How he feels about my hair ...

[LunadeMiel]

Wait, where did he say he preferred fair complexioned women again? erplexed

Poranges Post number 162

@jennboo Sorry to be the bearer of bad news but prior to me, all he dated was light skinned chicks cuz that was his preference.

Nah yall can take that in run with it if yall want but the fact of the matter is he is still with me n he is still mine. Obviously he is able to see past preference and see something much deeper than just skin color and hair type.

I mean its no different than my preference being the football built typa man. He was skinny when we 1st started dating but that didn't stop me. He has gained weight since then but he's still not big. It was just my preference, it wasn't written in gold but I have been with him so long that i look past all that. Hell i don't even notice it anymore TO have to look past it

 

[EllePixie]

EllePixie I didn't get any of this out of that to be honest Elle

I'm referring to the question he asked at the end:

So my question is this: should I love you all and hate all the other African-American women who don’t have natural hair?

IMO, that question isn't even relevant. I'm not referring just to him, but there seems to be a general consensus that to love natural hair, you have to dislike straight hair. That's what he's implying by asking that question.

 

[tapioca_pudding]

^^To me, that IS the general consensus. Most natchals think straight hair (be it relaxed or flat ironed/heat trained/whateva) is the debil. It's like all or nothing.

 

[MsLizziA]

I'm referring to the question he asked at the end:

So my question is this: should I love you all and hate all the other African-American women who don’t have natural hair?

IMO, that question isn't even relevant. I'm not referring just to him, but there seems to be a general consensus that to love natural hair, you have to dislike straight hair. That's what he's implying by asking that question.

It isn't literal. He is just looking at it from an extremist stand point. He's not really asking that. He said it in relation to the fact that he is basically being bashed because his girlfriend doesn't have straight hair and he doesn't like it. All he is really saying is its entirely too extreme and he shouldnt have to choose..

 

[tapioca_pudding]

*****UPDATE*****
So he read all of your responses ladies and he has something to say to you guys. I personally don't take this offensively and if you do I'm not sure what to say about it. Anyway here is his response.....

How My Man Feels About Natural Hair…….. PT. 2

tapioca_pudding
EllePixie
HoneyA
ksly4ever

I read his response... thanks for letting me know that he responded. It was well written and humorous. I still don't take it that deep, lol. It's preference, people. Preference. Like a woman asking for a tall, dark handsome man. So, what, the short light ugly brothas can't get no love for how they are NATURALLY made? Preference.

And @ that last comment on your blog: "Though I don’t even know why I am getting offended, I am biracial, with 3B hair, and light skin – the kind of hair self hating negroes fawn over. " Who da **** wrote that?

 

[EllePixie]

^^To me, that IS the general consensus. Most natchals think straight hair (be it relaxed or flat ironed/heat trained/whateva) is the debil. It's like all or nothing.

No ma'am, that's absolutely not true. I actually wrote a blog post responding to a guy who said that women who relax their hair are self haters. I don't think either end of the spectrum is healthy. People should recognize and address the deeper issues often associated with hair in the black community, BUT relaxing hair is not an automatic telltale sign of self-hate.

If you have the time, read the post and the comments...many natural haired women do not think that straight hair is the debil, I assure you.

Manifesto of a Former Self Hater

 

[EllePixie]

It isn't literal. He is just looking at it from an extremist stand point. He's not really asking that. He said it in relation to the fact that he is basically being bashed because his girlfriend doesn't have straight hair and he doesn't like it. All he is really saying is its entirely too extreme and he shouldnt have to choose..

But I didn't see where people were being extremist or let him know that he had to choose? Perhaps I didn't understand...oh well.

 

[tapioca_pudding]

No ma'am, that's absolutely not true. I actually wrote a blog post responding to a guy who said that women who relax their hair are self haters. I don't think either end of the spectrum is healthy. People should recognize and address the deeper issues often associated with hair in the black community, BUT relaxing hair is not an automatic telltale sign of self-hate.

If you have the time, read the post and the comments...many natural haired women do not think that straight hair is the debil, I assure you.

