Does your husband "cover" you?

It's because of this thread that I stopped dating altogether. I already stopped online dating months ago and told all my current suitors good luck lol...

I'm 31 and don't see many men around who even know what it is to cover a woman, but I can't let that get me down. I'd rather have God's best because I know I'll be one heck of a wife to a fortunate man.

I don't want to date anyone, just focus on cultivating that woman who is inside and yearning to burst forth. (Prov. 31)

Thank you Hopeful
 
Lenee925
Thank you for your post. And you're welcome. I'm glad this thread has helped you. Please keep me updated when you venture back out into dating or better yet, being courted. I want to hear how your experiences are after taking time to reflect. What I have realized is that I have always known what I didn't want in a man. My father was an excellent example of what NOT to want. He was abusive, cruel, deviant, alcoholic, lazy, perverted, I could go on and on. So I was very clear in my mind about what I didn't want, which was a good starting point, but the best place to land is what DO I want, what do I deserve, what do I offer, what does God intend and wish for me, what does He/She:) want for husbands and wives. You get a very different outcome when you focus on what you want and what is possible, vs. what you do not want. After 25 years of marriage, my husband and I are still learning and are just now gaining clarity on what "to cover" means. No man or woman should enter dating, and certainly not marriage, without a clear understanding on what marriage is supposed to be. So much focus on women submitting, etc., so little focus on covering, one of the greatest blessings of marriage. I pray you meet the sweetest, strongest, kindest, God-fearing, God-loving man :yep:.
 
This made me realize I was running around trying to DATE.. when I deserved to be persued, courted and covered.. I know all about being a wife.... paperwise.... I just need to work on me.. and prepared to be covered
 
No.

My husband is selfish and spoiled. His own mother admitted to me that she did not do a good job raising him by giving him everything he wanted. He is very selfish. I am in the process of deciding how I am going to proceed.
 
ShiShiPooPoo said:
No.

My husband is selfish and spoiled. His own mother admitted to me that she did not do a good job raising him by giving him everything he wanted. He is very selfish. I am in the process of deciding how I am going to proceed.
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ShiShiPooPoo

I'm sorry. Have you prayed about? I just woke up one day and realized I didn't feel fully covered. I began to pray to God to heal in him whatever needed to be healed so that he could cover me. I then prayed to God to please cover me in the meantime.

This is the prayer:

Dear God,
Please cover, protect, and heal my husband so that he can be happier and calmer, (your prayer may be to help him mature and be less selfish, etc.) and fulfill his potential, and be more at peace, so that he can cover me. Please guide me to be the best wife I can be. Please open his eyes and heart to my needs. Please help him heal so that he can help me heal. In the meantime I pray that YOU dear God cover me physically, emotionally, and spiritually so that I can continue to heal and be whole. Please show me how I can be his help mate and show him how he can be mine. I place my life in YOUR hands and will do so until YOU tell me to do otherwise.
 
hopeful said:
ShiShiPooPoo

I'm sorry. Have you prayed about? I just woke up one day and realized I didn't feel fully covered. I began to pray to God to heal in him whatever needed to be healed so that he could cover me. I then prayed to God to please cover me in the meantime.

This is the prayer:

Dear God,
Please cover, protect, and heal my husband so that he can be happier and calmer, (your prayer may be to help him mature and be less selfish, etc.) and fulfill his potential, and be more at peace, so that he can cover me. Please guide me to be the best wife I can be. Please open his eyes and heart to my needs. Please help him heal so that he can help me heal. In the meantime I pray that YOU dear God cover me physically, emotionally, and spiritually so that I can continue to heal and be whole. Please show me how I can be his help mate and show him how he can be mine. I place my life in YOUR hands and will do so until YOU tell me to do otherwise.
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Thank you.

I've never felt covered by anyone. I've been on my own emotionally all my life. After my father died, I sought guidance from my Heavenly Father. Now that I am married, I expected that my husband would finally be that covering for me but he is not. He is completely self-absorbed due to a spoiled upbringing.

I am pissed. I feel like I got the short end of the deal. Even though my MIL admits to her failure to raise him appropriately, she still will not get in that *** when needed. Even my mother will get in my *** if I'm slipping. I am really angry with MIL. You raise him so that he thinks he is the center of everything. He is a great father but a lousy husband. I have been in pain (I think I have a cyst on my ovary) and haven't been feeling well. My attitude has been kinda dry because I'm in pain, you know? Well, he once again finds a way to make it about him. He says he is acting standoffish towards me because when he has tried to talk to me I'm dry:rolleyes:. He can only see things and how they relate to him.

