I Don’t Date Men With Kids

TinyBlu said:
There's ABSOLUTELY NOTHING wrong with wanting what you want. I feel the same way and have been told the same (and even judged for my preferences) by well meaning "daters and maters"...

You have the right energy and attitude. Wanting a man without children isn't a tall order. Keep sending out that positive energy and set your intentions, and he will come.
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thank you!! Good to know that I’m not alone in this. We’re all getting pushback on this issue. Our lives our choice.
 
Don't even worry about that, often times when we forget about our own standards, God kindly reminds us of them. Was starting to lower my standards and entertaining a guy I had been friends with for 20 years, who has a daughter. Well, let's just say that we haven't been friends since April 2017 anymore.

My sister was in her late 20s when she met her now DH, they've been together for 15 years now. Neither of them had children, it just makes the bond between them now so much stronger. One day we were talking on the phone and her tone got real serious when she explained to me to never date a man with children. That's what she had done in her previous relationship and it never worked out (not because of the child, but the guy was not legit at all).

Never settle is all I'm saying, as the ladies have already mentioned. Pastor TD Jakes was once talking about how there are levels of peace. God says He will give us peace that will transcend our understanding. We often think that it means we'll have a bunch of problems and be able to manage them very well. But I'm getting to the point where the absence of problems is what means peace to me: no time to deal with baby mama drama, regrets about your failed relationship and so on. Don't go for second best, LIVE YOUR BEST LIFE.

Was just talking about this with my cousin on the phone: many women settle in life and then try to sell you their life as the ideal. But God has already defined what is ideal in the love story between Isaac and Rebekah. The world keeps pushing blended families and step parenting our way, but you wouldn't believe the kind of havoc it wreaks on families. My sisters and I have a step brother who lives close to us, in Germany. We've tried to keep in contact with him many times over, but aside from us liking each other's pictures on Facebook, there's nothing there. Again: stick to your standards!
 
caribeandiva said:
EXACTLY!!! Everything you’ve listed is why I don’t want a man with kids! Unnecessary drama that I can easily avoid by finding a childless man. Plus to me dating a man with kids is lose-lose. If he’s a great father then he won’t have much time to see you because it’s all about the kids (as it should be). Even if he has full custody and they live with him then you gotta share attention and zip your lips when they do something wrong (hey you ain’t my mama!!). If he’s a crappy father then he has all the time in the world to date you but he’s neglecting his kids, which make him a crappy man and that’s a complete turn-off. Lose-lose. Oh and I don’t like sharing. :look: If he’s got kids you’ll never really have his complete and undivided attention or his money. Nah brah. And I haven’t even touched on baby mama drama yet! Lose-lose-lose-lose
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This is mostly why one of my friend's 4 year relationship didn't work out. He has two children. And our mutual friend who is a single mother herself was one of the loudest voices saying the relationship was doomed and our friend should be with a man without children.
 
Crackers Phinn said:
I get the anecdotes that child free, marriage appropriate, men in their 30's and 40's exist but existing doesn't make the clusters that are here and there common or easy to find. And quite frankly, a lot of dudes ain't above hiding kids. The average age of new fathers in the U.S. is 31. Asian men have the highest average first time father age at 36. White, Hispanic and Black men become first time fathers at a median age of 29, 27 and 25 respectively.

It is not impossible to find a child free, marriage appropriate man in your 30's to marry but make no mistake, you are limiting your dating pool. That said, Lordt knows I understand not wanting to have to deal with all that but I think you gotta have a strategy to snag a black husband without kids the further you move past 30 even if you date younger. Maybe reaching out for tips from women who have pulled it off may be helpful. I'm emphasizing seeking advice from women who have actually married child free black men in their mid to late 30's/40's not those who say they know somebody who did.
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Did @caribeandiva say she wanted a black husband? :look:
 
Most of the men and women in my / my friends’ social and work circles get married around 28-30 and have children after marriage.

That said, that’s most. There are quite a few single women and men in their early to mid-30s that are still dating and childless.

For the most part these people have two degrees from at least one Ivy League school, live in large cities, and are white. So, if that’s what you’re looking for it’s more than available.

As we get older (I’m 28) most of my other black female friends in the same circles have opened their dating lives to men of other races, but not all! Some are dating younger, black men without kids.

Wanted to add that if these marriages follow the path of my older coworkers/ friends parents, about 1/4 of these marriages will end in divorce and 1/4 will never have children. So, if you’re into older men that have been married and still have no kids, they are also available.
 
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I'll date a guy with kids but I make it clear...CRYSTAL CLEAR that I am not about to be anybody's bonus mom. whatever situation you had worked out with the BM needs to keep right on working without me being involved.

ETA: - Crystal Clear means 1) No, I'm not meeting your kids.

