I confess: I went on a date with a guy who chose another girl over me & the fallout.

[MissJ]

Okay, long story short. This guy chose to become exclusive with another girl, while we were in the "getting-to-know-you-stage." I don't know the girl, but I don't see how she's so much better than me. Maybe it's the fact that she's Latina, you know the type with the too-tight clothes, not-so-nice body, and a bunch of kids following behind.

Anyway, the guy has been asking me to do stuff with him for the past few weeks and keeps mentioning to me that he's "newly single." I just stay silent at that point, with rage building. I hadn't taken him up on his offers to do anything. Then one day, I stayed at the library extra late, didn't drive, so I had to take the bus home. I went to the empty bus terminal and waited. It was raining hard outside. I didn't think the bus would be there for a long while. Some black guy came in and started playing music on his phone. I opened up my laptop and started reading. Then I noticed someone had sat down right beside me, when the whole place was empty. It was the guy. He started talking, of course, happy to see me.

He said that if I'd wait until he printed something off in the computer lab that he'd take me home. I thought about it: the pitch black dark, the rain, and me walking in the street to get home from the bus. I said okay. Then he started asking to take me to dinner. I kept saying no. Then while we were in the car, he thought of an angle. It was Cinco de Mayo. He was like, please let me take you to a Mexican restaurant to celebrate Cinco de Mayo. Not, thinking I agreed, because I'd never done anything for Cinco de Mayo before.

While we were there, I was thinking, "What am I doing? I have no intentions of dating him again. I'm not even interested." I tried to pay for my own stuff, but he insisted that he pay. Anyway, I was on facebook lastnight, and he was on. He started chatting with me, and he asked me out again. Then I just had to ask him about what he told me a few months ago about his being an a-hole, unreliable, my being too good for him, and his being crazier than my ex. You know the kind of speech the guy gives when he doesn't want a relationship with YOU.

This was his response:

Do you wear a tape recorder? I can't argue with myself but I don't really think that I am an a$$hole. I actually think I am a good person. I enjoy spending time with you and I find you very attractive. I have for a long time. I'm not all that crazy either but yeah I guess I gave you too good of advice about myself.

I am anti-relationship at this point. But I enjoy spending time with you.

Maybe go out to eat or a movie one day.

I was heated. My arms got a little numb, and my head started to hurt a little. I'm nobody's good-for-now girl, never have been, never will be. Anyway, I'm tempted to just give the money back that he spent on me on Cinco de Mayo. What do y'all think?

 

[MrsQueeny]

Re: I confess: I went on a date with a guy who chose another girl over me & the fall

I wouldn't give him jack back. Just delete him, don't respond to his advances and KIM. Q

 

[JustKiya]

Re: I confess: I went on a date with a guy who chose another girl over me & the fall

I wouldn't give him jack back. Just delete him, don't respond to his advances and KIM. Q

I wouldn't give him a damn thing back - I would just tell him that you aren't interested in him anymore - he had one chance to get on your bus, and it's lonnnng past departure time.

And he's 'anti-relationship' at this point? Are you anti-relationship, or are you looking for a relationship? If you are, then he TOLD you - right from the jump - what he's willing to offer - and if that doesn't match up with what you are willing to accept? Girl. Keep. It. Moving.

But hellnawh, I wouldn't give him no money back - esp. for (cheaparse) Mexican.

 

[MissJ]

Re: I confess: I went on a date with a guy who chose another girl over me & the fall

I am looking for a relationship leading to marriage. I asked him the first time I saw him outside of school what he was looking for, and he said he didn't know. I was going to tell him then what I was looking for. I'm not settling for anybody's crumbs. Then he would say things like "I could marry this girl. Do you want that to be your last name? He was talking like he was serious. I thought he was serious until I got the slap in the face "I'm not ready for a relationship speech." He already slapped one cheek. Does he want me to turn around so he can slap the other? This ain't the Bible, and I am not the one!

 

[MrsQueeny]

Re: I confess: I went on a date with a guy who chose another girl over me & the fall

I wouldn't give him a damn thing back - I would just tell him that you aren't interested in him anymore - he had one chance to get on your bus, and it's lonnnng past departure time.

And he's 'anti-relationship' at this point? Are you anti-relationship, or are you looking for a relationship? If you are, then he TOLD you - right from the jump - what he's willing to offer - and if that doesn't match up with what you are willing to accept? Girl. Keep. It. Moving.

But hellnawh, I wouldn't give him no money back - esp. for (cheaparse) Mexican.

I agree. He would already be gone because of his past janky behavior. But if you want a relationship and he doesn't that is the nail in the coffin. Please don't sell yourself short like so many women I see thinking they can wear a man down. While you fooling with this loser, a good man could be passing you by. Tell ole boy to go play in traffic. Q

 

[sylver2]

Re: I confess: I went on a date with a guy who chose another girl over me & the fall

he's anti relationshipwhatever
please dont give him any sex/nookie. since he enjoys spending TIME with u.. then thts all he gets!!!!!!

