Jmartjrmd
Well-Known Member
My take from the bits that you have shared is that I don't think a proposal would be progressing the relationship. Getting married is literally a legal piece of paperwork. You would be legally entering a commitment but that leaves the door wide open on some of the other things you said.
For instance, you stated you are bored of the relationship and you want to date other men, that you tried to break things off and you guys don't really know what the other one wants after being together 2 yesrs. I really doubt a proposal will change that. Deep down inside why do you feel like that? Him offering to marry you does not equal I am committed to you or that you are committed to him.. The literal definition of a proposal is a plan, offer or suggestion to do something and as related to marriage that plan, offer or suggestion is to get married. That's the easy part. So you plan a beautiful wedding filled with all the fantasies you had about what it would look like but after the I do's the real work begins (but really that should say the real work continues). You got married, got your paper but what does being married mean? Defining that takes place before he puts a ring on it. If at a job someone drafts up a proposal and sits a blank document in front of you how are you supposed to know their plan? There is nothing there.
Two best friends don't necessarily make for a good husband and wife team. To me, your level of committment to him boils down to if, then situations. It's like you are saying, if you propose to me then my desire to date other men goes away. If you propose to me then I won't be bored anymore. If you propose to me then that means we are in a committed relationship. How does an offer of marriage fix that? No..those things don't disappear because you got what you think you want.
The type of committment it takes to be married seems lacking on both sides.
Are you both willing to meet each other where you are right now? Can you compromise on things that are important to you? Can you communicate effectively? Will you stick by each other when times get hard and you may be experiencing temporary difficulties? You've planted good seeds but what are you all doing to make them grow? And on down the list.
I would really encourage you to explore what you want out of a marriage and how best to make sure your vision aligns well with his to ensure you have a solid start. Best wishes!
For instance, you stated you are bored of the relationship and you want to date other men, that you tried to break things off and you guys don't really know what the other one wants after being together 2 yesrs. I really doubt a proposal will change that. Deep down inside why do you feel like that? Him offering to marry you does not equal I am committed to you or that you are committed to him.. The literal definition of a proposal is a plan, offer or suggestion to do something and as related to marriage that plan, offer or suggestion is to get married. That's the easy part. So you plan a beautiful wedding filled with all the fantasies you had about what it would look like but after the I do's the real work begins (but really that should say the real work continues). You got married, got your paper but what does being married mean? Defining that takes place before he puts a ring on it. If at a job someone drafts up a proposal and sits a blank document in front of you how are you supposed to know their plan? There is nothing there.
Two best friends don't necessarily make for a good husband and wife team. To me, your level of committment to him boils down to if, then situations. It's like you are saying, if you propose to me then my desire to date other men goes away. If you propose to me then I won't be bored anymore. If you propose to me then that means we are in a committed relationship. How does an offer of marriage fix that? No..those things don't disappear because you got what you think you want.
The type of committment it takes to be married seems lacking on both sides.
Are you both willing to meet each other where you are right now? Can you compromise on things that are important to you? Can you communicate effectively? Will you stick by each other when times get hard and you may be experiencing temporary difficulties? You've planted good seeds but what are you all doing to make them grow? And on down the list.
I would really encourage you to explore what you want out of a marriage and how best to make sure your vision aligns well with his to ensure you have a solid start. Best wishes!
