How he feels about my hair ...

[Kurlee]

not liking a hairstyle is one thing, not liking something you are naturally born with is another. your hair will never be silky Asian straight hair, since you are not Asian. that dude was born with the same type of hair and keeps it cut low, to avoid being called nappy-head. how would guys feel if women walked around and stated they only wanted guys who had hair like EL Debarge, Al B. Sure, etc...

you can't be the real you. black folks need to get it together. it is going to take a lot of time to get over the slave mentality being displayed.

Black women have to deal with enough dealing with Black men, now we gotta fight about our hair too? i'm done.....

It's just sick how apathetic we are. Just ambivalent little lemmings.

 

[Kurlee]

If one cannot (or chooses not to) see/understand the parallel between a hair texture preference and a skin color preference as it pertains to race, well, then...

I also don't understand how a skin color preference runs deeper, they are both in the same vein: Not liking features that are endemic to black people and preferring features that are not endemic to black people.

I'm sure if the dark skinned folks in the thread heard their bf's say that they preferred light skinned women, all hell would break loose. I'm just trying to understand how a man saying (to a black woman) that straight hair is better than kinky (read:black folks' hair) is any different.

But, as i always say, whitey has done a phenomenal job.

I the issue has gone over many heads. We have not progressed as a people. Just learned to hide our scars better. That convo was such a turn off to me. I really think we need to hold more men accountable for their stupidity sometimes. I know this may sound biased, but I really think the problem is the them and not "us" (like the media makes it sound)

 

[LunadeMiel]

I guess I'll act brand new because he could not be my man. Yes, a man would get kicked to the curb nor not liking something that naturally comes out of my head I cringe everytime I hear a black person say to another to go perm that shyte Skin bleacking isn't permanent either (under normal circumstances) yet we would be up in arms in her bf told her to bleach that shyt

 

[SimpleKomplexity]

not liking a hairstyle is one thing, not liking something you are naturally born with is another. your hair will never be silky Asian straight hair, since you are not Asian. that dude was born with the same type of hair and keeps it cut low, to avoid being called nappy-head. how would guys feel if women walked around and stated they only wanted guys who had hair like EL Debarge, Al B. Sure, etc...

you can't be the real you. black folks need to get it together. it is going to take a lot of time to get over the slave mentality being displayed.

Black women have to deal with enough dealing with Black men, now we gotta fight about our hair too? i'm done.....

I'm not bashing you so sorry if it comes off wrong. I just hate the statement.

But OH EM GEE I am SOOO tired of hearing this dang statement. :hardslap: JUST cause it's natural it's supposed to be beautiful?! Naw son. That statement just sounds nice to say.

WELL don't like uncircumcised penises. Little boys are born like that NATURALLY, but the thing looks like an anteater that's hiding and ish. (And NO it is NOT different. Go look it up. There is really no need to be circumsiced. I think we do it in America for "hygeine" and "look factors" to be honest. You don't see lil English willy wonkers walking around all cut and ish. In fact more than half of the world's men are uncircumcised. That says a lot. )

But I digress. I don't like lil anteater penises. Oh the hell well. I don't have to walk with it between my legs, and it's definitely not a dealbreaker if I get in a relationship with a person with one. I just don't like it....I don't have to like EVERYTHING on your body just because it's natural.

*steps off of soapbox*

 

[EllePixie]

I'm not bashing you so sorry if it comes off wrong. I just hate the statement.

But OH EM GEE I am SOOO tired of hearing this dang statement. :hardslap: JUST cause it's natural it's supposed to be beautiful?! Naw son. That statement just sounds nice to say.

WELL don't like uncircumcised penises. Little boys are born like that NATURALLY, but the thing looks like an anteater that's hiding and ish. (And NO it is NOT different. Go look it up. There is really no need to be circumsiced. I think we do it in America for "hygeine" and "look factors" to be honest. You don't see lil English willy wonkers walking around all cut and ish. In fact more than half of the world's men are uncircumcised. That says a lot. )

But I digress. I don't like lil anteater penises. Oh the hell well. I don't have to walk with it between my legs, and it's definitely not a dealbreaker if I get in a relationship with a person with one. I just don't like it....I don't have to like EVERYTHING on your body just because it's natural.