2) No, I'm not going to any of your kid's activities or events

3) No, I'm not changing my plans because yours have changed because of your kid. If you have to cancel, please know that I'm still going out and having a good time without you.

4) No, I'm not having a 20 minute conversation about your kids.

If you have a kid and want to date me knowing that I'm single and child free, YOU need to keep up, not me understanding the other way around.
 
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ms-gg said:
Nope. I don't want a man with kids either. It's my personal preference and the men I've dated don't have kids. I want us to have our firsts together. Nothing wrong with that
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That’s honestly the biggest problem for me. Having a child is such a life changing experience and creates a strong and unique bond with the person you go through it with. There’s nothing like the first time. Nothing. I want us both being unsure of what’s gonna happen but being excited, being ignorant of that whole process and learning together, and experiencing that magical momemt of seeing your first child together. If I get a man who’s had kids before I have a feeling he’ll slip and say something like: “When so and so was pregnant this didn’t happen to her or we did this thing and it helped”. And I will want to kill him at that point! It’s best to get a man who’s never gone through it either.
 
Maracujá said:
Don't even worry about that, often times when we forget about our own standards, God kindly reminds us of them. Was starting to lower my standards and entertaining a guy I had been friends with for 20 years, who has a daughter. Well, let's just say that we haven't been friends since April 2017 anymore.

My sister was in her late 20s when she met her now DH, they've been together for 15 years now. Neither of them had children, it just makes the bond between them now so much stronger. One day we were talking on the phone and her tone got real serious when she explained to me to never date a man with children. That's what she had done in her previous relationship and it never worked out (not because of the child, but the guy was not legit at all).

Never settle is all I'm saying, as the ladies have already mentioned. Pastor TD Jakes was once talking about how there are levels of peace. God says He will give us peace that will transcend our understanding. We often think that it means we'll have a bunch of problems and be able to manage them very well. But I'm getting to the point where the absence of problems is what means peace to me: no time to deal with baby mama drama, regrets about your failed relationship and so on. Don't go for second best, LIVE YOUR BEST LIFE.

Was just talking about this with my cousin on the phone: many women settle in life and then try to sell you their life as the ideal. But God has already defined what is ideal in the love story between Isaac and Rebekah. The world keeps pushing blended families and step parenting our way, but you wouldn't believe the kind of havoc it wreaks on families. My sisters and I have a step brother who lives close to us, in Germany. We've tried to keep in contact with him many times over, but aside from us liking each other's pictures on Facebook, there's nothing there. Again: stick to your standards!
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Well said!!! And I couldn’t agree more! :amen: So does your sister and her hubby have kids now?
 
ScorpioBeauty09 said:
This is mostly why one of my friend's 4 year relationship didn't work out. He has two children. And our mutual friend who is a single mother herself was one of the loudest voices saying the relationship was doomed and our friend should be with a man without children.
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Really? That’s surprising. What was her rationale behind it?
 
caribeandiva said:
Really? That’s surprising. What was her rationale behind it?
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Well our friend took on those children as her own. We’ve known each other since HS so we know it had to do with her own family issues. The second reason is she completely upgraded his life, turned hers upside down for him and he didn’t do a thing for her except drain and criticize her. And when she finally wanted to be put first after 4 years he slowly made his exit. Part of it was her particular situation. Part of it has to do with what we know about her. She needs someone who she doesn’t have to share.
 
kblc06 said:
Oh I had one that went OFF on me online when I told him I don't do men with kids. I think I may have even made a thread about it.

OP, stand your ground! They are out there :yep:
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tumblr_n6mctgGkli1tvkweco1_500.gif


Please continue to offend these butthurt fools.
 
mrselle said:
You are narrowing your dating pool, but no one knows your limits better than you do. That said, I know four men who have never been married and have no kids. They're all heterosexual, mid to late 40s, have decent careers, and are homeowners. They do exist.
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So what’s their problem? The ones I know like that have major issues,commitment phobes,narcissists ,mental illness..

Sis can’t blame ya ,my husband has a kid with his ex and always have to hear her darn voice when she calls him asking for money. May God forgive me I wish she didn’t exist.
 
Kindheart said:
So what’s their problem? The ones I know like that have major issues,commitment phobes,narcissists ,mental illness..

Sis can’t blame ya ,my husband has a kid with his ex and always have to hear her darn voice when she calls him asking for money. May God forgive me I wish she didn’t exist.
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Ok, so real talk...

1. He's a republican. He is NOT a Trump supporter. Overweight, but nice face. Nice guy.

2. Stuck in his ways.

3. I don't know. He's nice. Average looking. I think he just hasn't found the one.

4. Known him for over 20 years. Handsome, good career, homeowner, loves his family, likes to travel. I don't know what his deal is.
 
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