, the YouTuber indicated that she is a loud dresser with a loud personality.

As someone who wasn't a major wig wearer but did do a stint in wigs for about three years, I never felt unique in a sea of other women with the same wigs with the same side and middle parts. Once I began to wear my hair loose and then now locked, I stood out automatically. I also do not do the fake lashes.

The Youtuber also indicated that she also didn't have luck with men of other races. And it's true that many men these days are trash. She isn't lying.

I will be very honest and say that when I was growing up, being brown skinned, skinny with a long face wasn't in. I definitely was mocked and teased in elementary, junior high school and it wasn't a great experience. I was also seen as too ethnic looking with my intricate braids and jewelry. Plus I won't lie I had acne which was a major detractor and to my African mother who had dark brown poreless creamy skin. My family members couldn't understand why I didn't have beautiful skin like hers (The African beauty matrix smooth dark skin is beauty). I was determined to work on myself and haven't had acne in several decades. And because brown skinned biracial people began to take up space in the media, even though I am not biracial, the whole brown skin, long face, natural almond shaped eyes, keen features and thin body shape pushed me into the beauty matrix strange enough.

Best,
Almond Eyes

 

[Black Ambrosia]

The struggle is real and I completely understand why wigs are so popular.

 

[blessedandfavoured]

I happen to think she's really pretty, her face is lovely and she has a nice shape (she did some kind of haul video). She needs to fix her mental self-image.

A lot of you ladies have given good, constructive advice. I would just add (if she ever got to read this thread) that she needs to stop using male attention as a yardstick for her value.

I would also add that all relationships take work and she would be wise spending some of her time learning how to spot a man who is unworthy of the work, and how to put in the work when she meets one who is worthy. Beyoncé is beautiful but it didn't stop Jay-Z (who bragged about having 'the hottest chick in the game wearing his chain') from cheating on her. Angelina Jolie is 3x divorced. Garcelle Beauvais? Being beautiful is a blessing and being considered beautiful is flattering but in the grand scheme of things, what does it guarantee? Certainly not that a relationship will last or that a useless man won't abuse you and your trust. She should sharpen her antennae and be discerning.

Finally, I'd advise her to stay off social media and avoid music videos. Those things poison the mind. She needs to get out in nature, find constructive hobbies and things that make her heart sing. Being beautiful, being in a relationship - these things are just a small part of life, not all of it, and they are fleeting.

May God help her.

@Crackers Phinn your comment about cleavage is fascinating. When you say men you'd known for years started treating you differently, how so? Please share if you're comfortable with that. It always intrigues me to know how basic men can be .

 

[almond eyes]

I don't think nothing is wrong with being desired and complimented it is a good feeling even if you aren't seeking beauty to snag a man. I mean anyone would be like wow I wore my best outfit or took my best picture and no one even said anything and feel some kind of way. As human beings we are social creatures. Just like the reason why we adorn ourselves with jewelry or wear make up.

And no being beautiful doesn't guarantee no challenges in life, neither does having big boobs, long hair, healthy big hair, a beautiful face etc but it does make life fun if you do. By the way, from watching the video the YouTuber didn't seem to say she had low self esteem or didn't like herself. I think she was just making a social observation and didn't necessarily want fashion help. My cousin who has a chronic illness rarely ever gets a male or female compliment and I can tell how she feels badly when we hang out when others get it and she doesn't. It is only natural.

Best,
Almond Eyes

 

[kimpaur]

No comment on the video, but Wigs do lower black women’s stock.
Sorry but it’s true
Part of it is because with the internet, everybody knows black womens hair business. We have 10million videos on wig trickery and it’s not just black women watching. The other part is when we do wear fake hair, it almost never looks natural.
Black women pretty much have a reputation of wearing fake hair at this point.
I worked with mostly white men at my last job and can confirm that they definitely can peep game.
I’m team #washandgo now and I still have gotten weavechecked by non-black men and my hair doesn’t look remotely fake.
it is what it is.

 

[awhyley]

I happen to think she's really pretty, her face is lovely and she has a nice shape (she did some kind of haul video). She needs to fix her mental self-image.

Yep, this is her right here (well maybe not the last part). She's too young to be giving up.

 

[abioni]

Wig and extensions don't lower black women's stock. Any non black person who thinks that already has low view of black women anyway. Wearing your natural hair around such people won't change that opinion.

Hair is like an accessory, change it the way you want. I have heard many white women say they wish they could change their hair the way black women do. Dying hair to blonde and other lighter colors was once seen as trashy among white people but no one cares now.

Yes, some people do abuse wigs but so did they abuse weaves and braids. Anything in vogue will be abused because everyone and their mama who know nothing about how to do it right will join on bandwagon.

 

[Theresamonet]

I don't think nothing is wrong with being desired and complimented it is a good feeling even if you aren't seeking beauty to snag a man. I mean anyone would be like wow I wore my best outfit or took my best picture and no one even said anything and feel some kind of way. As human beings we are social creatures. Just like the reason why we adorn ourselves with jewelry or wear make up.

And no being beautiful doesn't guarantee no challenges in life, neither does having big boobs, long hair, healthy big hair, a beautiful face etc but it does make life fun if you do. By the way, from watching the video the YouTuber didn't seem to say she had low self esteem or didn't like herself. I think she was just making a social observation and didn't necessarily want fashion help. My cousin who has a chronic illness rarely ever gets a male or female compliment and I can tell how she feels badly when we hang out when others get it and she doesn't. It is only natural.