*steps off of soapbox*

Okay so that's fine, but guess what? If you were dating a guy with an "anteater" penis and you told him that you didn't like it, he'd probably start crying and call you an insensitive a-hole. Tell a man you don't like his penis??? Giiiiirl, you tryin' to start WWIII? He'd be all kinds of butt hurt.

 

[SmileyNY]

If one cannot (or chooses not to) see/understand the parallel between a hair texture preference and a skin color preference as it pertains to race, well, then...

I also don't understand how a skin color preference runs deeper, they are both in the same vein: Not liking features that are endemic to black people and preferring features that are not endemic to black people.

I'm sure if the dark skinned folks in the thread heard their bf's say that they preferred light skinned women, all hell would break loose. I'm just trying to understand how a man saying (to a black woman) that straight hair is better than kinky (read:black folks' hair) is any different.

But, as i always say, whitey has done a phenomenal job.

I know that they are both related to race, I said that... but they are NOT equal. Everyone is entitled to their opinion and I respect yours...

However, I think a black man telling his black girlfriend that he prefers white (or lighter) women is MUCH MORE HURTFUL than a black man jokingly expressing his true feelings about his girlfriends natural hair.

They are two totally different levels of self hate.

At the bolded.

 

[SimpleKomplexity]

Okay so that's fine, but guess what? If you were dating a guy with an "anteater" penis and you told him that you didn't like it, he'd probably start crying and call you an insensitive a-hole. Tell a man you don't like his penis??? Giiiiirl, you tryin' to start WWIII? He'd be all kinds of butt hurt.

This is true LOL!

*starts thinking back*

I actually did tell one guy this. And asked him what did he think about it and what would he want his little boy to be. lol He told me he didn't care that I thought they were ugly and didn't like them because I would love it one day. (I think the convo was centered around hair too. I told him I wanted to go natural and he told me I would look like a pineapple. I told him, "Pineapples are one of the sweetest fruits on the earth! #WIN")

. We always had silly conversations. lol I'ma Bio major so I'm always asking why does it look like that questions, and what if, and "from a biologist's point of view...don't you think..."

 

[EllePixie]

This is true LOL!

*starts thinking back*

I actually did tell one guy this. And asked him what did he think about it and what would he want his little boy to be. lol He told me he didn't care that I thought they were ugly and didn't like them because I would love it one day. (I think the convo was centered around hair too. I told him I wanted to go natural and he told me I would look like a pineapple. I told him, "Pineapples are one of the sweetest fruits on the earth! #WIN")

. We always had silly conversations. lol I'ma Bio major so I'm always asking why does it look like that questions, and what if, and "from a biologist's point of view...don't you think..."

at pineapples are the sweetest fruits on earth...bwhahaha.

I'm just saying, overall, I can't stand the general hypocrisy that men seem to possess. My ex started growing his hair out and when it was really short (like an inch) I used to tell him that I was so mad because his hair was never frizzy, and he'd just laugh. Then one time after he woke up and didn't "do" his hair, it was looking like a hot mess, and I told him that he should spritz his hair with water and add some conditioner because he was looking disheveled....chile, if I didn't ruin that boy's day...OKAY.

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

I actually did do this. I understand that for some people it's just hair and being natural is a style choice. I get that. But for me it isn't, and I'm not gonna pretend that it's not that deep. I can deal with you not liking my outfit, or my nail polish or something, but when you have a problem with the way my hair naturally comes out of my scalp then that's an issue. I don't need anybody to "stick by me" despite my nappy hair. To me: "Imma stick by you even though you got nappy hair" is an insult.

I can't thank you enough for this.

