snillohsss
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edited---don't want to take the thread off track more than it is.
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How he feels about my hair ...
- Thread starter MsLizziA
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snillohsss
New Member
SimpleKomplexity
New Member
Why are we so hell bent on men loving our natural hair?I never understood the 'my man betta love my naps' statement. Men are allowed to have a preference too, or did I miss something?
So he likes straight hair. Most men do. What's next?
THANK YOU!
He doesn't have to like every little thing about you such as clothing style, hairstyle/preference, and etc. He DOES have to love and accept the whole package and be willing to make things work. Love, accept, and like are all very different things
It's a WHOLE BUNCH of ish I don't like. I DON'T like men in cornrows. I DON'T Like men with long hair. I DON'T LIKE dreads that much. I don't like guys who don't dress like a preppy business man. I don't like tennis shoes that much.
I think a man should look like a MAN and have a fresh cut 
. Does my views make him any less of a man? HELL NO. It might make him more of a man because despite my views...at the end of the day he is still him. I love individuality and freedom of expression way more than I like a hairstyle choice.SN: You were brave to post that article. I haven't read the pages, but I know someone out there is jumping all down his throat as well as yours. *shrugs*. I found it comical as well as enlightening lol. Oh and let that man play in that hurr!! It looks so moisturized! I'd wanna touch it too hmpf!
AvaSpeaks
New Member
tHENATuRALhAiRpRoJEcT
Well-Known Member
statement of the year
QueenFee
New Member
Ehhh its his opinion I guess, my bf likes those god awful pimp grandaddy hats, I hate them and slowly they began to Disappear lol. But my hair is a big part of my life period so I couldn't date someone who didn't at least like it. Now like and tolerate are two diff things. I'm happy I have the support of my man and his wallet!
Etherealsmile
Well-Known Member
i'm only speaking for myself here but no, i do not expect a man to accept every single thing about me. How unrealistic is that? We all have our flaws and preferences no one is perfect
.But you know as well as I do that black women have been through hell about our hair. A number of black women feel ashamed of their natural hair texture, wish they could change it to a looser, curlier pattern...the list goes on and on
. I think its fair to say some black women still struggle with accepting their hair texture and believing their hair is beautiful. If I am with a man, I cannot condone him speaking negatively about my hair because I have come a very long way on the journey of accepting myself.
I find it a huge turn off for a man not to accept my hair the way God created it...why should i be with such an individual when I can find a free minded, independent thinker who accepts my hair the way it grows out of my scalp?
This is one of the main reasons why I have a hard time dating American black men, I'm not saying your SO is American black OP but I have encountered too many AA men who have this mindset (mostly directed at type 4 texture
) and it is such a turn off. If a man wants a woman with silky strands growing out of their scalp then he certainly should have her, i just know i'm not her though
.No thank you
Evolving78
Well-Known Member
not liking a hairstyle is one thing, not liking something you are naturally born with is another. your hair will never be silky Asian straight hair, since you are not Asian. that dude was born with the same type of hair and keeps it cut low, to avoid being called nappy-head. how would guys feel if women walked around and stated they only wanted guys who had hair like EL Debarge, Al B. Sure, etc...
you can't be the real you. black folks need to get it together. it is going to take a lot of time to get over the slave mentality being displayed.
Black women have to deal with enough dealing with Black men, now we gotta fight about our hair too? i'm done.....
you can't be the real you. black folks need to get it together. it is going to take a lot of time to get over the slave mentality being displayed.
Black women have to deal with enough dealing with Black men, now we gotta fight about our hair too? i'm done.....
Evolving78
Well-Known Member
i feel you on that. when i decided to let my natural texture grow out, i had some serious problems in my family. i was called names, told i wasn't beautiful, it wasn't becoming, i looked like a slave, i looked weird, etc..... that hurt my pride something terrible. it made me straighten my hair twice to please other people. the reaction i got from people made me sick to my stomach. nobody liked the real me. they were happy with the fake me.
see, when all of that was being said to me, i didn't see it as those folks just having a preference. that was some serious hating going on.
like i said, this type of discussion is deeper than what folks are making it out to be.
i think a lot of you women on this board tolerate your SOs' dislike for your hair as long as he keeps his mouth shut about it, but when he starts getting brutally honest, your attitude would change.
HoneyA
Goal:Hip length stretched
This is true. If he met you with permed hair, I think it is safe to say that's part of the whole package that attracted him to you from a physical standpoint even if it's only a small part. I didn't get that he was constantly putting MsLizzia down about her hair and making her feel bad like another poster mentioned. That is another issue and if that is the case then bid the dude farewell (no point dealing with psychological abuse) but she ASKED him how he feels about natural hair and he told her and was honest. I think he just mentioned the Asian hair part to prove his point.