Best,
Almond Eyes

It was her birthday, and she never usually dresses up. Im sure she got plenty of compliments from her friends and family. She wanted attention from male strangers.

Of course most women would love to be able to turn heads. It’s fun and a nice ego boost to be able to do so. But I don’t think that should effect how you move about in the world. I think because she isn’t crying or emotional in the video, people are taking it as if it’s matter-of-fact acceptance. It’s not. She’s defeated. When you choose to no longer go out and have fun, to no longer bother wearing makeup and or dress nicely, when you can’t hang out with friends that are attractive, etc. all because you’re not getting the attention you want from men, that sounds like a low self esteem problem to me. People with healthy self esteem don’t limit themselves based on other people’s (absolute strangers) opinions of them. A confident woman who is just aware that she isn’t a beauty queen or society’s standard for beauty is still going to live her best life. I know women like this.

 

[almond eyes]

I do think that bad wigs lower a black woman's stock. We don't move in silence in terms of our beauty regimes and hair and it has made us less mysterious.

Best,
Almond Eyes

 

[silverbuttons]

I met soooooo many black women like her when I was matchmaking/dating coach. It was actually really frustrating because they refused to try… even though there was an Avg looking slightly out of shape man that would jump her bones.

charm, charisma and confidence go a long way. Her looks remind me of Nicole Walters. She can look better… and I agree she should drop the band afro wig, it doesn’t even look touchable.

 

[silverbuttons]

of course women want to turn heads. if we are heterosexual and honest, it feels good to get a few cat calls, a few swivel heads and lusty looks from men. no one wants to be invisible. and that’s what not having pretty privilege is like, not ugly or pretty enough to be noticed.

the problem is… most girls won’t have the friendships that afford them real honesty. but none of that matters because non-pretty privilege girls are getting married. the fact that she’s given up… is quite sad.

ETA: i feel like this is cultural. middle class black women and middle class white women have very different experiences with beauty. MC WW are used to being on display, told to smile, mom asking who will take them to prom etc that if I told them (as their Matchmaker) « you know, men are really responding to your picture where you look more blonde, would you consider it? » they’d be open.

i told a few black women maybe their hairstyles ain’t it in the exact same tone, and they said absolutely not, I love my hair. Yes, self love and acceptance is good.. but this is about sexual attraction.

 

[Theresamonet]

Her looks remind me of Nicole Walters. She can look better… and I agree she should drop the band afro wig, it doesn’t even look touchable.

She reminds me of Val from Hairlicious.



If I were her, I’d follow Val and copy everything. Lol

 

[ckisland]

of course women want to turn heads. if we are heterosexual and honest, it feels good to get a few cat calls, a few swivel heads and lusty looks from men. no one wants to be invisible. and that’s what not having pretty privilege is like, not ugly or pretty enough to be noticed.

the problem is… most girls won’t have the friendships that afford them real honesty. but none of that matters because non-pretty privilege girls are getting married. the fact that she’s given up… is quite sad.

ETA: i feel like this is cultural. middle class black women and middle class white women have very different experiences with beauty. MC WW are used to being on display, told to smile, mom asking who will take them to prom etc that if I told them (as their Matchmaker) « you know, men are really responding to your picture where you look more blonde, would you consider it? » they’d be open.

i told a few black women maybe their hairstyles ain’t it in the exact same tone, and they said absolutely not, I love my hair. Yes, self love and acceptance is good.. but this is about sexual attraction.

Another thing I noticed is that she never says how any of her friends feel about being hit on. She never said how they feel about men constantly coming up to them when their out. She never mentions the experiences of less pretty friends and how they deal with me. I know so many young women who have really bad anxiety, especially around men. My sister is one of them. She watched the video with me, and one thing she said was that the Youtuber never considered is how it feels for a woman to be constantly harassed by men everywhere they go. My sister is very attractive in her facial features, styling and body. I stay body guarding her when we're out and about because dudes cannot stop themselves from blatantly ogling her. She actually wishes she could move through the world without a man harassing her, trying to talk to her or touch her or follow her around. My sister said that she wishes that she could just enjoy being out and about without always being on edge and ready to defend herself.

 

[ckisland]

I'm on team fake hair lowers black women's value . I picked up on this in middle school when I watched girls with fake ponytails be mocked, while guys would oh and ah over my real hair. I've only worn braids (never did wigs and weaves) a few times when I was younger, and when I did, my boyfriend and various male friends always let me know that my hair was 10x better. The real version of a wig will always trump the value a wig brings because at the end of the day, it isn't yours. Anyone can plop that bad boy on and be just as special.

But that totally makes sense! Of course having a highly desirable feature would be better than the fake version. I know ladies be out here treating their bundles like it's theirs, but you can't pass them Chinese, Malaysian, Peruvian locks to anyone . That makes sense on a biological level. If you were dating a tall dude, and found out that he had been wearing stilts on dates, y'all would be mad too .

 

[almond eyes]

Some women also just won't listen to how they could improve on a note of digression and not about the Youtuber. I remember going through a phase of trying to find my look and yes it wasn't that great and I had people pull me aside and tell me which was embarrassing. But I took what I needed to hear and left the unkind comments aside. It helped me to fine-tune what complemented me the most.

I have an acquaintance who is stuck on these platinum blonde and pink wigs that don't complement her dark brown skin. She also wears a ton of make up and loud eyeshadow. Others have told her repeatedly that she is an attractive woman and doesn't need all of that however she says it is her style. She is on social media everyday trying to get validation. She is in her 50s. She is very educated and wants a high level man.

Best,
Almond Eyes