How he feels about my hair ...

[Embyra]

 

[Glamiam]

y'all are so sensitive I swear

 

[ms-gg]

My issue is that this just feeds into that warped thinking that so many of our people have of our natural hair, both men and women. They think it is ugly, homely, unattractive, juvenile, and insert any other bad thing that has been said about natural hair. To some people yes, hair is not that deep, but in my opinion it is a small piece of an even bigger problem of how we have been taught over hundreds of years to view ourselves.

Why do so many black men/women dislike their/our natural hair? Is it really just as simple as a preference or is it much deeper than that? Is it not in some way conditioning overtime? How much of it a personal choice to like straight hair over nappy hair rather than something that has been unconsciously programmed overtime? Clark's doll test anyone?

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

Ummmmm.....

Yeeeeeaah... Okay, I was totally expecting a different type of "interview" when I clicked in this thread.

Why would you share this? I am really tired of hearing about black men with less-than-nice comments about OUR natural hair. Personally, I don't deal with men that don't love my hair in its natural state. This article was a a major turn off.

I'm sorry OP, but I have to agree. To tell you the truth, I don't expect ALL men to like my hair in it's natural state. I really don't. I just don't entertain men that don't/can't accept me (THE REAL ME) as I am completely. I just don't waste my time with them, and I certainly wouldn't be dating them.

Honestly, it wasn't just the fact that he doesn't like "natural" hair that bothered me. Men are allowed to have their preferences afterall. And besides, he likes "natural" Asian women's hair, so being NATURAL isn't the problem. What bothered me most was the fact that he stated how he only liked STRAIGHT hair.

It was pretty evident that he only liked straight hair, and not just ANY straight hair...Asian straight hair! Their hair is straighter than white people's hair! lol

Idk...the whole interview and his comments seemed a little more like a guy FRIEND talking to his gal pal, and not like a BOYFRIEND talking to his girlfriend of 5 years. 5 years you guys have been together??

Idk....I know you can't tell everything (tone of voice, deeper meaning, intentions, etc) through a computer screen, but the vibe of his responses and the whole interview in general just didn't seem right. I got a bad vibe from it all. Sorry...

 

[theLovelyStyle]

Subbbb!! To read later. Good stuff

 

[Rei]

@Rei No actually he HATES weaves and wigs.. he hates when i wear them at all. I mean i wasn't offended by it, i thought it was funny.. i guess cuz i know him.

@natural_one lol.. there was no "aim" for this post. I stated on my blog that i had BEEN trying to get him to do an interview about it for me because i wanted to hear what he had to say. He's not speaking for all men, just himself

so he doesn't want an asian girl and he doesn't like weaves, but he wants a black girl with asian hair? good luck with that homeboy

 

[qchelle]

so he doesn't want an asian girl and he doesn't like weaves, but he wants a black girl with asian hair? good luck with that homeboy

Right! This is another common sentiment amongst black men. They hate our natural, they hate weaves, they hate the fact that right after a relaxer our hair can't get wet, they hate the fact a few weeks after a relaxer our hair's nappy again Soooo anything that our hair does AT ALL...you just hate? Negro please.

Anyways...Well it was surely honest

Personally, I don't date men who feel the need to 'grin and bear it' just to be 'supportive'...I'd feel really crappy all the time around him

But you don't, he's your man, and that's all that matters.

Oh! I did like what he said about years of conditioning and expecting a 'jumping for joy' attitude towards natural hair. I agree.

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

Another thing that bothered me is that I didn't really sense any hint of joking or "lol" in his comments much at all. I couldn't tell if he was being serious or if he was just being flippant in a silly/joking way. I don't know.... I just felt like his comments seemed more serious than joking.


Oh well OP, I mean, he's your bf so you know him better than we all do on this board. If you're cool with it, then who am I to question his feelings? *shrugs* *sigh*

 

[blkbeauty]

Well thank the Lord that my DH loves my natural hair and so did most of the men in my past.

 

[HoneyA]

Besides the deeper issues at play, I am not getting that he does not accept or love the OP. He's been with her for 5 years and he is still with her. He is simply stating his preference for straight, sleek hair. OP asked for his opinion and he gave it *shrugs*

 

[lilsparkle825]

I tried to read it from an objective standpoint, but "perm that krinkly shyt" ruined it for me. I was done after that.

