I Feel Like I'm Being Bullied Into A Relationship

LiftedUp said:
I didn't mention it because I didn't think it was important. I just assume that's how he may feel. I have no idea. If he were to read our messages it's just me responding with a blue thumbs up or "all the best".
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I promise I am not trying to pick on you so I hope this advice is not coming across that way. I will just say this and be done...

With matters of the heart, you will be surprised how things you've labeled as "unimportant" have a way of driving a wedge between you and your SO. It's amazing how those little things that you fail to mention can be viewed as a betrayal.

An assumption is just "disregard of feelings" dressed up in a fancy costume, and also one of the biggest relationship killers. When you assume things about your partner you rid him/her of a voice and yourself of a genuine learning experience.

You've already done the right thing by blocking your ex on Facebook, but if he finds other means of contacting you, your SO needs to be the first to know.
 
LiftedUp said:
I'm pretty honest with myself and no I do not like the attention. I felt no ounce of joy interacting with him.

I broke up with him years ago because I thought he was cheap. Nothing deep :look: lol

Eta: I used the term bully because though I don't mind chatting the exchange became pseudo relationship like don't you think ?
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But you're saying he actively annoys you, yet you continue to interact when you don't have to ie coworker, bd, family friend etc
 
I know the OP already blocked the ex boyfriend....


But just a side thought here...I have NEVER and I mean NEVER seen it work out well when men and women have platonic - we used to date but we ain't - relationships. I have heard men and women swear that it's fine, blah, blah, blah...and then fast forward a year or two and they broke up with their SO because of some BS with the XSO.

Lol.

I'm just saying...for those that don't like to learn things the hard way. Full disclosure is important. Avoid X's like the plague. No contact at all. Focus on your current relationship. If an X calls you. Let your SO know and block, block, block. That's just for those that don't like to learn the hard way...the other ladies that disagree, well let me know how it works out in a year or two....I'm just saying.
 
lana said:
I have NEVER and I mean NEVER seen it work out well when men and women have platonic - we used to date but we ain't - relationships
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I wasn't trying to have a friendship (he has no contact information for me) with him hence my anxiety and annoyance when he messaged. I don't cut people off randomly, I firmly believe in being cordial. You never know who you would have to network with in the future (hence why I have allowed my fb profile to be so lax - I need John from science camp decades ago to message me with an internal job positing he may come across). Since I don't date bums, I may very well end up working in the same company as one of these non-bums so I'm not going to be rude unnecessarily :look: :lol:

I think women on a whole talk to much lol. I'm not going to tell my bf about every ex or random man who tries to talk to me. It's only going to bring unimportant outsiders into our relationship. If I felt threatened, sexually harassed etc. then yes I'd talk about it with him.
 
I'm a firm believer that an ex has nothing that I will ever need in the future. No need to be rude. You can politely ask that he not contact you. This way he will realize that he doesn't have a personal relationship with you. Friend or otherwise.

As far a future work prospects you should charge it to the game and not look in his direction for anything. just saying....
 
This happened to me with my ex. I finally just went ahead and blocked him when that shiat caused a rift in my relationship with my now husband. Just like you I tried to pretend that we could maybe be friends or cordial when I knew that wasn't what my ex wanted. Don't be no fool and mess up what you have going.
 
Lymegreen said:
As far a future work prospects you should charge it to the game and not look in his direction for anything. just saying....
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He works for a really good international company. I'm not going to never apply for a job there because of him working there.

Let me give you an example. I was on an interview panel for a girl I went to university with who was a beatch to me because she didn't like my friends. These things happen. Also, it is not in my personality to go around cutting people off for no good reason. He started to make me feel uncomfortable so I blocked him again.
 
You seem to be a very ambitious person and I would never say don't apply to the company just because he is there. But, you can break it off with him...like all contact and still not have it affect you negatively. Him being or maintaining contact via networking is not really necessary for you landing the job. If, you set clear boundaries.

There are some moral issues wrapped up into this situation as well but even in business ethics and morals are topics up for debate.
 
tru4reele said:
This happened to me with my ex. I finally just went ahead and blocked him when that shiat caused a rift in my relationship with my now husband. Just like you I tried to pretend that we could maybe be friends or cordial when I knew that wasn't what my ex wanted. Don't be no fool and mess up what you have going.
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You all are blowing this out of proportion. I only decided to respond this year and my responses are abrupt. It's just that it went from Happy New Year to, "I went to the gym and did legs today, what did you do?" *no response*, "Good morning, look at the graphics for my new business cards, you like?" :up:, to a notification that a photo was sent to me when I wrote this thread and I was like :pullhair:.
 
lana said:
I know the OP already blocked the ex boyfriend....


But just a side thought here...I have NEVER and I mean NEVER seen it work out well when men and women have platonic - we used to date but we ain't - relationships. I have heard men and women swear that it's fine, blah, blah, blah...and then fast forward a year or two and they broke up with their SO because of some BS with the XSO.
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Me--- my friend (who I dated 6 years or so before that) came from Afghanistan and walked me down the aisle in 2012. Things didn't work out between us but he became like a brother to me and looked out for me on MANY occasions. My marriage ended because my ex husband cheated. I totally understand what you are saying and generally I agree- but there are some exceptions.
 
Now that I think of it- I guess I am weird because I have a lot of guys I dated or was interested in at some point and it didn't work out and we are friends. Now I don't speak to them daily but they are genuine friendships- sort of like turned into brothers.Only a few though- not all the guys I have dated in the past. Serious relationships- I don't mess with those men any more.
 