Manifesto of a Former Self Hater

I read that post. (I kinda stalk your blog.. ) I guess I'm basing my opinions off of threads here, the naturals that I know IRL and what I've seen/read in the past. I may be wrong, but I'm just going for what I know.

 

[qchelle]

^^To me, that IS the general consensus. Most natchals think straight hair (be it relaxed or flat ironed/heat trained/whateva) is the debil. It's like all or nothing.

Really? Hmm...I never got that feeling as the general consensus. IMO most natchals constantly brag about how versatile their hair is and how they can still wear it straight, how they have the best of both worlds (straight and nappy), etc.

 

[tapioca_pudding]

^^Like I said, maybe I'm wrong. I just base my opinions off of what *I've* seen/read/heard/watched. I do hear the 'versatile' comments a lot tho.

 

[EllePixie]

I read that post. (I kinda stalk your blog.. ) I guess I'm basing my opinions off of threads here, the naturals that I know IRL and what I've seen/read in the past. I may be wrong, but I'm just going for what I know.

LOL!!! I understand what you are saying...I think it just depends on where you are looking and whom you are talking to. In the past year a lot of my friends IRL have gone natural, and NONE of them look down on women with relaxed hair - it just doesn't need to be that deep. It just turns a positive into a negative.

 

[MsLizziA]

I read his response... thanks for letting me know that he responded. It was well written and humorous. I still don't take it that deep, lol. It's preference, people. Preference. Like a woman asking for a tall, dark handsome man. So, what, the short light ugly brothas can't get no love for how they are NATURALLY made? Preference.

And @ that last comment on your blog: "Though I don’t even know why I am getting offended, I am biracial, with 3B hair, and light skin – the kind of hair self hating negroes fawn over. " Who da **** wrote that?

tapioca_pudding girl what! i didn't even read that yet...

 

[MsLizziA]

LOL!!! I understand what you are saying...I think it just depends on where you are looking and whom you are talking to. In the past year a lot of my friends IRL have gone natural, and NONE of them look down on women with relaxed hair - it just doesn't need to be that deep. It just turns a positive into a negative.

Yea i stalk it too! I read that 1 .. i remember it.. i liked it

 

[tapioca_pudding]

LOL!!! I understand what you are saying...I think it just depends on where you are looking and whom you are talking to. In the past year a lot of my friends IRL have gone natural, and NONE of them look down on women with relaxed hair - it just doesn't need to be that deep. It just turns a positive into a negative.

Yes, perception is reality and vice versa. It does depend on where you look and who you're surrounded by. The natural ladies that I know IRL are nazi's and dang near disowned me when I texlaxed my hair last summer.. yassss.. it was that deep.... erplexed

Either way it goes, you like what you like. Kinky/curly/coily/silky/swangy...

 

[nappystorm]

Hmmm. I didn't mind what he said in Part I but Part II got the sideeye. I think it's the "at least she's got a man so that trumps everything yall are saying" mentality...erplexed

 

[tapioca_pudding]

MsLizziA YES!! I was like who in da **** would leave that comment!! I'm assuming it's a joke of course, which is why I cracked up!

 

[EllePixie]

Yes, perception is reality and vice versa. It does depend on where you look and who you're surrounded by. The natural ladies that I know IRL are nazi's and dang near disowned me when I texlaxed my hair last summer.. yassss.. it was that deep.... erplexed

Either way it goes, you like what you like. Kinky/curly/coily/silky/swangy...

Yea see that's not cool either. It's funny...my ex said to me one time, "You know, I don't even like relaxed hair anymore, it looks fake, I prefer it curly." And I was like ERRRR NOPE don't even say that mess because 1) you know you a damn lie 2) don't overcompensate to try to make me feel good about my hair, it's not necessary because I am already good with it. NOPE NOPE NOPE!!! Sorry for the caps but when he said that I about died from my eyes rolling into my brain.

 

[MsLizziA]

MsLizziA YES!! I was like who in da **** would leave that comment!! I'm assuming it's a joke of course, which is why I cracked up!

tapioca_pudding the hard part is that its not a joke... she is dead damn serious.. she stated in part 1 that she's 19 and has never had a perm

 

[kandake]

I enjoyed his response. I wish the initial dialogue was in this same format.

