Dating For Marriage: Advice, Tips, Suggestions

Silkycoils said:
So, I've joined match.com again. I decided to put myself out there again since I haven't met enough men in my day-to-day from which to screen.

Anywho, I joined last week, and so many men have messaged me. I've spoken to five on the phone, and have a date with one tomorrow. I just got back into town today (I travel for work) and he wanted to push it up to today, but I told him I needed to decompress, but if he wanted to cancel, that was fine. He was like, "No, no . . .I'm just anxious to meet you!" Get this y'all . . .he's a 27 y/o wb(?!). :lachen: WHAT am I doing?! (I'm 42).

A 29 y/o Black Man messaged me (before the wb), and I immediately shut him down due to his age, but he sent me the loveliest follow-up message about being stable in every way and emotionally available . . .aiight. I'm just trying to get my dating skills up, since I've never practiced rotational dating. I'm just going to stay open and have fun with it.

I specifically said that I was looking for marriage-minded men.

ETA: 27 y/o cancelled . . .said he was thinking about the age difference. *shrugs* At least he texted to cancel. 29 y/o is a flake too. :lachen: I told my 21 y/o that I was going out with a 27 y/o tonight, and he said he disagreed with that. He said that I'm a "seasoned" woman and need a seasoned man. :lachen: He ain't lyin' though. :) I dislike online dating immensely. :lachen:
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Good for you! Enjoy :lol:

The only thing my previous-working-for-a-big-matchmaker self would mention is perhaps making certain to spread out the types of guys (age groups) and dates. Because you are looking for marriage and those closer to your age group (mid 30's and older, spreading out even older than you) will be ready for it. That is...unless you want to waste years and I wouldn't think you'd want to do that (but again you know yourself). Some of the younger ones will pull your leg, or drag things out because they are interested in marriage but may not be in a rush versus someone older who is ready and looking, pending the right woman. They could very well be sincere, but again, increase those odds (and your chances).
 
luckiestdestiny said:
Good for you! Enjoy :lol:

The only thing my previous-working-for-a-big-matchmaker self would mention is perhaps making certain to spread out the types of guys (age groups) and dates. Because you are looking for marriage and those closer to your age group (mid 30's and older, spreading out even older than you) will be ready for it. That is...unless you want to waste years and I wouldn't think you'd want to do that (but again you know yourself). Some of the younger ones will pull your leg, or drag things out because they are interested in marriage but may not be in a rush versus someone older who is ready and looking, pending the right woman. They could very well be sincere, but again, increase those odds (and your chances).
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I agree with you my dear, and have eliminated men in their 20's from the pool. :lachen: I wrote a long post, but it wasn't saved. Maybe that was for the best. :lachen:
 
Silkycoils said:
I agree with you my dear, and have eliminated men in their 20's from the pool. :lachen: I wrote a long post, but it wasn't saved. Maybe that was for the best. :lachen:
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I would love to know what changed your mind if you want to give a quick breakdown here (no need to rewrite a long post. That sucks when you lose those) but I understand if you don't want to write it out :look: ....but feel free to pm...or not...(whispers) or do :lol:
 
luckiestdestiny said:
I would love to know what changed your mind if you want to give a quick breakdown here (no need to rewrite a long post. That sucks when you lose those) but I understand if you don't want to write it out :look: ....but feel free to pm...or not...(whispers) or do :lol:
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I don't mind. :) I quickly realized that the average man in his 20's will not be ready to meet me at my mental wavelength, and it's not important enough for me to even explore. Not to mention, I'm no longer about that child-bearing life. I just don't ever see myself "submitting" to someone that much younger than me.

I also wrote about having only been on one date so far, but that was with someone who was aiiight, but just aiiight. He texted me too much before we met, texting me three times while I was out of the country (when I told him I was going). I responded all three times. He texts me AGAIN and I was getting ready to make my return trip (I'm a FA). He followed up that text with one stating that he hadn't heard from me and was worried . . .that annoyed the heck out of me, but I didn't get snappy with him. I said, "Yeah, because I was working a 9 1/2 hour flight and then commuting (on a plane) home." Our lunch was pleasant enough, but he is noticeably shorter than I am, and stayed on the curb to hug me goodbye . . .I mentioned it. :lachen: He wanted to see me again, and I said I was open to it.

