He hit her, but she deserved it, your thoughts?

[Connie]

I know women who are the type who WILL follow their man from room to room nagging and bickering.

If he gets in his cars and leaves, some women will get in another car and follow him, while blowing up his cell phone, his mothers phone and whoever elses trying to look for him to continue to curse him out.

And the ones that actually ask for it. "What! What you gonna do? You aint gonna hit me!....I dare you to hit me!....that's what I THOUGHT!...yo' **** *** aint gonna hit me!....etc, etc.

Men actually have restraining orders on women. STILL NOT advocating violence but the way some women act makes me wonder what are they looking for as the outcome??

And yes, words are very powerful. I have cut many a guys throat with my own verbal abuse and i'm lucky i didnt get smacked the hell out because of the things i've said...

See...this is what I'm talking about. I've seen it in the streets too many times where dude is being a man and trying to do the right thing and walk away and the woman doesn't let up. What if Sis starts shoving him? I've seen this ish go down. Sis keeps shoving and shoving and he keeps walking away. Is he not doing the right thing?? So really, who's fault is it if he hits her?

My vote is HERS, because dude was trying to be a man and she wanted a damn fight and got it.

The responsibility lies on BOTH the man and the woman, IMHO. I've never agreed that the responsibility should lie solely with the man and I never will.

I can't be sympathetic to the Sis who stays in a relationship because she gets off on pushing her man's buttons, cussing him out and berating him on the daily, and I don't feel bad for her when she goes too far and ends up with a broken lip. On the flipside, the man who stays in such a relationship and it lands his butt in jail doesn't get my sympathy either, even if it was the woman who pushed him to it.

If I'm with a guy and I can't get through a day without chewing him out and trying to go upside his head with something, hell, HE wouldn't have to walk the **** away. I'd do it.

And I'm not referring to the usual bickering over some trivial ish like getting on your SO for the umpteeth time about leaving the toilet seat up or making a comment about your fat MIL or tossing your SO a few curse words because he forgot to stop at the store and pick up the chicken you were going to fix for dinner that night. There's no reason to end up getting your teeth knocked over that stuff, I agree. I'm referring to the relationships where the occasional bickering has escalated to daily emotional and physical abuse that teeter dangerously close to a person being battered.

 

[drasgrl]

If she's fighting him with words, he needs to fight back with words. If he escalates the exchange into a physical one, he could be getting more than he bargains for (because not every woman takes getting hit lying down).

Yup. No one deserves to be hit for no reason and to me that is no reason. Now if she hit him first that's a different story and I would not be mad at him if he used reasonable force to defend himself from her.

 

[sky_blu]

I like what MD_Lady said. If she following him around, he can always just leave.

 

[LadyEuphoria007]

None of the examples you used IMO should result in a man striking a woman. My mom used to nag the hell out of me, should I hit her?
My husband whines like no other, should I punch him in the mouth?

I see it like this......the man is usually stronger than the woman therefore when it comes to the physical it's not a fair fight so a real man wouldn't even go there. Unless she's coming at him with karate or WMDs or something no argument would ever have me encouraging a man to assualt a woman.

ITA.

The men in my family DO NOT and HAVE NOT hit their women. Matter of fact if a man even tried to look like he wanted to hit somebody, a beat down was in order by all of the able bodied relatives. My husband/boyfriend is not my father and does not have the right to "slap" or "spank" me into submission

Ditto!

Walking away doesn't always shutup a nagging SO. Like another poster mentioned, many times the men who walk away get followed all over the house and sometimes out of the house and all over the city. Say what you want, but some women will intentionally push a man to the point of getting physical just to see him end up in jail just because he made her mad.

I feel that if a woman start pummeling her man with her fists after he repeatedly tells her to stop (and I've seen this ish happen a LOT), and he hits her once and she calls the police to have HIM arrested, the cops should put the handcuffs on her too or HE should press charges.

I'm in FL and usually both parties go to jail if the can't see physical signs like scratches busted lips... If they do see signs then the other person is hauled off. All a man has to do is call the police when HE gets hit. They'll take the chick to jail or remove her from the location.

IMO. Hitting on either side is never justified. A man CAN restrain a woman without hittin. (well, most men)

 

[MizAvalon]

The OP said nothing about the woman hitting the man. Just nagging him until he has enough and then hits her. Should have known that people would try to try to take it further to justify a man hurting a woman.

