JustSitNBePretty
Well-Known Member
So OP, you posted on this forum asking for advice but have no intentions of telling us:
1. who initiated the date?
2. who paid for the date?
1. who initiated the date?
2. who paid for the date?
He Cried Like A Baby...help Me Understand
- Thread starter Phoenix11
- Start date
These questions are irrelevant to the topic at hand per op.
Pretty sure we already know the answers....
BrownSkinPoppin
formerly NaturallyBri87
Careful! She's going to appear out of nowhere and say what we don't have our answers because she hasn't disclosed the information. Then she's going to say that you're so eager to paint a negative picture
Iwanthealthyhair67
Well-Known Member
Why was is so important to give back the ring, since you both moved on... seemingly
Iwanthealthyhair67
Well-Known Member
Why not just throw it away, pawn it, melt it down or something. Giving it back is rehashing old stuff, no offensive just not understanding that's all
Iwanthealthyhair67
Well-Known Member
Oops sorry, I see some of my sentiments were expressed in the up threads
HappyMadison
Kanye's Surrogate
Friends? But why post it in the relationship forum though?
You are a sadist. That is my final answer. That is not a negative observation. It is what it is. You found it amusing, not quizzical that man cried. There was no empathy and you cannot see past your own ego. An exercise to find out why he cried is put yourself in the reverse chair. Don't try to imagine his emotions. Feel your in ever action you took that night. When I put myself in his place, I would have been emotional too. Is he supposed to feel any different than what you felt
You gave him the ring in such a dramatic fashion. It like the kid constantly trying to show you his freshly dug booger. I would cry too. You were trying to hurt him. Be real. That was such a strange exchange.
You harbor some resentment of him abandoning you.
And you can be like "well, he shouldn't have married someone else then."
Question: If he wasn't married and that weird exchange happened, the story would not have ended there, wouldn't it? You don't have to answer it on the forum.
Crying nigg*s ain't nothing new. They cry over good head or that Ben Stiller movie,soooo. I don't know if you want a congratulations or are you really trying to receive what the universe is whispering to you. I think what you seek is validation. Keep that third eye beaming and use intuition, I guess.
Nichex
Well-Known Member
No idea why the guy would cry to be honest. My guess is that he is not living the perfect life and considers high school to be the only time he was truly happy?
Can I just clarify something, you ladies see going for dinner or spending time with a married man without his wife wrong? A lot of my male friends are happily married and although I would never object to the wives being there I don't know the wives or am particularly interested in getting to know them. I don't see why friends catching up would be a big deal....
Can I just clarify something, you ladies see going for dinner or spending time with a married man without his wife wrong? A lot of my male friends are happily married and although I would never object to the wives being there I don't know the wives or am particularly interested in getting to know them. I don't see why friends catching up would be a big deal....
dancinstallion
Well-Known Member
nevermind
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Zaz
Well-Known Member
Depends on the full context. Catching up with an old friend, totally normal. Catching up with the former love of your life to return a 15 year old ring that you've been the "caretaker" of over the past 15 years in order to make sure that it no longer holds the intent it did when it was given? Weird af and not innocent.
The whole thing reeks of emotional blackmail and manipulation. If he refuses the ring, that must mean he still harbors the same feelings from when he gave it, if he takes it back, he'll have a constant reminder of her.
InchHighPrivateEye
Well-Known Member
"Crying n***** ain't nothing new."
Yall. I'm crawling
not crying, CRAWLING. Rolling on the floor crawling-laughing my arse off
Yall. I'm crawling
not crying, CRAWLING. Rolling on the floor crawling-laughing my arse off 
TayMac
Well-Known Member
Not really wrong but there has to be some boundaries. And I think wives would like to be included some times to see the dynamic and they should be made to feel welcome IMO.
It can be a slippery slope depending on the individuals and the connection they have.
FemmeFatale
Well-Known Member
You can still be friendly (and respectful) with the wife, you don't have to be her new BFF. I just don't find it appropriate to be all up in a married man's face like that, still demanding his emotional presence. I'll be friendly from afar and I certainly wouldn't be doing dinner and drinks with him.
I have a trife cousin who had a meltdown when her male friend got married. She cried and made him promise that he would always be there for her, she wanted to come first. IMO she was competing with the wife. Like what in the entire f?
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Nichex
Well-Known Member
Thanks for the responses ladies. Let me just say first I am not married so I can understand that there is something I just won't "get" until I'm in that situation.
In my situation I have known these friends coming close to 10 years so in my mind it shouldn't be an issue at all to spend time together whether the wife is there or not. Physically speaking we are not super close anymore because of life e.g. career, location, family etc but we still care a lot for each other and want to catch up when we can.
