Everything Zen
Well-Known Member
So, did you and Ken get it on or what?
Damn! Did you even skim my post? NO
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My Friends GF has banned him from speaking to me......
- Thread starter sky_blu
- Start date
Damn! Did you even skim my post? NO
NYAmicas
Seeker
Aint that the truth!
DH made the decision for himself when we started dating and told all his female "friends" he was off the market and he wouldnt be talking to them any longer. At first I didnt agree and didnt care who he talked to but he felt that was the best decision for our relationship. You know the ones who knew we were getting married only tried harder? Some begged.
Even though I didnt understand when he made that decision early on it has really made our relationship easier.
sunflower
New Member
No I have not ever banned my boyfriend (now husband ) from having GF. Truth be told he has never really had a girl that was a friend. I have told him to stop carpooling with a woman that I had issues with. I did not think the woman was trying to get my husband and it would not matter if she was because my husband is not that type of man. I have no trust issues with him so it was not about insecurity it was about the maturity of this woman.
My husband knows this woman because he is good friends with her boyfriend now husband. My husband's friend is younger than my husband so I assumed that the woman was around the same age as her boyfriend (mid 20's). My husband would come home and tell me about her and his friend, just a little small talk. One day my husband tells me the woman tells my husband that she thinks she is fat at 130lbs. I'm thinking to myself what woman tells a man that she is not intimate with that she thinks she is fat? I remind myself that she is young and let it go. My husband then goes on to tell me that she is divorced because her husband cheated on her. I think why is this woman telling all her business to my husband does she really know him like that? They all work together, my husband, the boyfriend, the woman. I let that go because I'm thinking well it is a 30min ride home so they need something to talk about. Keep in mind she has only known my husband for a couple of months. One day I look at my husband and say why did that woman tell you she is divorced because her husband cheated on her? That sent red flags off because it was almost like she was giving an excuse as to why she was divorced. I told my husband that I though it was unprofessional for her to be saying that considering her ex husband is still in the service and that he was an officer. If it got around that she was telling folks that ,considering the ex husbands rank, it could mean trouble for everyone and who knows if it is even true. There are always two sides to every story.
One day my husband dropped the bombshell when he told me this woman was in her 30's. I almost fell out because (based on what my husband was telling me about the woman) I thought she was younger. I could not imagine a professional, woman her age telling all her business and fishing for compliments from men that she was not intimate with. I told my husband no more carpooling with her. I do not care if he talks to her at work; I told him I do not even care if he wants to be her friend. I did tell him that a woman who tells all like that will tell anything. People talk and this woman seems to love to talk. I have no idea what she is telling people and we all know that men do not think the same way we do. I am a very private person and I did not want my husband discussing details of our relationship to her so that she can go run her mouth to everyone that he works with.
For me it was not about me thinking my husband would step out it was about the maturity level of this woman, the fact that she loves to tell her business, and it seems that she needs quite a bit of attention. I'm sorry this is so long I just wanted to give an example.
I hope everything works out and that you can continue to be friends with everyone including the GF. Sometimes it does not work out that way. She may be insecure or she may be a private person. She many know that you two talk about everything and she does not want her business out there. Whatever the reason I hope that he is not sneaking around being friends with you. If he values you as a friend then he should be proud of your friendship and keep your relationship in the open. I just wanted you to know that sometimes it is not about insecurity even though often times it is.
My husband knows this woman because he is good friends with her boyfriend now husband. My husband's friend is younger than my husband so I assumed that the woman was around the same age as her boyfriend (mid 20's). My husband would come home and tell me about her and his friend, just a little small talk. One day my husband tells me the woman tells my husband that she thinks she is fat at 130lbs. I'm thinking to myself what woman tells a man that she is not intimate with that she thinks she is fat? I remind myself that she is young and let it go. My husband then goes on to tell me that she is divorced because her husband cheated on her. I think why is this woman telling all her business to my husband does she really know him like that? They all work together, my husband, the boyfriend, the woman. I let that go because I'm thinking well it is a 30min ride home so they need something to talk about. Keep in mind she has only known my husband for a couple of months. One day I look at my husband and say why did that woman tell you she is divorced because her husband cheated on her? That sent red flags off because it was almost like she was giving an excuse as to why she was divorced. I told my husband that I though it was unprofessional for her to be saying that considering her ex husband is still in the service and that he was an officer. If it got around that she was telling folks that ,considering the ex husbands rank, it could mean trouble for everyone and who knows if it is even true. There are always two sides to every story.