For those of you who think this is ok, is it only alright for certain types of relationships? Only marriages? How about boyfriend/girlfriend relationships? Only adults? If your 15 year old daughter nags her boyfriend, pushes his buttons(using the examples given in the original post) and he slaps her across the face, is that acceptable behavior?

 

[Ms. Plain Jane]

The OP said nothing about the woman hitting the man. Just nagging him until he has enough and then hits her. Should have known that people would try to try to take it further to justify a man hurting a woman.

For those of you who think this is ok, is it only alright for certain types of relationships? Only marriages? How about boyfriend/girlfriend relationships? Only adults? If your 15 year old daughter nags her boyfriend, pushes his buttons(using the examples given in the original post) and he slaps her across the face, is that acceptable behavior?

Right.

Know your worth ladies.

 

[justNikki]

Just so we're clear (as the OP and all)...I DO NOT CONDONE VIOLENCE AGAINST WOMEN. This topic is NOT about serial abusers. This topic is moreso about US..women and our responsibility in some things that pop off. Just reading through some of these reponses lets me know that women really don't understand men. Men don't fight with words, period, but you gamble everytime you try to berate a man with words and back him into a corner. We've have to learn what "too far" is and respect that line, that's all I'm saying.

Another poster mentioned it...following him around the house, down to his mama's house, popping up at the pool party cuttin' up, acting a fool on him.. Why don't women realize you can't keep at a man like that without risking getting hit?

There are lots of men who have hit a woman FOR THE FIRST TIME because she didn't know how to back the hell up.

And to clear up one more thing, I have NEVER been in an abusive relationship and I have NEVER been hit by a man. Why? Because I know how to respect boundaries. Yes, we can argue and go at it about some things, but all of that "...you're a lil *****" and "...you punk lil' d*ck mf", nah, I don't get down like that. Those are fighting words.

 

[treybaby2005]

I can see what the op is talking about.I don't condone hitting at all but there are some women who will try men to see if they will hit them and then cry about it later how abusive he is.Two wrongs don't make a right though.
I know personally,I once hit an ex and he hit me right back.Why did I think it was ok to hit a man and not expect them to hit back rather it was reflexes or not.
IDK it is never ok to just hit someone from somthing they said,however,you don't have to keep pushing someone's buttons just to see if they will do it.

 

[treybaby2005]

There are some women out there that just won't stfu.They go on and on and sometimes you want to punch them in face and you start looking at the man like you a weak man.I'm not saying that men need to keep their women in their place by hitting them but why would you even want to be with a man you can berate to the core and they just take it?It also can go both ways.
As someone else said I don't condone violence at all but some women just run with the fact they are women and they can just say anything and do anything and no repercussions occur because they are women.

 

[justNikki]

There are some women out there that just won't stfu.They go on and on and sometimes you want to punch them in face and you start looking at the man like you a weak man.I'm not saying that men need to keep their women in their place by hitting them but why would you even want to be with a man you can berate to the core and they just take it?It also can go both ways.
As someone else said I don't condone violence at all but some women just run with the fact they are women and they can just say anything and do anything and no repercussions occur because they are women.

And that's what I'm talking about.

 

[MizAvalon]

Just so we're clear (as the OP and all)...I DO NOT CONDONE VIOLENCE AGAINST WOMEN. This topic is NOT about serial abusers. This topic is moreso about US..women and our responsibility in some things that pop off. Just reading through some of these reponses lets me know that women really don't understand men. Men don't fight with words, period, but you gamble everytime you try to berate a man with words and back him into a corner. We've have to learn what "too far" is and respect that line, that's all I'm saying.

Another poster mentioned it...following him around the house, down to his mama's house, popping up at the pool party cuttin' up, acting a fool on him.. Why don't women realize you can't keep at a man like that without risking getting hit?

There are lots of men who have hit a woman FOR THE FIRST TIME because she didn't know how to back the hell up.

And to clear up one more thing, I have NEVER been in an abusive relationship and I have NEVER been hit by a man. Why? Because I know how to respect boundaries. Yes, we can argue and go at it about some things, but all of that "...you're a lil *****" and "...you punk lil' d*ck mf", nah, I don't get down like that. Those are fighting words.

Again, we are still talking about words. She just pushes and nags and nags and pushes, acts a fool, calls him some names, he can't take it anymore and hits her?

That is still unacceptable to me. If a man hit me under any circumstances other than self defense, I would RUIN HIS ENTIRE LIFE. 20 years later he would still be sorry about it. I don't hit you and you don't hit me. That is how adults are supposed to behave.

