He Asks Me Out Then Bamboozles Me Into Paying: Updated

[Black Ambrosia]

I'm not sure he's worth the trouble at this point but I'd let him know how the first date went in your opinion. The money spent isn't really the issue. It's moreso about you being inconvenienced by the expensive uber then him dropping hints that he doesn't want to eat. You both have different expectations.

At a minimum he could've selected a more convenient location for you and paid for a meal. Since he picked the location the meal wouldn't have necessarily been expensive. This whole thing feels really one sided. Based on the first date, I wouldn't consider going out with him again.

 

[Bunnyhaslonghair]

Girl...he is playing games already. Seeing what's the least he can do to get you.

The only thing IMO to maybe fix this situation is to tell him about himself. Tell him that he will need to travel to you or provide transportation AND pay for the date if there is to be a second date with you. Tell him you won't be traveling to meet him again. Don't laugh or play or joke when you say it. One of two things will happen:

1) He will decide not to date you and/or refuse to meet those standards.

2) He will cut the crap and meet those standards because he doesn't want to miss out on dating you.

If he's number 1, he is not worth your time anyway. But honestly sounds like he might be a bad apple, OP.

 

[hopeful]

So he did pay for your meal on the first date? If he did it sounds like he did it begrudgingly because he just wanted to "talk". Please leave him alone. He is a jerk. You saying you wanted to select the place should have been welcomed. There was nothing unfeminine about you wanting to select the place for the date. You did nothing wrong. This is a selfish, I am the prize kind of guy. If you must, ask him if he is serious about you paying for the date. Then when he undoubtedly says yes, tell him you are going to cancel. Do not explain why. Just cancel, get off the phone, and BLOCK him. The first date was trash and if you go on a second date you will be very disappointed. This is not the guy for you.

I would also like to point out the red flags because it's not just about the money. Some guys throw money around but are still selfish and entitled.

Dump him because he:
1) Didn't offer to pay for your Uber
2) Invited you on a date then made you uncomfortable for actually ordering food.
3) Half-hearted hug good bye.
4) Angry at you for wanting to select the place for the next date then behaves passive aggressively and saying you should pay. He is very controlling. He is not a gentleman in the least.
5) Should have asked you where you wanted to go in the first place.

 

[RocStar]

He's a VERY good looking man who has money. I guess he doesn't feel he has to "woo" me... *shrugs" I would like to be wooed though

If he doesn't think you are good enough to spend money on, what he has doesn't matter.

I don't understand why you would even consider a second date. From what you have shared thus far, the first date sounds horrible.

 

[Bunnyhaslonghair]

It sounds like you really like him due to your willingness to: travel for a first date, accept plans through text, accept the second date when the first one went bad, and negotiate on what you want.

He is probably feeding off all of this. Men can be smart. He already knows you want him. You will need to reel in those emotions and treat him like the potential suitor he is. He is not running things or in any place to be teaching you lessons right now. His is one man of many that is priveldged to date you right now.

 

[Ipanema]

He has no right to teach you lessons like you're a child. He sounds controlling, cheap, nonchalant... He's a jerk.

 

[WhoIAm]

He's a Scorpio head DEAD honest about me paying. Scorpio's say what they mean and mean what they say. I know, I'm one lol

On the first date I paid over $100 for an uber ride to meet with him at "his chosen location" when I got to the lounge he made it clear by his gestures he didn't want to have dinner and just chat it up. I ordered anyway and he followed my lead and ordered but didn't eat his salad. When the date was over, he gave me a half hug while getting in his uber. (The date wasn't worth my uber ride payment).


The date wasn't horrible. He held the door for me, but didn't pull my chair. The conversation flowed, I never felt uncomfortable. He's a VERY good looking man who has money. I guess he doesn't feel he has to "woo" me... *shrugs" I would like to be wooed though

After all this you're willing to go out with him again?

Please don't play yourself. He's a bonafide aswipe.

 

[awhyley]

Yep, it's ova baby. Nothin to see here.

 

[KidneyBean86]

No ma'am!

 

[NaturalRed]

Girl......don't do it. Cancel and KIM.

 

[Theresamonet]

How are you going to invite someone on a date to a RESTAURANT that's far enough away for the Uber to be $100... and just want to talk??