One day my husband dropped the bombshell when he told me this woman was in her 30's. I almost fell out because (based on what my husband was telling me about the woman) I thought she was younger. I could not imagine a professional, woman her age telling all her business and fishing for compliments from men that she was not intimate with. I told my husband no more carpooling with her. I do not care if he talks to her at work; I told him I do not even care if he wants to be her friend. I did tell him that a woman who tells all like that will tell anything. People talk and this woman seems to love to talk. I have no idea what she is telling people and we all know that men do not think the same way we do. I am a very private person and I did not want my husband discussing details of our relationship to her so that she can go run her mouth to everyone that he works with.
For me it was not about me thinking my husband would step out it was about the maturity level of this woman, the fact that she loves to tell her business, and it seems that she needs quite a bit of attention. I'm sorry this is so long I just wanted to give an example.
I hope everything works out and that you can continue to be friends with everyone including the GF. Sometimes it does not work out that way. She may be insecure or she may be a private person. She many know that you two talk about everything and she does not want her business out there. Whatever the reason I hope that he is not sneaking around being friends with you. If he values you as a friend then he should be proud of your friendship and keep your relationship in the open. I just wanted you to know that sometimes it is not about insecurity even though often times it is.
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LiberianGirl
Well-Known Member
discobiscuits
New Member
A true friendship will survive all.
A true friend will at all times respect the relationship of the other friend and comply with that friend's wishes without taking it personally.
Speaking for myself: anytime I've had a male friend and his SO did not want him talking to any other females or female friends including me, I accepted it and supported their decision. In all cases, the relationship with that woman failed yet, my friendships remained in tact and we picked up where we left off. The new SOs or now wives all accept me and any other female friends with open arms. I'm welcome in their homes and around their children and there is no insecurity or jealousy or suspicion or any other negative quality because I am a friend of the family, not just the guy.
gabulldawg
Well-Known Member
Women KILL me with this insecure talk. 
"I mean, I don't know why she's trippin! All we did was sleep together, flirt all the time, I'm cool with his fam, AND he professed his undying love for me! Why shouldn't we continue to be friends??" 
erplexed
It's not always about trying to be in control, or being insecure. It's called having BOUNDARIES. Every SUCCESSFUL relationship has boundaries. I've never put an ultimatum on my man talking to other women, but I have expressed that I didn't like it and why. My ex even admitted that one of his female "friends" only tried to talk to him and hang out whenever she wasn't in a relationship. IMO, that's NOT appropriate, and he did what he had to do! I've never been a fan of opposite sex friendships, and don't believe in them. I don't believe that most (about 98%) of opposite sex friends are actual "friendships" (by the true definition) anyway. I.e., in OP's case, they have had SEX in the past. I haven't had sex with any of my friends!!! 
I think these types of "friendships" unneccessary drama. Find your own man!!!!
"I mean, I don't know why she's trippin! All we did was sleep together, flirt all the time, I'm cool with his fam, AND he professed his undying love for me! Why shouldn't we continue to be friends??" erplexed It's not always about trying to be in control, or being insecure. It's called having BOUNDARIES. Every SUCCESSFUL relationship has boundaries. I've never put an ultimatum on my man talking to other women, but I have expressed that I didn't like it and why. My ex even admitted that one of his female "friends" only tried to talk to him and hang out whenever she wasn't in a relationship. IMO, that's NOT appropriate, and he did what he had to do! I've never been a fan of opposite sex friendships, and don't believe in them. I don't believe that most (about 98%) of opposite sex friends are actual "friendships" (by the true definition) anyway.
I.e., in OP's case, they have had SEX in the past. I haven't had sex with any of my friends!!! I think these types of "friendships" unneccessary drama. Find your own man!!!!
Blossssom
New Member
Yea, what did he say? Honestly, WHY did he even tell you if he planned on continuing the friendship?
LOL!
Women are so stupid... y'all lucky, though. Real lucky
Don't ask me why... just be glad!
darlingdiva
Well-Known Member
Wow, she is bold.
He definitely did.
darlingdiva
Well-Known Member
Therein lies the difference. I understand that the person who was friends with your SO or DH before you came into the picture will have a different, probably even deeper,connection with your SO or DH than they have with you. That's not so much an issue. What is an issue, however, is when this person tries to have a relationship with your SO or DH ONLY (she calls the house and speaks with him without even saying, "Tell such-and-such I said hello, she won't come by the house to visit, she only goes out with your SO or DH, etc.). I'm not saying that you and the friend have to be bosom buddies, but if she's insistent about ONLY hanging out and communicating with your SO or DH--BEWARE!!!
Hi Ladies:
Thoughts on a similar topic: What if the couple in question is married, has been for a very long time 10-20 yrs,and all of a sudden the the husband locates an old flame on facebook and the calls and texts start all hours of the day and night, then suddenly there is a problem with the long term marriage relantionship, that the husband never indicated. Should the wife be concerned with the converstion between them?