Also, TO ME it seemed like you were trying to push him to say he liked it. Either that or soften the blow/cover up for the fact that he reaaaalllly doesn't like your hair. Lots of "but you like that one style, right?" and "I let you touch my hair" and things like that, only for him to respond with "no" or "I don't remember" -- things showing that on a day-to-day basis he is less than enthralled by natural hair. And to blame it on y'alls ancestors and history and all of that.....you can't formulate your own opinions, dude? I can't with this thread.

Like others have said, that couldn't be my dude's opinion, but it ain't my relationship. My SO tells me on a regular basis how much he loves my hair, gives input on styles he likes, and even when I straighten it or do something else he doesn't love, he's never mean about it (yes I get that your SO is joking....kinda). The most I will get is "that's not my favorite style" or "when are you gonna wear it in that one style again?" But your guy is different, and if you like it, we love it. *shrug*

 

[ladyviper]

I didn't even know this kind of English existed. It was like reading a complete different language. Made it very hard to understand and made the conversation a bit ignorant, even if it might have not been meant that way.

 

[reeko43]

I saw several positives in this "interview"

1. As much as your bf loves "silky hair", he stuck with you when you decided to go natural. He could have run for the hills but he didn't.

2. He brings up an excellent point about how his preference has been shaped. How can we as Black women expect our men to accept our attributes when we don't accept them ourselves. I am sure growing up your bf has heard many negative comments about "nappy hair", most coming from women. And, we can't leave out the media influence.

3. Your bf states: "but i support the “Natural” movement maybe my grandsons will have it as their preference but as for grandpappy its ((emo)) all day". I think this statement is very very positive. I read that as although he likes straight hair better, he recognizes that there is a purpose for the "Natural Movement" and he supports it! He seems to acknowledge that it is hard to shake his less than positive views, but, he wants better for the generations to come.

Your bf spoke from his heart and people lash out because the truth of our time hurts. However, this is where education and dialogue come into play. Don't just stop at do you like my hair. Do your homework and give him history. Gradually teach him the benefits of having an appreciation for natural hair, its beauty, versatility, health, etc. Teach him of the time in our recent history, 60's and 70's when we viewed our natural hair as a symbol of pride for our race. Truth and time go hand in hand. As we women set the example for our men, strong and united with our sisters taking back our freedom to wear our hair anyway we please, our men will follow suit.

It seems like you are taking steps in the right direction. You make a cute couple and your hair is adorable!

 

[DDTexlaxed]

I hope you don't feel bad for posting your BF's POV. Not all men/women like natural hair and some men/women are pro natural. Hair is an issue that always divides the AA community. What I think is wrong is folks being mad about it. This board is about variety in thought and hair care. At least your man is keeping it real with you and you know where he stands. He obviously loves you enough to share his feelings with you. That is very admirable.

 

[chebaby]

if my SO didnt like my natural hair i wouldnt care because he knows me so he knows thats not something i would change for him or anyone else. luckily i have someone who loves my hair, loves me and is supportive.

i didnt like this interview or the style of the interview.

 

[NicWhite]

As was said before, this comment was offensive: "Per dat krinkly shyt!!! The End."
But he was talking to his girlfriend about how he felt. sooooo........

For me it is not so much about a person's preference as it is about speaking so negatively about it. What if the girlfriend had a preference for light skinned guys, but saw other qualities that led her to get with and stay with him.......but when she referenced his skin color, she says "bleach that *********** skin, THE END". Or when she talked about her preferences she pulled out a picture of an Asian guy and said "now this is nice skin color"

But again, he was talking to his girlfriend about how he felt. sooooo........

The rest of it, what can I say, to each his own. Like it was said before, at least he is honest.

 

[gcchick_07]

sooooooo to the women who are "it's just his preference!"

what if your s.o. told you that he preferred women who were very very light skinned (and you, wah wah, were not)?

But you know, you were pretty to be dark skinned, or something?

That's bascially what he's saying about her hair. "well you are pretty enough and good enough to be around even though you have this thing i don't like"

ahhh well.

again, i'm not dating him.

you like it = i love it

ETA: i didn't see the comment right above mine. my thoughts exactly.