 

[JustKiya]

Re: I confess: I went on a date with a guy who chose another girl over me & the fall

I am looking for a relationship leading to marriage. I asked him the first time I saw him outside of school what he was looking for, and he said he didn't know. I was going to tell him then what I was looking for. I'm not settling for anybody's crumbs. He already slapped one cheek. Does he want me to turn around so he can slap the other? This ain't the Bible, and I am not the one!

Girl, leave him be! You are looking for marriage and he's 'anti-relationship'??? Ya'll are already heading in totally opposite directions!! Let him keep on walking - he's told you (yet again) why he's unsuitable for you to date/hang with/spend time with - all that doing that would do is take time, energy and focus away from you keeping an eye out for someone who wants to be a husband.

 

[Lylddlebit]

Re: I confess: I went on a date with a guy who chose another girl over me & the fall

~~~~~~~~~Deleted~~~~~~~~~~

 

[LadyPaniolo]

Re: I confess: I went on a date with a guy who chose another girl over me & the fall

I wonder if he would tell Lupe or Ming Cho that BS?
Anti- relationship= want to smash you till somebody better shows up

 

[MrsQueeny]

Re: I confess: I went on a date with a guy who chose another girl over me & the fall

Another thing, he told you who he was, way back when he was leaving the first time. Since he told you, BELIEVE HIM!!! Q

 

[Theo]

Re: I confess: I went on a date with a guy who chose another girl over me & the fall

LOl don't give him the money back. Don't give him the time of day anymore, either. These knuckleheads will make you go crazy if you think on them too hard.

 

[MissJ]

Re: I confess: I went on a date with a guy who chose another girl over me & the fall

I told him that I am celibate and was celibate in my last relationship of over 2 years. He had a big problem with that and then became exclusive with the Latin girl. He even brought up the celibacy thing last night. I told him I didn't force my ex to be celibate. I told him that I was, and he accepted that. He became celibate also. He asked if I thought that was unnatural for people our age.

 

[Filmatic]

Re: I confess: I went on a date with a guy who chose another girl over me & the fall

Please stop entertaining this fool and wasting you time. He keeps slapping you in the face. Are your really going to keeping going back to get the taste slapped out of your mouth?

He is not worth your time as a friend, lover, or other. He said so himself! If you continue you're only going to end up thinking you're in love and then you'll go down the path of the other sad women before you.

 

[MrsQueeny]

Re: I confess: I went on a date with a guy who chose another girl over me & the fall

I told him that I am celibate and was celibate in my last relationship of over 2 years. He had a big problem with that and then became exclusive with the Latin girl. He even brought up the celibacy thing last night. I told him I didn't force my ex to be celibate. I told him that I was, and he accepted that. He became celibate also. He asked if I thought that was unnatural for people our age.

Dang he already talking about sex even though the Cinco De Mayo situation wasn't really a "date?" Yeah girl, RUN!!!!! Q

 

[MissJ]

Re: I confess: I went on a date with a guy who chose another girl over me & the fall

Please stop entertaining this fool and wasting you time. He keeps slapping you in the face. Are your really going to keeping going back to get the taste slapped out of your mouth?

He is not worth your time as a friend, lover, or other. He said so himself! If you continue you're only going to end up thinking you're in love and then you'll go down the path of the other sad women before you.

Yeah, he did tell me that he was going to make me fall in love with him during the car ride, and I was thinking, "And then what?" That was before the anti-relationship thing, though.

 

[Itllbeokbaby]

Re: I confess: I went on a date with a guy who chose another girl over me & the fall

he's using every line in the book

he just wants to put it in

he does not like you that much (not to sound mean to you)

he is wasting your time

he does not respect you/r decision to stay celibate (trying to talk you out of it)

be strong, and leave him alone

 

[MissJ]

Re: I confess: I went on a date with a guy who chose another girl over me & the fall

I just got 2 missed calls from him.

 

[Nayna]

Re: I confess: I went on a date with a guy who chose another girl over me & the fall

You're going to have to force him to get the point. Just straight up tell him to beat it, ignore him on all levels no fb, none of it. He's looking for you to slip just a little so that he can ease back in, kind of like he's doing now.

 

[MissMeWithThatIsh]

Re: I confess: I went on a date with a guy who chose another girl over me & the fall

Why are you trying to figure out what to do with someone who doesn't like you enough to be with you... and has made it clear several times? Don't you realize you are selling yourself short? You're worth more than that.

 

[blue_flower]

Re: I confess: I went on a date with a guy who chose another girl over me & the fall

I agree with everyone else: this moron just wants to use you until something "better" comes along. Don't pay him back anything. Just ignore him and stop 2nd guessing yourself.

 

[sharentu]

Re: I confess: I went on a date with a guy who chose another girl over me & the fall

ita with everyone else. he just wants the goods period and then he will be out. 'tell him 'go to hell ike' not worth a second of your time. he may be in school but right now he is a buster. his loss, you arent anyone's second best.

 

[hopeful]

Re: I confess: I went on a date with a guy who chose another girl over me & the fall