Now here's where I show my "crazy", but I don't care. :lachen: During lunch, I mentioned that I hate it when guys I haven't met send me "Good morning" texts. I said that I felt that it builds up false intimacy. We laughed about it, but I reiterated that I dislike them in general, for whatever reason. WHY did he send me a "Good morning" text the next day?! :lachen: I honestly would rather a man just call me to say he was thinking about me. *shrug* I didn't get an attitude with him (I wouldn't over such a thing), but I did answer it at my leisure . . .five hours later. This is how it went:
Him: GM Silkycoils, how are you?
Me (five hours later): I'm great! And you?
Him: I'm good Silkycoils, hope you're having a good day.
Me: So far, so good.
Him: That's good.

See? No snark. I haven't heard from him since then, and I really don't care.

Okay, hear me out . . .my problem with all of this texting is the laziness and expectation of immediate access. I realized this when I sometimes get mad at my sons for taking too long to respond to my texts. It's a bit much. What got me "off" of "GM" texts was a few years ago, when I was trying online dating, I connected with this guy, we chatted on the phone, and were supposed to meet later that week. The day before our meeting, I get up and realize that I have to be in court that morning (I have another gig :look: ). Anywho, I was rushing to get ready, and receive a "Good morning" text from dude. I was rushing, so I didn't have time to respond. I get to court, but I realize that I've left my phone. No biggie. I'm done by 11:30 and get home by noon. And what do I see . . .a follow-up text that said, "No response :(." I got annoyed. I told him that I'd left my phone at home, but I didn't think it was proper to be called out about it if I didn't respond, when we've never met. Anywho, it didn't happen for us. :lachen: I know that was a super-long story, and no one ever sees my side of it:lachen:, but that is the background.

I have been getting a good amount of messages, but the men are lazy. Many want to message on the site without asking for my number. Even if they do ask, and I give it, they text all the dang-on time (even though I say on my profile that I'm old-fashioned and prefer speaking on the phone). I've had to block a few that were FOS. Believe it or not, I'm "somewhat" easy-breezy, but when you show me early-on that you are FOS (like, unmistakable cues), I cut contact because I don't want to waste my time.

Phew! I had time today. :lachen:

ETA: The man with whom I went to lunch was 49.
 
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Silkycoils said:
I don't mind. :) I quickly realized that the average man in his 20's will not be ready to meet me at my mental wavelength, and it's not important enough for me to even explore. Not to mention, I'm no longer about that child-bearing life. I just don't ever see myself "submitting" to someone that much younger than me.

I also wrote about having only been on one date so far, but that was with someone who was aiiight, but just aiiight. He texted me too much before we met, texting me three times while I was out of the country (when I told him I was going). I responded all three times. He texts me AGAIN and I was getting ready to make my return trip (I'm a FA). He followed up that text with one stating that he hadn't heard from me and was worried . . .that annoyed the heck out of me, but I didn't get snappy with him. I said, "Yeah, because I was working a 9 1/2 hour flight and then commuting (on a plane) home." Our lunch was pleasant enough, but he is noticeably shorter than I am, and stayed on the curb to hug me goodbye . . .I mentioned it. :lachen: He wanted to see me again, and I said I was open to it.

Now here's where I show my "crazy", but I don't care. :lachen: During lunch, I mentioned that I hate it when guys I haven't met send me "Good morning" texts. I said that I felt that it builds up false intimacy. We laughed about it, but I reiterated that I dislike them in general, for whatever reason. WHY did he send me a "Good morning" text the next day?! :lachen: I honestly would rather a man just call me to say he was thinking about me. *shrug* I didn't get an attitude with him (I wouldn't over such a thing), but I did answer it at my leisure . . .five hours later. This is how it went:
Him: GM Silkycoils, how are you?
Me (five hours later): I'm great! And you?
Him: I'm good Silkycoils, hope you're having a good day.
Me: So far, so good.
Him: That's good.