MsLizzia you have a beautiful head of natural hair. I mean it's gorgeous so whether or not he likes it, tough, make sure you LOVE it. It's in the attitude. If he can't deal with it well he can S out. You chose to stop perming. You don't need his approval. Was this just an interview to get his opinion for a blog post or do you really want him to say he loves your hair?
AvaSpeaks
New Member
jennboo
Well-Known Member
OP,
So what if you were dark and your bf proclaimed that dark skin was undesirable, not as attractive, and that light skin was preferable to dark skin? What if he essentially stated that he would prefer your look more if you were light skinned? Would you be upset? Or would his musings about his dislike for dark skin and preference for light skin still be 'cute' and just 'his preference'?
So what if you were dark and your bf proclaimed that dark skin was undesirable, not as attractive, and that light skin was preferable to dark skin? What if he essentially stated that he would prefer your look more if you were light skinned? Would you be upset? Or would his musings about his dislike for dark skin and preference for light skin still be 'cute' and just 'his preference'?
SmileyNY
Well-Known Member
^^^^^ IMO, that's like comparing apples & oranges. I know they are both related to race, but skin color preference runs a lot deeper than just hair. To me, asking that is kin to asking "what if he says he prefers men?" (Um... yea, thats a deal breaker lol)
All preferences (ignorant or otherwise) are not created equal.
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(Um... yea, thats a deal breaker lol) All preferences (ignorant or otherwise) are not created equal.
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Sent from my iPhone using LHCF
MrsMe
Well-Known Member
Well, he was honest and didn't sugar-coat it for you. I can respect that. As long as he doesn't put you down because of your hair, I don't see anything wrong with him having a preference.
Let's just hope that when he has a daughter he refrains from using that type of language around her because we all know how early Eurocentric standards of beauty are ingrained into little girls' subconscious.
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Let's just hope that when he has a daughter he refrains from using that type of language around her because we all know how early Eurocentric standards of beauty are ingrained into little girls' subconscious.
Sent from my HTC Evo using Long Hair Care Forum App
reeko43
Well-Known Member
I know a lot of you didn't like what was said or the delivery. However, it is unfair to judge that man by a skype interview without seeing his whole picture.
My husband was brutally honest about me transitioning. DH will be 50 this year and has been surrounded by perms most of his life. We met and married while I was still getting perms. Given what was his image of beauty, why would I expect him to jump on my bandwagon? Because he loves me? Life is not a fairytale. It doesn't always happen that way.
DH thought I was going through a midlife crisis, trying to cop a trend that the "young folks" were following. The only "naturals" in his life are his nieces, both in college.
DH has changed in a big way. DH has told me that he appreciates that I stuck to what I believe and took time to educate him.
If he never accepted my hair would I have left him? Never!!! Despite what DH thought of my hair, he is a strong and positive Black man. My husband works two jobs, is father of the year to our autistic son, loves God and never goes a day without expressing his love and admiration.
How can we be so "power to the people" about our hair but be so willing to down a Black man and kick him to the curb because he doesn't get the bigger picture? Stop being so hypocritical. You expect others to change and accept you; but, you can't bother to be patient and help a brother come up to your level? Where is a man supposed to learn acceptance of hair, from White people, from tv? No, it starts with us.
HoneyA
Goal:Hip length stretched
I'll admit that I have a preference for particular features on men but that didn't stop me from falling in love and being with a man who was the polar opposite. In the end the physical features that were/are my preference didn't matter at all. And I have read similar stories from other women on this very board.
This may have been touched on already, so maybe I will be beating a dead horse, because I haven't read through all the responses. Men don't have to like a feature I was born with. The man I would love and hope he loved me for me, I would hope to. Saying one doesn't like their man in long hair or dreads, is like apples and oranges. That comes down to style. To me natural hair is not a style but a texture one is born with.
It think I am just interested in how these men really feel about having daughters with natural hair(not strengtened). Because of my Dh's LOVE for all things natural, he loves DD's natural hair and doesn't see it as a negative thing. Just wondering...
It think I am just interested in how these men really feel about having daughters with natural hair(not strengtened). Because of my Dh's LOVE for all things natural, he loves DD's natural hair and doesn't see it as a negative thing. Just wondering...
ksly4ever
Member
Wow, some people are really heated up about his guys opinion. I really don't see anything wrong with that he said. He was honest in saying that he prefers the straight look. This clearly hasn't stopped him loving her as they are still together. Couples don't have to agree on everything, we are all individuals. Anyway that's just my opinion.
