How he feels about my hair ...

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reeko43 said:
I don't see how people are relating this to a bias against skin color. Skin is a living major organ. Hair is like toenails dead and easily changed. Plus some of you know you are fronting. There are plenty of women who will hold on to a no good no job having cheating man just to keep from being alone. It is not a whole lot of you if any who would leave a man you have dated long term because he didn't like you going natural but decided to stick by you. Let's keep it real now.
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You know how we do.

All of a sudden everybody has the perfect husband/boyfriend/SO. Please.

All we have to do is go to the relationship forum and see otherwise.
 
Crystalicequeen123 said:
Ummmmm..... :look: :look:

Yeeeeeaah... Okay, I was totally expecting a different type of "interview" when I clicked in this thread. :nono:




I'm sorry OP, but I have to agree. To tell you the truth, I don't expect ALL men to like my hair in it's natural state. I really don't. I just don't entertain men that don't/can't accept me (THE REAL ME) as I am completely. I just don't waste my time with them, and I certainly wouldn't be dating them. :nono2:

Honestly, it wasn't just the fact that he doesn't like "natural" hair that bothered me. :look: Men are allowed to have their preferences afterall. And besides, he likes "natural" Asian women's hair, so being NATURAL isn't the problem. What bothered me most was the fact that he stated how he only liked STRAIGHT hair.

It was pretty evident that he only liked straight hair, and not just ANY straight hair...Asian straight hair! Their hair is straighter than white people's hair! lol

Idk...the whole interview and his comments seemed a little more like a guy FRIEND talking to his gal pal, and not like a BOYFRIEND talking to his girlfriend of 5 years. 5 years you guys have been together?? :look:

Idk....I know you can't tell everything (tone of voice, deeper meaning, intentions, etc) through a computer screen, but the vibe of his responses and the whole interview in general just didn't seem right. I got a bad vibe from it all. Sorry... :(
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I don't think you can say someone's relationship isn't valid because they talk to each other that way. Every relationship is different and can't be based on just on limited view on how people should behave in relationships imo
 
Thanx for sharing MzLizzia. I like how you were handling some of the negative feedback you were getting on here. You handled it like a lady and that's good on you. I use to always ask my husband what he thought about my hair especially when we were dating. lol!! I'm thankful God blessed me with someone who loves me for me and really loves my natural hair more than any other style I have ever worn. He is very supportive of my hair journey, but he does tease me about being on this forum all the time and all the hair supplies I buy and oils I make..but as he sees my growth hair growing from all these practices he is very pleased and so am I. :-)
 
reeko43 said:
I don't see how people are relating this to a bias against skin color. Skin is a living major organ. Hair is like toenails dead and easily changed. Plus some of you know you are fronting. There are plenty of women who will hold on to a no good no job having cheating man just to keep from being alone. It is not a whole lot of you if any who would leave a man you have dated long term because he didn't like you going natural but decided to stick by you. Let's keep it real now.
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Exactly! I think tossing away a good man just because he prefers straight hair is ridiculous. Your hair doesn't change who you are and even if he's not all in to your hair YOU still haven't changed and so his feelings for you shouldn't either.

Everyone is different and some take the hair thing very seriously, but don't ruin a good relationship over nonsense.

I thought the convo was a little funny at parts, but I have a sense of humor and am not easily offended. I had no problems reading it
 
First you have absolutely gorgeous hair...

Secondly, Do you have to love 100% of your partners physical appearance? Your boyfriend has a preference, but he isnt so shallow as to let this get in the way, so there must be other things he loves about you.(( I think about all the people who would love the significant others to drop a few lbs...))

Also he didnt say anything about your hair until you asked. My favorite line was when he said: " I know better"

Finally, for many women loving their natural hair was a process that didnt happen over night. Why dont we give him the same room to grow...?

Wishing you two all the best...
 
Uhm, OP, was this interview over text/MSN type of conversation or did you just type like that for the sake of shortening everything? :look:
 
my man and my mother didn't care for my hair when i went natural.

but they both came around. and if not who gives a damn! at the end of the day are you really going to be thinking about 'does he like my hair'?

no.
 
well if it works for you, it works. you've been with him for a long time and you liked who he was so his preference shouldn't make you unhappy. it'd piss me off for sure because that's not the type of guy i'd want to be with. it's ok to like one style more than the other but he hates natural hair, the hair we were born with-that's different to me. i'm relaxed now and i still wouldn't date a guy like that. but you seem to love him and that's really all that matters.
 
Maybe I should go ask my man how he feels about my wearing a pony tail day in day out every single day 365 days just about, oh and the fact that he has to help me with my hair and if he don't like it-my style or my hair-I'm gonna have to break off our engagement-and end our life together:look:

:lachen:

furthermore, Once I am single again, any man that has the nerve to break his neck to look at me when I happen to have my hair pressed/down/loose is getting told off like :blah: :censored:
 
Irresistible said:
Maybe I should go ask my man how he feels about my wearing a pony tail day in day out every single day 365 days just about, oh and the fact that he has to help me with my hair and if he don't like it-my style or my hair-I'm gonna have to break off our engagement-and end our life together:look:

:lachen:

furthermore, Once I am single again, any man that has the nerve to break his neck to look at me when I happen to have my hair pressed/down/loose is getting told off like :blah: :censored:
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:lachen::lachen::lachen::lachen:
 
Smh..i never understood why people get so defensive about someone elses thread...if u read it and dont like whats being said then just exit the thread and keep it movin...jus sayn..
 
