He lied about his age.

[vivEz daNs lamouR]

For some who may not know, I recently took on trying online dating. Met quite a few nice guys but one guy in particular who I really hit it off with. He messaged me initially and things just flowed so well from there on.. Three REALLY great dates, phone calls and texts daily, the whole nine.

He's 30 years old, never married, no kids, a Case Manager/Intake RN at a rehab facility, has a house, car, etc.... Really well established.

Well, yesterday, I went by his apartment because he was leaving for Delaware for the weekend to see his parents but he wanted to catch up for a bit before driving out. He jumps in the shower and I'm just hanging out listening to music, when my eyes suddenly fall on his wallet.

Now, initially, the fact that it was a Gucci wallet was what caught my eye, but I looked inside. Very basic wallet, a couple cards, not much cash, his IDs, etc... So I looked at his driver's license.

This man is 40 years old.

Fast forward to him jumping out the shower, and from that point I was going to leave but he asked me to stay until he and his cousin head out. So while I'm there, I bring up various age related convos.. At one point, I ask how old his cousin is, and he says he's in his 30s. I mention then that this must be his older cousin, because if you're 30, and he's in his 30s.. I'm assuming he's older.

No bite.

Then I mention that he's done a lot in the 30 years he's been on Earth.

No bite.

I left there with him never ONCE correcting the fact that he's actually 40 years old.

What's worse, is now that I think back to it.. When we first met, I got into his car and he had an ID hanging on the rear view mirror of his car. I looked at it quickly and remember him going "Whooaaa hey, don't look at that." I didn't think anything of it, figured maybe it was just a bad picture.

In hindsight, it probably had his birthday on it.

I'm so livid, and yes a lot of it has to do with the fact that I did actually like this guy. It's not the fact that he's 40, it's the fact that he lied about it. If you can lie about something simple like this, then what else could you POSSIBLY be lying about??

I haven't spoke to him yet, because I know he's going to flip it and make the conversation about me going through his things, or he'll say some BS like "If I told you my real age, you might not have given me a chance."

 

[tarheelgurl]

Well, I guess that could be a deal breaker....but women lie about their age all the time. I know I did when I used to go to clubs. LOL! Then again what else could he be lying about?

 

[lesedi]

Is he a good guy though?
Do you mind if he is 40? I say talk to him about it. I know if I would ever try online dating I am most likely to say I have an hourglass figure when the reality is that i'm all peared-out.

 

[FearlessNik]

When I first met my male BFF he told me he was 26. In fact he was 37! He actually looked and acted the age. But I wouldn't date anyone who lied about age. As long as you are 21 and older I really see no reason to lie about it.

 

[cheryl26]

I definitely feel where you're coming from. He has already made himself seem untrustworthy but it might not be as bad as it seems. I found out my spouse was older than his stated age after we got married, even had a different birthday. That was his only fib but 10 years seems a bit much though I noticed almost all online guys lie about their age. It's so much easier to disregard the older ones when looking online so I might understand if he used that excuse.

Sent from my Samsung Charge

 

[DirtyJerzeyGirly]

When I first met my male BFF he told me he was 26. In fact he was 37! He actually looked and acted the age. But I wouldn't date anyone who lied about age. As long as you are 21 and older I really see no reason to lie about it.

WOW!!! See, why would your male best friend forever lie about his age though, lol.

I don't think I can date someone who lied about their age. Wonder what else he's lying about?

I remember reading that when it comes to online dating men lie about their age and women lie about their weight.

 

[Kneechay]

Girl, a couple years ago I had a guy lie to me about his age. I jumped ship quick. I was so upset when I found out because it was such an unnecessary lie. After i found out, I thought back on all the things that didn't make sense and realized the person was very manipulative.

The fact he could so casually lie about something that would eventually be discovered, it makes you feel he could casually lie about other things, whether small or large. I think you should have a conversation with him. You don't have to tell him you looked through his wallet, just say that you know. He has no reason to be upset with you anyway, HE's the one in the wrong. The longer you go without saying something, the more resentful you'll become towards him and you'll always have trust issues.

Ugh, I saw this thread and I just set me off because I experienced this same thing!

