How To Become A Challenge With Men?

PrissiSippi

PrissiSippi

Simply Komplex
I’m really trying to take in this concept that men need challenges. How are/were you a challenge in the relationship? How do you keep being a challenge after marriage?

Some things that I’m working on are:

1. Be the center of your own life. Don’t let the men be the center of your universe.

Never cancel your plans to go out with him. If yoga was previously planned with the girls, stick to that plan. Be vague in your plans when you tell him. Create a full and fulfilling life.

2. Create the perfect amount of space between you and the man to allow him to wonder and imagine what you’re doing and/or how you’re feeling about them. Fill your time with your hobbies and dreams. Don't be available 24//7.

I’m just being intentional to do stuff with myself and focus on me for a few hours or etc. When I come back I’m working on not explaining myself. If he pulls back and goes ghost for 1-2 days I let him. I lean back and don’t contact until he contacts me. When he comes back I’m light breezy and sweet because I didn’t even notice he was gone. I was living life.

3: Create some boundaries. Make him work for everything little thing he gets. He has to work to talk to me (can’t talk through text). He has to work to date me (no last minute or low value dates), he has to work to visit my house (not until exclusive), he has to work for sex (not until he has invested enough and the time is right).

4. Have feminine mystique. Never let him take your hair down. Don’t let him see you WHOLE beauty regimen. Don’t tell him the specific perfume you wear. Be vague. Oh I just put on a little something for you. Don’t answer all his questions. Be coy. Be vague.

5. Always make him feel like....dang she will leave me if this happens. I think she loves me but dang....she just might leave. Always appear that you are not afraid to get up and leave if it’s not working for you anymore. Make him always feel like he has to stay on his toes to keep you. Stay physically attractive. Don’t go into details but create these scenarios where you left your exes because they were no longer giving you what you needed.

6. Have male vouchers. Let him see that you are to be very taken care of by others. Project the illusion that the people who love you think very highly of you. It is expected that other men do the same. Men will have to meet this challenge.

7. Don't call and text him so much. He should initiate about 80% of the time. 8. Don't buy his attention, approval, affection, or Love. Don't seek his approval through cooking, cleaning, or being his personal little maid.

8. Don't be such an open book. Let his mind wander. Be mysterious.

9. Don't ever act from a Scarcity Mindset. Don't ever be afraid to lose a man. Just like you got this one....you can get another one.
 
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I would remove the emphasis on what things appear to be and how they seem. If you naturally develop your points they will be genuine and more effective while requiring less maintenance. A great challenge is a woman who is her best self and is loved for it.

PrissiSippi said:
I’m really trying to take in this concept that men need challenges. How are/were you a challenge in the relationship? How do you keep being a challenge after marriage?

Some things that I’m working on are:

1. Be the center of your own life. Don’t let the men be the center of it.

Never cancel your plans to go out with him. If yoga was previously planned with the girls, stick to that plan. Be vague in your plans when you tell him. Make it seem like you have a full and fulfilling life even if that’s not true.

2. Create the perfect amount of space between you and the man to allow him to wonder and imagine what you’re doing and/or how you’re feeling about them.

I’m just going ghost for a few hours or etc. when I come back I’m working on not explaining myself. If he pulls back and goes ghost for 1-2 days I let him. I lean back and don’t contact until he contacts me. When he comes back I act like I didn’t even notice he was gone.

3: Create some boundaries. Make him work for everything little thing he gets. He has to work to talk to me (can’t talk through text). He has to work to date me (no last minute orvlow value dates), he has to work to visit my house (not until exclusive), he has to work for sex (not until he has invested enough and the time is right).

4. Have feminine mystique. Never let him take your hair down. Don’t let him see you WHOLE beauty regimen. Don’t tell him the specific perfume you wear. Be vague. Oh I just put on a little something for you. Don’t answer all his questions. Be vague.