Is the reverse also true? If a man won't just "back the hell up" is it ok for the woman to hit him? I would also like an answer to my earlier question about the 15 year old daughter. I'm oddly fascinated by this discussion.

 

[treybaby2005]

Again, we are still talking about words. She just pushes and nags and nags and pushes, acts a fool, calls him some names, he can't take it anymore and hits her?

That is still unacceptable to me. If a man hit me under any circumstances other than self defense, I would RUIN HIS ENTIRE LIFE. 20 years later he would still be sorry about it. I don't hit you and you don't hit me. That is how adults are supposed to behave.

Is the reverse also true? If a man won't just "back the hell up" is it ok for the woman to hit him? I would also like an answer to my earlier question about the 15 year old daughter. I'm oddly fascinated by this discussion.

I see your point.Have you ever met a woman that you think to yourself,wow how could she say that out loud about her man?
My girlfriend is this way.Her husband has not out and hit her but darn,the things she says to him just makes me shake my head because I want to hit her.I mean she downright berates him.And she thinks it is cute to get him all riled up.Thats not right.It can go both ways sometimes.Two wrong don't make a right but I can understand the ops point.

 

[MizAvalon]

I see your point.Have you ever met a woman that you think to yourself,wow how could she say that out loud about her man?
My girlfriend is this way.Her husband has not out and hit her but darn,the things she says to him just makes me shake my head because I want to hit her.I mean she downright berates him.And she thinks it is cute to get him all riled up.Thats not right.It can go both ways sometimes.Two wrong don't make a right but I can understand the ops point.

Oh yes, I know those women. I'm related to a few.

My aunt is a prime example. She emasculates and belittles her husband at every turn in front of the entire family. How he hasn't either left her or wanted to knock her lights out is beyond me. I can see the OP's point about pushing a man to the limit where he just wants to knock a woman somewhere because she just wouldn't let up. But to actually do it?

What happens next time? He just hits her again? Nothing positive comes out of any of it. The couple needs to get to the root of their real problem.

Did you all see "Why Did I Get Married?" That Tasha Smith character is I think, a good example of the kind of woman that is being discussed here.

 

[Ms. Plain Jane]

Just so we're clear (as the OP and all)...I DO NOT CONDONE VIOLENCE AGAINST WOMEN. This topic is NOT about serial abusers. This topic is moreso about US..women and our responsibility in some things that pop off. Just reading through some of these reponses lets me know that women really don't understand men. Men don't fight with words, period, but you gamble everytime you try to berate a man with words and back him into a corner. We've have to learn what "too far" is and respect that line, that's all I'm saying.

Another poster mentioned it...following him around the house, down to his mama's house, popping up at the pool party cuttin' up, acting a fool on him.. Why don't women realize you can't keep at a man like that without risking getting hit?

There are lots of men who have hit a woman FOR THE FIRST TIME because she didn't know how to back the hell up.

And to clear up one more thing, I have NEVER been in an abusive relationship and I have NEVER been hit by a man. Why? Because I know how to respect boundaries. Yes, we can argue and go at it about some things, but all of that "...you're a lil *****" and "...you punk lil' d*ck mf", nah, I don't get down like that. Those are fighting words.

Wow. Do you have daughters? Sons? erplexed

 

[MizzBrown]

Oh yes, I know those women. I'm related to a few.

My aunt is a prime example. She emasculates and belittles her husband at every turn in front of the entire family. How he hasn't either left her or wanted to knock her lights out is beyond me. I can see the OP's point about pushing a man to the limit where he just wants to knock a woman somewhere because she just wouldn't let up. But to actually do it?

What happens next time? He just hits her again? Nothing positive comes out of any of it. The couple needs to get to the root of their real problem.

Did you all see "Why Did I Get Married?" That Tasha Smith character is I think, a good example of the kind of woman that is being discussed here.

WHAT! Finally someone sees what i'm talking about. You and TREYBABY & JUSTNIKKI.

I got a little of Tasha Smith's character in me...I get it from my momma. I used to think my dad was a little passive as well when i would see how she went off at the mouth. One day he snapped. Didnt smack her but she sure shut the *** up.

A lot of you ladies are just saying that all the men have to do is leave or just walk away.

Yall must've never been scorned or something. There are women who exist that will NOT back down and want SOMETHING to happen.

Leave? He cant leave if she tries to follow him and meets him at his job, momma's house, his boy's house, blows up his phone, throws his clothes on the front lawn to make a point. THOSE KINDS OF WOMEN make me wonder what they are looking for and why they would seem so shocked when the man smacks the hell out of them.