Of course the wives are more than welcome to come and would never be made to feel like an intruder. I just don't agree that she should have to be there.
I have to admit I wouldn't of thought twice about befriending a married man before this thread. I have always been the type of person to consider friends as purely platonic whether the same or opposite sex. However I can see why a wife or even girlfriend may have an issue.
In my situation I have known these friends coming close to 10 years so in my mind it shouldn't be an issue at all to spend time together whether the wife is there or not. Physically speaking we are not super close anymore because of life e.g. career, location, family etc but we still care a lot for each other and want to catch up when we can.
Of course the wives are more than welcome to come and would never be made to feel like an intruder. I just don't agree that she should have to be there.
I have to admit I wouldn't of thought twice about befriending a married man before this thread. I have always been the type of person to consider friends as purely platonic whether the same or opposite sex. However I can see why a wife or even girlfriend may have an issue.
InchHighPrivateEye
Well-Known Member
Well just one thing I noticed (and this isn't said with ️an ugly attitude, please understand): "the wife is more than welcome to come.".....................
To what?
That sounds kind of third wheelish. It sounds defiant. Anything involving my husband has only two wheels and I am one of them. It's not even that things necessarily would have a sexual nature that concerns me, it's the dynamic between our bond that should be protected (yes, it's the man's job to protect it, but it's respectful for other parties to respect it. ️An attitude of "idk what she is doing or if she cares and Idc" raises the spidey senses. I, too, have had friendships with men that started in high school, so that's well over fifteen years ago, and when they got involved seriously an their women got uncomfortable to the point I felt it was stressful to the man, my friend, to have me around--I faded. Why? Because I know she is giving him something I cannot. If I were to persist it would be to assert a dominance based on our friendship or to say I can give him what you can give him. I can't. I have to fade. It is a part of growing up. We are still friends--me and all of those guys. But there's no hanging out without SOs and allowing myself to fall into the damsel role, which I do with men in my presence ️bc IMO that's the fun in a lot of platonic friendships--we don't have sex but you open this door for me.....see, a wife is good on all that. ) at my DH's job, his work friends were about to think we were about to be on some "oh welcome InchHigh to our friendship bond. Join us!" No....join US. I'm nott the third wheel ; some of yall are. And some of yall are gone.
@Nichex
To what?
That sounds kind of third wheelish. It sounds defiant. Anything involving my husband has only two wheels and I am one of them. It's not even that things necessarily would have a sexual nature that concerns me, it's the dynamic between our bond that should be protected (yes, it's the man's job to protect it, but it's respectful for other parties to respect it. ️An attitude of "idk what she is doing or if she cares and Idc" raises the spidey senses. I, too, have had friendships with men that started in high school, so that's well over fifteen years ago, and when they got involved seriously an their women got uncomfortable to the point I felt it was stressful to the man, my friend, to have me around--I faded. Why? Because I know she is giving him something I cannot. If I were to persist it would be to assert a dominance based on our friendship or to say I can give him what you can give him. I can't. I have to fade. It is a part of growing up. We are still friends--me and all of those guys. But there's no hanging out without SOs and allowing myself to fall into the damsel role, which I do with men in my presence ️bc IMO that's the fun in a lot of platonic friendships--we don't have sex but you open this door for me.....see, a wife is good on all that. ) at my DH's job, his work friends were about to think we were about to be on some "oh welcome InchHigh to our friendship bond. Join us!" No....join US. I'm nott the third wheel ; some of yall are. And some of yall are gone.
@Nichex
InchHighPrivateEye
Well-Known Member
Also the bolded. I don't like this
it's facts so that's cool. But nope. LolMy DH ain't got time to be hanging out with some woman that doesn't know me and isn't particularly interested in knowing me. Sounds like he has too much free time. (Yall, I'm super laidback, I promise.
But yeah...sound like this dude got too much free time. Lemme find you a project. Thanks.)FemmeFatale
Well-Known Member
Well just one thing I noticed (and this isn't said with ️an ugly attitude, please understand): "the wife is more than welcome to come.".....................
To what?