LiftedUp said:
You all are blowing this out of proportion. I only decided to respond this year and my responses are abrupt. It's just that it went from Happy New Year to, "I went to the gym and did legs today, what did you do?" *no response*, "Good morning, look at the graphics for my new business cards, you like?" :up:, to a notification that a photo was sent to me when I wrote this thread and I was like :pullhair:.
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You're deliberately downplaying what you wrote.

• he's "trying" to date but you don't know how serious he is
•his contact causes you stress to point you used term "bullying" to describe the intensity of his contact
•you make excuses for continuing contact. Unless he is CEO then there are plenty of ways a strong candidate can make inroads within an organization without including an ex in the mix
•even though ex has already crossed line you still don't think you need to mention to current SO. No one said you had to go through every message but your SO needs to know what happened and that you handled it. Your ex has no loyalty to man you are with. What if ex goes to SO through your mutual friends and completely misrepresent your contact? SO doesn't need to be insecure over contact but you need to get real about why you are covering for ex.

If you haven't watched the original Soul Food Movie (with Nia Long & Vanessa Williams) then watch it. Right now you're acting like Bird (Nia Long's character). When this blows up in your face maybe you'll re-read and see what others tried to point out to you.
 
bklynbornNbred said:
You're deliberately downplaying what you wrote.

• he's "trying" to date but you don't know how serious he is
•his contact causes you stress to point you used term "bullying" to describe the intensity of his contact
•you make excuses for continuing contact. Unless he is CEO then there are plenty of ways a strong candidate can make inroads within an organization without including an ex in the mix
•even though ex has already crossed line you still don't think you need to mention to current SO. No one said you had to go through every message but your SO needs to know what happened and that you handled it. Your ex has no loyalty to man you are with. What if ex goes to SO through your mutual friends and completely misrepresent your contact? SO doesn't need to be insecure over contact but you need to get real about why you are covering for ex.

If you haven't watched the original Soul Food Movie (with Nia Long & Vanessa Williams) then watch it. Right now you're acting like Bird (Nia Long's character). When this blows up in your face maybe you'll re-read and see what others tried to point out to you.
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He's serious I guess but I'm not interested, not the slightest.

It's stressing me out because of the frequency and the type of information is lengthy like I'm his gf even though he knows it's not so.

Lhcf had me with high security lock down on all social media accounts owing to unfounded paranoia (which I removed). I'm not going to fall into the #cutthemoff bandwagon :lol:

I'm not giving my man unnecessary information about another man no matter what y'all say!

I never saw Soul Food movie :blush: I watched the series though.
 
I have been in your place more than once. Even if they benefit you a little bit, the end game is 100% about him, not you.

Let him find a better situation. You're left high and dry and regretting the time you spent with him.

Eta: i responded from the op only. It seems this was differemt than I first assumed
 
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Browndilocks said:
Damn this thread lol. You jinxed me OP.
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LHCF does that to me lol!

I thought twice about updating but... say what.

So he found another way to contact me and asked me about my day. I responded with a synopsis of my OP.

He said " i wont really stop until one of us married or we marry each other. how things with deude? the dude"

I said: "Here we go again. These interactions are a source of stress to me. I feel like I'm being forced to communicate. We are cordial and that's great. I'm willing to help you out if it's needed but this is just a bit much."

And he agreed to leave me alone.

This week has been filled with a lot of anxiety.
 
Another way to contact you... that's what they do. Then act as if they are contacting you in a regular degular kind of way. :lol:

This dude just threw a mini tantrum bc I told him I'm not ready for a relationship. Thought of this thread. I used to feel sorry then give in, which always equated a personal hell for me somewhere down the line. I will not be bullied. Just when I'm doing better and beginning to really enjoy my life again, here come some ncca. Nope. Not this time.
 
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It's crazy... you think you're "doing him a favor" and secretly he's thinking he's the man. Like he's all that to have you going behind your man's back to continue to talk to him.

AND of course, no girl of HIS will talk to any other man like that. But, he's willing to F your shyt all up for his ego.
 
See... I don't have that type of patience. I don't like it when someone goes out of their way to go against me or antagonize me.

He really doesn't give a damn about your feelings. The moment he told me "I won't stop until..." after I already politely told him how I felt?
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I would have told him to F off. And I probably would have added a few other things to get his mind right. But my mouth is vicious.
 
Kindheart said:
I would just ignore him ,blocking him is agressive ,if he s a good person and you have history together I don't think this is the right move . I only block di*h**s ,at the end of the day we should always respect people.
eta: slow fade or ignore completely .
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He is being a dick. He's completely disregarding her feelings and request. This is how they keep doing this, we don't have to be nice to everyone.

Block and ignore all future attempts.
 
LiftedUp said:
LHCF does that to me lol!

I thought twice about updating but... say what.

So he found another way to contact me and asked me about my day. I responded with a synopsis of my OP.

He said " i wont really stop until one of us married or we marry each other. how things with deude? the dude"

I said: "Here we go again. These interactions are a source of stress to me. I feel like I'm being forced to communicate. We are cordial and that's great. I'm willing to help you out if it's needed but this is just a bit much."

And he agreed to leave me alone.

This week has been filled with a lot of anxiety.
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Well damn stalker much? This dude is a controlling, self-centered a$$hole! What part of "no" doesn't he understand? Nothing riles me up more than folks who don't respect your limits.
 
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