See? No snark. I haven't heard from him since then, and I really don't care.

Okay, hear me out . . .my problem with all of this texting is the laziness and expectation of immediate access. I realized this when I sometimes get mad at my sons for taking too long to respond to my texts. It's a bit much. What got me "off" of "GM" texts was a few years ago, when I was trying online dating, I connected with this guy, we chatted on the phone, and were supposed to meet later that week. The day before our meeting, I get up and realize that I have to be in court that morning (I have another gig :look: ). Anywho, I was rushing to get ready, and receive a "Good morning" text from dude. I was rushing, so I didn't have time to respond. I get to court, but I realize that I've left my phone. No biggie. I'm done by 11:30 and get home by noon. And what do I see . . .a follow-up text that said, "No response :(." I got annoyed. I told him that I'd left my phone at home, but I didn't think it was proper to be called out about it if I didn't respond, when we've never met. Anywho, it didn't happen for us. :lachen: I know that was a super-long story, and no one ever sees my side of it:lachen:, but that is the background.

I have been getting a good amount of messages, but the men are lazy. Many want to message on the site without asking for my number. Even if they do ask, and I give it, they text all the dang-on time (even though I say on my profile that I'm old-fashioned and prefer speaking on the phone). I've had to block a few that were FOS. Believe it or not, I'm "somewhat" easy-breezy, but when you show me early-on that you are FOS (like, unmistakable cues), I cut contact because I don't want to waste my time.

Phew! I had time today. :lachen:
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I get what you're saying about age gaps. They can be problematic. Especially with someone in the late teens or early and even mid twenties (and later twenties for men because they usually mature much slower)...with someone older than them. It's like a huge growing period and so it seems incompatible if you need a full partner. I think Teens and most of twenties need someone closer in age (gap of 5 years only really). The exception would be mature women late twenties (really mature of mind and feel like they are coming into their own and have their own voice and know what they want. Some women take a little longer). I think that group can go up to a gap of 8 years or so. When you enter your thirties, I think the gap changes and opens up. I expanded my options accordingly just as I was taught in matchmaking (a lot of this applies to other age groups 30's, 40's and onward as the people we matched in this group had some similar challenges). I still respect a women's right to be with whoever (legally) she chooses who makes her happy. But I do understand how age can become a factor and it is the reason I mentioned opening up to an older (possible) range of men (when you mentioned your age). I do think that the format of online dating is also problematic and that is why you have the whole b.s guys out in full force. The whole dynamic changes things in a negative way and have to be counteracted to overcome.

I'm actually on your side. I feel like this: No man should expect you to bend over backwards for him after just meeting him. He's the one who is supposed to pursue not the other way around. If he were really into you, he would listen to and take your suggestions into mind and adjust accordingly. One thing about those in their 20's though is that texting is their life. My cousins are younger than me and they really get on my nerves because they want to have whole convos, back and forth on text. One time I had 40 texts in a group conversation :look: I mean I almost pulled a paper boi (if you saw the show Atlanta) but I'm not going to throw my phone out the car over that :censored: :rofl:...I wanted to, though :look:. In the end I just told them that I will block them if they ever try that crap again:lachen:. We relate in so many ways but we have a gap between us in age so sometimes that shows up in ways such as that. I may spend time typing on lhcf but that's for enjoyment and usually to wind down (and I type fast so typing even this takes minutes.). But with texting its back and forth, back and forth, back and forth! :spinning:

I will pull my hair out of my head before I have a convo on text when you can call me. When a guy tries that, I respond on my time with short answers and state as you have that I prefer to speak directly to them. Either they get it or they move on and that's fine too. And a guy texting you all crazy and expecting you to be on it like that is trying to set you up anyways, is immature, or an idiot. Either way a no no.