That sounds kind of third wheelish. It sounds defiant. Anything involving my husband has only two wheels and I am one of them. It's not even that things necessarily would have a sexual nature that concerns me, it's the dynamic between our bond that should be protected (yes, it's the man's job to protect it, but it's respectful for other parties to respect it. ️An attitude of "idk what she is doing or if she cares and Idc" raises the spidey senses. I, too, have had friendships with men that started in high school, so that's well over fifteen years ago, and when they got involved seriously an their women got uncomfortable to the point I felt it was stressful to the man, my friend, to have me around--I faded. Why? Because I know she is giving him something I cannot. If I were to persist it would be to assert a dominance based on our friendship or to say I can give him what you can give him. I can't. I have to fade. It is a part of growing up. We are still friends--me and all of those guys. But there's no hanging out without SOs and allowing myself to fall into the damsel role, which I do with men in my presence ️bc IMO that's the fun in a lot of platonic friendships--we don't have sex but you open this door for me.....see, a wife is good on all that. ) at my DH's job, his work friends were about to think we were about to be on some "oh welcome InchHigh to our friendship bond. Join us!" No....join US. I'm nott the third wheel ; some of yall are. And some of yall are gone.
@Nichex
See that's the thing, some women don't get it (or refuse to get it like my trife cousin). I have male friends (with wives and gfs), we're cool but I keep it light and make sure everyone is comfortable,
besides my man trumps all those other male friends, if I'm stressed, have any needs, want to kick it, etc he's the man I think to call.
I have one friend who lives out of state that got married, when he came up to NYC (without his wife, she stayed home with the baby) for a wedding he wanted to meet up for drinks. Negro please, I declined that and said when the wife and baby is here I want to meet them.
FemmeFatale
Well-Known Member
Also the bolded. I don't like this
My DH ain't got time to be hanging out with some woman that doesn't know me and isn't particularly interested in knowing me. Sounds like he has too much free time. (Yall, I'm super laidback, I promise.
Makes sense, if a woman is excluding me then he's not having it either.
My cousin's DH female colleagues tried to invite him for happy hour, the moment he mentioned calling and inviting my cousin to come, those birds flew away. He's very attractive and they stay trying it.
movingforward13
I do what I want...
I delete married men (especially ones I have dated) from my Facebook page if they haven't taken the initiative to introduce me to their wife. There wouldn't be any "catching up" without her knowing because I would want someone to respect me in that way.
As someone who has been cheated on before- I would rather err on that side of caution to be supportive to another woman. I have dealt with a lot of men dating the past 16 years and unfortunately, you give them an inch, they see a green light to go a mile. They don't "think" like we do. So I will take that responsibility to instill the boundaries that he should have.
brownb83
Well-Known Member
Also the bolded. I don't like this
My DH ain't got time to be hanging out with some woman that doesn't know me and isn't particularly interested in knowing me. Sounds like he has too much free time. (Yall, I'm super laidback, I promise.
I wonder do any of the wives know she feels this way? If you don't care to know me then you don't care about me....
Because I guarantee you if the wife had male friends that didn't care to know the husband, he would view it as a threat.
InchHighPrivateEye
Well-Known Member
To the second paragraph: exactly.
And to the first: if you don't care to know me, then you and my husband don't really have the same interests in common anymore
so what y'all gone be talking about? Some stuff that happened in the 99 and 2000? No, I'm good. LolAnd then women who just really find some way not to understand this are like "so your husband can't even have lunch with a friend? Damn!" Obviously he can and does and I have and can and do lunch with male colleagues, but when it's this much of a struggle to make these unnecessary meet ups happen then that's already a problem. Because, baby, when my friend "Roger" (for example) or any other friend said his girl felt uncomfortable and because AS A FRIEND I knew he cared about this young lady differently than the others, he didn't have to go any further. It was wishing them the best and fading. Ain't no "but what if we played in the same sandbox?" "What if we have a bff bracelet and I got one half the heart and he got the other half?" Nope. All that **** is dumb. And when it's a struggle for you to wish your friend well and keep it uncomplicated, that's gonna be a problem.
Now in this example, roger and that young lady broke up and roger would still want to have drinks when he's in town. I tell DH and DH is like "WE can have drinks with roger." Because he feels that's the smartest. Now, roger doesn't know whether I mentioned this to DH or not and its not his problem, necessarily, to know or care. But if he HAS NO INTEREST in DH, then we have nothing in common. Yes, we both like the same 90's tv shows and stuff but what do I look like sitting here shooting marbles with somebody that likes the same stuff as me and 90,000 other ppl in this world, but isn't concerned with my MAIN priority? Like, I work a job, work out every week day, keep my house in order, talk to my parents everyday. So my free time is sparse and I use it judiciously. I'm going to use my free time to hang with somebody that has no cares about my MAIN priority, even though we may have the same taste in some generic stuff like a hobby? No. I don't have time for that and that's not in order. So as a woman, if you don't know, don't care and are not interested in what the wife knows but you care so much about the dude....sideeye.