And frankly the man shouldnt have to leave. He needs to put his foot down because she will see him as being weak and taunt him even more. That's how i saw my Daddy until he finally snapped. Then i realized he strong as hell and Daddy dont play!

My old boyfriend once gave me a swift talking to and i sure shut the hell up. He put me in my place real quick and i realized i was going off on a tangent....had he just left, i wouldve followed him and still talked mess and blow up his phone, SOMETHING for a reaction.

 

[MizAvalon]

^^^Well, things would never get that far with me. First, I don't emasculate men, it simply isn't in my character. Second, if I were that type of woman I could never be with a man that actually LET me treat him like that!

Men like that are punk losers and I don't even want them breathing the same air as me, much less sitting at the head of my table.

Tasha Smith's husband in the movie? I would have been left that fool after the first argument. How can you lead our household if you have no backbone? Man up!

 

[Ms. Plain Jane]

WHAT! Finally someone sees what i'm talking about. You and TREYBABY & JUSTNIKKI.

I got a little of Tasha Smith's character in me...I get it from my momma. I used to think my dad was a little passive as well when i would see how she went off at the mouth. One day he snapped. Didnt smack her but she sure shut the *** up.

A lot of you ladies are just saying that all the men have to do is leave or just walk away.

Yall must've never been scorned or something. There are women who exist that will NOT back down and want SOMETHING to happen.

Leave? He cant leave if she tries to follow him and meets him at his job, momma's house, his boy's house, blows up his phone, throws his clothes on the front lawn to make a point. THOSE KINDS OF WOMEN make me wonder what they are looking for and why they would seem so shocked when the man smacks the hell out of them.

And frankly the man shouldnt have to leave. He needs to put his foot down because she will see him as being weak and taunt him even more. That's how i saw my Daddy until he finally snapped. Then i realized he strong as hell and Daddy dont play!

My old boyfriend once gave me a swift talking to and i sure shut the hell up. He put me in my place real quick and i realized i was going off on a tangent....had he just left, i wouldve followed him and still talked mess and blow up his phone, SOMETHING for a reaction.

It's called getting a) a restraining order or b) a female relative to whip her ass. Any man that puts his hand on a woman because he cannot take her mouth is a straight up punk.

 

[MizzBrown]

What black man you know is gonna actually go get a restraining order? LOLOL Talk about emasculating.

Leave his own house that he pays mortgage on?

Leave his wife in the house MAD AS HELL still naggin' and carrying on with the kids in there too?

My man better do something. He can shake the hell out of me like Chris Rock said and he better rectify the situation.

He can't hit me but he better not leave like a p*ssy or go sleep in the guest room or stay at his momma's house til i cool down. Nah, rectify your household.

 

[NYAmicas]

Why don't women realize you can't keep at a man like that without risking getting hit?

I definetly dont want to be with any man who cant take my ranting without resorting to punching me in the mouth. erplexedMost people have sustained some sort of verbal abuse and it's never encouraged to check that with violence. If everyone was allowed to attack folks who have talked to them mean, we'd all be in crutches.
Said "man" needs to realize he got himself a ride to jail.because he crossed the line and actually broke the law.

 

[Ms. Plain Jane]

What black man you know is gonna actually go get a restraining order? LOLOL Talk about emasculating.

Leave his own house that he pays mortgage on?

Leave his wife in the house MAD AS HELL still naggin' and carrying on with the kids in there too?

My man better do something. He can shake the hell out of me like Chris Rock said and he better rectify the situation.

He can't hit me but he better not leave like a p*ssy or go sleep in the guest room or stay at his momma's house til i cool down. Nah, rectify your household.

That comment wasn't in reference to a married couple. However, 1) if a woman talks to her So/DH like that on a regular and 2) the So/DH allows it, then they both have bigger problems than slapping the sh*t out of her won't address.

ETA: If a man putting his hands on a woman does not emasculate him, then nothing does.

 

[mshoney2u]

WHAT! Finally someone sees what i'm talking about. You and TREYBABY & JUSTNIKKI.

I got a little of Tasha Smith's character in me...I get it from my momma. I used to think my dad was a little passive as well when i would see how she went off at the mouth. One day he snapped. Didnt smack her but she sure shut the *** up.

A lot of you ladies are just saying that all the men have to do is leave or just walk away.

Yall must've never been scorned or something. There are women who exist that will NOT back down and want SOMETHING to happen.

