Has your SO/ DH ever banned you from doing anything?

[melissa-bee]

Basically my friend has just text me saying that her fiancé has banned her from clubbing.

I don't know if I should be worried about her and the relationship she is in.
They've KNOWN each other for about 6 months and she's just got officially engaged, but they've been unofficially engaged for about 4 months. She's 23 and he's 33.
This evening we were discussing what to do for my b'day this weekend, and I already said I'm not feeling going clubbing. Then she text me that her fiancé has banned her from clubbing. I asked her why and she text back "he doesn't want any other man trying it" I asked her how she feels about it and she replies "she doesn't like clubbing anymore so she doesn't really care."

I'm not trying to be in her business but I don't think the issue is whether or not she still likes clubbing or not. The issue is that he is imposing bans on her. And the age difference I think plays apart because he is a grown man and it's not like he doesn't know what he's doing and how he's saying it.

Should I be worried for her or just leave her to think for her self?

Also for further discussion has a SO/DH tried to ban you from doing something and how did that turn out?

 

[indarican]

I only tolerate it if its in my best interest... i used to have a habit of going to the corner store all hours of night 1 am, 3 am whatever... then there was a string of attacks by my block. His exact words were no more late night candy runs, and if you must go wake me to go with you.
Anything else he can do jumping jacks on thumb tacs

 

[MzLady78]

I asked her why and she text back "he doesn't want any other man trying it"

I don't see this going well.

 

[Blkrose]

^^i totally agree

 

[nappystorm]

Someone banned me from putting Beyonce on his Ipod

 

[SoopremeBeing]

I had an ex back in 2008 that did not like me going out with friends or even being on MySpace/Facebook. He always though that I was going to cheat on him or something. I remember one night, I went to the club with co-workers, and one of my co-workers got into a fight. I told him about it when I got home, and then WE got into an argument! Ugh...

 

[Softerlove]

Basically my friend has just text me saying that her fiancé has banned her from clubbing.

I don't know if I should be worried about her and the relationship she is in.
They've KNOWN each other for about 6 months and she's just got officially engaged, but they've been unofficially engaged for about 4 months. She's 23 and he's 33.
This evening we were discussing what to do for my b'day this weekend, and I already said I'm not feeling going clubbing. Then she text me that her fiancé has banned her from clubbing. I asked her why and she text back "he doesn't want any other man trying it" I asked her how she feels about it and she replies "she doesn't like clubbing anymore so she doesn't really care."

I'm not trying to be in her business but I don't think the issue is whether or not she still likes clubbing or not. The issue is that he is imposing bans on her. And the age difference I think plays apart because he is a grown man and it's not like he doesn't know what he's doing and how he's saying it.

Should I be worried for her or just leave her to think for her self?

Also for further discussion has a SO/DH tried to ban you from doing something and how did that turn out?

1.My dude knows better...

2. Im 24, So is 33 & he is mature enough to know that the club is not the only place where men are, so "banning from the club" makes no sense.

I think this is a relationship security issue. He may be saying he has an issue with the club, but it sounds like he has trust/relationship security issues.

Time will tell, its only been 6 mo.

 

[melissa-bee]

I don't see this going well.

Lawd. I know it's hard to say when you don't know every detail and even I don't know how they interact behind closed doors, but if your friend said this too you what would you say?
I don't think it's my place to get involved and I've never really been engaged and living someone before so I don't think she would look to me as someone to take relationship advice from.

I just worry that there has been 1 ban in 6 months, goodness knows what's going to happen after they marry next year. Or am I thinking negatively?

 

[MzLady78]

Lawd. I know it's hard to say when you don't know every detail and even I don't know how they interact behind closed doors, but if your friend said this too you what would you say?
I don't think it's my place to get involved and I've never really been engaged and living someone before so I don't think she would look to me as someone to take relationship advice from.

I just worry that there has been 1 ban in 6 months, goodness knows what's going to happen after they marry next year. Or am I thinking negatively?

Honestly, IDK what I would say, or if I'd say anything. One thing I've learned is that when it comes to relationships, people are gonna do what they're gonna do (speaking for myself as well.)