5. Always make him feel like....dang she will leave me if this happens. I think she loves me but dang....she just might leave. Always appear that you are t afraid to get up and leave if it’s not working for you anymore. Make him always feel like he has to stay on his toes to keep you. Stay physically attractive. Don’t go into details but create these scenarios where you left your exes because they were no longer giving you what you needed.

6. Have make vouchers. Appear to be very taken care of by others. Make the illusion that the people who love you think very highly of you. It is expected that other men do the same. Men will have to meet this challenge.
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Lylddlebit said:
I would remove the emphasis on what things appear to be and how they seem. If you naturally develop your points they will be genuine and more effective while requiring less maintenance. A great challenge is a woman who is her best self and is loved for it.
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@Lylddlebit would you care to expound on this point? Viola Davis said something to that effect: she said it is important to define womanhood for ourselves, which is where I'm at right now. However as people and women in particular, we've been taught that if someone is trying to be a better version of themSELVES, then they automatically are trying to prove that they are better than general YOU. How can one overcome this hurdle?
 
Maracujá said:
@Lylddlebit would you care to expound on this point? Viola Davis said something to that effect: she said it is important to define womanhood for ourselves, which is where I'm at right now. However as people and women in particular, we've been taught that if someone is trying to be a better version of themSELVES, then they automatically are trying to prove that they are better than general YOU. How can one overcome this hurdle?
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Sure. As a woman who loves myself, I live in a way that give me a sense of pride even if I didn't have approval for it(although approval helps and usually comes later but not always in the moment). I take care of my appearance because I believe I am beautiful and me looking all ragedy doesn't match my features lol. I take care of my mental health because I believe my mind is sharp. I go hard in all the things that I do because what I do is worth my time. I am positive that I am the bomb in all areas as opposed to thinking that there is anything I do that makes me who I am. it's me being who I am naturally that reveals the things that I do as I side effect and I just feel like every woman can try to be her personal best for herself even when you include her flaws and be loved for exactly who and what she is. I feel like I'm worth all the stuff my husband goes through to be with me and he knows it's true. When I didn't really feel like hanging I didn't pretend to be busy I just honestly said I prefer my own company right now. I don't have to be doing anything more important that what you are offering me to value my personal time. I don't have to lie to you about what I am doing I can just value what's important to me and every other woman can too. My trying to be my best self has nothing to do with being better than the next woman. Although if woman sells herself short she my feel inadequate compared to a woman who gives herself what she deserves. I have a standard to maintain a standard that my mother taught me and my sisters and cousins remind me that I am accountable for. It's not a competition or unfair pressure it's us all wanting to see eachother be great and us each rooting for eachother to keep us on point. You know really celebrating one another. We amongst ourselves rep our family, our legacy our womanhood. For the hurdle: I think everyone needs a good friend or relative who really wants to see them win, who really is happy for their victories and not hating on them and roots you on when you do your best not tries to put you in your proverbial place when you step out into greatness. I also think every woman who doesn't have that yet needs confidence to trust herself to be herself. I understand allowing a guideline of honor or legacy to give you a goal to strive for but wanting to go hard at something just to outshine another woman naw she can have what she is good at and I can focus on my strengths. I'm rambling but to your point and the hurdle it's just so important to remove jealousy from the equation and know how to be happy for someone you love doing well.
 
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@Lylddlebit Just one more question, since you seem to be well versed on this area :lol: a lady who got divorced after only 6 years of marriage and was left to be a single mother, once testified that someone told her that she was walking around like an eggshell without the content on the inside. So how can one avoid this? How can a lady truly feed herself spiritually, mentally and emotionally? TIA.
 