Yes older guys will play games, but they will listen to the text suggestions much easier than someone younger whose whole life involves texting. In the mid 30s and older will be a remarkable change. Still some in that range will have the text bug and need corrections. Either way I completely get it. And the guys sending that morning text was testing you even if subconsciously. Pushing boundaries. You told him what was up. He can follow directions at work, he can certainly follow them with a woman. The attentive guy is what's up. At least you can chalk it up and move on to guys more on your wave length who also have a little less time on their hands to text every five seconds :giggle: and that's usually because of more ambition and job duties. Sure we want attention, but like you said that b.s false attention is what I call "promise" guy. People who fall for this develop the false intimacy that you mentioned thinking things are progressing faster than they are (thus the woman starts developing an "idea" about a guy that doesn't even exist yet) with hints and "promises" of a future with you (saying, "When we go to X, when we do X" :blah: :blah: leading women to falsely assume a relationship which does not match his actions) and/or the guy really means it but accelerates things quicker than you're comfortable. Or worse, they are extremely possessive. All of these are not ideal situations. I am with you and think you are spot on in your observations. There are enough agreeable women in the world and I think it has spoiled men. Sometimes you have to put your foot down and let the chips fall as they may. It filters the men anyways and leaves only the champions.

And online dating has its own problems because it sets up an unnatural pursuit dynamic. You almost have to flip the switch back by slowing things down and considering your options so that men know that you are being pursued and reminded that they are just a suitor and need to act accordingly, and court accordingly or get out of the way.
 
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Silkycoils said:
Now here's where I show my "crazy", but I don't care. :lachen: During lunch, I mentioned that I hate it when guys I haven't met send me "Good morning" texts. I said that I felt that it builds up false intimacy. We laughed about it, but I reiterated that I dislike them in general, for whatever reason. WHY did he send me a "Good morning" text the next day?! :lachen:
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But yall already met, so he thought that you meant other people. :giggle:
(I get what you're saying though, he just wasn't paying attention.)
 
Do any of you ladies have experience in going from dysfunctional relationships to a normal one? Does the feeling of waiting for the other shoe to drop ever go away? This is the most kind, generous, normal, and well-adjusted guy I've ever been with, and yet on occasion I'll come up with some crazy scenario in my head where he's secretly hiding another woman or something. I never share this with him of course, and logistically such a scenario wouldn't make sense. But I'm so used to dysfunction that I'm having a hard time accepting the idea of a normal man actually desiring me. Yea, pitiful I know, but I'm just being honest.
 
SurferBabe said:
Do any of you ladies have experience in going from dysfunctional relationships to a normal one? Does the feeling of waiting for the other shoe to drop ever go away? This is the most kind, generous, normal, and well-adjusted guy I've ever been with, and yet on occasion I'll come up with some crazy scenario in my head where he's secretly hiding another woman or something. I never share this with him of course, and logistically such a scenario wouldn't make sense. But I'm so used to dysfunction that I'm having a hard time accepting the idea of a normal man actually desiring me. Yea, pitiful I know, but I'm just being honest.
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Yes, it can go away. And you're not pitiful at all! You're courageous.

This happened for me after I adjusted my attitude toward myself. We can't outperform our self-concept, and this extends to our romantic relationships. I started to behave as someone who was very good at self-care, setting boundaries, saying no, being patient, and receiving wonderful things without there being a catch. And my self-image changed accordingly. I started to conduct myself this way in every area of my life and my romantic dealings couldn't help but be elevated by it. To be clear, this was not easy. It was quite awkward to literally stop in the moment, consider a different choice other than the knee jerk one and then do something different. But we can behave our way to the confidence that's associated with attracting excellent partners.

Part of the subconscious fear or sense that something will go wrong is sometimes an internalized distrust. This is especially true if we feel like we "missed" the signs with the last man and therefore can't trust ourselves to choose well. However, if we spend sufficient time considering how our relationship began and how and why it ended, we can use the wisdom we take away as one of our many tools to navigate the new relationship (minus the nagging fear of something bad happening). I stopped worrying about all the ways new relationships could go wrong when I completely accepted responsibility for my feelings and choices and realized that I had survived some terrible situations and still moved along to find better. And more simply, worrying doesn't work. It just doesn't improve the situation or contribute to progress. In some cases, I turned worry into a more sophisticated vetting process which proved to be extremely helpful.

