He Asks Me Out Then Bamboozles Me Into Paying: Updated

WhoIAm said:
Since he's a Scorpio, talk to him in a language he understands.

Tell him you're okay with paying for dinner to expect a treat and to be there about 6. Pick a restaurant about $150 away from him that you've been just dying to try. When he gets there and calls, tell him you're 20 minutes away and to go ahead and order drinks and appetizers because you are starving. Do that about 2 or 3 times. Then stop answering his calls, then block him.

Thats how you get your $100 back in petty.
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This is a brilliant idea.
 
strenght81 said:
One of my friends don't understand why I'm canceling and thinks I'm overreacting because men say black women are too difficult.
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This friends sounds like a fool and I would advise you to never discuss your romantic relationships with them again. If this friend is female she sounds like the type who is desperate and doesn't want to be alone in desperate land. If this friend is male he sounds like he's on code with another male and not willing to break ranks to tell you this guy or any other, for that matter, is no good.

You have to really, really watch your "friends" sometimes, cause their advice will leave you in a very bad way.
 
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Daernyris said:
This friends sounds like a fool and I would advise you to never discuss your romantic relationships with them again. If this friend is female she sounds like the type who is desperate and doesn't want to be alone in desperate land. If this friend is male he sounds like he's on code with another male and not willing to break ranks to tell you this guy or any other, for that matter, is no good.

You have to really, really watch your "friends" sometimes, cause their advice will have you in a very bad way.
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Right. And when your heart gets broken and you need comfort they will be nowhere to be found and will conveniently forget the bad advice they gave.
 
strenght81 said:
These NYC streets! I live in a diff borough and during traffic smh! I was the idiot in this to accept even though he asked if it was okay with me. I made my bed and now I have to lay in it. Lesson learned.
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Oh hell no! $100 Uber ride and dude said he was worth it nope nope nope. First off boro dating is real. I live in BK. I'm not dating anyone in the Bx for ex. Why? While there are perfectly nice people who live there I'm not trooping to the Bx, that is a long distance relationship (note I did not visit my own brother who lived there for a year unless I had a car rental). And didn't want to order food. Money and cheap is not dateable.

And jumping into his car before making sure I got into mine NOPE NOPE NOPE. Ubers/Gett/Lyft all wait

And you need some new friends or different ones to get feedback on
 
strenght81 said:
These NYC streets! I live in a diff borough and during traffic smh! I was the idiot in this to accept even though he asked if it was okay with me. I made my bed and now I have to lay in it. Lesson learned.
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You were not an idiot. You took a chance and learned a lesson, that's all. If he were a nice guy things might have gone completely different. When you got there a good guy would have had compassion for you, offered to pay for your Uber, ordered dinner with you, promised that the next date would be more convenient and asked you where you'd prefer to go next time, waited for your Uber to arrive, and given you a warm hug and good bye.

Everything went south because he is a jerk. There was only one way to find out. Accept dates in a safe manner and see how things go. There is no problem with you cabbing or ubering to a date. You are a capable and independent woman and didn't want him to know where you live. You probably didn't realize how far and inconvenient his selection was. Well now you know and will not put yourself out like that next time. It's ok. Don't expect all guys to be like him. Open your heart to being treated well. Most black women are kind and loving and deserve to be treated well.

Do not pay your friend any attention about what some people might say about black women, it's all lies and brainwashing anyway. You don't want a man who thinks like that anyway. I wrote all that to say be careful how you talk about yourself. Be kind and compassionate to yourself. You paid $100 to learn a lot of lessons. It's all good. How else are you supposed to learn? You have to try, live life, and do the best you can.
 
strenght81 said:
I was mad at myself when I seen the estimate and when I got in the cab I told the cab driver this is ridiculous a woman is paying to see a guy, it shld be the other way around. I wld never do this again. The cab driver stated: if he was paying the cab ride it wldnt be a problem.

When I got to the restaurant I complained about the distance. Instead of offering to pay he was shocked and then replied there is a train station right down the block. Smh He later told me he was worth the trip. No bruh, you're not. Later on we both got an uber and his came first.

The fact that I was choosing the location, he told me he will meet me wherever I wanted.

As I said lesson learned. I'm happy for this experience. This was the first and last time I will do this for ANY man. One of my friends don't understand why I'm canceling and thinks I'm overreacting because men say black women are too difficult. Well I'll be difficult and gain respect by not allowing fools to take advantage of a situation. He got me f'ed up!
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Wait? So did you pay $100 one way or round trip?
 
Honey Bee said:
Wow. Ok, I somehow forgot you lived in NYC. I haven't been single for a looooong time :lol: but even in high school and college, I never handled transportation for a date. And it's not like the treatment I demanded was expected generally, they just knew not to play with me. I had notoriously cheap guys (but FINE) who didn't pay for nothing ever paying for my cabs. ***.