Evolving78
Well-Known Member
who said anything about kicking anyone to the curb? who said anything about not having patience? and how did you get hypocrisy from my post? i know you are not trying to call me a hypocrite! i can say this with all honesty, i have never had a problem with natural hair. the only reason my hair was straighten, because i was taught that i had no other choices. i was told didn't have the right type of texture to be able to be natural. my mother kept my hair pressed and as soon as i turned 10 years old, i got a relaxer. not by choice! i always admired natural hair, but felt i wouldn't be able to handle it, but 11 years ago, i decided to not let anyone dictate how i was going to wear my hair, so i cut it to a low fade. i was called all kinds of names and my sexuality was often questioned . i'm glad you have the best husband in the whole world and i'm glad that you pointed out that your dh is middle aged. i can clearly see why he would have a problem with you going natural. he has a very old, old school mentality, so i get that. sticking to my guns and educating my family has been for the better as well.
but lets call a spade a spade. it's not a preference, it is something Black folks have been forced and conditioned to accept Eurocentric standards of beauty for years. it's one thing to say you don't like something, it's another when you compare someone that looks nothing like them or compare them to something they will never be able to achieve. i find it crazy that he tried to find Asian hair pics instead of AA hair pics with straight hair. please let's be real about this. this is about self-hatred and race, not about preferences. please stop sugar-coating it. once we can be honest with ourselves, then we can help the masses.
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ashleymichelle1
Well-Known Member
Hmm idk how i feel about this. For me personally I couldn't date someone who hated my hair and wanted me to have asian hair. Natural Hair is a big part of my life, I love my hair and it's a part of my identity. Alot of people use the phrase "It's just hair" But for me no, it's not just hair. It's apart of my identity and it sets me apart from most women in society today.
Now I'm fine w/ people having preferences..I'm not a "militant" natural...i don't want every woman to go natural so we can all look alike. I love the diversity of our hair...from weaves, to straight, to locs to braids. It's all beautiful to me!
My bf whom I have been w/ for 3 years LOVES my hair. When we first met he didn't like that it was short..but he never made rude comments and showed me pictures of long weaves. The more it has grown the more he loves my hair. He's always telling me what styles to do, what styles he doesn't like LOL. His fingers are always in my hair. I Just love that he loves ALL of me...If he didn't like natural hair I personally could not date him. I prefer a man who prefers natural hair...I like men who are "thinkers" like someone stated earlier and sees things in a different light. My bf is not one to follow societys standards on anything and he thinks out the box so naturally he loves natural hair.
Like I stated earlier preferences are fine..I hate permed hair on a man. I could not date a man with permed hair. It would annoy the **** out of me everytime I look at it..I couldn't be in a relationship like that. Instead of demeaning my bf w/ permed hair I just won't date a man with permed hair to make things easier for both of us.
just my opinion.
Now I'm fine w/ people having preferences..I'm not a "militant" natural...i don't want every woman to go natural so we can all look alike. I love the diversity of our hair...from weaves, to straight, to locs to braids. It's all beautiful to me!
My bf whom I have been w/ for 3 years LOVES my hair. When we first met he didn't like that it was short..but he never made rude comments and showed me pictures of long weaves. The more it has grown the more he loves my hair. He's always telling me what styles to do, what styles he doesn't like LOL. His fingers are always in my hair. I Just love that he loves ALL of me...If he didn't like natural hair I personally could not date him. I prefer a man who prefers natural hair...I like men who are "thinkers" like someone stated earlier and sees things in a different light. My bf is not one to follow societys standards on anything and he thinks out the box so naturally he loves natural hair.
Like I stated earlier preferences are fine..I hate permed hair on a man. I could not date a man with permed hair. It would annoy the **** out of me everytime I look at it..I couldn't be in a relationship like that. Instead of demeaning my bf w/ permed hair I just won't date a man with permed hair to make things easier for both of us.
just my opinion.
Roux
New Member
Wow...I'm only on page two and this is some **** right here.
I was talking to my SO last night about BCing and he just doesn't get it. He has an affinity for long hair period so it will be tough on him and he is honest about that...it hurts but it is what it is. I do appreciate the fact that he is supportive and ENCOURAGES me to go natural...even though he doesn't understand the dynamic of black folks and their hair, especially since he is still on that 'good hair' bull**** and about how he has never had nappy hair.
Anyways i'm rambling. If that was a convo I had with my SO I would be really hurt because you really do have long beautiful thick hair so what's not to love?
I was talking to my SO last night about BCing and he just doesn't get it. He has an affinity for long hair period so it will be tough on him and he is honest about that...it hurts but it is what it is. I do appreciate the fact that he is supportive and ENCOURAGES me to go natural...even though he doesn't understand the dynamic of black folks and their hair, especially since he is still on that 'good hair' bull**** and about how he has never had nappy hair.
Anyways i'm rambling. If that was a convo I had with my SO I would be really hurt because you really do have long beautiful thick hair so what's not to love?