I am really driving home with my son to cover his sister. I tell him and model for him how to look after someone other than himself. When he buys her gifts with his little money I always tell him how nice that was and how proud I am of him. One thing is for sure, I understand that my son will be a grown man one day and I want him to be a BLESSING to his wife. Ugh...I'm venting...it's so much.
 
ShiShiPooPoo said:
Thank you.

I've never felt covered by anyone. I've been on my own emotionally all my life. After my father died, I sought guidance from my Heavenly Father. Now that I am married, I expected that my husband would finally be that covering for me but he is not. He is completely self-absorbed due to a spoiled upbringing.

I am pissed. I feel like I got the short end of the deal. Even though my MIL admits to her failure to raise him appropriately, she still will not get in that *** when needed. Even my mother will get in my *** if I'm slipping. I am really angry with MIL. You raise him so that he thinks he is the center of everything. He is a great father but a lousy husband. I have been in pain (I think I have a cyst on my ovary) and haven't been feeling well. My attitude has been kinda dry because I'm in pain, you know? Well, he once again finds a way to make it about him. He says he is acting standoffish towards me because when he has tried to talk to me I'm dry:rolleyes:. He can only see things and how they relate to him.

I am really driving home with my son to cover his sister. I tell him and model for him how to look after someone other than himself. When he buys her gifts with his little money I always tell him how nice that was and how proud I am of him. One thing is for sure, I understand that my son will be a grown man one day and I want him to be a BLESSING to his wife. Ugh...I'm venting...it's so much.
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With your husband being an adult I think that he would know better. This goes for your MIL. Please don't take offense to me asking this question because I'm not married yet and I want to know. Were there any signs? How did you end up with him in the first place?
 
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Southernbella. said:
Not necessarily. Just because you don't see it in your home doesn't mean you don't see it. That's why culture/community are so important. Dh and both had divorced single mothers who did it all but because our communities and families were full of marriage, we knew what it was supposed to look like and what role a man should play in relationships.

Sent from my DROID BIONIC using LHCF
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Thank you or saying this. This was such a blessing to me. This whole thread is interesting to me.
 
FlyyBohemian said:
With your husband being an adult I think that he would no better. This goes for your MIL. Please don't take offense to me asking this question because I'm not married yet and I want to know. Were there any signs? How did you end up with him in the first place?
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No offense taken. I believe people change all through life-sometimes for the good, sometimes for the bad. My DH wasn't like this before we got married. It's like the added responsibility turned him into a monster.

Don't get me wrong...I love my DH. He is a good person. I don't think he is mature enough for marriage and this leaves me with where I am right now. He has issues and I do too.

My problem is that my standards are low. I never had a father figure (my father died) or a male to tell me what I should look for and tolerate and what I shouldn't. My mother hates men so I don't talk to her about it. Her advice is not productive.

We were friends for a minute before we went on our first date. He was just a different person back then. He was fun and responsible and caring. Now he's just mad all the time and acts infantile.

Wheeeeewwww.....man I tell ya...

ETA: I did tell him last night that I am thinking about filing for divorce. He was very apologetic and yada, yada, yada...I'm not phased.
 
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ShiShiPooPoo

:yep: Your story is my story. Never experienced being covered. My father did the opposite of covering. My mother only partially covered me, like financially, and pretended to cover me in other ways, but was actually very self-absorbed, unprotective, etc. Don't give up just yet. His mother spoiling him so much did him a disservice and he did not mature and develop fully as a man. I am so sorry that you are going through this and I am going to pray for you and your marriage. I know some women are super strong, but most of us are not built for living uncovered our entire lives :nono:, it makes for a long, hard, stressful life. (((Hugs))) to you. I commend you for hanging in there this long.
 
hopeful said:
ShiShiPooPoo

:yep: Your story is my story. Never experienced being covered. My father did the opposite of covering. My mother only partially covered me, like financially, and pretended to cover me in other ways, but was actually very self-absorbed, unprotective, etc. Don't give up just yet. His mother spoiling him so much did him a disservice and he did not mature and develop fully as a man. I am so sorry that you are going through this and I am going to pray for you and your marriage. I know some women are super strong, but most of us are not built for living uncovered our entire lives :nono:, it makes for a long, hard, stressful life. (((Hugs))) to you. I commend you for hanging in there this long.
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Thank you so much. I NEVER come into this section of the board but when I saw this thread title, I was drawn to it.