People don't realize that the hair/skin color analogy is actually a pretty good one. Each one cannot be changed permanently. Sure, you can bleach your skin to make it lighter, and relax your hair to make it straight. But it can't change your biological makeup. I can understand if a guy doesn't like a particular outfit I'm wearing, or the makeup I put on my face, etc...because these are not a PART of me. But my hair IS so much a PART of me, it basically makes up my physical/genetic makeup. I think that's why AA women want their men to "accept" their hair in it's natural state. To NOT accept it is basically (IMO) saying that you don't even accept the woman as she naturally IS. Outfits, makeup, clothes, etc......These are things I DO to myself. I wear my clothes, I relax my hair, I dye my roots, etc. I can always take these things off if these things aren't desirable to my man. But to go natural is not "doing" anything to yourself. You're not "controlling" it, you're not "taming" it, "hiding" it, etc. You're letting your hair be free to grow how God intended it to grow w/out chemicals.

I know that they are both related to race, I said that... but they are NOT equal. Everyone is entitled to their opinion and I respect yours...

However, I think a black man telling his black girlfriend that he prefers white (or lighter) women is MUCH MORE HURTFUL than a black man jokingly expressing his true feelings about his girlfriends natural hair.

They are two totally different levels of self hate.

At the bolded.

I'm being completely honest when I ask... What is your reasoning behind this comment in bold? I'm just curious. I'm wanting to see the difference that you mention, because to me it's pretty much one in the same. Just one is more subtle than the other.

Whereas, a man's "member" (as another poster mentioned lol!) is pretty much the SAME while born across the races. No one race male baby comes out "uncut" while another race male infant baby is born "cut". But black women are pretty much the only race of women with type 4 hair in general, so I'm just still trying to understand how this hair thing is not subtly about race in some way.

 

[SmileyNY]

I can't thank you enough for this.

People don't realize that the hair/skin color analogy is actually a pretty good one. Each one cannot be changed permanently. Sure, you can bleach your skin to make it lighter, and relax your hair to make it straight. But it can't change your biological makeup. I can understand if a guy doesn't like a particular outfit I'm wearing, or the makeup I put on my face, etc...because these are not a PART of me. But my hair IS so much a PART of me, it basically makes up my physical/genetic makeup. I think that's why AA women want their men to "accept" their hair in it's natural state. To NOT accept it is basically (IMO) saying that you don't even accept the woman as she naturally IS. Outfits, makeup, clothes, etc......These are things I DO to myself. I wear my clothes, I relax my hair, I dye my roots, etc. I can always take these things off if these things aren't desirable to my man. But to go natural is not "doing" anything to yourself. You're not "controlling" it, you're not "taming" it, "hiding" it, etc. You're letting your hair be free to grow how God intended it to grow w/out chemicals.



I'm being completely honest when I ask... What is your reasoning behind this comment in bold? I'm just curious. I'm wanting to see the difference that you mention, because to me it's pretty much one in the same. Just one is more subtle than the other.

Whereas, a man's "member" (as another poster mentioned lol!) is pretty much the SAME while born across the races. No one race male baby comes out "uncut" while another race male infant baby is born "cut". But black women are pretty much the only race of women with type 4 hair in general, so I'm just still trying to understand how this hair thing is not subtly about race in some way.

I don't understand HOW you are interpreting that I said hair isn't about race when I clearly stated that both hair & skin related to race. I also said that a him not liking kinky hair is a form of self hate. I said it's on a different LEVEL.

I would leave a black man who told me he didn't like my skin color. I can't work with that. His self hate would be too deep for me.

However, a black man that is ignorant about kinky hair (which A LOT are, they just kiss a lot of a** and are afraid to keep it real)... I could work with that. I like changing minds and enlightening ignorance when it comes to black hair. Whether it's with friends, family or my man. If we don't, who will???