And I've only been married a couple of months, so it's not really a married woman's perspective. It's just...order...
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Zaz
Well-Known Member
Can I ask you a question? If you had a female friend from college you were really close with and time, work, life.... kept you guys apart and you found yourself in her city again, wouldn't you want to meet her husband? I think this willful ignorance of the wives' existence is a bit odd. Pretending it's just paranoid wives guarding their men is a bit obtuse.
If I'm catching up with an old friend, I'd like to see what their new life is like, I wanna meet the spouse, the new rugrats if any, the whole new family. Not just you and I meeting up to reminisce about old times while I refuse to acknowledge any change and growth in your life.
Note, I am unmarried.
ladysaraii
Well-Known Member
To the second paragraph: exactly.
And to the first: if you don't care to know me, then you and my husband don't really have the same interests in common anymore
And then women who just really find some way not to understand this are like "so your husband can't even have lunch with a friend? Damn!" Obviously he can and does and I have and can and do lunch with male colleagues, but when it's this much of a struggle to make these unnecessary meet ups happen then that's already a problem. Because, baby, when my friend "Roger" (for example) or any other friend said his girl felt uncomfortable and because AS A FRIEND I knew he cared about this young lady differently than the others, he didn't have to go any further. It was wishing them the best and fading. Ain't no "but what if we played in the same sandbox?" "What if we have a bff bracelet and I got one half the heart and he got the other half?" Nope. All that **** is dumb. And when it's a struggle for you to wish your friend well and keep it uncomplicated, that's gonna be a problem.
Now in this example, roger and that young lady broke up and roger would still want to have drinks when he's in town. I tell DH and DH is like "WE can have drinks with roger." Because he feels that's the smartest. Now, roger doesn't know whether I mentioned this to DH or not and its not his problem, necessarily, to know or care. But if he HAS NO INTEREST in DH, then we have nothing in common. Yes, we both like the same 90's tv shows and stuff but what do I look like sitting here shooting marbles with somebody that likes the same stuff as me and 90,000 other ppl in this world, but isn't concerned with my MAIN priority? Like, I work a job, work out every week day, keep my house in order, talk to my parents everyday. So my free time is sparse and I use it judiciously. I'm going to use my free time to hang with somebody that has no cares about my MAIN priority, even though we may have the same taste in some generic stuff like a hobby? No. I don't have time for that and that's not in order. So as a woman, if you don't know, don't care and are not interested in what the wife knows but you care so much about the dude....sideeye.
And I've only been married a couple of months, so it's not really a married woman's perspective. It's just...order...
Girl, I'm unmarried and I agree with everything you are saying. . I also side-eye people talking about an opposite friend or an ex is so important to them and they'll always be in their lives and the new person (new gf normally) just has to deal with it. Not I.
To the second paragraph: exactly.
And to the first: if you don't care to know me, then you and my husband don't really have the same interests in common anymore
And then women who just really find some way not to understand this are like "so your husband can't even have lunch with a friend? Damn!" Obviously he can and does and I have and can and do lunch with male colleagues, but when it's this much of a struggle to make these unnecessary meet ups happen then that's already a problem. Because, baby, when my friend "Roger" (for example) or any other friend said his girl felt uncomfortable and because AS A FRIEND I knew he cared about this young lady differently than the others, he didn't have to go any further. It was wishing them the best and fading. Ain't no "but what if we played in the same sandbox?" "What if we have a bff bracelet and I got one half the heart and he got the other half?" Nope. All that **** is dumb. And when it's a struggle for you to wish your friend well and keep it uncomplicated, that's gonna be a problem.
Now in this example, roger and that young lady broke up and roger would still want to have drinks when he's in town. I tell DH and DH is like "WE can have drinks with roger." Because he feels that's the smartest. Now, roger doesn't know whether I mentioned this to DH or not and its not his problem, necessarily, to know or care. But if he HAS NO INTEREST in DH, then we have nothing in common. Yes, we both like the same 90's tv shows and stuff but what do I look like sitting here shooting marbles with somebody that likes the same stuff as me and 90,000 other ppl in this world, but isn't concerned with my MAIN priority? Like, I work a job, work out every week day, keep my house in order, talk to my parents everyday. So my free time is sparse and I use it judiciously. I'm going to use my free time to hang with somebody that has no cares about my MAIN priority, even though we may have the same taste in some generic stuff like a hobby? No. I don't have time for that and that's not in order. So as a woman, if you don't know, don't care and are not interested in what the wife knows but you care so much about the dude....sideeye.
And I've only been married a couple of months, so it's not really a married woman's perspective. It's just...order...
I love it! love it love it!!!!