Thoughts on a similar topic: What if the couple in question is married, has been for a very long time 10-20 yrs,and all of a sudden the the husband locates an old flame on facebook and the calls and texts start all hours of the day and night, then suddenly there is a problem with the long term marriage relantionship, that the husband never indicated. Should the wife be concerned with the converstion between them?
DarlingNikki
Well-Known Member
Has anyone ever banned there boyfriend from speaking to certain people and why? I think its ridiculous because we are NOT messing around like that and I'm the one that encouraged him to stick it out with her.Ugh! Im annoyed.
I would express genuine concern if my SO were "friends" with a female who he shared "energy" with and has been had in every which way she wanted him. You actually think that kind of concern is "ridiculous"?
Also, is she supposed to know that it is through your encouragement that he is still with her? Assuming she does not know this bit, I don't understand how that is even relevant to the doubts she is having. And it does not matter if you two are no longer "messing around"....the fact that you have is reason enough for her to pose her displeasure, and rightfully so. I wouldn't trust my SO's past sex partner turned "friend" either, so I completely understand her stance. I doubt if it has anything to do with her not trusting him.....she simply does not trust you.
If your intent was to ask a general question and receive non-biased answers why even mention the specifics of your situation?
DarlingNikki
Well-Known Member
Of course.
I think it may not be you, its probably that she doesn't trust him. Which if she couldn't trust him, then why would she be with him I DON'T KNOW!!! But, he might be a liar, so she doesn't know how far he would take it with you. Also, I don't always think its insesurity on the girls part. SHe might feel that way because she doesn't know you. And there are so girls who are straight SCANDALOUS!!! Not to even imply that you are, but that's just another perspective.
Barbie83
Well-Known Member
DarlingNikki, you taking the words right outta my mouth!!
OP, I don't think anyone is here to gang up on you, but after reading your posts carefully, you should see how this would make any girlfriend suspicious and concerned. Try to see it from GF's point of view: would you want a female "friend" (former bed buddy) hanging around your man? I mean, seriously.
Barbie83
Well-Known Member
Women KILL me with this insecure talk.
It's not always about trying to be in control, or being insecure. It's called having BOUNDARIES. Every SUCCESSFUL relationship has boundaries. I've never put an ultimatum on my man talking to other women, but I have expressed that I didn't like it and why. My ex even admitted that one of his female "friends" only tried to talk to him and hang out whenever she wasn't in a relationship. IMO, that's NOT appropriate, and he did what he had to do! I've never been a fan of opposite sex friendships, and don't believe in them. I don't believe that most (about 98%) of opposite sex friends are actual "friendships" (by the true definition) anyway.
Aint that the truth, child!!! I'm susbscribing, this is a very good thread
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Any suggestions the course of action the wife might take if in this situation?
I totally agree !
so what do you do then, if you are in this situation and you have expressed concern to the man / so /dh husband etc. so is this behavior supposed to be Ok or does a decision need to be made? become the 3rd wheel between them and make friends of the woman or leave the situation alone and let it continue or leave the man, becuase you absolutely do not like this.
NYAmicas
Seeker
Of course. And all hours of the day and night? No way, Hose. That sounds like something someone posted on here not too long ago. The husband got in touch with an ex he had never got over and the wife was crushed because she never thought there was any problems and saw no signs of him yearning for another woman. He got in touch with his ex and was ready to bounce.
I'd suggest counseling if possible. The wife shouldnt be made to feel uncomfortable and her wishes should be respected. Letting it continue may lead to accepting some more pain and hurt in the future.
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In this case advise won't matter. The only thing that comes to mind is that this very same situation is aiming back at you.but he still does anyway.
ETA: I'm not asking for advice I just wanted to see whose done it and your opinion of it. Grazie!
It's the only way that Life has of giving us the 'real' answers; via experience of the same situation. You're gonna live this one to understand and respect the reasons why.
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MissJ
Well-Known Member
That's not being insecure. That's being real! It's nipping it in the bud, before it becomes and even bigger/messier headache!Women KILL me with this insecure talk.