Don't feel bad about it. When I read your first thread I didn't post but I was kinda thinking that if I really liked the guy I "might" have given him another chance. In my head I agreed with the ladies who said NO NO NO, but I know that sometimes our emotions get the best of us. After reading this thread though I see that he is just a dope. You my dear are a gorgeous, well-educated young woman who deserves so much more. Do not waste your time on this type of man, you can and you will do much better.

 

[Transformer]

Re: I confess: I went on a date with a guy who chose another girl over me & the fall

He only about the chase....don't satisfy his ego!

 

[Honey6928215]

Re: I confess: I went on a date with a guy who chose another girl over me & the fall

Honey, leave this fool alone! He's just pulling your string to see how far he can go with you. Don't let him waste your time. You deserve better.

 

[MissJ]

Re: I confess: I went on a date with a guy who chose another girl over me & the fall

Thanks for the advice y'all. I just hate that law school is such a small place.

 

[AnnDriena_]

Re: I confess: I went on a date with a guy who chose another girl over me & the fall

Okay, long story short. This guy chose to become exclusive with another girl, while we were in the "getting-to-know-you-stage."

I'll bet you dollars to doughnuts he didn't just decide to get exclusive with this girl.

I don't know the girl, but I don't see how she's so much better than me. Maybe it's the fact that she's Latina, you know the type with the too-tight clothes, not-so-nice body, and a bunch of kids following behind.

Who's kids are they?

While we were there, I was thinking, "What am I doing? I have no intentions of dating him again. I'm not even interested." I tried to pay for my own stuff, but he insisted that he pay. Anyway, I was on facebook lastnight, and he was on. He started chatting with me, and he asked me out again. Then I just had to ask him about what he told me a few months ago about his being an a-hole, unreliable, my being too good for him, and his being crazier than my ex. You know the kind of speech the guy gives when he doesn't want a relationship with YOU.

Yes we do know and so do you. So why did you give him the time of day?

This was his response:



I was heated. My arms got a little numb, and my head started to hurt a little. I'm nobody's good-for-now girl, never have been, never will be. Anyway, I'm tempted to just give the money back that he spent on me on Cinco de Mayo. What do y'all think?

Why are you mad? This is not your boyfriend and their doesn't seem to be any stated relationship. I don't understand where all your anger is coming from. It seems you had one scenerio going on in your head that was different from what was happening and now your mad at him.

I told him that I am celibate and was celibate in my last relationship of over 2 years. He had a big problem with that and then became exclusive with the Latin girl.

He had a problem with your celibacy and you didn't keep it movin? And again. He didn't just become exlusive with the latin girl. She seems to have been in the picture longer than you.

He even brought up the celibacy thing last night. I told him I didn't force my ex to be celibate. I told him that I was, and he accepted that. He became celibate also. He asked if I thought that was unnatural for people our age.

I honestly don't get where your anger towards this dude is coming from. He is not your boyfriend, was not your boyfriend. You didn't say he made any promises of fidelity. He's just being himself. Can you explain why your mad? Is it because of the Latin girl. What does she have to do with you. You talk about her as if there was a choice between her and you. It doesn't sound like a choice. It sounds like you never had a chance. So why are thinking of it as you lost something? You neve had him.

 

[hopeful]

Re: I confess: I went on a date with a guy who chose another girl over me & the fall

Thanks for the advice y'all. I just hate that law school is such a small place.

It may be a small place but it is also short term. Once you are done and out of there your world will open up. You will probably meet a really nice guy when you start your first job.

 

[MissJ]

Re: I confess: I went on a date with a guy who chose another girl over me & the fall

Well, you don't know the whole story, and I'm not going to type it all out here. I have good reason to be mad and insulted.

 

[Demi27]

Re: I confess: I went on a date with a guy who chose another girl over me & the fall

Here is the red flag for me:

While we were there, I was thinking, "What am I doing? I have no intentions of dating him again. I'm not even interested." I tried to pay for my own stuff, but he insisted that he pay. Anyway, I was on facebook lastnight, and he was on. He started chatting with me, and he asked me out again. Then I just had to ask him about what he told me a few months ago about his being an a-hole, unreliable, my being too good for him, and his being crazier than my ex. You know the kind of speech the guy gives when he doesn't want a relationship with YOU.

When anyone says something like this, it is (now) a red flag for me. This would have saved me a lot of heartache in some relationships if I had just paid attention to this one lie. He told you that because (IMO) it was the truth. It was always the truth with the guys who told me that.

When people tell you who they are, believe them.

 

[msa]

Re: I confess: I went on a date with a guy who chose another girl over me & the fall

Well, you don't know the whole story, and I'm not going to type it all out here. I have good reason to be mad and insulted.

I think you have good reason to be mad at yourself.

He's already told you everything you need to know and you keep wasting time/energy on him. I'd be mad at myself too.

As everyone else has said, he doesn't want a relationship with you so just keep on keepin' on.