Your prayers and support mean alot. I've been married to a child all these years. And me, having to be in control my entire life because I didn't have a choice am like a mother figure to him. He needed a mother so he married me. This thread is liberating me because I hold so much in trying to keep our business private.
 
Also, I talked to a therapist about this. Like why do men change? You think they are one way but after marriage and kids and work pressures, they change. Like your dh, my dh is a really good man, very decent, and nothing like my father, and yet he would still hurt me, and our dynamic would bring back the hurt and shame I felt as a child. The therapist said we pick people who will help us heal and have something in them that triggers something in us and recreates the drama and pain we felt as children. I am no longer in therapy but it really helped me see things differently. As I heal, my husband heals (he was spoiled too). As I knew I deserved better, really deeply knew this, he did better. It is very complicated. I chose very well all in all, dh has never been abusive, and has always been very loving but there was always something missing and I always felt somewhat vulnerable. That feeling is finally going away because of the therapy I got, the support of my dearest and best friend, lots of prayer, and time. I am finally having more and more days of being and feeling fully covered and it is wonderful.
 
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hopeful said:
Also, I talked to a therapist about this. Like why do men change? You think they are one way but after marriage and kids and work pressures, they change. Like your dh, my dh is a really good man, very decent, and nothing like my father, and yet he would still hurt me, and our dynamic would bring back the hurt and shame I felt as a child. The therapist said we pick people who will help us heal and have something in them that triggers something in us and recreates the drama and pain we felt as children. I am no longer in therapy but it really helped me see things differently. As I heal, my husband heals (he was spoiled too). As I knew I deserved better, really deeply knew this, he did better. It is very complicated. I chose very well all in all, dh has never been abusive, and has always been very loving but there was always something missing and I always felt somewhat vulnerable. That feeling is finally going away because of the therapy I got, the support of my dearest and best friend, lots of prayer, and time. I am finally having more and more days of being and feeling fully covered and it is wonderful.
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You don't know how much you are blessing me right now. I desperately want to give my children what I never had-a nuclear family. But then I ask myself what damage I'm doing by allowing them to see such dysfunction. My MIL used to see a psychiatrist for some time. I need to find out why and how that affected my DH. He is very closed off. He doesn't talk about anything. He especially will not talk about anything that may show his parents in a negative light. I am looking at therapists right now and plan on making an appt. If we don't get help soon I know I will wind up filing for divorce.


Again...thank you:bighug:
 
I also want to add...my DH comes from a devote Christian upbringing. Ladies, please don't think because he is "religious" that he will have more sense than the next person.

My DH is one of the meanest, sarcastic individuals ever and he stayed in church on Sunday's and Bible Study on Wednesday's. Sometimes I shame him in my head and think "Wow, you're the poster boy for Christiantity aren't you?" I swear some of those people don't know the FIRST THING about ANYTHING.
 
ShiShiPooPoo I hope your marriage is getting better and you can have the type of relationship you want and need. Thank you for sharing your experience.

hopeful Thank you for sharing your experience as well. I am also vigilant of not entertaining men like my father turned out to be.
 
NappyNelle said:
ShiShiPooPoo I hope your marriage is getting better and you can have the type of relationship you want and need. Thank you for sharing your experience.

hopeful Thank you for sharing your experience as well. I am also vigilant of not entertaining men like my father turned out to be.
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Whew...I keep humming When a Woman's Fed Up.

He's trying but we've been here before. He was just now about to get an attitude because I turned the air on but he checked himself real quick.:rolleyes:

He knows I've got one foot out the door and the other on a banana peel.
 
This thread has been such a blessing to me as I'm in a new relationship with someone I could've easily overlooked but exhibits so many of these qualities already. I'm at a point in my life where I need to be thinking about these things and not soooo many other things that just aren't as important for long term happiness and success in a marriage.

I was just talking to my ex about what was/is "wrong" with him. Things ended on good terms he just wasn't a good fit for me. He still doesn't get it and I think this bread has given me fine words to use to communicate what I was feeling. He thinks it's just be wise he's a selfish person, but it's really that he has no examples for covering a woman. None. He actually told me he thought I was a "gold digger" but I promptly had to shut that down and remind him that I am single, childless, have an advanced degree and a career and no man is going to sink this ship. He's so worried about avoiding gold diggers that he is t emotionally ready to take his place in a relationship. Smh.

My ex from my last long term relationship was even worse. He knew enough to pretend to "cover" me in public, but behind closed doors he was a completely different person. Smh.