 

[VelvetRain]

Hmm folks still lying about age in the dating process? Who does that? That's one of the easier things to confirm. You definitely need to talk to him about it. A man serious about being in a relationship will not start things based off a lie. You lie to me about
little things and then you will have no problems lying about bigger things. Gotta question what else he is lying about.

 

[vivEz daNs lamouR]

Is he a good guy though?
Do you mind if he is 40?

That's the thing, he's a great guy. Really a gentleman and so different from most of the scuntbuckets I'm used to seeing. I wouldn't have minded him being 40 years old, I'm 25 and the person I was involved with before him was 37.

When I first met my male BFF he told me he was 26. In fact he was 37! He actually looked and acted the age. But I wouldn't date anyone who lied about age. As long as you are 21 and older I really see no reason to lie about it.

My point exactly. If I turned around tomorrow and said that I wasn't 25, that I was in fact 18, he'd be shyting bricks. I just don't understand the point of lying about your age.

The fact he could so casually lie about something that would eventually be discovered, it makes you feel he could casually lie about other things, whether small or large. I think you should have a conversation with him. You don't have to tell him you looked through his wallet, just say that you know. He has no reason to be upset with you anyway, HE's the one in the wrong. The longer you go without saying something, the more resentful you'll become towards him and you'll always have trust issues.

Exactly. I don't want to believe that, but my subconscious is now like, well what else could he have been lying about?

And what's got me upset over this whole thing is that for awhile I judged myself and became very critical of myself while seeing him. When I thought he was 30, I looked at all of the accomplishments he's made and the things he has and I don't have that at this current point in time. I have a degree, and a steady good job, and a car, but I'm nowhere near where I was hoping to be in life at this age. I kept wondering if I could really keep up with him with regards to us being in completely different socio-economic lanes.

Well, looking at it now, he's 40, and so he should have all of the things he has. But I just hate that I beat myself up.

 

[FemmeCreole]

Who lies about something so simple? That's so juvenile.

You should not have gone through his stuff though. Not cool

 

[vivEz daNs lamouR]

You should not have gone through his stuff though. Not cool

Yes, I know this. Call it women's intuition or whatever, but therein lies my dilemma because I'd have to admit that I went through his things.

 

[Guitarhero]

You peeked into his wallet? His private property? Anyhoo, you found out he's a liar....choose another...it ain't worth it.

 

[FemmeCreole]

Yes, I know this. Call it women's intuition or whatever, but therein lies my dilemma because I'd have to admit that I went through his things.

Yup.. I understand where you're coming from though

 

[deltadreamland]

Well call it even steven at this point and decide how you wish to proceed with him, if at all. But once he finds out you went through his wallet, if he does find out, he may not want to go forward with you either.
He lied about his age (which is only a number) and you went through his things without his permission. I say wipe the slate clean or either let a good well put together man that knows how to treat you go, just because he's 15 years older than you. I would actually be more upset about someone going through my personal things than finding out that you are older than you stated.

 

[LaidBak]

When you look for something, you will find it.
Get. Out. Now.
If he can lie to your face about his age, he can lie about anything. He will lie again. If you show that you tolerate it, that sets the tone of your relationship. Been there, done that. Just get out now.

 

[VelvetRain]

Good luck op. It would be a wrap for him if it was me. When is lying ever acceptable? Surprised at folks saying it's cool to overlook that. Are women that desperate for a man they are willing to let that stuff slide?

 

[DirtyJerzeyGirly]

You're 25 and he's 40?

Wow. Now that's a gap.

 

[VelvetRain]

Typical though. 40 year old men aren't checking for 40 year old women. They want the pretty young things lol.

 

[mscocoface]

You both have started with something to conceal. Not very good for building a foundation for a sustainable relationship.

Either come clean with your error and have him come clean or tell him what you know to see if this is fixable or decide you two are not right for each other.

 

[UrbainChic]

Typical though. 40 year old men aren't checking for 40 year old women. They want the pretty young things lol.

Which is probably why he lied. I dont trust it, i'd be gone,but its your decision OP.

