He lied about his age.

[Seeking8Rights]

If OP feels that she can't move past this, then she shouldn't. But if she thinks there still room for a relationship of some substance there, then why shouldn't she go for it? Everyone has lied at some point. This doesn't mean that he is a serial killer.

She doesn't even know THAT. If he was, she couldn't count on him to be honest now could she?

I mean it's simple people. Why give a pass to someone who hasn't proven themselves trustworthy? Then later on when she starts another thread taking about "what do I do now?" then what?

 

[VelvetRain]

So he has a house and an apartment?

I know right? Gives serious side eye. I thought I was the only one that picked up on that one. I smell a rat.

25 is too young to deal with someone's bs. Save that crap for your mid 30's.

 

[Seeking8Rights]

I think people are misinterpreting what some of us have said. No-one is saying that he isn't wrong for lying. No-one is saying that she shouldn't confront him about it, or that she should look past the issue. What we are saying is that, if she feels that there is a relationship worth salvaging despite the lie, then she should do what she needs to do. We all make mistakes, every single one of us has lied to a partner at some point.

If she had the slightest idea, then she wouldn't be on here asking for advise. Right?

Lying is not a mistake, that is intentional. So, let's not act like this 40 year old man made a mistake and forgot to tell her his real age. Let's not coddle a grown man and his actions. There is no excuse for lying to someone about your age. Really? He needed to get with her that bad to where he needed to lie about something so small? They have been on THREE dates and he has yet to say something? Mistake huh?

I see your point, but I don't agree. We both have a difference of opinions and I'm sure the OP came on the forum to hear the various opinions on the matter.

 

[VelvetRain]

What relationship? Sounds more like game playing to me. You can bet he's lied about other stuff as well. These men know darn well how to spit some game and women eat it up all the time then complain he did me wrong. Well what did you really expect when you choose to ignore the obvious signs?

 

[cheryl26]

Sooooo, he couldn't tell you that before the wedding?

No I guess he thought I might dump him at the time as I was 18. Now I may have been lucky bc he hasnt lied about anything since and weve been married nine years. At my age now Id have a hard time trusting him but would overlook it if he had other redeeming qualities

Sent from my Samsung Charge

 

[Seeking8Rights]

What relationship? Sounds more like game playing to me. You can bet he's lied about other stuff as well. These men know darn well how to spit some game and women eat it up all the time then complain he did me wrong. Well what did you really expect when you choose to ignore the obvious signs?

And if she gotta google to find the truth then shame, shame, shame.

OP this is not a pink flag, this is a RED one.

And trust me 40 years old.... she is 25..... That man knows what he is doing.

 

[NOEChic]

No I guess he thought I might dump him at the time as I was 18. Now I may have been lucky bc he hasnt lied about anything since and weve been married nine years. At my age now Id have a hard time trusting him but would overlook it if he had other redeeming qualities

Sent from my Samsung Charge

that is the beauty about lying, you don't know you been lied to until you catch them. I NEVER thought my ex-husband would/did cheat on me until my friend came told me after the divorce, that she slept with him while we were married

but if you like it i love it. good luck and God speed

 

[Keen]

ok? girl, I had to read it a few times too because in what world? I would be LIVID!!!!!!!!!!!


And, I agree with Hopeful, I don't see this as a small, single lie. This is bad, imo. Why are you trying to be something other than what you actually are? I don't like it and I would never trust him and a TEN YEAR age lie means he has to tell some DOOSIES to remain consistent....like the year he graduated, what age his high school reunion is when he goes (it's my 10 year reunion when it's really his 20 year...). He has to lie about everything. You can't marry a man like that. It's lying about something really small and simple that will force you to become a repeated liar over and over again for the duration of the relationship.

There is no way. I would instantly lose respect for him.

He is an immigrant. They made an error on his passport so every document ( license visa etc) shows that date. He didnt inform me un til we married so instead of eight he is ten years my senior. I didnt think too much about it.
Now the op's guy went out of his way to lie so idk about him. If he's nice and respectable I'd just be cautious.

Sent from my Samsung Charge

I am sorry to get off topic...I read this a couple times... but are you saying that you did not know your husbands birthday and actual age until after you were already married?

I think this may be a special circumstances. There are cases where immigrants lie about their age to get into the US. When that is done when you are young, your new life is all about the documentation. So it is not a big deal to the person that they claim a different birthday (Also birthday is not as important in some cultures so it could really have been no big deal). To some people it's just a date. Now if you lie about your age to mislead women, that's different.