Just had to quote. I could thank you 1000 times.
Cheekychica
Well-Known Member
Jumping in to say congratulations
I don't know if you had a post about your wedding or not but I used to enjoy reading your posts about your relationship. 
kanozas
se ven las caras pero nunca el corazón
Total ETA:
It wouldn't have been callous to have sold it. It was yours. He didn't care for it nor what you did with it. OP, I do have a well-thought question for you. Have you ever been married? I can say for myself and 99% of married women and those unmarried who are marriage-minded and possibly, even not, that I would NEVER allow/accept my husband to go have dinner and drinks with a woman who is not his sister, first cousin to discuss a funeral or hospice about an aunt/uncle/grandparent, business dinner with a client (and I'd need family hours, names, locations, credit card info). So, that leads me to think she just didn't know you both went out. Dangerous terrain. I feel very sorry for the wife, not for you nor for him but I am very happy that he ran from you. This is not to be mean. I hope you never do this again. You are courting with fire.
It wouldn't have been callous to have sold it. It was yours. He didn't care for it nor what you did with it. OP, I do have a well-thought question for you. Have you ever been married? I can say for myself and 99% of married women and those unmarried who are marriage-minded and possibly, even not, that I would NEVER allow/accept my husband to go have dinner and drinks with a woman who is not his sister, first cousin to discuss a funeral or hospice about an aunt/uncle/grandparent, business dinner with a client (and I'd need family hours, names, locations, credit card info). So, that leads me to think she just didn't know you both went out. Dangerous terrain. I feel very sorry for the wife, not for you nor for him but I am very happy that he ran from you. This is not to be mean. I hope you never do this again. You are courting with fire.
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HappyMadison
Kanye's Surrogate
But really that book, "Men Don't Love Women Like You," we have to get out of our ego. Everything evolves around the puss. When you frame it that way, he probably had a Bama before he met his wife, he wining, dining and snotting over too."Crying n***** ain't nothing new."
Yall. I'm crawling
Question: why is he crying over me?
Answer: Jodecei taught kneegrow to cry for the puss, that is why.
A girl you once had emotionally drawn in maybe safer and "understanding" than a new one. Him getting a new placeholder runs the risk of she potential growing brand new feelings and disrupting hos life. An old love understands the ramifications more. It is the whole love forlorn thing. Here she go waiting in the wings for him to return emotionally after he abandon her and she settles for physically having him, when all he did was acquire refurbished puss, so it feels new. And all he had to do is let that one tear fall. Have her caught out there, singing side chick anthems:
"Christmas you were with me
Fireworks on the 4th of July
Valentines came and went..."
Everyone is on f*shiiiid until proven otherwise.
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Nichex
Well-Known Member
I am on my phone so I am finding it difficult to quote everyone that has responded, but just to generally answer everyone responses to my opinion.
I feel like it's being taken in the wrong context.
I have met all my friends wives, attended weddings - we are friends so of course I have! When I see them we all have a great time.
We are just not friends so I don't miss their company - that's just my opinion and it's not something I share with my friends because as you ladies have proven it gets taken in the wrong way.
I don't think it should be for me to make sure they are comfortable it should be for the husband. I am sure my friends know that their wives come first. If my friends partners felt uncomfortable and I was made aware of this of course I would stop contact. The wife is offering way more than I could which is why I am the friend.
I don't believe i have said in my previous posts that i would insist that I have to be apart of their lives or they make time for me at all. it's always been a mutual thing just like it is for my unmarried and single friends.
Female friends it's exactly the same thing, why would it be different?
It's not about clinging to the past and talking about the good old days..its about catching up, having a laugh, advice just what any other friendship is about.
I feel like it's being taken in the wrong context.
I have met all my friends wives, attended weddings - we are friends so of course I have! When I see them we all have a great time.
We are just not friends so I don't miss their company - that's just my opinion and it's not something I share with my friends because as you ladies have proven it gets taken in the wrong way.
I don't think it should be for me to make sure they are comfortable it should be for the husband. I am sure my friends know that their wives come first. If my friends partners felt uncomfortable and I was made aware of this of course I would stop contact. The wife is offering way more than I could which is why I am the friend.
I don't believe i have said in my previous posts that i would insist that I have to be apart of their lives or they make time for me at all. it's always been a mutual thing just like it is for my unmarried and single friends.
Female friends it's exactly the same thing, why would it be different?
It's not about clinging to the past and talking about the good old days..its about catching up, having a laugh, advice just what any other friendship is about.
InchHighPrivateEye
Well-Known Member
Thank you soooo much, beautiful!Jumping in to say congratulations