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[MsLizziA]

This is true. If he met you with permed hair, I think it is safe to say that's part of the whole package that attracted him to you from a physical standpoint even if it's only a small part. I didn't get that he was constantly putting MsLizzia down about her hair and making her feel bad like another poster mentioned. That is another issue and if that is the case then bid the dude farewell (no point dealing with psychological abuse) but she ASKED him how he feels about natural hair and he told her and was honest. I think he just mentioned the Asian hair part to prove his point.

MsLizzia you have a beautiful head of natural hair. I mean it's gorgeous so whether or not he likes it, tough, make sure you LOVE it. It's in the attitude. If he can't deal with it well he can S out. You chose to stop perming. You don't need his approval. Was this just an interview to get his opinion for a blog post or do you really want him to say he loves your hair?

HoneyA No this was really an interview. Anytime i have a family gathering , the topic of my hair always comes up with the men in the family because i am the only 1 that's natural. So i always ask them to do an interview about it for me, he was just the only 1 that i was able to get to as of now.

 

[MsLizziA]

OP,

So what if you were dark and your bf proclaimed that dark skin was undesirable, not as attractive, and that light skin was preferable to dark skin? What if he essentially stated that he would prefer your look more if you were light skinned? Would you be upset? Or would his musings about his dislike for dark skin and preference for light skin still be 'cute' and just 'his preference'?

jennboo Sorry to be the bearer of bad news but prior to me, all he dated was light skinned chicks cuz that was his preference.

Nah yall can take that in run with it if yall want but the fact of the matter is he is still with me n he is still mine. Obviously he is able to see past preference and see something much deeper than just skin color and hair type.

I mean its no different than my preference being the football built typa man. He was skinny when we 1st started dating but that didn't stop me. He has gained weight since then but he's still not big. It was just my preference, it wasn't written in gold but I have been with him so long that i look past all that. Hell i don't even notice it anymore TO have to look past it

 

[qchelle]

I know that they are both related to race, I said that... but they are NOT equal. Everyone is entitled to their opinion and I respect yours...

However, I think a black man telling his black girlfriend that he prefers white (or lighter) women is MUCH MORE HURTFUL than a black man jokingly expressing his true feelings about his girlfriends natural hair.

They are two totally different levels of self hate.

At the bolded.

"I really don't like your hair texture. I wish it looked like an Asian womans. I love Asian hair; I think it's gorgeous! You would look so much better if your hair looked like Asian womens hair. But this **** yall black women got on yalls head? Nah son. Negatory! ...But I still me some you though! *repulsed/forced smile whilst stroking the naps and looking at Asian hair pics simultaneously*"

Your response: " You so crazy boy! That's why I love you! *skims Asian hair pics with him and thinks to self 'yup, that's what my baby likes '*

"I really don't like your skin color. I wish it looked like a white womans. I love light skin; I think it's gorgeous! You would look so much better if your skin was light like a white persons skin. But this dark **** that yall black women got goin on? Nah son. Dislike! ....But you still my favorite girl! *downloads tons of pics of the lightskindedeeedddedd-ness to his computer*

Your response: "...I hate you!"

*Does not comprehend*

 

[MsLizziA]

*****UPDATE*****
So he read all of your responses ladies and he has something to say to you guys. I personally don't take this offensively and if you do I'm not sure what to say about it. Anyway here is his response.....

How My Man Feels About Natural Hair…….. PT. 2

tapioca_pudding
EllePixie
HoneyA
ksly4ever

 

[EllePixie]

"I really don't like your hair texture. I wish it looked like an Asian womans. I love Asian hair; I think it's gorgeous! You would look so much better if your hair looked like Asian womens hair. But this **** yall black women got on yalls head? Nah son. Negatory! ...But I still me some you though! *repulsed/forced smile whilst stroking the naps and looking at Asian hair pics simultaneously*"

Your response: " You so crazy boy! That's why I love you! *skims Asian hair pics with him and thinks to self 'yup, that's what my baby likes '*

"I really don't like your skin color. I wish it looked like a white womans. I love light skin; I think it's gorgeous! You would look so much better if your skin was light like a white persons skin. But this dark **** that yall black women got goin on? Nah son. Dislike! ....But you still my favorite girl! *downloads tons of pics of the lightskindedeeedddedd-ness to his computer*

Your response: "...I hate you!"