In my case, when my Dad filed for papers for me to come to the US, who ever wrote the application at the embassy misspelled my name. By the time my mom realized that, it was easier to get my birth certificate to be changed to show the visa application spelling then to get the embassy to refile the papers. This happened in my pre-teens. As far as I know my name is spelled the new way. I don't feel like I'm lying if I fail to tell people "oh by the way, my name was spell this way when I was born". Legally that's my name and that's all there is to it.

 

[TamedTresses]

that is the beauty about lying, you don't know you been lied to until you catch them. I NEVER thought my ex-husband would/did cheat on me until my friend came told me after the divorce, that she slept with him while we were married

but if you like it i love it. good luck and God speed

She doesn't sound like a friend to me. Do you still talk to her?

 

[tocktick]

Maybe he feels like age shouldn't matter.

Sent from my T-Mobile G2

Then why lie?

Even looking at it from the angle that he may have thought OP would have rejected him based on age, he could have taken that risk and got in touch with OP anyway. She may have given him a shot regardless and this age thing would then really be a non-issue. Or he could have sucked it up that he, like 99.99% of people out there, has something that potentially disqualifies them as a match for other people. We don't all get to lie about some "undesirable" we have in order to hook someone we like.

 

[NOEChic]

She doesn't sound like a friend to me. Do you still talk to her?

after she told me yes. now, no because i moved out of the country and she doesn't have fb...but we have hashed and rehashed this topic on this site more than once and don't feel like discussing it again. I just used it to bring up the lying aspect.

 

[vivEz daNs lamouR]

Is this immigrant thing really true?

I ask because he's an immigrant. The date was on his green card as well as his license.

Does that mean I'd now have to ask if he lied purposely or if he's telling the truth and his papers are what's wrong?

Smh. This is more trouble than it's worth.

 

[Seeking8Rights]

that is the beauty about lying, you don't know you been lied to until you catch them. I NEVER thought my ex-husband would/did cheat on me until my friend came told me after the divorce, that she slept with him while we were married

but if you like it i love it. good luck and God speed

Girl shut up!

 

[TamedTresses]

after she told me yes. now, no because i moved out of the country and she doesn't have fb...but we have hashed and rehashed this topic on this site more than once and don't feel like discussing it again. I just used it to bring up the lying aspect.

I understand.

 

[NOEChic]

Is this immigrant thing really true?

I ask because he's an immigrant. The date was on his green card as well as his license.

Does that mean I'd now have to ask if he lied purposely or if he's telling the truth and his papers are what's wrong?

Smh. This is more trouble than it's worth.

Yes it is more trouble. Even if his papers are/were wrong, then he should have been honest from jump.

Him: vivez how are you? my name is lying *** man
you: hey LAM, im fine how are you?
him: im good, how old are you
you: im 25 and you
him: im really 40, but my immigration papers say, im 30. When I was going through the process, i didn't know they had the information wrong, and it is too much to change it
you: oh ok, good to know

 

[Keen]

Is this immigrant thing really true?

I ask because he's an immigrant. The date was on his green card as well as his license.

Does that mean I'd now have to ask if he lied purposely or if he's telling the truth and his papers are what's wrong?

Smh. This is more trouble than it's worth.

I'm Haitian and it does happen within our culture. Not so much anymore because the US government now use DNA to determine paternity/maternity. But before, folks would just try to bring their brothers/cousin as their son or father. It's much easier to get relatives in the US. Also it is easier to bring Children under 18 in the US. So sometimes parents do try to pass their older kids as under 18 so they could get them into the US easier.

 

[NOEChic]

Girl shut up!

for real lol. I left my ex bc he was abusive, but I NEVER thought he would cheat. NEVER! When she told me you could have blown me over with a feather.

 

[InsertCleverNameHere]

My sis was serious with a guy until she found out he had lied about his age (he's perpetually 29). Otherwise he was a good guy, wanted to get married, was a doctor so had a nice career, yadda, yadda, yadda.

My sister was like erm, hell no and dumped him despite all his good qualities. Welp, lo and behold this year, 5 years after she breaks it off with him, we find out he was also lying about his sexual orientation as he recently came out of the closet

 

[Seeking8Rights]

for real lol. I left my ex bc he was abusive, but I NEVER thought he would cheat. NEVER! When she told me you could have blown me over with a feather.

I bet and you said you are still friends with her? Well I really applaud you for continuing to be her friend. She better be sending you all kinds of care packages.

 

[lesedi]

She doesn't even know THAT. If he was, she couldn't count on him to be honest now could she?

I mean it's simple people. Why give a pass to someone who hasn't proven themselves trustworthy? Then later on when she starts another thread taking about "what do I do now?" then what?