Leave? He cant leave if she tries to follow him and meets him at his job, momma's house, his boy's house, blows up his phone, throws his clothes on the front lawn to make a point. THOSE KINDS OF WOMEN make me wonder what they are looking for and why they would seem so shocked when the man smacks the hell out of them.

And frankly the man shouldnt have to leave. He needs to put his foot down because she will see him as being weak and taunt him even more. That's how i saw my Daddy until he finally snapped. Then i realized he strong as hell and Daddy dont play!

My old boyfriend once gave me a swift talking to and i sure shut the hell up. He put me in my place real quick and i realized i was going off on a tangent....had he just left, i wouldve followed him and still talked mess and blow up his phone, SOMETHING for a reaction.

But you just proved the point MizzBrown. You or your momma didnt get hit. Yall straight got put in your place. Why cant these fake men in question do that. I sorry but you cant tell me that the so call Tasha Smith woman just all of a sudden became like this. It was a progression that lead up to the behavior and cant nobody tell me different. So in essence it is the man than fault for not playing his role and being a man and not putting his foot down when it started.

 

[Ms. Plain Jane]

So if one believes that it is okay for a man to hit a woman, is it okay for a man to be unfaithful to her? I mean, a real man needs/has more than one woman.

 

[treybaby2005]

I definetly dont want to be with any man who cant take my ranting without resorting to punching me in the mouth. erplexedMost people have sustained some sort of verbal abuse and it's never encouraged to check that with violence. If everyone was allowed to attack folks who have talked to them mean, we'd all be in crutches.
Said "man" needs to realize he got himself a ride to jail.because he crossed the line and actually broke the law.

I think the point she is trying to say that some women need not do all that unnessesary talking getting in face etc. JUST to see how far a man will go.

 

[MizzBrown]

But you just proved the point MizzBrown. You or your momma didnt get hit. Yall straight got put in your place. Why cant these fake men in question do that. I sorry but you cant tell me that the so call Tasha Smith woman just all of a sudden became like this. It was a progression that lead up to the treatment and cant nobody tell me different. So in essence it is the man than fault for not playing his role and being a man and not putting his foot down when it started.

Its also the woman's fault for thinking she can say and do whatever the hell she feels with no consequences of being smacked upside the head.

A woman cannot continue to bicker, nag, emasculate, taunt, tease, harrass any man just LOOKING for him to put his foot down or expecting some grand reaction.

Beware of the grand reaction. Being smacked upside the head is just ONE of several outcomes that can happen if you continue going off at the mouth.

 

[MizzBrown]

So if one believes that it is okay for a man to hit a woman, is it okay for a man to be unfaithful to her? I mean, a real man needs/has more than one woman.

We going off on a tangent MPJ! Nah! This is just about men hitting women and whether or not she deserved it. Peoples opinions.

Unfaithfulness is a whole 'notha thread we can cover at a later date. LOL

 

[Ms. Plain Jane]

We going off on a tangent MPJ! Nah! This is just about men hitting women and whether or not she deserved it. Peoples opinions.

Unfaithfulness is a whole 'notha thread we can cover at a later date. LOL

It's not a tangent. A man is a man and should do man things. Man things include cheating, hitting, spitting, and scratching. Any thing this else would be bishassness. How else will he assert his manhood?

 

[treybaby2005]

But you just proved the point MizzBrown. You or your momma didnt get hit. Yall straight got put in your place. Why cant these fake men in question do that. I sorry but you cant tell me that the so call Tasha Smith woman just all of a sudden became like this. It was a progression that lead up to the behavior and cant nobody tell me different. So in essence it is the man than fault for not playing his role and being a man and not putting his foot down when it started.

They can do that.There are alot of women like Tasha Smith out there.That ish ain't cute.That's why some of us black women get those labels and wonder why they are single or why black men don't want to deal with us.I am not saying its ok to hit anyone but I really do think some women think they can say and do anything and not have any repercussions for their actions because they are women.

 

[Maynard]

......................

 

[treybaby2005]

It's not a tangent. A man is a man and should do man things. Man things include cheating, hitting, spitting, and scratching. Any thing this else would be bishassness. How else will he assert his manhood?

AWW you went there!Noone is saying its manly to hit a woman.

 

[Ms. Plain Jane]

They can do that.There are alot of women like Tasha Smith out there.That ish ain't cute.That's why some of us black women get those labels and wonder why they are single or why black men don't want to deal with us.I am not saying its ok to hit anyone but I really do think some women think they can say and do anything and not have any repercussions for their actions because they are women.

Are you serious about life?