The transition from dysfunctional to normal is sometimes as simple as making a new choice and then practicing emotional discipline in a healthy situation until it feels as good and as second nature as the dysfunctional ones from the past. The nice thing about releasing the anxiety is that you get to be fully present and make good investments in the relationship thereby increasing the likelihood that you either a) get a good return or b) more efficiently get the information you need to know that something is not aligned.
 
Divine Inspiration said:
Yes, it can go away. And you're not pitiful at all! You're courageous.

This happened for me after I adjusted my attitude toward myself. We can't outperform our self-concept, and this extends to our romantic relationships. I started to behave as someone who was very good at self-care, setting boundaries, saying no, being patient, and receiving wonderful things without there being a catch. And my self-image changed accordingly. I started to conduct myself this way in every area of my life and my romantic dealings couldn't help but be elevated by it. To be clear, this was not easy. It was quite awkward to literally stop in the moment, consider a different choice other than the knee jerk one and then do something different. But we can behave our way to the confidence that's associated with attracting excellent partners.

Part of the subconscious fear or sense that something will go wrong is sometimes an internalized distrust. This is especially true if we feel like we "missed" the signs with the last man and therefore can't trust ourselves to choose well. However, if we spend sufficient time considering how our relationship began and how and why it ended, we can use the wisdom we take away as one of our many tools to navigate the new relationship (minus the nagging fear of something bad happening). I stopped worrying about all the ways new relationships could go wrong when I completely accepted responsibility for my feelings and choices and realized that I had survived some terrible situations and still moved along to find better. And more simply, worrying doesn't work. It just doesn't improve the situation or contribute to progress. In some cases, I turned worry into a more sophisticated vetting process which proved to be extremely helpful.

The transition from dysfunctional to normal is sometimes as simple as making a new choice and then practicing emotional discipline in a healthy situation until it feels as good and as second nature as the dysfunctional ones from the past. The nice thing about releasing the anxiety is that you get to be fully present and make good investments in the relationship thereby increasing the likelihood that you either a) get a good return or b) more efficiently get the information you need to know that something is not aligned.
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This is so good. I had to read it twice. I’m going to save it.
 
Divine Inspiration said:
Yes, it can go away. And you're not pitiful at all! You're courageous.

This happened for me after I adjusted my attitude toward myself. We can't outperform our self-concept, and this extends to our romantic relationships. I started to behave as someone who was very good at self-care, setting boundaries, saying no, being patient, and receiving wonderful things without there being a catch. And my self-image changed accordingly. I started to conduct myself this way in every area of my life and my romantic dealings couldn't help but be elevated by it. To be clear, this was not easy. It was quite awkward to literally stop in the moment, consider a different choice other than the knee jerk one and then do something different. But we can behave our way to the confidence that's associated with attracting excellent partners.

Part of the subconscious fear or sense that something will go wrong is sometimes an internalized distrust. This is especially true if we feel like we "missed" the signs with the last man and therefore can't trust ourselves to choose well. However, if we spend sufficient time considering how our relationship began and how and why it ended, we can use the wisdom we take away as one of our many tools to navigate the new relationship (minus the nagging fear of something bad happening). I stopped worrying about all the ways new relationships could go wrong when I completely accepted responsibility for my feelings and choices and realized that I had survived some terrible situations and still moved along to find better. And more simply, worrying doesn't work. It just doesn't improve the situation or contribute to progress. In some cases, I turned worry into a more sophisticated vetting process which proved to be extremely helpful.

The transition from dysfunctional to normal is sometimes as simple as making a new choice and then practicing emotional discipline in a healthy situation until it feels as good and as second nature as the dysfunctional ones from the past. The nice thing about releasing the anxiety is that you get to be fully present and make good investments in the relationship thereby increasing the likelihood that you either a) get a good return or b) more efficiently get the information you need to know that something is not aligned.
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This is awesome! Are you a therapist/life coach? If not you should consider it. I'm going to print this out. Thank you!
 
Divine Inspiration said:
Yes, it can go away. And you're not pitiful at all! You're courageous.