 

[strenght81]

Yep, it's ova baby. Nothin to see here.

Lol!!

 

[strenght81]

How are you going to invite someone on a date to a RESTAURANT that's far enough away for the Uber to be $100... and just want to talk??

These NYC streets! I live in a diff borough and during traffic smh! I was the idiot in this to accept even though he asked if it was okay with me. I made my bed and now I have to lay in it. Lesson learned.

 

[strenght81]

It sounds like you really like him due to your willingness to: travel for a first date, accept plans through text, accept the second date when the first one went bad, and negotiate on what you want.

He is probably feeding off all of this. Men can be smart. He already knows you want him. You will need to reel in those emotions and treat him like the potential suitor he is. He is not running things or in any place to be teaching you lessons right now. His is one man of many that is priveldged to date you right now.

I'm not afraid to lose him. I'm back in the dating scene after two years of not dating at all. I am using these experiences as practice. I had four guys in rotation, I Let go of two and he's about to be the third!

Ladies I am canceling tomorrow morning and give no F's about it. Thank you all for giving me the boost to do what my mind and heart is calling me to do.

 

[Bunnyhaslonghair]

I'm not afraid to lose him. I'm back in the dating scene after two years of not dating at all. I am using these experiences as practice. I had four guys in rotation, I Let go of two and he's about to be the third!

Ladies I am canceling tomorrow morning and give no F's about it. Thank you all for giving me the boost to do what my mind and heart is calling me to do.

I'm glad OP. There are so many fish in the sea

 

[strenght81]

Did you expect anyone on here to say yes?

I had no expectations. Just openly looking for advice and I got it. *shrugs* I'm thankful

 

[tibb1908]

It's not you, It's him! He wouldn't get the pleasure of dating me.

 

[JerriBlank]

I only spend money to look good for a date. End of story. I might square up and swing on a dude asking me to pay for a date, right there at the table. Put em up bih, since u seem to want a homeboy! Smh.

 

[bellatiamarie]

I only spend money to look good for a date. End of story. I might square up and swing on a dude asking me to pay for a date, right there at the table. Put em up bih, since u seem to want a homeboy! Smh.

That part.

 

[LovelyRo]

There would be no second date after I paid $100 for Uber. Actually, there wouldn't have been a first date because Uber provides an estimate. This is clearly about what's convenient for him... he should be making plans that are convenient for you and considerate of you.

 

[LovelyRo]

I only spend money to look good for a date. End of story. I might square up and swing on a dude asking me to pay for a date, right there at the table. Put em up bih, since u seem to want a homeboy! Smh.

 

[WhoIAm]

How are you going to invite someone on a date to a RESTAURANT that's far enough away for the Uber to be $100... and just want to talk??

It really is a shankable offense.

I'm mad all over again.

 

[Rastafarai]

Lol I never paid. Oh no no no! Never on a first date !

Sweety, you paid $100 to get to him. You lost both time and money. A real man would have paid for your transport to and from if you decided to cab it instead of drive. He would have also let you do the choosing for dining.

He's a dud, and its my hope you keep it moving.

 

[Rastafarai]

How are you going to invite someone on a date to a RESTAURANT that's far enough away for the Uber to be $100... and just want to talk??

I can't with ya'll!

Ladies, I ain't know it was this bad in the dating game. OP, girl, you'll be alright. **** the looks and salary. That doesn't make a good man.

 

[strenght81]

There would be no second date after I paid $100 for Uber. Actually, there wouldn't have been a first date because Uber provides an estimate. This is clearly about what's convenient for him... he should be making plans that are convenient for you and considerate of you.

I was mad at myself when I seen the estimate and when I got in the cab I told the cab driver this is ridiculous a woman is paying to see a guy, it shld be the other way around. I wld never do this again. The cab driver stated: if he was paying the cab ride it wldnt be a problem.

When I got to the restaurant I complained about the distance. Instead of offering to pay he was shocked and then replied there is a train station right down the block. Smh He later told me he was worth the trip. No bruh, you're not. Later on we both got an uber and his came first.

The fact that I was choosing the location, he told me he will meet me wherever I wanted.