It's not always about trying to be in control, or being insecure. It's called having BOUNDARIES. Every SUCCESSFUL relationship has boundaries. I've never put an ultimatum on my man talking to other women, but I have expressed that I didn't like it and why. My ex even admitted that one of his female "friends" only tried to talk to him and hang out whenever she wasn't in a relationship. IMO, that's NOT appropriate, and he did what he had to do! I've never been a fan of opposite sex friendships, and don't believe in them. I don't believe that most (about 98%) of opposite sex friends are actual "friendships" (by the true definition) anyway.
gabulldawg
Well-Known Member
ITA, and women do it, too, which is why I don't really believe in opposite sex "friendships..."
gabulldawg
Well-Known Member
I used to hang around a lot of guys in college, but even then (before I ever became involved in a serious relationship) I knew that when they got serious with a woman, I would have to exit stage left. We still communicate every now and then, but definitely not regularly, and definitely not without me saying hello to their SO's...onyxdreams
Well-Known Member
If the wife is that uncomfortable with his friendship she should tell her husband point blank.I would also ask him if it would be "cool" for me to have a male friend that I share "things" with.When you get married your best friend should be the person you are married to.
If he doesn't get the message, do exactly what you stated get your a male friend(keep it clean)Let him get a dose.
JMO
kayte
Well-Known Member
in intimate relationships...three's a crowd.
so it's not so much right now about what you think or feel
about their relationship that is their business
and no one else's.
I don't think the issue is banning ....
basically..she let him know she dint like the two of you in cahoots
{shrug} he's doing it anyway....
but as long as you say "between me and him" ...that's significant wording OP,
sounds like ...sorry to say..like..... possesiveness and secret intimacy.
..and you help fuel uncertainty and usurp her rightful place
with dividing his loyalty.
he is supposed to be in a couple ..you see,
and there should never be a just between me and him
..when its ..him with her
and ...if you claim not only that you were sexual together
but also ...how.... you were sexual..... well.... that sounds like.
..sorry..again!...but like.. bragging as well as possesiveness
that's what comes through strong in your post ..
this does not seem to include respect for his relationship
the post almost seems patronizing where GF is concerned
I suppose its partially because BF doesn't respect it,either.
so...if I ...an un-involved female is picking up this vibe
..well...it must even more accute {and painful} for her.
Don't blame her because she's naiively trying to fix the unfixable
by "banning". She'll learn in time an untrustworthy male cannot be fixed.
she can only fix herself and drop his unworthy *&^%%.
this is not a friendly guy,btw..he's playing you both...
both women are vulnerable ..he's not!
but you OP... put yourself there ..you can change the equation
can you be supportive to you and to him by detaching instead of claiming him?
the poster who loved her male friends to step back.... step back...I think is a good model to follow..but maybe this is the lesson for both of you ...
this sad triangle..
but maybe you might believe,you don't need THIS friend THAT bad...
especially in such a way that endangers his own primary relationship
because if you do ..
wow.....
frankly..... I hope she continues to trust her excellent instincts
and dump him rapidly....she deserves better
so do you~not just from him..but from yourself
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caltron
Well-Known Member
In a marriages and serious committed relationships, there really isn't much room for other close friendships and the friendships that do remain are a lot different than they were before. This is not just the case with male friends, but with female friends as well. When you're married, your whole mindset changes. You don't really feel like going clubbing with your friends anymore, and men may not feel like hanging out with their female friends like they used to do.
I think the big adjustment is that you can't just be a friend to the male friend anymore because he is now one with his wife. You have to be friends with the union. It's hard for single same-sex friends to make the adjustment, but it's even more difficult platonic friends because of the weirdness of it all.
I think the big adjustment is that you can't just be a friend to the male friend anymore because he is now one with his wife. You have to be friends with the union. It's hard for single same-sex friends to make the adjustment, but it's even more difficult platonic friends because of the weirdness of it all.
MissNina
Libra Girl
Exaaaaaactly. I've been asked countless times to stop talking to some of guy friends, but since most of my closest friends are men, that's like asking me to give up my inner circle. I politely told him NO and to kick rocks on that. I offered to introduce them and I invited my ex along places and stuff. He didn't want to go usually, but that's on him. I still went.
Whoever I end up marrying won't have an issue with this b/c I will be this way when we're dating. So, I'm thinking, he will already know the deal and if he couldn't handle it, he prob wouldn't marry me. As long as my friend and I aren't going to the movies at night alone or anything it shouldn't matter.
I think it would say more to the gf that he lied to her and still talks to you rather than him just being upfront on it from jump. Now that would make ME wonder.
Ill tell you a little story
This friend of mine was dating this girl. She never liked me and thought I was after her man and that he liked me. Long story short, I married that man and she swears we were messing around the whole time.
I think it's sad that he won't respect his GF's request, if he really cares for her I would think he would.erplexed
This friend of mine was dating this girl. She never liked me and thought I was after her man and that he liked me. Long story short, I married that man and she swears we were messing around the whole time.
I think it's sad that he won't respect his GF's request, if he really cares for her I would think he would.
erplexed
-1 of the marriage side. I'm not giving up my friends.That said, I'm not listening to a gf about who I can and can not be friends with. If there is a ring, then discussion about it is possible an option.
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