This happened for me after I adjusted my attitude toward myself. We can't outperform our self-concept, and this extends to our romantic relationships. I started to behave as someone who was very good at self-care, setting boundaries, saying no, being patient, and receiving wonderful things without there being a catch. And my self-image changed accordingly. I started to conduct myself this way in every area of my life and my romantic dealings couldn't help but be elevated by it. To be clear, this was not easy. It was quite awkward to literally stop in the moment, consider a different choice other than the knee jerk one and then do something different. But we can behave our way to the confidence that's associated with attracting excellent partners.

Part of the subconscious fear or sense that something will go wrong is sometimes an internalized distrust. This is especially true if we feel like we "missed" the signs with the last man and therefore can't trust ourselves to choose well. However, if we spend sufficient time considering how our relationship began and how and why it ended, we can use the wisdom we take away as one of our many tools to navigate the new relationship (minus the nagging fear of something bad happening). I stopped worrying about all the ways new relationships could go wrong when I completely accepted responsibility for my feelings and choices and realized that I had survived some terrible situations and still moved along to find better. And more simply, worrying doesn't work. It just doesn't improve the situation or contribute to progress. In some cases, I turned worry into a more sophisticated vetting process which proved to be extremely helpful.

The transition from dysfunctional to normal is sometimes as simple as making a new choice and then practicing emotional discipline in a healthy situation until it feels as good and as second nature as the dysfunctional ones from the past. The nice thing about releasing the anxiety is that you get to be fully present and make good investments in the relationship thereby increasing the likelihood that you either a) get a good return or b) more efficiently get the information you need to know that something is not aligned.
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I needed to read this. Thank you for posting it. That’s where my fear of commitment stems from: afraid to end up in another dysfunctional “relationship”. I’m glad to see that it can be overcome! Thank you.
 
Divine Inspiration said:
Yes, it can go away. And you're not pitiful at all! You're courageous.

This happened for me after I adjusted my attitude toward myself. We can't outperform our self-concept, and this extends to our romantic relationships. I started to behave as someone who was very good at self-care, setting boundaries, saying no, being patient, and receiving wonderful things without there being a catch. And my self-image changed accordingly. I started to conduct myself this way in every area of my life and my romantic dealings couldn't help but be elevated by it. To be clear, this was not easy. It was quite awkward to literally stop in the moment, consider a different choice other than the knee jerk one and then do something different. But we can behave our way to the confidence that's associated with attracting excellent partners.

Part of the subconscious fear or sense that something will go wrong is sometimes an internalized distrust. This is especially true if we feel like we "missed" the signs with the last man and therefore can't trust ourselves to choose well. However, if we spend sufficient time considering how our relationship began and how and why it ended, we can use the wisdom we take away as one of our many tools to navigate the new relationship (minus the nagging fear of something bad happening). I stopped worrying about all the ways new relationships could go wrong when I completely accepted responsibility for my feelings and choices and realized that I had survived some terrible situations and still moved along to find better. And more simply, worrying doesn't work. It just doesn't improve the situation or contribute to progress. In some cases, I turned worry into a more sophisticated vetting process which proved to be extremely helpful.

The transition from dysfunctional to normal is sometimes as simple as making a new choice and then practicing emotional discipline in a healthy situation until it feels as good and as second nature as the dysfunctional ones from the past. The nice thing about releasing the anxiety is that you get to be fully present and make good investments in the relationship thereby increasing the likelihood that you either a) get a good return or b) more efficiently get the information you need to know that something is not aligned.
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This post is so enlightening.
 
IslandMummy said:
The only thing you can change on a man is his diaper. Unless it's something he feels needs adjustment, no amount of begging, nagging, ultimatums etc will change him.

Don't date, entertain or marry someone you think needs to be changed or improved.

I'm not talking about physically (my DH needed his grill reworked and I introduced him to mr general and cosmetic dentist :)) but who a person is. Whatever detrimental habits he has before dating/marriage will not change because you have a license and a ring. Red flags exist and you need to heed them.