 

[JayAnn0513]

Tough crowd....I really don't see the big deal. Do y'all really expect a man to go from liking the majority of what he sees ( weave and premed hair) to liking natural hair just because you big chopped????? You will be sorely disappointed.

My husband was not happy when decided to go natural. But he gas very little control over my hair so u told him to get used to it. 2 yrs later I'm sure he still prefers it straight, since that's how it was more that 7 of the 9 yrs we have been together. I don't like everything he wears and does so I'm sure the feeling is mutual.


Sent from my iPhone using LHCF

 

[MsLizziA]

Ummmmm.....

Yeeeeeaah... Okay, I was totally expecting a different type of "interview" when I clicked in this thread.




I'm sorry OP, but I have to agree. To tell you the truth, I don't expect ALL men to like my hair in it's natural state. I really don't. I just don't entertain men that don't/can't accept me (THE REAL ME) as I am completely. I just don't waste my time with them, and I certainly wouldn't be dating them.

Honestly, it wasn't just the fact that he doesn't like "natural" hair that bothered me. Men are allowed to have their preferences afterall. And besides, he likes "natural" Asian women's hair, so being NATURAL isn't the problem. What bothered me most was the fact that he stated how he only liked STRAIGHT hair.

It was pretty evident that he only liked straight hair, and not just ANY straight hair...Asian straight hair! Their hair is straighter than white people's hair! lol

Idk...the whole interview and his comments seemed a little more like a guy FRIEND talking to his gal pal, and not like a BOYFRIEND talking to his girlfriend of 5 years. 5 years you guys have been together??

Idk....I know you can't tell everything (tone of voice, deeper meaning, intentions, etc) through a computer screen, but the vibe of his responses and the whole interview in general just didn't seem right. I got a bad vibe from it all. Sorry...

Crystalicequeen123
Well i feel this way, if he can't talk to me like he would his girl-friend, we really don't need to be together. In a relationship, i feel like you have to be friends or you probably won't make it. No one likes a stick in the mud. We joke around with each other a lot , im cool with it. May not be your type of relationship but i love it.

 

[niqu92]

So a man has to LOVE everything single thing about you or it's a wrap??? Well I don't like facial hair but if he wanted to grow it out I could live with it. With some of the woman here on this board I understand why they have issues involving men, unrealistic expectations to say the least. What if you decide to get a relaxer in a year, you just change your mind like we are known to do, then he has to LOVE that too?? SMH

thats exactly what i was thinking.So if you have a man that treats you right,has a good job, tells you he loves you everyday,is always there for you,is handsome BUT he has issues with natural hair youre not gonna date him??? lmao sorry maybe my sense of humor is different but i really think the interview was funny. Although i do agree with the other comments saying it was hard to understand because of the format/spelling/whatever.
But hey, at least he's honest. My bf of 2yrs always complained about my hair but i didnt really care because thats not what our relationship was based on lol.i swear ppl take hair waaaay too seriously.
OP i liked your post i thought it was entertaining,your bf seems really funny yall must have a fun relationship lol

 

[MsLizziA]

I tried to read it from an objective standpoint, but "perm that krinkly shyt" ruined it for me. I was done after that.

Also, TO ME it seemed like you were trying to push him to say he liked it. Either that or soften the blow/cover up for the fact that he reaaaalllly doesn't like your hair. Lots of "but you like that one style, right?" and "I let you touch my hair" and things like that, only for him to respond with "no" or "I don't remember" -- things showing that on a day-to-day basis he is less than enthralled by natural hair. And to blame it on y'alls ancestors and history and all of that.....you can't formulate your own opinions, dude

? I can't with this thread.

Like others have said, that couldn't be my dude's opinion, but it ain't my relationship. My SO tells me on a regular basis how much he loves my hair, gives input on styles he likes, and even when I straighten it or do something else he doesn't love, he's never mean about it (yes I get that your SO is joking....kinda). The most I will get is "that's not my favorite style" or "when are you gonna wear it in that one style again?" But your guy is different, and if you like it, we love it. *shrug*

lilsparkle825
erplexed that is HIS opinion .... he had a valid point

 

[JayAnn0513]

sooooooo to the women who are "it's just his preference!"

what if your s.o. told you that he preferred women who were very very light skinned (and you, wah wah, were not)?

But you know, you were pretty to be dark skinned, or something?

