to be friends with an attractive female coworker? My girlfriend and her husband of 15 yrs are having major disagreements over him being friends with an attractive co-worker. My friend met this co-worker in person at her DH's company party along with other co-workers she has met previously. So the other co-workers were sure to inform her about the friendly conversations her DH has with this co-worker, mostly initiated by DH. The overall character of this co-worker is that she is professional, attractive, very well liked by the male and female co-workers and SINGLE. My girlfriend and her DH has had major disagreements about this 'issue'. She doesn't want her DH to associate with the co-worker unless it is absolutely necessary for work. DH is defiant and feels that my girlfriend is trying to control him and is being unreasonable. My girlfriend has threatened to leave him, and he has dug his heels in. Lastly, I must add that the co-workers who informed my girlfriend about the friendship also mentioned that DH looks at this co-worker as if he is attracted to her, but the co-worker has yet to notice or just doesn't show any interest. Does girlfriend have the right to dictate whether her DH has a friendship with this particular co-worker?
I would allow it although
allow isn't the true word for it. He's going to do whatever he wants and it's pretty clear he ain't thinking about her feelings. Honestly, his defiance would be alarming to me and I would re-evaluate the relationship.
*Her attractiveness is of no consequence because plenty of men cheat with women who aren't as attractive as their wives or SOs. The true issues are: he initiates (flirty?) interaction with the co-worker, his disregard for the wife's feelings and his outright refusal to adjust his behavior after he was confronted.
I can't speak on whether the coworkers were being messy because on one hand we expect people to mind their business but then get resentful if we find out friends/associates were smiling in our faces knowing full well our spouses were screwing everything with a hole. The coworkers may feel there's enough personal history to pull her aside and let her know the truth or she may have a sweet, inviting demeanor. I'm inclined to believe whatever they told her is just the tip of the iceberg. Almost everyone talks at work, hangs out, goes to happy hour etc. What is really going on that they felt the need to give her a heads up?
I feel like your friend has a right to be concerned. I'm not a person who thinks men won't notice attractive women or have female friends but it sounds like he is lusting after his coworker and going out of his way to speak to her. I'm a Cap and the quickest way to get kicked out of my life is to publicly humiliate me and this scenario sounds quite embarrassing. The fact that he's crushing on some woman, googly eyes and all, is offensive enough but he's being sloppy with it, too?!
And what does being friends with this woman entail? Texting? Talking on the phone? Going to lunch? My SO has female friends but they go months without speaking, don't go anywhere together and he's very transparent about his interactions with them. This man would not be able to rest at night if he thought I was upset with him so I can't imagine him dismissing my feelings about one of his friends or coworkers. Actually, I think that's the part that's getting under my skin - not that he messed up - but that he won't correct his behavior.
*Side note: I say her attractiveness is of no consequence because a man who has given himself permission to cheat is not holding out for the day he runs into Halle Berry at Whole Foods. I used to work with a short, overweight woman who looked like queen of the trailer park. She had the attention of several men at work because she used to demonstrate that her head game was so good she could make a man come in 3 minutes or less.
But that doesn't sound like that's what's happening here. OP are they hanging out during off-work hours? Is he doing favors for her above and beyond what's appropriate? Are there texts/calls at weird hours? Is he confiding in her? If not, I'd say there isn't a friendship he's just being 'friendly.' Now whether or not he's crossing the line depends on their relationship, how strong the trust is, if he's cheated before etc. But I'm throwing huge shade at the co-workers for telling the wife because they seem like they want her to think something inappropriate is going on. They need to cut that out.
She might end up leaving him for something I said.