Maracujá said:
@Lylddlebit Just one more question, since you seem to be well versed on this area :lol: a lady who got divorced after only 6 years of marriage and was left to be a single mother, once testified that someone told her that she was walking around like an eggshell without the content on the inside. So how can one avoid this? How can a lady truly feed herself spiritually, mentally and emotionally? TIA.
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That's hard because so many things to led why why she got married, why she had the baby and why she got divorced but if I am answering this generally I would emphasize the importance of being whole at each stage. When I got married I was certain I was giving my husband a good wife and I was certain I was receiving a good husband but I didn't need one. When I got pregnant I was sure I was a good woman and with the experience I had with all the kids in my family was sure I could pour all of that into my child. I received a mini me that makes all the stuff I didn't want to do around other people's kids worth feeling confident now that it's my turn to mother my own child. Divorce would be devastating I won't lie but one thing that I learned with the relationships that preceded this one is when you give you best effort in any relationship and you are the woman you are supposed to be with integrity and honor once the relationship ends there is no purpose for regret because you can't get back time. I was always the type of person that I needed to be even if that relationship that ending taught me a lesson I had to learn through experience since I didn't understand the point before I went though it. It sounds like the woman you describe allows other things and people to fill her up instead of being whole on her own that would limit anyone from fully stepping in their purpose. I think its good that no matter what situation you enter even when you feel grateful and blessed for what you receive you should always be able to identify what you contribute and add to the situation that is of value. Never like you are less than the situation or people who you allow to be part of your life. That's why true virtue is so important. The only being who can really fill you when you are empty is God...everyone else should add to you not fill you. You should only empty your self and you bad habits to being perfected by God not people because even with the best of intentions we can mess up.
 
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Lylddlebit said:
I would remove the emphasis on what things appear to be and how they seem. If you naturally develop your points they will be genuine and more effective while requiring less maintenance. A great challenge is a woman who is her best self and is loved for it.
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I looooove this part, but I guess I'm making this post to dumb it down or clarify it for some that really need it including myself. If you would have asked me was I my best self five years ago, I would have said yes. It's so subjective. I FELT I was my best self because I was in school, making accomplishments, making money, and having fun here and there. BUT I depending on others to keep my cup full to the brim. I had no time to make myself happy or even do it. I probably thought I was a challenge because How will he ever find another girl that has xyz...he won't....but I didn't realize THAT is not what makes you a challenge. It's really the little stuff that makes up the bigger picture.

For example....accepting last minute dates. I mean is it THAT bad? Often times I didn't have anything else to do NO WAY so I might as well go with the guy that offered. Now I'm like....it's time to be strategically selfish and focus on me. That's creating a whole new kind of challenge in itself but before...I was like...what for. I felt was my best self because I was honoring my heart and my loneliness by going out with the guy that offered last minute dates.

I know it's wordy but does this make sense?
 
Lylddlebit said:
Sure. As a woman who loves myself, I live in a way that give me a sense of pride even if I didn't have approval for it(although approval helps and usually comes later but not always in the moment). I take care of my appearance because I believe I am beautiful and me looking all ragedy doesn't match my features lol. I take care of my mental health because I believe my mind is sharp. I go hard in all the things that I do because what I do is worth my time. I am positive that I am the bomb in all areas as opposed to thinking that there is anything I do that makes me who I am. it's me being who I am naturally that reveals the things that I do as I side effect and I just feel like every woman can try to be her personal best for herself even when you include her flaws and be loved for exactly who and what she is. I feel like I'm worth all the stuff my husband goes through to be with me and he knows it's true. When I didn't really feel like hanging I didn't pretend to be busy I just honestly said I prefer my own company right now. I don't have to be doing anything more important that what you are offering me to value my personal time. I don't have to lie to you about what I am doing I can just value what's important to me and every other woman can too. My trying to be my best self has nothing to do with being better than the next woman. Although if woman sells herself short she my feel inadequate compared to a woman who gives herself what she deserves. I have a standard to maintain a standard that my mother taught me and my sisters and cousins remind me that I am accountable for. It's not a competition or unfair pressure it's us all wanting to see each other be great and us each rooting for each other to keep us on point. You know really celebrating one another. We amongst ourselves rep our family, our legacy our womanhood. For the hurdle: I think everyone needs a good friend or relative who really wants to see them win, who really is happy for their victories and not hating on them and roots you on when you do your best not tries to put you in your proverbial place when you step out into greatness. I also think every woman who doesn't have that yet needs confidence to trust herself to be herself. I understand allowing a guideline of honor or legacy to give you a goal to strive for but wanting to go hard at something just to outshine another woman naw she can have what she is good at and I can focus on my strengths. I'm rambling but to your point and the hurdle it's just so important to remove jealousy from the equation and know how to be happy for someone you love doing well.
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This post is so beautiful. I'm going to read it again later. Thank you so much for clarifying :kiss:
 
