Dh Is Working My Nerves
- Thread starter Kinkyhairlady
- Start date
Evolving78
Well-Known Member
Take care of yourself and congrats on your new baby!
Hugs momma! First let me say as the mother of two preemie boys born at 29w and 32w focus on just yourself and your baby. You need the mental and emotional toughness right now for you to heal and to advocate for your little one while he is in the NICU. Is your little one in the NICU because he just needs to get bigger or is he having any issues? Feel free to PM as I have lived the life you are living with preemies and my dh is very similar to yours so I understood how you felt from the first post. If there was ever a time to be selfish about yourself now is the time. Don't worry about the house, bills, dh or anything else. Focus on you and the little one. Praying for you Sis and be encouraged!
Leeda.the.Paladin
Well-Known Member
Congrats @Kinkyhairlady . If you’re going to be premature, 33 weeks is not bad. Just take each day one at a time.
Please take care of yourself. Visiting baby in the hospital and being mom to one at home is hard on the body and emotions.
Please take care of yourself. Visiting baby in the hospital and being mom to one at home is hard on the body and emotions.
Dee-Licious
Well-Known Member
@Kinkyhairlady Congratulations on the baby!!! Focus on your healing and getting your healthy baby home. (((Hugs)))
hopeful
Well-Known Member
Congratulations! And I wish you and your family the best.
I also agree with @Nay that the issue with your husband sounds potentially bigger than simply needing to hire a housekeeper. It sounds like you feel neglected and like you don’t have a true partner in life.
For now I know your focus will be on that sweet little baby, your toddler, and yourself. There will be little time for now to address these issues. I just want to say that I heard you and you deserve to feel supported, happy, and loved.
Best wishes to you.
I also agree with @Nay that the issue with your husband sounds potentially bigger than simply needing to hire a housekeeper. It sounds like you feel neglected and like you don’t have a true partner in life.
For now I know your focus will be on that sweet little baby, your toddler, and yourself. There will be little time for now to address these issues. I just want to say that I heard you and you deserve to feel supported, happy, and loved.
Best wishes to you.
Kinkyhairlady
Well-Known Member
Thanks lady. Our boy is doing well, he’s using the cpap to help regulate the breathing but seems to be improving. Hubby and I had a nice talk about what’s expected from him and from me. He states he will try to do more around the house and apologized about yesterday because he realizes I could have gone into labor and he was not there. Me and DH work diff schedules so it is tough when we both off I do want us to do chores together cause it’s hard. I’ll see if things improve without me having to ask anymore.
hopeful
Well-Known Member
Here are a couple articles on this phenomenon of men overloading their wives with chores passive aggressively and intentionally.
Not so much for you OP but for others dealing with this so they know it’s not just them, they are not alone, and that it is not fair.
And also as someone who hired housekeepers for years, unless you have someone living in your home cleaning every day, managing your finances, planning trips, keeping up with the kids’ lives, and coordinating your family schedule, etc. hiring a housekeeper only puts a dent in the work of living a big, busy life, managing a home and family.
https://www.workingmother.com/this-...void-housework-and-its-infuriatingly-familiar
https://www.theguardian.com/world/2017/may/26/gender-wars-household-chores-comic?CMP=fb_gu
Not so much for you OP but for others dealing with this so they know it’s not just them, they are not alone, and that it is not fair.
And also as someone who hired housekeepers for years, unless you have someone living in your home cleaning every day, managing your finances, planning trips, keeping up with the kids’ lives, and coordinating your family schedule, etc. hiring a housekeeper only puts a dent in the work of living a big, busy life, managing a home and family.
https://www.workingmother.com/this-...void-housework-and-its-infuriatingly-familiar
https://www.theguardian.com/world/2017/may/26/gender-wars-household-chores-comic?CMP=fb_gu
Babysaffy
Well-Known Member
@Kinkyhairlady did things get better?
I know with me my husband met a new friend when I was heavily pregnant and our relationship has gone steadily downhill since for similar reasons to yours and things never got better- my baby is almost 2 now!
Hope your husband has seen sense. Mine never did and that friend I despise so badly now I don't even want to hear his name..
ETA. congratulations on the baby! I know how challenging it all is- hope you've settled into a nice routine
I know with me my husband met a new friend when I was heavily pregnant and our relationship has gone steadily downhill since for similar reasons to yours and things never got better- my baby is almost 2 now!
Hope your husband has seen sense. Mine never did and that friend I despise so badly now I don't even want to hear his name..
ETA. congratulations on the baby! I know how challenging it all is- hope you've settled into a nice routine
PopLife
Well-Known Member
I swear a man's friends and family can wreck havoc on your relationship.@Kinkyhairlady did things get better?
I know with me my husband met a new friend when I was heavily pregnant and our relationship has gone steadily downhill since for similar reasons to yours and things never got better- my baby is almost 2 now!
Hope your husband has seen sense. Mine never did and that friend I despise so badly now I don't even want to hear his name..
ETA. congratulations on the baby! I know how challenging it all is- hope you've settled into a nice routine
Early on in our marriage and while I was pregnant I felt like DH put his friends and family first in a few situations where I should have came first. I have not been able to look at him the same way since then and I can't stand to be around a few of his friends and family to this day, smh...
Babysaffy
Well-Known Member
The bolded is how I feel too.
It's so disappointing as we women can be at our most vulnerable in pregnancy and adapting to a newborn. That's when you need your partner's support and strength behind/beside you. To me it almost feels like vows have been broken..
Kinkyhairlady
Well-Known Member
@Kinkyhairlady did things get better?
I know with me my husband met a new friend when I was heavily pregnant and our relationship has gone steadily downhill since for similar reasons to yours and things never got better- my baby is almost 2 now!
Hope your husband has seen sense. Mine never did and that friend I despise so badly now I don't even want to hear his name..
ETA. congratulations on the baby! I know how challenging it all is- hope you've settled into a nice routine
@Babysaffy sorry after baby was born I did not come on here as much and then my subscription expired. Just getting back in here. After baby was born hubby did step up, I was having to go to the Nicu daily, pump milk and I was stressed. He had to care for our 2 year old because I’d be at the hospital for hours. When baby came home he kept it up. He still went to soccer but came back home early so it was ok. His friend recently moved to Florida but he has another annoying friend that has resurfaced that I’m not too fond of. The good thing is he is there for me and the kids because not sure how I’d manage without him.
luckiestdestiny
Well-Known Member
Good to know everything is working out. Thanks for updating us!
Babysaffy
Well-Known Member
Ah this is wonderful to hear!! Thanks for the update and I hope he'll keep it up and keep putting family first