*Does not comprehend*

You are just cuttin up!

 

[MsLizziA]

"I really don't like your hair texture. I wish it looked like an Asian womans. I love Asian hair; I think it's gorgeous! You would look so much better if your hair looked like Asian womens hair. But this **** yall black women got on yalls head? Nah son. Negatory! ...But I still me some you though! *repulsed/forced smile whilst stroking the naps and looking at Asian hair pics simultaneously*"

Your response: " You so crazy boy! That's why I love you! *skims Asian hair pics with him and thinks to self 'yup, that's what my baby likes '*

"I really don't like your skin color. I wish it looked like a white womans. I love light skin; I think it's gorgeous! You would look so much better if your skin was light like a white persons skin. But this dark **** that yall black women got goin on? Nah son. Dislike! ....But you still my favorite girl! *downloads tons of pics of the lightskindedeeedddedd-ness to his computer*

Your response: "...I hate you!"

*Does not comprehend*

LMAO!!!!!!!

 

[qchelle]

*****UPDATE*****
So he read all of your responses ladies and he has something to say to you guys. I personally don't take this offensively and if you do I'm not sure what to say about it. Anyway here is his response.....

How My Man Feels About Natural Hair…….. PT. 2

OMG! I can't wait to hear his response!!! Off to view video!!

ETA: Ohhh it's a bloggy thingy. Okay...off to read then.

ETA2: Okay, I read it. Tell him thank you for taking the time out to write such a well-written response (I thought it was well written )! It was a very nice read. And while I disagree with him on most of the points he made, I can still appreciate good writing style.

I do, however, have some questions

I don’t mean to be offensive, but if that’s how your man is, who’s really the “Man” in the relationship? Who’s eating the cake Anne Mae? (That’s a joke btw)

I really want to get the joke Can someone please explain it to me! The man in your relationship is...you? Meaning the woman? Because of what now? I know it's a joke, and I just want to understand it...even if I don't find it funny once I learn what the joke is

that some readers say that because of these “black man” views they don’t date African American men.

Someone said this? I must have missed that...

 

[empressri]

OMG I laughed sooo damn hard at his response! Love it.

 

[EllePixie]

Wow...I think he completely missed the point. And the way he automatically reached and asked the question that to love natural hair you need to dislike straight or relaxed hair...this is what annoys me to no end. It's like, if you love natural hair and are not naive enough to "get" the association between natural hair, race, and self hatred in the black community, you have to hate straight hair? And the Angela Davis antics? I was fine with the first interview because I mean he told the truth and you did ask him, but he probably should have just quit while he was ahead (or behind, depending on your answer).

 

[SmileyNY]

"I really don't like your hair texture. I wish it looked like an Asian womans. I love Asian hair; I think it's gorgeous! You would look so much better if your hair looked like Asian womens hair. But this **** yall black women got on yalls head? Nah son. Negatory! ...But I still me some you though! *repulsed/forced smile whilst stroking the naps and looking at Asian hair pics simultaneously*"

Your response: " You so crazy boy! That's why I love you! *skims Asian hair pics with him and thinks to self 'yup, that's what my baby likes '*

"I really don't like your skin color. I wish it looked like a white womans. I love light skin; I think it's gorgeous! You would look so much better if your skin was light like a white persons skin. But this dark **** that yall black women got goin on? Nah son. Dislike! ....But you still my favorite girl! *downloads tons of pics of the lightskindedeeedddedd-ness to his computer*

Your response: "...I hate you!"

*Does not comprehend*

Wooow! lmaooo! All that, huh? Really tho? You are um... yea




Sent from my iPhone using LHCF

 

[MizzBrown]

OMG I laughed sooo damn hard at his response! Love it.