I'd like to emphasize a few of these things in order to my degree of bluntness
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1. Be the center of your own life. Cannot be stressed enough. Do not give up your life and always follow YOUR direction. If you find that you are constantly going to him, planning you life around him, re-evaluate. Have a plan or goal and make him figure it out for you. Worry about yourself always.

2.Create the perfect amount of space... It works.

3.Create some boundaries. Create strong boundaries and stick with them. Even if its just a few, project them as strong and unbreakable. I say that because its so easy to bend in the beginning and hard to pull that wall back up later. If men really believe that there is more to gain in prevention than cure, use that to your advantage, keep boundaries up in the beginning and remain that way. If you have a rule, evaluate when they need to be expressed. My examples: In the beginning, I let you know I need 1-2 days advance for a date, the earlier the better (dont ever back down), last minute will be shut down, however, if it should happen, the third time you cancel on me (especially within a couple hours period, regardless of the reason), dont worry about me anymore. I let guys know the second part once that second time hits by politely letting them know "you dont respect me or my time" because men value respect... you know :) You dont have to have 50-11 things, but the ones that generate the most respect from men are the ones based around respect. And know when to express them. Which brings us to the next point...

4. Have feminine mystique. Im naturally quiet but you get so much out of shutting up sometimes. Im vague on my upkeep especially. Let them think you are magical. Its not hard, just remain well put together, modest and lean back. There is a thread/sticky in OT about looking your best everyday. Get some cheat codes, stay in your feminine energy and keep a small smile plastered to your face. Look, you're magical already.

5. Always make him feel like....dang she will leave me if this happens. Dont feel bad, they like to work.

6. Have male vouchers. Let him see that you are to be very taken care of by others. Project the illusion that the people who love you think very highly of you. It is expected that other men do the same. Men will have to meet this challenge. This is very important.

There are other good points in here.

Dont be afraid to say no. Also, with boundaries, learn when to compromise. You dont have to be stringent, but be clear with yourself on what you will compromise about. There is no challenge if your arm can be twisted about almost everything.

Never be readily available; being nice is not a challenge. Neither is being helpless. It might work in the beginning but its too much energy in the long run.

Never be afraid to express your fears, concerns or being scared. It is part of being true to yourself. You do not have to know it all. I have no problem going to a male about a concern and letting them figure it out :laugh: however, I also let them know why I value their input (you're great at these types of things) and truly mean it. Be independent but never be afraid to ask for help.

Move at your comfort level. If you arent comfortable with something in the present, let it be known and dont feel obligated to be rushed. Some men will push for you to open up or be closer, faster. If this isnt to your liking, express it and let them move on. My recent example is I was told its hard to get to know me because I dont open up much. I began to feel rushed to express myself and I let it be known I'd open up on my own terms. He didnt like it, but the response I got it was "I guess Ill have to wait".

@PrissiSippi has ways she says things (the honey stuff) that is said nicely while being taken seriously. A good challenge for yourself to learn how to communicate with men. Its one thing to say what you mean and its another to mean what you say. The former is words the latter is action.
 
Saludable84 said:
I'd like to emphasize a few of these things in order to my degree of bluntness
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:

1. Be the center of your own life. Cannot be stressed enough. Do not give up your life and always follow YOUR direction. If you find that you are constantly going to him, planning you life around him, re-evaluate. Have a plan or goal and make him figure it out for you. Worry about yourself always.