You need to change your steez. You seem like a woman who would take the train to a date. Don't be like that. :nono: :lol:

I notice that a lot of women give off an 'I can handle anything' vibe that discourages men from actively caring for you. Even the married ladies here sometimes talk about how hard it is to let a man take care of you, and they talking bout husbands! Now, I'm definitely not saying that you shouldn't remain your core self, a Ny woman who stay ready, lol, but whatever you're doing is conveying that message to the men you're dating, i.e. the men you're interviewing for the job of taking care of you. See how that may cause some crossed wires?

I can't say what you're doing to convey that. All I know is, your marketing is not attracting the desired consumer.
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Clearly I'm sending out the wrong signals. However, this has never happened to me before. Despite it all he is a jerk. I hold myself accountable for allowing him to treat me this way but his actions are his actions. I don't have to continue accepting it.

I feel your comment is disrespectful. Some LHCF members STAY coming for people unnecessarily. I'm not opposed to criticism, I warrant it, just not disrespect. Smh I would never take a train to a date hence paying over $100 for an uber ride which I can afford, debt free, no student loans, rental property owner, masters degree educated, stacks in the bank type of woman. So please stay in your lane!
 
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Dposh167 said:
you will run into a lot of men like this in the city OP. Just remember this experience and dodge them all. Don't let your good judgement get clouded based on good looks, money, and great conversation.
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I sense because he is good looking he feels he doesn't have to try much. Not too worried about him. He can take his good looks and money. Attitude trumps everything with me.
 
All4Tris said:
What's up with these friends and their wack ssa advice?

OP, I'm glad you aren't listening to your friend! Following that type of advice will have you out here looking desert thirsty!
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Yup! Can you imagine if I did go along with the date how this man wld have treated me? There are clearly some things I need to be doing diff if he even THOUGHT he can do that to me. Nonetheless, it's water over the dam.
 
strenght81 said:
Clearly I'm sending out the wrong signals. However, this has never happened to me before. Despite it all he is a jerk. I hold myself accountable for allowing him to treat me this way but his actions are his actions. I don't have to continue accepting it.

I would never take a train to a date hence paying over $100 for an uber ride . What would give you that impression? I would like to know out of curiosity. If I'm giving off that vibe I wld want that to change. Thanks in adv.
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I'm very blunt I would have handled it like this:

Him: ok we are meating at Peter Luger's
Me: That's in Brooklyn right
Him: Yes
Me: What time should I expect my Uber

or

Peter Luger's at 7
Oh wow that's far
Don't worry I'll send a car for you

this is how it should have gone down :yep:

NO MATTER WHO HE IS OR HOW MUCH YOU HAVE
OPERATE UNDER THE NOTION THAT YOU ARE THE PRIZE
 
strenght81 said:
He's a Scorpio and DEAD honest about me paying. Scorpio's say what they mean and mean what they say. I know, I'm one lol

On the first date I paid over $100 for an uber ride to meet with him at "his chosen location" when I got to the lounge he made it clear by his gestures he didn't want to have dinner and just chat it up. I ordered anyway and he followed my lead and ordered but didn't eat his salad. When the date was over, he gave me a half hug while getting in his uber. (The date wasn't worth my uber ride payment).


The date wasn't horrible. He held the door for me, but didn't pull my chair. The conversation flowed, I never felt uncomfortable. He's a VERY good looking man who has money. I guess he doesn't feel he has to "woo" me... *shrugs" I would like to be wooed though
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What? I really can't be so out of the dating game. He's got you treating him like the prize. Why are you still talking to this idiot?

What you need to learn are his moves in making himself valuable to you and use them on some other guy. Move. ON.

ETA: sorry just read through yeah glad you're dumping him smdh
 
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hopeful said:
You were not an idiot. You took a chance and learned a lesson, that's all. If he were a nice guy things might have gone completely different. When you got there a good guy would have had compassion for you, offered to pay for your Uber, ordered dinner with you, promised that the next date would be more convenient and asked you where you'd prefer to go next time, waited for your Uber to arrive, and given you a warm hug and good bye.

Everything went south because he is a jerk. There was only one way to find out. Accept dates in a safe manner and see how things go. There is no problem with you cabbing or ubering to a date. You are a capable and independent woman and didn't want him to know where you live. You probably didn't realize how far and inconvenient his selection was. Well now you know and will not put yourself out like that next time. It's ok. Don't expect all guys to be like him. Open your heart to being treated well. Most black women are kind and loving and deserve to be treated well.

Do not pay your friend any attention about what some people might say about black women, it's all lies and brainwashing anyway. You don't want a man who thinks like that anyway. I wrote all that to say be careful how you talk about yourself. Be kind and compassionate to yourself. You paid $100 to learn a lot of lessons. It's all good. How else are you supposed to learn? You have to try, live life, and do the best you can.
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Thank you! you've summed up exactly what I've been feeling!! I don't regret anything I did or happened. It just won't happen again. I appreciate your advice about the positive self talk, that's where it starts :-)
 
PretteePlease said:
I'm very blunt I would have handled it like this:

Him: ok we are meating at Peter Luger's
Me: That's in Brooklyn right
Him: Yes
Me: What time should I expect my Uber

or

Peter Luger's at 7
Oh wow that's far
Don't worry I'll send a car for you

this is how it should have gone down :yep:

NO MATTER WHO HE IS OR HOW MUCH YOU HAVE
OPERATE UNDER THE NOTION THAT YOU ARE THE PRIZE
Click to expand...