I loved it too. Well said. I agreed with him the first time and knew most would gloss over it and take into another direction.

I'm glad he addressed the race issue. "Uncle Tom calling the kettle black!" LOL

 

[SmileyNY]

I loved it too. Well said. I agreed with him the first time and knew most would gloss over it and take into another direction.

I'm glad he addressed the race issue. "Uncle Tom calling the kettle black!" LOL

Agreed. Good response.


Sent from my iPhone using LHCF

 

[naturalagain2]

Can't wait to read the responses......

 

[curlyninjagirl]

OH man! I don't even know where to begin with this dude's response!*

Okay, what "bothered" me the most was that he doesn't seem to understand how race and AFRO-textured hair correlate....ummmmm....Please tell me you're only feigning ignorance for the sake of the joke.

*resisting the urge not to have a militant flare-up. Must be all those "Tyler Perry movies"....

 

[LunadeMiel]

When I look at his picture (observe his features and hair type), his response is even more funny (in a sad type of way). A dark skinned black man with 4b type hair who prefers lightskin women with Asian hair

I hate it when people confuse hair type with hairstyle. The way your hair grows out of your head is not a style

 

[MsLizziA]

If one cannot (or chooses not to) see/understand the parallel between a hair texture preference and a skin color preference as it pertains to race, well, then...

I also don't understand how a skin color preference runs deeper, they are both in the same vein: Not liking features that are endemic to black people and preferring features that are not endemic to black people.

I'm sure if the dark skinned folks in the thread heard their bf's say that they preferred light skinned women, all hell would break loose. I'm just trying to understand how a man saying (to a black woman) that straight hair is better than kinky (read:black folks' hair) is any different.

But, as i always say, whitey has done a phenomenal job.

jennboo .. iCried

 

[Poranges]

Bahahahahaha! OMG I loved his response.

"tossing weaves and wigs upon kindled fire while waiting for the individual to be burned at stake!"





Thank your man for the day's laugh.

 

[Poranges]

When I look at his picture (observe his features and hair type), his response is even more funny (in a sad type of way). A dark skinned black man with 4b type hair who prefers lightskin women with Asian hair

I hate it when people confuse hair type with hairstyle. The way your hair grows out of your head is not a style

Wait, where did he say he preferred fair complexioned women again? erplexed

 

[MsLizziA]

I'm not bashing you so sorry if it comes off wrong. I just hate the statement.

But OH EM GEE I am SOOO tired of hearing this dang statement. :hardslap: JUST cause it's natural it's supposed to be beautiful?! Naw son. That statement just sounds nice to say.

WELL don't like uncircumcised penises. Little boys are born like that NATURALLY, but the thing looks like an anteater that's hiding and ish. (And NO it is NOT different. Go look it up. There is really no need to be circumsiced. I think we do it in America for "hygeine" and "look factors" to be honest. You don't see lil English willy wonkers walking around all cut and ish. In fact more than half of the world's men are uncircumcised. That says a lot. )

But I digress. I don't like lil anteater penises. Oh the hell well. I don't have to walk with it between my legs, and it's definitely not a dealbreaker if I get in a relationship with a person with one. I just don't like it....I don't have to like EVERYTHING on your body just because it's natural.

*steps off of soapbox*

TIME OF DEATH = 11:31 A.M

 

[MsLizziA]

Wow...I think he completely missed the point. And the way he automatically reached and asked the question that to love natural hair you need to dislike straight or relaxed hair...this is what annoys me to no end. It's like, if you love natural hair and are not naive enough to "get" the association between natural hair, race, and self hatred in the black community, you have to hate straight hair? And the Angela Davis antics? I was fine with the first interview because I mean he told the truth and you did ask him, but he probably should have just quit while he was ahead (or behind, depending on your answer).

EllePixie I didn't get any of this out of that to be honest Elle