As for his views, I don't necessarily agree but I'm not dating him so it really doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things.

As for SO's liking natural hair, it would be an important factor for me because it's who I am. Something that I love, enjoy and embrace. I would want my SO to embrace it as well.

Let's be real, our hair, our feelings about it and the history behind is more than your SO not liking your earrings or the way you chew your food or whatever random thing spouses don't like about one another. It's much more dynamic than that.

I guess I'll stop there because I'm on my phone and I cant believe I've typed out this much.

 

[Freespirit02]

You get a standing ovation from me, you and Shortdub's posts are on point. And hunny they are out there. My boyfriend initially didn't like my bc, but almost 5 years later, and almost 9 years together, my fiance loves my natural hair and would kick my butt if I started relaxing my hair again!

They are out there!

Girl my husband threatened to divorce me if I permed! Talking about I didn't read the fine print in our marriage license.lol

 

[antisocial]

His response is just as bogus as the original "interview". I stopped reading after this:

but if you let a good man go because he doesn’t like (but is willing to tolerate) your hair, (let me articulate this right… -clears throat-) you S.T.U.P.I.D.!

Really? You need to have "tolerance" for my hair texture? If that aint some ignorant bs.

At this point all I can do is laugh at this whole situation. It's just not worth being offended. Like another poster said, the whole issue went right over his head.

I'm just glad that my *new* man actually likes my hair and doesn't have to muster up enough emotion to "tolerate" it. Yall just gonna have to call me stupid for letting that other one go

 

[HoneyA]

Well I for one thought the response was funny but I am not trying to analyse it. Just as I thought, he was using Asian hair to prove his point. What I can't understand is that up until a few years ago, most of the same ladies here wearing their natural hair now were permed, frying and dying their hair for years, only recently actually started wearing their hair as it grows out of their scalp and now want to act like if they have no clue what MsLizzia's BF is talking about and can't possibly get where he is coming from. Acting.brand.new. I just cannot understand it.

Like I said if he were putting her down constantly and making her feel like crap because of her natural tresses then I could agree with the comments to leave him. That's not what's happening from what I understand.

ETA:This whole situation is mystifying. I wore my hair natural for years and never got any problems with any of the guys I went out with. Maybe it has to do with location.

 

[MsLizziA]

His response is just as bogus as the original "interview". I stopped reading after this:



Really? You need to have "tolerance" for my hair texture? If that aint some ignorant bs.

At this point all I can do is laugh at this whole situation. It's just not worth being offended. Like another poster said, the whole issue went right over his head.

I'm just glad that my *new* man actually likes my hair and doesn't have to muster up enough emotion to "tolerate" it. Yall just gonna have to call me stupid for letting that other one go

anti-babymama eh to each his own.. but i am more than sure their will be something that you tolerate from the new man. Whether it be hair, a job, or a habit he has.. nobody is perfect

 

[antisocial]

@anti-babymama eh to each his own.. but i am more than sure their will be something that you tolerate from the new man. Whether it be hair, a job, or a habit he has.. nobody is perfect

Of course nobody is perfect, but if you need 'tolerance' for something that I have no control over (my hair texture, skin tone, height etc) then I'm sorry that's some bs.

"Tolerance" is for stuff like leaving the cap off the toothpaste, or using the last of the toilet paper and not putting out a new roll. That's completely different from somebody tolerating a hair texture but yeah like you said...to each her own.

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

^^To me, that IS the general consensus. Most natchals think straight hair (be it relaxed or flat ironed/heat trained/whateva) is the debil. It's like all or nothing.

LOL! Well, there are some that think that way. Some OTHER boards come to mind immediately.

But I PERSONALLY don't feel like straight hair is the devil. If people want to wear their hair straight, let them wear it straight!

I just like to see women wearing their natural texture w/out chemicals that's all. I'm actually HAPPY that more and more AA women are seeing that we have options. We don't have to accept a "one size fits all" mentality. Have you ever asked yourself why every other race of woman can wear her own natural hair that grows from her scalp but BLACK women cannot? Why is it men of all races can have a "preference" for any hair type that's NOT like other black women's? I know we may call it a "preference" and all, but where are those people who "prefer" kinky hair? Why aren't we hearing about them in droves? Could it be that society has shaped our views more than we think?