2.Create the perfect amount of space... It works.
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Just checking on whether this is physical space, emotional space, etc.?
 
This is an awesome thread. :)
I would just add.... Learn how to truly LOVE yourself.

Self-esteem was never really a problem for me (I don’t how I managed it...divine intervention I guess), however self-love is something I’m developing everyday. I love myself therefore I don’t allow people to treat me, any ‘ole kind of way. Just as I would be protective over a child I have learned to direct that energy onto myself. In fact....I love myself so much, that I love looking my best everyday (however, I love myself so much that I allow myself an exception now & again). I love myself so much, I smile and show genuine love and concern to other people, even strangers. I love myself so much.... I don’t allow those same people/strangers to take advantage or disrespect me. I love myself so much that I don’t compete for time and attention from men. If they don’t see my value... then that is there loss and it was never meant to be. And so on....


How much do you love yourself?
 
PrissiSippi said:
I looooove this part, but I guess I'm making this post to dumb it down or clarify it for some that really need it including myself. If you would have asked me was I my best self five years ago, I would have said yes. It's so subjective. I FELT I was my best self because I was in school, making accomplishments, making money, and having fun here and there. BUT I depending on others to keep my cup full to the brim. I had no time to make myself happy or even do it. I probably thought I was a challenge because How will he ever find another girl that has xyz...he won't....but I didn't realize THAT is not what makes you a challenge. It's really the little stuff that makes up the bigger picture.

For example....accepting last minute dates. I mean is it THAT bad? Often times I didn't have anything else to do NO WAY so I might as well go with the guy that offered. Now I'm like....it's time to be strategically selfish and focus on me. That's creating a whole new kind of challenge in itself but before...I was like...what for. I felt was my best self because I was honoring my heart and my loneliness by going out with the guy that offered last minute dates.

I know it's wordy but does this make sense?
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Yes it makes sense. It is subjective and sometimes elusive. For me they key was realizing being my best self is self sufficient. I keep saying it because I believe it people have the capcity to add to you they don't fill you. It's because they don't fill you when they disappoint you or leave you you wont be empty even if you are sad. I wasn't always this confident. Frankly, I used to be the the the sweet, naive go out of my way for anyone who needed help pushover, way too selfless and kind but all for noble reasons and that's part of why it seemed like the right thing to do. Because I could endure discomfort and saw long-suffering as fruit of the spirit I just accepted foolishness with humility for a long time because I was able to lessen the impact of it. I had to have my dreams shattered and heart broken before I realized the way I allowed people to take advantage of me(even when I did it for the right reason) and treat me didn't match my value, my strengths or my destiny. It undermined my efficiency. It hindered me when I couldn't see past my intentions to view the impact on what was actually necessary for my goal. At the end of the day I concrete actions impacted my goals more effectively than intentions and that shift in my thinking had a positive impact for me. At the time did I think I was my best self? I sure did. I was a good person. I was a nice person. I made a bad situations better most of the time for the larger group even when it was at my own expense. How could that not be awesome? People liked me even when they pitied what I put myself through. I certainly believed I was my best self back then (through my early 20's) but that was a lie. I was in a place where I allowed my kindness to be a weakness when if context was a applied better to the actual situation my kindness could truly become a strength. So when I got honest with myself some negative experiences taught me that my best self wasn't always me being nice and pleasant in the situation. Sometimes me being my best self was me having the strength to be uncomfortable. Sometimes it required me to be a stickler for my convictions because that got the job done the first time. Sometimes I needed to be perceived as mean to stop danger in it's tracks. Sometimes being my best self was me saying I did what I was supposed to do so I am going to stand my ground where I am and if the person I am dealing with is who made the mess then it makes no sense that I feel worse about their consequence than they do. Either they can join me where I am or face their own consequence right where they are. I didn't need to "meet them" where they were and it wasn't efficient for me to . ..and oh boy that was work I had to do on my thinking because I had a lifetime of being taught selflessness and feeling downright guilty for enjoying what I deserved. The thing about it is even when I make a mistake.... even when I am wrong, if I was genuine when I did it then that is easy to live with. Better luck next time and bank the learning experience you know? The only time I really feel stupid about something is if I was doing something that completely contradicted my moral compass or character. If I make a mistake that was for the right reasons I don't punish myself for being myself I just bank the lesson. If you believe in God and the bible that helps. There are plenty of times I am wrong, dead wrong I read the bible and that confirm "yep you messed that up lyddlebit, you definitely should not have done that that way". However you just keep going and apply the lessons you stack up. There is peace in being able to trust yourself to make mistakes yet keep trying to get it right.