That's how it will go from here on end!
 
strenght81 said:
Ladies I need your advice. I must make a descision no later than Sunday evening.

I have a second date this coming Tuesday with a guy who asked me out and told me he would send the location of where we are meeting. When I told him I would like to choose the location this time around he tells me "If you are choosing you should pay" with a laughing emoji. But he was dead serious because He said "that is dating 101"of course I didn't agree with his perspective.

What frustrates me is: he asks me out and when I made the suggestion he flips the table on me? I told him not to get use to me paying and he stated "only when you try and take the lead" I learned a valuable lesson of letting the man lead and choose since he asked me out and not to interrupt this process. But I also feel he is being controlling. I just didn't want to risk going out a second time to a place I didn't enjoy.

Ladies, I feel like canceling and putting the ball back in his court by having him asks me out again and letting him choose so he could pay lol. It's not an issue of paying at this point I just don't like how he flipped the script. I didn't initiate the date he did!

I need some clever tips. Should I go or cancel? And if I do go how do I communicate to him subliminally without bruising his ego that I don't like this? I was thinking by eluding I pay for my friends when we go out wld make him understand he placed himself in the friend zone with me and he wld have to fish his way out!! Lol

HELP!
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CANCEL AND NEVER LOOK BACK. I say this as an old broad who used to fall for this okie-doke crap because it challenged my "independence". A REAL man would never expect you to pay, not even a male friend. He is a loser! You deserve better.
 
strenght81 said:
He's a Scorpio and DEAD honest about me paying. Scorpio's say what they mean and mean what they say. I know, I'm one lol

On the first date I paid over $100 for an uber ride to meet with him at "his chosen location" when I got to the lounge he made it clear by his gestures he didn't want to have dinner and just chat it up. I ordered anyway and he followed my lead and ordered but didn't eat his salad. When the date was over, he gave me a half hug while getting in his uber. (The date wasn't worth my uber ride payment).


The date wasn't horrible. He held the door for me, but didn't pull my chair. The conversation flowed, I never felt uncomfortable. He's a VERY good looking man who has money. I guess he doesn't feel he has to "woo" me... *shrugs" I would like to be wooed though
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:huh:
 
strenght81 said:
Clearly I'm sending out the wrong signals. However, this has never happened to me before. Despite it all he is a jerk. I hold myself accountable for allowing him to treat me this way but his actions are his actions. I don't have to continue accepting it.

I feel your comment is disrespectful. Some LHCF members STAY coming for people unnecessarily. I'm not opposed to criticism, I warrant it, just not disrespect. Smh I would never take a train to a date hence paying over $100 for an uber ride which I can afford, debt free, no student loans, rental property owner, masters degree educated, stacks in the bank type of woman. So please stay in your lane!
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Oh no, I didn't mean any disrespect! I'm sorry. I don't know you so I can't possibly know personally what vibe you give off. But I do want you to win, so I gave you the advice I'd give a friend. I based my comment on the fact that you said he expected you to take the train, or was otherwise unconcerned with your transportation. You obviously did not raise the issue, probably because, although you realized the distance, you thought, 'I got this, I'm grown.' And that was the mistake.

If you want a man, one actually worth having :rolleyes:, you have to sort for one. We have many tests to do so. One of the more commonly known is the 'can you feed me' test. Women used to accept cows, now we want dinner. Another is the 'can you protect me' test. In modern times, that includes transport to and from the date. He's supposed to be concerned about how you get there, whether it's physically taxing or unsafe. If he's not, he failed already. Before you left the house. A week prior. Plenty of time to plan another amusing activity. Oh well @ him.

*I* recognized your 'value' (having your stuff all the way together). He did not. (Btw, I hope you got him all the way told like you did me. :lol:) That's why he tried to play you like that. With all you have going on, a negro should be able to tell from across the street that you not here for no b.s. :lol: What I'm saying is, the manner in which you are conveying your value has proven ineffective in this instance and might merit review. As an analogy, if I was looking for a new position and my first offer was unreasonably low, I'd of course look to exogenous factors (racism, the market, etc), but I'd also do a quick review of my LinkedIn to make sure it was all the way on point. (And this analogy goes both ways. He too was interviewing for a position. Imo, he shouldn't have even received a call back, but that's just me.)

Don't be mad at me! :lol: I'm very strategic/ bloodless in relationship matters and don't always express the right degree of emotion- I see them like a military campaign :look:- but I mean well. :kiss: We good? :look:
 
What is this about not taking a train to a date in NYC? I have made plans to meet men at restaurants at a certain time and we both find our there and I usually take the train. Maybe it's because I live in Manhattan and my dates are always in Manhattan. I don't see the big deal.
 
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