That's bascially what he's saying about her hair. "well you are pretty enough and good enough to be around even though you have this thing i don't like"

ahhh well.

again, i'm not dating him.

you like it = i love it

ETA: i didn't see the comment right above mine. my thoughts exactly.

I wouldn't care. People have ideal types and your SO won't always fit into that 100%. It is what it is. I'm not my husbands ideal type nor is he mine. Yet we still can't keep our hands off each other after 9 yrs together and 5 yrs married. So does it really matter? Not really.


Sent from my iPhone using LHCF

 

[curlyninjagirl]

Hmm...this is a tough one for me. My knee jerk reaction to this interview is to get reeeaaal militant. But then I start thinking about preferences...and well, is any of it fair??

But things really get messy when the preference is tied to race in some way. It just sucks that's all. The perception needs to change.

 

[MsLizziA]

Tough crowd....I really don't see the big deal. Do y'all really expect a man to go from liking the majority of what he sees ( weave and premed hair) to liking natural hair just because you big chopped????? You will be sorely disappointed.

My husband was not happy when decided to go natural. But he gas very little control over my hair so u told him to get used to it. 2 yrs later I'm sure he still prefers it straight, since that's how it was more that 7 of the 9 yrs we have been together. I don't like everything he wears and does so I'm sure the feeling is mutual.


Sent from my iPhone using LHCF

JayAnn0513 GIRL YOU BETTA TELL IT!

I personally feel like this... not even 3 years ago, hell not even 2 years ago a natural hair movement did NOT exists. WE didn't even like OUR OWN HAIR! So how is it that we put these expectations on our men to like it all of a sudden?

It don't work like that, this takes time. When we got together , i had permed hair? Why? Cuz I BELIEVED natural hair was ugly. Now i have it and i LOVE IT but it took time for me to fall in love with it because all i have ever seen was perms and weaves.

 

[MsLizziA]

thats exactly what i was thinking.So if you have a man that treats you right,has a good job, tells you he loves you everyday,is always there for you,is handsome BUT he has issues with natural hair youre not gonna date him??? lmao sorry maybe my sense of humor is different but i really think the interview was funny. Although i do agree with the other comments saying it was hard to understand because of the format/spelling/whatever.
But hey, at least he's honest. My bf of 2yrs always complained about my hair but i didnt really care because thats not what our relationship was based on lol.i swear ppl take hair waaaay too seriously.
OP i liked your post i thought it was entertaining,your bf seems really funny yall must have a fun relationship lol

niqu92

We do! Look if i can't joke and laugh with you, then the relationship won't work...

 

[MsLizziA]

I wouldn't care. People have ideal types and your SO won't always fit into that 100%. It is what it is. I'm not my husbands ideal type nor is he mine. Yet we still can't keep our hands off each other after 9 yrs together and 5 yrs married. So does it really matter? Not really.


Sent from my iPhone using LHCF

JayAnn0513
But that is not the base of your relationship. Yall make it work! I love and respect that!

 

[reeko43]

I don't see how people are relating this to a bias against skin color. Skin is a living major organ. Hair is like toenails dead and easily changed. Plus some of you know you are fronting. There are plenty of women who will hold on to a no good no job having cheating man just to keep from being alone. It is not a whole lot of you if any who would leave a man you have dated long term because he didn't like you going natural but decided to stick by you. Let's keep it real now.

 

[MsLizziA]

I don't see how people are relating this to a bias against skin color. Skin is a living major organ. Hair is like toenails dead and easily changed. Plus some of you know you are fronting. There are plenty of women who will hold on to a no good no job having cheating man just to keep from being alone. It is not a whole lot of you if any who would leave a man you have dated long term because he didn't like you going natural but decided to stick by you. Let's keep it real now.

reeko43 ~shots fired~

 

[Aireen]

Um, I miss the old LHCF...but anyway

Why are you giving a disclaimer? If you don't want people to give their honest opinion on what you posted why even mention it. This is forum, and where you posted the interview is a public blog. You could have shared this with family and friends if you're so sensitive.

The interview is okay. He's coming off very aloof and it's like your forcing him to give his view on a subject you can clearly read he doesn't want to talk about. If he likes your hair, but says one thing it's not that serious to think other wise. People say and do things they don't mean all the time.

Thanks for sharing!

I love how you say all that then add the bolded.

 

[YaniraNaturally]