I say all of this to say thank you for this thread.
 
I think this is why I liked my current SO. He definitely covered for me when we first started dating. However, he is getting busy with work and I don't see him as much. I feeling a bit less covered. :/
 
ShiShiPooPoo


In defense may I add that sometimes with the church, unfortunately there are no teachings on how to be a good spouse. They are taught to be submissive(wife) and to be a provider(husband ), but usually nothing on how to cover your wife or husband emotionally,etc. Even sex is taught to abstain which is in the bible but then how do you enjoy it once married? We have to remember that the church is for the sick, lost, and wounded so you will not always find perfection. Thank God for Jesus Christ. With what hopeful said, start praying...... I've seen from experience that he wants to heal us and help us if we call upon him and trust that he will deliver. Start praying for the specific things you want changed with your hubby and maybe even you .....? I don't know the whole story with your marriage but I pray that restoration happens...


Sorry for the long post. I felt your heart in your posts if that makes any sense. I once dated a man who was arrogant and veryyyy selfish, thank God he ended that relationship for me. So your posts reminds me of him a little but at that time my relationship was non existent with God. Now I know for a fact prayer and faith changes....
 
Thank you for posting sweetvi
Some many of us were never taught and never saw what it means to cover or be covered. I know growing up an older female cousin's husband would always warm the car up for her when it was cold outside. That memory just came back to me, but it was a sweet gesture. I saw so little of that growing up though, unfortunately. I think it's important that we all encourage each other so that is why I am happy you posted sweetvi :). This website is such a godsend. Most of us come here for our hair and end up with help in so many other areas.
 
Your welcome! Also I noticed hopeful that some people also don't know how to receive being covered! I remember an episode on Divorce Court where the wife was divorcing her hubby because........he was too nice! He cooked for her, raised her kids as his and so forth. It's was sad...

We as women have been warped by society that if the relationship doesn't have drama, then he doesn't love you. * shrugs*. I strongly believe that we ought to work on ourselves as well ........
 
sweetvi said:
ShiShiPooPoo


In defense may I add that sometimes with the church, unfortunately there are no teachings on how to be a good spouse. They are taught to be submissive(wife) and to be a provider(husband ), but usually nothing on how to cover your wife or husband emotionally,etc. Even sex is taught to abstain which is in the bible but then how do you enjoy it once married? We have to remember that the church is for the sick, lost, and wounded so you will not always find perfection. Thank God for Jesus Christ. With what hopeful said, start praying...... I've seen from experience that he wants to heal us and help us if we call upon him and trust that he will deliver. Start praying for the specific things you want changed with your hubby and maybe even you .....? I don't know the whole story with your marriage but I pray that restoration happens...


Sorry for the long post. I felt your heart in your posts if that makes any sense. I once dated a man who was arrogant and veryyyy selfish, thank God he ended that relationship for me. So your posts reminds me of him a little but at that time my relationship was non existent with God. Now I know for a fact prayer and faith changes....
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Thank you for this. The best thing to do at this point is to take "me" out of it and let God.

I think my husband has an emotional problem. Maybe he is Bipolar or depressed but it doesn't matter because he won't go to the doctor. I can speculate all day everyday from demon possession to chronic illness and everything in between.

He is making an effort to be kinder and gentler. I think he is a jerk and that's not MY fault. I didn't make him that way and if I did he needs to grow some balls and leave.

My kids are scared to ask him for anything because they are intimidated by him. If they ask me for a sandwich and I say, "I'm busy. Go ask Daddy.", they won't. They will literally starve themselves until I can do it.

Oh well...I know this thread isn't supposed to be about jerkoff husbands.
 
ShiShiPooPoo
This thread is about all husbands. If being covered came naturally and was easy, we wouldn't need threads like these. You post as often as you like. You and your situation are very welcome :yep:. You have likely helped some woman out there who thought she was alone or at least felt alone. For now I am glad that your dh is making an effort, he better if he wants you and his family in tact. He gonna have to keep stepping it up.
 
I think every single women need to read this thread to understand what a relationship (marriage) show look and feel like. Too many women are settling for less and going thru the motions because they don't recognize that so much "more" is out there.
 
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CurliDiva said:
I think every single women need to read this thread to understand what a relationship (marriage) show look and feel like. Too many women are settling for less and going thru the motions because they don't recognize that so much "more" is out there.
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I totally agree. I'm not married and I never saw my mother covered.....to this day. This thread is awesome!!!!
 
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