Rambing again but yes what you wrote makes perfect sense and I can relate. I am having flashbacks over here and it's good to be reminded.
 
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awhyley said:
Just checking on whether this is physical space, emotional space, etc.?
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It just goes back to having your own life and doing your own thing. You can look at it as both, but it may depend on the person. If you have things you want to do or like to do or have been doing, dont stop. Interests, dont stop. Friends, dont stop. Doing something alone, dont stop. Your life before a man should be the life you maintain and he just needs to add to it and not fill anything (also refer to @Lylddlebit).

If you find yourself using your weekends to go and see your man and be in his comfort zone, week after week, you have no actual "space" and use him to fill up your life. It should not be like that. If you live with your SO, dont be afraid to have a few hours to yourself, examples being a hot bath, maybe nails done, window shopping, painting class, the museum, a small business fair, go to the library, paintball :look:, shooting range :look: something. Use your space to continue to live your life.

For me, space gives me time to recharge (emotional and mentally) and be alone (physically).
 
awhyley said:
Just checking on whether this is physical space, emotional space, etc.?
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It means both types of space to ensure you are protecting your emotional investment. It means:

1) You lean back in your feminine energy in the relationship.

2) You limit emotion contact (texting, emailing, calling) and physical contact (seeing him every day) of your man. (Instead of responding you respond BACK to him). You do your hobbies instead.

3) You create physical space for your man to miss you and step up and move closer towards you.

4) You stop controlling him or trying to change him or giving him ultimatums .


It seems if you focus on the physical space this lends itself to allow emotional space so you can pace the relationship, set boundaries and stick to them, and
 
Southernbella. said:
I think you can fake it till you make it but it's way more powerful when it comes from within. Men can sense it and will weed themselves out or step up to meet your challenge accordingly.
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I think it is special when it can be felt within and be authentic. Do you have any tips on how you move to that point?

When I first started following the tips from the board and a few other femininity guru's, I started doing what they were saying but it also sounded like it was coming from a handbook. I knew what to do so to speak, but I didn't necessarily "feel" it since it was something foreign to me all my life. Does it honestly just take time to make it feel natural?
 
What if you run into a man who wants to be chased? Who feels as if he is the prize and should be sought after. In fact he once said to me, in a joking manner, there is only room for one star in this show and that's me.

One complaint I get (and my Mom tries to make me feel bad about it) is that I don't say I love you enough or I miss you enough. I disagree. Also, he likes to stop calling me to wait for me to call him (even weeks) so the tips probably won't work well in this situation I'm guessing.
 
LadyPBC said:
What if you run into a man who wants to be chased? Who feels as if he is the prize and should be sought after. In fact he once said to me, in a joking manner, there is only room for one star in this show and that's me.

One complaint I get (and my Mom tries to make me feel bad about it) is that I don't say I love you enough or I miss you enough. I disagree. Also, he likes to stop calling me to wait for me to call him (even weeks) so the tips probably won't work well in this situation I'm guessing.
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I feel like these are feminine men because men love to chase. They are natural hunters. They like to conquer their prey. When they don’t come after the girl....or want to be chased I feel like they’re just not that into you.
 