Crystalicequeen123
Well-Known Member
Well IMO, I would hope that hair in itself would not be an automatic deal-breaker in a relationship. But in my opinion, I think there is a difference between not liking some natural hair styles on black women, and just simply NOT liking natural hair on black women PERIOD. One you can switch up (hair styles), but the other...you can't help that (the hair type you were born with)!
It's one thing to say: "Oh, I hate when my man wears those ugly-looking hats (shirts, jeans, ties, shoes, etc)", but it's completely different to say: "I don't like the hair that grows out of your scalp".
You can take OFF the hats, the shoes, the ties, etc. But you can't change your hair TYPE. You can do things to give it the APPEARANCE of a certain hair type (ie. relaxers, heating tools, etc), but you can't internally go and change your hair texture. That's my biggest concern with his comments.
THANK YOU!
I agree w/everything, especially the parts in bold. People tend to forget that the only reason why we have these hangups and "preferences" about hair is due to society. If natural kinky type 4b hair was what was considered BEAUTIFUL in our society and around the world, most AA men would have a "preference" for the natural hair that grows out of our scalps. AA women around the world would not be trying to hide their natural hair that grows out of their scalps.
It's like women and gray hair. Society has told everyone (women especially) that YOUTHFULNESS is what is considered beautiful, desirable, and "normal". So, what do women do? We dye our hair all kinds of ways (men too!) in order to hide the gray. But if GRAY hair were what society deemed as "beautiful", women and men around the world wouldn't be afraid to show their natural gray hair that is growing out of their scalps. Plain and simple.
Personally, if this guy is getting praised for having his "preferences", well then guess what...I have a preference too! I "PREFER" black men who can have an appreciation for natural hair on African American women. Not just Asian women, white women or hispanic women. That's just MY "preference". If I'm dating a guy, he's going to have an appreciation for my hair, just like I appreciate men with THEIR natural hair. I don't think it is so obsolete, or rare like the abominable snowman to find a BLACK man who actually appreciates or even (*gasp*!
) LIKES natural hair on black women! I have seen way too many men on youtube, friends, family, and men in everyday life that actually LIKE my natural hair just the way it is, so I know it is possible to find. It may be RARE (yes), but it's not impossible. Personally, I feel that if the OP is fine with her bf, then I'm fine with it. I just know that the man that I eventually date and marry would have to be someone who at the very least appreciates the fact that I can wear my hair natural. He may not like ALL of my hair styles (I don't even like all of my hair styles
), but he has to be someone who has no problem with black women wearing the God-given hair that grows out of our scalps.
jennboo
Well-Known Member
^^^^^ IMO, that's like comparing apples & oranges. I know they are both related to race, but skin color preference runs a lot deeper than just hair. To me, asking that is kin to asking "what if he says he prefers men?"
All preferences (ignorant or otherwise) are not created equal.
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If one cannot (or chooses not to) see/understand the parallel between a hair texture preference and a skin color preference as it pertains to race, well, then...
I also don't understand how a skin color preference runs deeper, they are both in the same vein: Not liking features that are endemic to black people and preferring features that are not endemic to black people.
I'm sure if the dark skinned folks in the thread heard their bf's say that they preferred light skinned women, all hell would break loose. I'm just trying to understand how a man saying (to a black woman) that straight hair is better than kinky (read:black folks' hair) is any different.
But, as i always say, whitey has done a phenomenal job.
ms-gg
Aka frostoppa
I don't think it is so obsolete, or rare like the abominable snowman to find a BLACK man who actually appreciates or even (*gasp*!
You get a standing ovation from me, you and Shortdub's posts are on point. And hunny they are out there. My boyfriend initially didn't like my bc, but almost 5 years later, and almost 9 years together, my fiance loves my natural hair and would kick my butt if I started relaxing my hair again!
They are out there!
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Crystalicequeen123
Well-Known Member
You get a standing ovation from me, you and Shortdub's posts are on point. And hunny they are out there. My boyfriend initially didn't like my bc, but almost 5 years later, and almost 9 years together, my fiance loves my natural hair and would kick my butt if I started relaxing my hair again!
They are out there!
Yay!
That is so sweet. It may take time getting used to, but I notice that a LOT of husbands now LOVE the natural hair on their AA wives. I have a lot of friends who's husbands now love their hair. Oh, and I love your hair! It's so pretty! I can't wait until my hair is that long in twists.
antisocial
Well-Known Member
I actually did do this. I understand that for some people it's just hair and being natural is a style choice. I get that. But for me it isn't, and I'm not gonna pretend that it's not that deep. I can deal with you not liking my outfit, or my nail polish or something, but when you have a problem with the way my hair naturally comes out of my scalp then that's an issue. I don't need anybody to "stick by me" despite my nappy hair. To me: "Imma stick by you even though you got nappy hair" is an insult.
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