Watch who his friends are, I know it seems small, but healthy friendships are important. Watch the activities that they involve themselves with and how they treat people. One of the newer guys on DH's soccer team was used to being around single looking to mingle men, and you could tell. He'd come to the park looking at all the kids like :eek: wait y'all married o_O

He went from talking about hoes (around the men, who deaded that talk after the second week) to bringing a girlfriend three months later. The concept of being happily married to the mother of your kid never entered his mind. Now he's :alcoholics:with the dudes after a game, while she hangs out with the wives if it's a family night. I see them marrying within the year.

There's more but those are my little pennies.
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As an update, they are now married and baby is due in June. We won’t quibble on the order in which this happened.
 
So, I'm still on match, fielding approaches, but not connecting with anyone. Some of my friends think I'm harsh, but if a man says he's going to call me at a certain time, and I don't hear anything from him . . .I block him. :look: I don't do it instantly :lachen: , but if I wake up and realized he never called . . .blockdt! :lachen:
I'm just dropping in to say that I notice a real difference between wm's approach and bm's.
I've been getting messages by a lot of men in neighboring states (FL, TN, AL). On my profile, I stated that I was not interested in a long-distance relationship. I then amended it to say unless they were willing to come visit every other week. Anywho, two white guys messaged me just the other day. Their stated incomes were between 100K-150K, which is grreeat!:lachen: Neither are especially attractive, but I'm willing to overlook that (to an extent) depending on other factors. Anywho, they both called asap, instead of that endless texting. One is Italian, works for the government in banking. He asked me in the first conversation if I would be open to moving to FL (he lives in Clearwater). I told him I'd have to think hard on it because FL doesn't have reciprocity with other State Bars, and I'm not taking another bar exam. Well, I woke up this morning and texted him this: "I did some thinking, and I'm not willing to move if I have to work. You were right that it's best to be upfront. Best wishes to you. You seem like a nice man. :)" He hasn't responded, and that's fine. But seriously though . . .I'm not uprooting my life and having to work too if you are not cute AND make just over six figures . . .it wasn't worth it in that case. *shrug* I have another gentleman meeting me for breakfast on Monday (when I get back from a trip). He lives in TN.
 
hopeful said:
^^^How’s everything going @Silkycoils ?
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Terrible. :lachen: I cannot wait for my subscription to end! :lachen: I have only met ONE man off of Match. Most of that is due to me not being attracted to the men who've hit me up, but the other part is due to the flakiness of these men. I could write a mini book on some of the exchanges, but I won't. I am feminine and flirty with them, but many want you to chase them, or they're not really looking (but just giving lip service to looking). I sometimes wonder if God has someone for me, but I'm no longer despondent about it. I have a very good friend who is married to a doctor, and he's a straight up arse:angry2:. Like I wonder if I could even be committed to a marriage because I'm so quick to throw up the deuces. But then I think about the many ways in which I've been blessed, and I'm encouraged that God wants me to have a partner/soul mate. :) I know one thing, and that is that I'm very content with my life. I travel freely, make a nice living, and I look good (I guess that's more than one thing). :lachen: I will continue to stay open while I maintain my reasonable standards: :)
 
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Screenshot_20180520-200206_Gallery.jpg 20180520_200352.jpg Would it be terrible if I posted some of the men who've hit me up? :look: I can cover their user names and their eyes. I don't like making fun of people, but I almost feel like you HAVE to see some of these dudes! :lachen:

ETA: :look:
 

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My gf had a relationship that I looked up to because they discussed marriage and made plans etc. And mine was just...no destination.
Then unexpectedly, he decided they weren't on the same path after 4 years maybe. He even told her family he was going to marry her.
Anyway, what I learned from that is, if we're not walking down the isle together, there's really nothing else going on. Everything before that is just talk.

ETA: When I re-read my post I feel a little sad for my friend. She just didn't see it coming.
 
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Fine 4s said:
My gf had a relationship that I looked up to because they discussed marriage and made plans etc. And mine was just...no destination.
Then unexpectedly, he decided they weren't on the same path after 4 years maybe. He even told her family he was going to marry her.
Anyway, what I learned from that is, if we're not walking down the isle together, there's really nothing else going on. Everything before that is just talk.
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I didnt do 4 years, but yep. He told everyone that was our future too. I was in the same situation. It really is all talk until you are actually walking down the aisle.
 
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