But I didn't see where people were being extremist or let him know that he had to choose? Perhaps I didn't understand...oh well.

Well IDK about anyone else, but for me it wasn't the fact that I felt like he had to pick one extreme over the other. That's not it at all. I just wish that more AA men would see the beauty in natural hair, or at least appreciate natural hair on AA females. And it could be that it will simply take time, years, and education about our hair before our AA men finally feel comfortable with it. That's understandable. IMO they seem to already "accept" natural hair on other race women, why not on the women of your own race? If a white woman has naturally straight hair....EMBRACE it! If a hispanic woman has naturally wavy/curly hair...EMBRACE that! I'm not knocking women who have straight or relaxed hair at all. It just warms my heart to see more and more women (AND men) embracing the natural hair that grows from their scalps without feeling like you're "making a statement", or stating some "political" stance, or being "militant". If a white woman with her straight NATURAL hair can wear it like that everyday without being questioned about whether or not she's making a "statement" or is bitter/angry, then why can't AA women?

If we really ask ourselves these questions then we'll start to see that it really does go a little bit beyond just having a "preference". It goes a little deeper than that.

 

[ladyviper]

I don't think she said she was looking for perfection. Just acceptance.

*****UPDATE*****
So he read all of your responses ladies and he has something to say to you guys. I personally don't take this offensively and if you do I'm not sure what to say about it. Anyway here is his response.....

How My Man Feels About Natural Hair…….. PT. 2

@tapioca_pudding
@EllePixie
@HoneyA
@ksly4ever

@anti-babymama eh to each his own.. but i am more than sure their will be something that you tolerate from the new man. Whether it be hair, a job, or a habit he has.. nobody is perfect

 

[NicWhite]

We are all allowed to have preferences (I whole heartedly believe that).....but we should be repectful.

The OP says that she likes men who are more muscular, her boyfriend is not that. Let's examine two senerios.

Senerio 1:

Man: "Baby how do you like my natural chest?"
Woman: "It's alright but you know I liked it better when you had more muscles"
Man: "Really but, but what about my natural chest"
Woman: "Look honey, I love you, I've been with you for 5 years. I'm not going anywhere but I,.....my preference is a more muscular chest. If you want to keep your natural chest I'm fine with it." *smiles*

Senerio 2:

Man: "Baby how do you like my natural chest?"
Woman: "Well, really you need to get in the gym and sculpt that skinny *blank, blank*"
Man: "Really but, but what about my natural chest"
Woman: "Look honey, I love you, I've been with you for 5 years. I'm not going anywhere but this is what I like" *quickly looks up pics as a example, comes back smiling and showing what she found* ics:

Does scenerio 2, sound good when presented to strangers who are trying to embrace their natural chest? One has to know that all they are going to get is a bunch of

OP, I respect your man's preferences. I guess for me the comment I mentioned in my previous post was the thing that was offensive. Tis' all.

 

[danysedai]

WELL don't like uncircumcised penises. Little boys are born like that NATURALLY, but the thing looks like an anteater that's hiding and ish. (And NO it is NOT different. Go look it up. There is really no need to be circumsiced. I think we do it in America for "hygeine" and "look factors" to be honest. You don't see lil English willy wonkers walking around all cut and ish. In fact more than half of the world's men are uncircumcised. That says a lot. )

*

Totally off topic but that's so funny because back home nobody is circumcised, DH is not, and in fact I've never seen a circumcised one . So to me,it's the other way around. And I live in Canada now and I won't be doing that to my boy.(oh and Dh's you-know-what is very clean lol).

 

[nappystorm]

Totally off topic but that's so funny because back home nobody is circumcised, DH is not, and in fact I've never seen a circumcised one . So to me,it's the other way around. And I live in Canada now and I won't be doing that to my boy.(oh and Dh's you-know-what is very clean lol).

I prefer uncut too. They are usually bigger

 

[tapioca_pudding]

NM..,.......