As I said lesson learned. I'm happy for this experience. This was the first and last time I will do this for ANY man. One of my friends don't understand why I'm canceling and thinks I'm overreacting because men say black women are too difficult. Well I'll be difficult and gain respect by not allowing fools to take advantage of a situation. He got me **'*up!

 

[qchelle]

I was mad at myself when I seen the estimate and when I got in the cab I told the cab driver this is ridiculous a woman is paying to see a guy, it shld be the other way around. I wld never do this again. The cab driver stated: if he was paying the cab ride it wldnt be a problem.

When I got to the restaurant I complained about the distance. Instead of offering to pay he was shocked and then replied there is a train station right down the block. Smh He later told me he was worth the trip. No bruh, you're not. Later on we both got an uber and his came first.

The fact that I was choosing the location, he told me he will meet me wherever I wanted.

As I said lesson learned. I'm happy for this experience. This was the first and last time I will do this for ANY man. One of my friends don't understand why I'm canceling and thinks I'm overreacting because men say black women are too difficult. Well I'll be difficult and gain respect by not allowing fools to take advantage of a situation. He got me f'ed up!

!

 

[MzLady78]

[When I got to the restaurant I complained about the distance. Instead of offering to pay he was shocked and then replied there is a train station right down the block. Smh He later told me he was worth the trip. No bruh, you're not. Later on we both got an uber and his came first.

OMG, it just gets worse.

This thread should have never happened because a 2nd date shouldn't have been an option.

Please stick to your guns and don't ever talk to this ahole again.

 

[WhoIAm]

I'm not afraid to lose him. I'm back in the dating scene after two years of not dating at all. I am using these experiences as practice. I had four guys in rotation, I Let go of two and he's about to be the third!

Ladies I am canceling tomorrow morning and give no F's about it. Thank you all for giving me the boost to do what my mind and heart is calling me to do.

Since he's a Scorpio, talk to him in a language he understands.

Tell him you're okay with paying for dinner to expect a treat and to be there about 6. Pick a restaurant about $150 away from him that you've been just dying to try. When he gets there and calls, tell him you're 20 minutes away and to go ahead and order drinks and appetizers because you are starving. Do that about 2 or 3 times. Then stop answering his calls, then block him.

Thats how you get your $100 back in petty.

 

[Honey Bee]

These NYC streets! I live in a diff borough and during traffic smh! I was the idiot in this to accept even though he asked if it was okay with me. I made my bed and now I have to lay in it. Lesson learned.

I was mad at myself when I seen the estimate and when I got in the cab I told the cab driver this is ridiculous a woman is paying to see a guy, it shld be the other way around. I wld never do this again. The cab driver stated: if he was paying the cab ride it wldnt be a problem.

When I got to the restaurant I complained about the distance. Instead of offering to pay he was shocked and then replied there is a train station right down the block. Smh He later told me he was worth the trip. No bruh, you're not. Later on we both got an uber and his came first.

The fact that I was choosing the location, he told me he will meet me wherever I wanted.

As I said lesson learned. I'm happy for this experience. This was the first and last time I will do this for ANY man. One of my friends don't understand why I'm canceling and thinks I'm overreacting because men say black women are too difficult. Well I'll be difficult and gain respect by not allowing fools to take advantage of a situation. He got me f'ed up!

Wow. Ok, I somehow forgot you lived in NYC. I haven't been single for a looooong time but even in high school and college, I never handled transportation for a date. And it's not like the treatment I demanded was expected generally, they just knew not to play with me. I had notoriously cheap guys (but FINE) who didn't pay for nothing ever paying for my cabs. ***.

You need to change your steez. You seem like a woman who would take the train to a date. Don't be like that.

I notice that a lot of women give off an 'I can handle anything' vibe that discourages men from actively caring for you. Even the married ladies here sometimes talk about how hard it is to let a man take care of you, and they talking bout husbands! Now, I'm definitely not saying that you shouldn't remain your core self, a Ny woman who stay ready, lol, but whatever you're doing is conveying that message to the men you're dating, i.e. the men you're interviewing for the job of taking care of you. See how that may cause some crossed wires?

I can't say what you're doing to convey that. All I know is, your marketing is not attracting the desired consumer.

 

[Topsido]

I join the ladies in saying that first date was horrible.