I could see if she was spending so much time in the club and not enough with him, or something like that. But the fact that his concern is about other guys sounds to me like he may have some security and/or control issues, especially considering the age difference.

 

[melissa-bee]

1.My dude knows better...

2. Im 24, So is 33 & he is mature enough to know that the club is not the only place where men are, so "banning from the club" makes no sense.

I think this is a relationship security issue. He may be saying he has an issue with the club, but it sounds like he has trust/relationship security issues.

Time will tell, its only been 6 mo.

To me it sounds like a lot more of a trust issue. I'm not saying that a 33 year old man can't have trust issues but he's not her dad to be imposing bans. They live together, how is she gonna find time to cheat?

You are right it's only been 6 months I think I'm just going to keep my mouth quiet this time.

 

[ScorpioBeauty09]

The issue isn't clubbing but control. He's trying to control her. She doesn't mind because she's not a club person. Well what's she gonna do when he tries to ban her from something she actually enjoys? Unless it concerns something related to my safety like what indarican was talking about, I wouldn't tolerate it. I know it's only been 6 months but the guy's true colors are coming out.

 

[hopeful]

Like an earlier poster said sometimes it's in our best interest and kinda cute. I have been walking quite a bit lately and dh has banned me from walking at night. It makes him very nervous and I appreciate his concern.

We have had quite a few discussions on LHCF about clubbing. I would not ban a guy from clubbing but I also would not marry a guy who planned to continue clubbing. Clubbing generally involves drinking and dancing with the opposite sex. For the life of me I can't imagine how that would be fun if you are in a committed relationship. To me it's about boundaries and respect. But that's me.

So for now I don't think you need to worry about your gf. Seems to me she'd rather be a married woman who doesn't club vs. single and do as she pleases. If he starts trying to tell her how to dress, wear her hair, and who to be friends with, I would be concerned, but to me this is not a biggy. I am also assuming he told her that he didn't want his fiance/wife out clubbing and she said okay, I don't like it that much anyway. Assuming it's not a I forbid you to this or that kind of situation.

 

[MD_Lady]

...This evening we were discussing what to do for my b'day this weekend, and I already said I'm not feeling going clubbing. Then she text me that her fiancé has banned her from clubbing. I asked her why and she text back "he doesn't want any other man trying it" I asked her how she feels about it and she replies "she doesn't like clubbing anymore so she doesn't really care."...

I have news for this dude... if his SO is interested in other men "trying it", "banning" her from going to the club isn't going to do a doggone thing to stop it.

 

[barbiesocialite]

I'm always dating/in relationships with people that ban me from doing and saying certain things. I don't even flinch. I'm used to it because my father was like that too with my mom. I simply prefer alphas. It's usually not worth arguing about anyway because I like those types of dominant personalities and they tend to need to be right or think they know or have the answer to everything. *shrugs*

 

[Syrah]

Putting soap in his cast iron pots and putting 89 octane (instead of super) in his car.

Other than that, no. And I'd side-eye any man that thought he could "ban" me from doing things.

At the same token, I side-eye females who continue to engage in single behavior while in a relationship knowing damn well if he did the same thing, there would be an issue. And we all know chicks who like to the go to the club and "act single" (getting numbers, grinding etc). So maybe he has a point or maybe he's being overbearing - its too early to tell.

 

[MD_Lady]

1.My dude knows better...

2. Im 24, So is 33 & he is mature enough to know that the club is not the only place where men are, so "banning from the club" makes no sense.

I think this is a relationship security issue. He may be saying he has an issue with the club, but it sounds like he has trust/relationship security issues.

Time will tell, its only been 6 mo.

I never understood the people who felt they could prevent their partner from cheating by monopolizing their time or "forbiding" them to go to certain places. I know people who've met SOs at work, in the grocery store, walking down the street, at the gas station, etc. Why some folks delude themselves into thinking that there's one, set place people go to hook up, I'll never know.

 

[Arcadian]

My husband has never banned me from anything. Made suggestions that I reconsider somethings, sure!

Thats the most and best he gets from me

I don't ban him from doing anything at all because in my book, he's a grown arse man. By the same token, I'm a grown arse woman so my expectation is that he treats me accordingly.


-A

 

[allmundjoi]

Cursing. He says I curse more following a session hanging with male friends/colleagues. He cringes if I say dayum.