 

[NOEChic]

I had a dude lie to me about his age and he told me that he used to live in VA with his brother, but he didn't get along with the wife so he came back. Only to find out that he actually did 9 years fed time for drugs and lived in a halfway house for 2. He lied about his age so he wouldn't have to tell me about his time. I was 22 and he told me he was 27, he really was 32. Then right after that I had a guy tell me he was 32 and had a 7 year old. He told me he was 32 bc I told him that was the oldest dude I messed with. He was actually 34 and his son was 14 AND he had a live in girlfriend. I was 22.

I jumped ship on both of them.

 

[PatTodd]

You both are starting out this situation on the wrong foot IMO. This will never be right. Just move on.

 

[deltadreamland]

Good luck op. It would be a wrap for him if it was me. When is lying ever acceptable? Surprised at folks saying it's cool to overlook that. Are women that desperate for a man they are willing to let that stuff slide?

No, I don't think most women are that desperate just to have a man, BUT he's not the only one that did something wrong in this situation. That's the reason a few of us said that she should come clean and decide how to proceed. No one said to overlook it in the least. erplexed But they should both be prepared for the possible repercussions if she decides to be honest with him.

 

[Lucie]

Why should he lie about his age? When starting a new relationship I like to get as much out in the open as I can. As a FORTY year old man he has already proven his lack of maturity. Even if he was FIFTY, why lie? Now what if you had lied to him? Would he have the same trust and respect for you? I can only give you my opinion but I'd drop him like a hot potato.

In the future hon, please do not go through anyone's personal items. I know it helped you but IMHO that is a violation of privacy. Now that I think of it, I had an ex that was adopted from Canada. I think the agency was shady and made him older than he really was to get him into this country with minimal issues. He had to go through life with 2 birthdays. One real birthday year (for his family) and one fake birthday year (for schools and friends). His adopted mother wanted him so badly she went along with the nonsense. However, when we got serious he told me the whole deal. It was a difference of about 3 years from his real age and the age on his legal documents. Now, if I had gone through his stuff I'd think he was a liar. I know I gave you the advice to drop the man like a hot potato but just keep in mind things are not always what they seem.

Good luck to you hon.

 

[UmSumayyah]

I met a guy online who refused to disclose his age. I just KIM.

 

[NOEChic]

I card men now. If you can't show me your id card dont step to me.

 

[deltadreamland]

And I agree, why lie about age? I'm sure there are plenty of 25 year old women that would want a 40+ year old man. Beckys do it all. the. time and end up marrying these older men too. He should have just KIM until a woman that is down with dating an older man came along.

 

[vivEz daNs lamouR]

Thanks for the responses ladies.

Just for the record, I definitely do not think that what I did was right. I've never gone through someone's personal things because I'd HATE if someone did that to me.

But, I also have to think that everything happens for a reason and me finding out the truth was it. Like I said, we had had many conversations prior that were geared around age and life and accomplishments, and he never once corrected me, ever.

Also, 40 and 25 is a major age gap, and I'm sure he knew that if I knew his real age I would've had some reservations about it. Like I said, the man I was with prior to this guy is 37, but we knew each other for a long time and things progressed into dating. (He was also the first 'older' man I had dated.)

This, on the other hand, is lying about your age from jumpstreet, when we should be honestly getting to know each other.

So, I will likely KIM.

 

[runwaydream]

i know everyone's saying how you shouldnt have went through his stuff and and i admit that it may have been a bit of a violation, but sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do. a lying man isn't going to disclose certain things. and its up to you to protect yourself before it goes any further. i'm sure he probably would've come clean weeks or months down the line, where you liked him so much you couldnt see yourself letting him go for something as simple as age. but my thing is, you should know all this up front so you can make your decision. the fact is, he had no problem lying to your face, he gave no indication that it bothered him in the least. i'd be very wary of someone who can so easily look me in the face and lie like that. it's up to you, but i think you should let it go.

 

[hopeful]

I thought it was height that men lied about. I think the bigger problem is that it is not just one lie, it's a lie that keeps on giving because then you have to just keep lying and lying...about when you graduated from high school, from college, when you started your first job, etc. At least with height it's just one lie. How long does he think he can keep this up? If you're around his family won't they slip up or will they be in on the lie? I personally would not tell him I looked through his wallet because he will turn that on you. And really I think 15 years is too big a difference especially for someone as young as you.