Irresistible said:
Maybe I should go ask my man how he feels about my wearing a pony tail day in day out every single day 365 days just about, oh and the fact that he has to help me with my hair and if he don't like it-my style or my hair-I'm gonna have to break off our engagement-and end our life together:look:

:lachen:

furthermore, Once I am single again, any man that has the nerve to break his neck to look at me when I happen to have my hair pressed/down/loose is getting told off like :blah: :censored:
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Irresistible :lachen::lachen::lachen::lachen::lachen::lachen::lachen:
 
People in here acting brand new! I see why so many women cant keep a man. My husband and I have been together 10 years(highschool sweethearts) I went natural about a year and a half ago. It was not his favorite but he has come around. I cant believe some of you are willing to drop a good relationship over some damn hair! GTFOOHWTBS!
 
I feel like people are looking into his comments way too deep. I mean I feel like its important to be aware of Black issues and the sensitivity of the subject but its still just an opinion. Despite how he feels about natural hair he still supports and loves her soo whats the big deal.
 
Well you asked, he gave you his answers...I'm not offended.

For those who are talking about everyone acting brand new and dropping someone over some hair...well, I can see both sides. It's one thing for a man to not like your hair, but it's another if because of this he makes annoying comments that get a side eye.

My ex-bf told me that he loved my hair all the time, yet would make comments that make me think he had "good hair" syndrome and all this mess...

- If I combed my hair out into an afro like my siggy his response was, "Can I have the curls back?"

- I told him that I wanted my hair to grow to be like, really huge, and he was like, "Ummm I think I want it to fall..." a la loose curls... :perplexed

- He hated my frohawk to the point where he BEGGED me to not do my hair like that when we went to dinner because looking at it literally made his lip curl.

I could go on...but yea, I feel like that's an example of how he feels about your hair could be a negative thing in a relationship, and his views definitely played a role in our break up.

Now, when men hit on me or try to date me and make comments about my hair when I haven't asked them, I KIM and know that I'd never date them. Why? Because IMO most men are the biggest hypocrites ever. They say they're just being honest and you should appreciate it, yet if I give my opinion to a man about how he eats crap food all the time or has a gut then he's all kinds of crying about how I hurt his fragile self esteem. I don't have time for it. *Deuces*
 
Lol I've had similar conversation and I spent most of the time laughing my friend however was very upset. I mean hey my former whatever you want to call him hated anytime a pair of scissors came near my head, although he thought I should grow out my relaxer.

Everyone likes what they like, he hated my relaxer but liked the length of my hair. Granted he only disliked the relaxer because of the smell and then I switch to Mizani BB and that solved the problem.


I do think you BF is funny though, and I agree with some of what he's said.
 
YaniraNaturally said:
simpsons-burlesque.gif
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THIS! :lol:
 
this thread is interesting.

humans are visual creatures. mutual attraction is usually the 1st spark that makes people even consider getting to know each other further and maybe pursue a relationship...so if OP & her bf got together when she was relaxed, its pretty safe to say that he was attracted to/likes straight hair...then she went natural, and it was probably something he had to adjust to...not saying it changed how he felt about OP, but its just different...if my bf just randomly decided to grow his hair out and get braids, i would be like:ohwell::perplexed:nono: because thats not what i like, and thats not what i was attracted to when i first met him, but that doesnt mean im gonna pack up and leave...

but on the other hand if i was in OP's situation i dont think my bf telling me how he likes silky asian hair, and saying i need to perm that krinkly ish would be funny to me or confirm his love...its one thing to dislike something, but tolerate it because you like/love someone, but talking bad about it/putting your SO down is a different story...and i definitely wouldn't post it on forum like its cute.
 
I didn't read the entire thread (will go back and read it later when I am less sleepy) but I did read the interview. I'm not going to comment on that because ppl are free to feel how they feel.

I have been with my husband for almost twenty years. Before we were dating we were best friends. This man has seen my hair in all of its states; from all over my head in the morning before I started tying it down at night, from burned all the way to my scalp from putting in too many relaxers and dyes over each other to going through my entire pregnancy with our first son with it being green from putting a blue rinse over a honey blond dye job (duh, we did learn that blue and yellow makes green in preschool) and couldn't get it out. Through all of that he never said a word. I've changed styles as much as I've changed colors over the years. I know when he doesn't like my hair or when he loves it just by the look on his face. He did tell me once that he likes my hair the best when I love it the best because when I am happy with my appearance it shows in my the way move or how I smile that day.

I've learned over the years not to take it too negatively when he doesn't like my hair. My hair doesn't completely define me; it is a part of me that compliments the whole. So if he doesn't like my hair that in no way proves his overall feelings for me. There are some outfits or hats that he wears that I would love to throw away but even when he wears them he is still the most beautiful man I've ever seen in my life. I know that is the same when my hair isn't exactly what he would like it to be (especially during the months after my bc because he likes longer hair). While I am natural now, I don't expect him to like my natural hair everyday because I don't like it everyday. However, I do expect him to accept it and know that it is MY hair and it is mine to do with it whatever I want. And he does accept it and every crazy style I try because that is just part of who I am. To be fair, I think I've desensitized the poor man over the years. After seeing your pregnant wife with green hair you pretty much have seen everything.

Sorry if I got off topic. Like I said I didn't read the entire thread. But what I was trying to say is that I don't hold it against ppl who isn't crazy about natural hair or take it as a personal attack or an attack against black women. I see it as if everyone has their preferences. Not liking my hair isn't something that would be a deal breaker for me. Maybe that is just me because my hair is never in a constant state. I get bored with it easily and changes it up more often.

Now, if he said he hated my laugh than we would have problems. Because I am beautifully goofy and I laugh loud and I laugh often.
 
Male shows interest in black female with silky straight hair.
Male courts female.
Male and female date seriously.
Female goes natural.
Male does not like natural styles/hair
Female dumps man?/Man dumps female?

Since when was hair such a deal-breaker in relationships to those of you that agree with that scenario?
 
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