And no short skirts. I like them dangerously short with some killa heels. Now that I can wear high heels again, I am killing it with my skirts. I told him if he didnt like ir, get me a new wardrobe...lol, he did-skirts past my knees.

 

[fletgee]

I have never had this problem. Either in my teen years thru my adulthood a boyfriend or so has never attempted to tell me what to do.

I am by nature a quiet person. However, don't try to cross me or tell me what to do.

 

[barbiesocialite]

Cursing. He says I curse more following a session hanging with male friends/colleagues. He cringes if I say dayum.

And no short skirts. I like them dangerously short with some killa heels. Now that I can wear high heels again, I am killing it with my skirts. I told him if he didnt like ir, get me a new wardrobe...lol, he did-skirts past my knees.

omg, I'm always hearing "your mouth, watch your mouth!" ninja **** you!

He banned me from talkin to his friends when he's not around. You never know what I'm about to say next

ETA: SO and a number of my exes have also tried to ban alcohol. I don't date people that drink even though I do and I do understand the point as being in my & their best interest because I tend to be an extremely emotional person when I've been drinking. Maybe later I will listen but I only drink wine @ dinner a few days a week so for now I think they need to loosen up and relax

 

[Evolving78]

my SO told me the same thing! ITA. if it is in my best interest, then he is the Boss! but i still have my own mind!

I only tolerate it if its in my best interest... i used to have a habit of going to the corner store all hours of night 1 am, 3 am whatever... then there was a string of attacks by my block. His exact words were no more late night candy runs, and if you must go wake me to go with you.
Anything else he can do jumping jacks on thumb tacs

 

[crlsweetie912]

I'm stuck on the part where they have only known each other for 6 months, been "unofficially engaged" for 4 months? How well does she really know this man? This would be a bit of a red flag for me. Like someone else said, what else is he going to "ban" her from doing?

 

[Klearli]

I kind of wanted this to be a funny thread where we talked about silly things were banned from. Shucks.

But OP, from the snippet of your friends life you've told us about, that would be a red flag. I know some people think men are jealous because they love us, but that's really not love IMO. Its control...and if he controls clubbing, he will probably try to control any situation where men are involved and he doesn't go even if its a wine tasting or a charity event. I would just tell her how you feel to put a bug in her ear, but that's it. I wouldn't harp on it.

Sent from my T-Mobile G2 using T-Mobile G2

 

[MissMasala5]

My DH has banned me from watching Glee episodes while he is in the house.

 

[barbiesocialite]

My DH has banned me from watching Glee episodes while he is in the house.

why????

 

[MissMasala5]

why????

He absolutely LOATHES that show. He has always had a negative thing about musicals and show tunes, anyway. So when they are performing a show tune that I like, I'm inclined to sing along, complete with moves and gestures and that just drives him insane. I have likewise banned him from watching Cops while me and the girls are at home

 

[ThickHair]

It starts off with banning her from the club, then pretty soon it will be other things. He seems to be the controlling type.

If your friend wasn't in to clubs she would have never gone or considered going in the first place. I agree with Mz Lady, this isn't going to end well. Soon you are going to be banned because you go to clubs.

Not saying dude is abusive, but watch for signs that he is starting to put space between her and her friends then her family, so that he is the only one. Oh, that is when the Jedi mind tricks start.

 

[tru4reele]

My SO wouldn't even try that mess. We don't have that kind of relationship. Only obvious things are off limits, but those things go without saying. An ex tried to ban me from talking to his friend. I told his friend one day that his haircut looked nice. My ex told me later he didn't like the way I looked at him and asked if I liked him. The sh*t hit the fan one day I asked his friEnd to pass me my purse b/c he was closer to it. My ex blew up right then and there and we got into it real bad. Then the friend had the nerve to be like "yea you shouldn't have asked me to pass your purse. That was all disrespect." I'm like what? **** y'all old a*s ninjas. I was done!

 

[JayAnn0513]

The only good reason to ban someone from bars and clubs is if they have a drinking problem. Otherwise I just see it as controlling and unnecessary.

 

[snillohsss]

dh banned me from shopping at one point. It was only for two months though.