As i'm getting older, I'm realising that men, like women, make mistakes. It doesn't mean that a man that told a lie is a cheater, misogynist etc... People sometimes change....and sometimes they don't But if you're gut tells you there is still hope, you are not less-than because you decided to explore that avenue. It might not always end rosily but nothing is guaranteed is it?

 

[NOEChic]

As i'm getting older, I'm realising that men, like women, make mistakes. It doesn't mean that a man that told a lie is a cheater, misogynist etc... People sometimes change....and sometimes they don't But if you're gut tells you there is still hope, you are not less-than because you decided to explore that avenue. It might not always end rosily but nothing is guaranteed is it?

Blatantly lying about your age is not a mistake, it is a conscious decision. The older I get, the more I realize that liars are not the business.

 

[NOEChic]

I bet and you said you are still friends with her? Well I really applaud you for continuing to be her friend. She better be sending you all kinds of care packages.

Lol

 

[lesedi]

Blatantly lying about your age is not a mistake, it is a conscious decision. The older I get, the more I realize that liars are not the business.

Absolutely. I'm not advocating for liars here. I have lied about my dress size to every man I have ever dated but I'm still good peoples
Dude was wrong, no doubt. There is still a decision to be made however.

 

[NOEChic]

Absolutely. I'm not advocating for liars here. I have lied about my dress size to every man I have ever dated but I'm still good peoples
Dude was wrong, no doubt. There is still a decision to be made however.

There is a MAJOR difference between telling someone your a size 8 knowing you are a size 10, than saying your 30 when you are really 40 but go on ahead and give liars (kands) a chance. That just means I don't have to deal with them lol.

 

[lesedi]

There is a MAJOR difference between telling someone your a size 8 knowing you are a size 10, than saying your 30 when you are really 40 but go on ahead and give liars (kands) a chance. That just means I don't have to deal with them lol.

NOEChic
This response is brought to you by a size 6 Lesedi:
Am not even really saying that OP should definitely reconcile with dude. Just saying she has options. I don't think everything is black and white.

 

[jenny87]

it wouldnt matter if he didnt lie about it

lol. I know that. I'm saying maybe he feels he can't have a real chance if he tells his true age. Take me, a guy I am currently talking to is 37. I am 23. If I did an online search for ppl to kick it with an age is an option, I would probably pick 30 or 35 tops. Either way this guy (that I'm talking to) would miss the cut off and I would miss out on a really good guy.

Sent from my T-Mobile G2

 

[InsertCleverNameHere]

I also want to add that if a guy lies about his age, he is attempting to take away your choice. People have the right to date who they want to date and if they want to date only a certain age range, they can and should. Waiting until someone has already fallen for you to spring whatever characteristics that you think the other person may not like is not only deceptive, but manipulative.

 

[LovelyNaps26]

OP, inserting his name, Google:

"Find First Name, Last Name, City, State"

I did this for my bf who i met online and his name, age and family members (including spouses) will show up on various websites (i.e. Intellius, publicrecords.com, etc.). You can pay for other info such as marriage records/criminal records like i did.

You can say truthfully "You know I Googled you for fun and a couple sites list your age as 40. Isn't that funny? (insert playful laugh)."

If he lies (oh it must be b/c i'm an immigrant, blah, blah, blah) very calmly hand him an envelope containing the print out of the sites and bounce. I'm a fan of classy, yet shrewd exits but do what you will.

You obviously don't need confirmation for yourself but it might be interesting to watch him sweat before you officially put up the deuces.

ETA: my bf is an immigrant too so no matter how beautifully crafted, any excuse that the sites are wrong revolving around that issue is A LIE!!!

 

[lushcoils]

I also want to add that if a guy lies about his age, he is attempting to take away your choice. People have the right to date who they want to date and if they want to date only a certain age range, they can and should. Waiting until someone has already fallen for you to spring whatever characteristics that you think the other person may not like is not only deceptive, but manipulative.

Right, it's not fair that you try to trick me into liking you when I don't want to date someone older than 5-10 years older than me just so I can give you a chance. Already trying to manipulate me from the start, not a good sign. So what if she's going to miss out on this so called "good guy?" There's plenty of good guys in the age range she wants to date. And to be honest, many of these older men need to be open to dating older women, but that's another topic.

 

[WhipEffectz1]

Absolutely. I'm not advocating for liars here. I have lied about my dress size to every man I have ever dated but I'm still good peoples

Right. My friend use to tell men she met on the chat line that she was light skinned with long hair. She forgot to tell them she was VERY overweight. Some left but some stayed and talked to her. It all goes according to how much that person means to you and whether or not your gut tells you to stay. Because if that's the case, a lot of us would be miserably single because some of us do a lot of false advertisements (lies) with makeup, fake hair, fake nails, spanx, fake boobs, fake butts, etc. lol