PrissiSippi said:
It means both types of space to ensure you are protecting your emotional investment. It means:

1) You lean back in your feminine energy in the relationship.

2) You limit emotion contact (texting, emailing, calling) and physical contact (seeing him every day) of your man. (Instead of responding you respond BACK to him). You do your hobbies instead.

3) You create physical space for your man to miss you and step up and move closer towards you.

4) You stop controlling him or trying to change him or giving him ultimatums .


It seems if you focus on the physical space this lends itself to allow emotional space so you can pace the relationship, set boundaries and stick to them, and
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You brought up some really good points! I triple agree with giving a man space and leaning back. I think sometimes we as women tend to lean in more when men start leaning back, or at least I've been guilty of doing that. In my next relationship, when a man starts leaning back. Imma lean back so far that I'll be darn near falling off a chair.
 
I believe its also important to keep a man on his toes and not to let him get to comfortable. We should have confidence in ourselves and know that we are the prize. We should take care of ourselves. We must not go out looking bummy, because they need to know that there will always be a potential man that will be willing to take his place, if he starts cutting up.lol.
 
LadyPBC said:
What if you run into a man who wants to be chased? Who feels as if he is the prize and should be sought after. In fact he once said to me, in a joking manner, there is only room for one star in this show and that's me.

One complaint I get (and my Mom tries to make me feel bad about it) is that I don't say I love you enough or I miss you enough. I disagree. Also, he likes to stop calling me to wait for me to call him (even weeks) so the tips probably won't work well in this situation I'm guessing.
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This isn't a man worthy to court you IMO based on this description. I would cut him off.
 
I think believing you are the prize and being "care free" can not be over emphasized.
When you truly believe it, many things will come naturally (as far as being challenging to men) and increase how alluring you are.

I actually typed more to share, drawing from my personal life, but I don't want to be misunderstood. But the above paragraph sums up my point.
 
LadyPBC said:
What if you run into a man who wants to be chased? Who feels as if he is the prize and should be sought after. In fact he once said to me, in a joking manner, there is only room for one star in this show and that's me.

One complaint I get (and my Mom tries to make me feel bad about it) is that I don't say I love you enough or I miss you enough. I disagree. Also, he likes to stop calling me to wait for me to call him (even weeks) so the tips probably won't work well in this situation I'm guessing.
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I'd personally dead him. I am single (through selectivity), but I no longer "chase" men in ANY way. A man who's truly interested (or even half interested) comes after what he wants. I know this to be true because I've straight igged dudes and they still would reach out.

You have to decide whether you want to be the prize (and act accordingly), or be forever the chaser. If he doesn't call, I'd be so busy that I didn't notice . . .just doing me. If he hasn't called in two weeks (maybe a week :look: ), he gets blocked and deleted . . .it's really that simple for me.

I really enjoy my own company, so I have to actively think about who I haven't spoken to in a bit.
 
Sosoothing said:
I think believing you are the prize and being "care free" can not be over emphasized.
When you truly believe it, many things will come naturally (as far as being challenging to men) and increase how alluring you are.

I actually typed more to share, drawing from my personal life, but I don't want to be misunderstood. But the above paragraph sums up my point.
Click to expand...


Please share. I would love to read what you have to say.
 
Saludable84 said:
If you find yourself using your weekends to go and see your man and be in his comfort zone, week after week, you have no actual "space" and use him to fill up your life.
Click to expand...
Chile.... been there, done that! A guy I dated for two years, lived an hour away. So, I would drive to his house on Fridays afterwork, for the weekend (usually every other weekend). Of course, we’d go out to dinner over the course of the weekend. However, I was pretty much just being in HIS comfort zone. He’d tidy his house, do yardwork, watch his sports,etc..... All the while, I’m making lists of all the things I needed to do once I returned to my home on Sunday (not to mention, preparing for work on Monday). I’m still paying for it today... as I go through storage bins of paperwork (decluttering), and getting caught up on small home improvements, I neglected during that time.
 
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