Crackers Crumbs: How You Go On Vacation Without Your Wife? >:(

[GreenEyedJen]

If you need a vacation from your spouse for 3 weeks, that might not be the spouse for you or you might do better to not have a spouse. Work trips and such are considered differently to me.

I mean, right. People think of it differently. I don't agree with your post, but I understand a lot of people can't understand my viewpoint on the situation, and that's why I said maybe I'm just not the "marrying type". Three weeks out of hundreds is not that many.

 

[nysister]

The responses in this thread have furthered my thought process that I must really just not be the "marrying type". I feel like, if they're going to be together forever, what is the big deal about three weeks alone? Honestly, I'm pretty sure I would've welcomed it. Let me breathe.

Don't think that, there are always those that will act as if you don't have a marriage the way they're used to seeing it, you're doing it wrong, the most important thing is to find someone who not only loves you but is compatible with your personality, if you have that life is a lot easier.

 

[Dee-Licious]

I mean, right. People think of it differently. I don't agree with your post, but I understand a lot of people can't understand my viewpoint on the situation, and that's why I said maybe I'm just not the "marrying type". Three weeks out of hundreds is not that many.

Yeah, 3 weeks out of hundreds isn't a lot in the grand scheme, but 3 weeks at ONE time by choice is a hell of a lot in the grand scheme.

 

[Crackers Phinn]

I'm on vacation without my husband more than I am with him and we love each other to bits and have a great relationship. The end.

With that being said, they're newly married so that's a bit odd, but I wouldn't be surprised if it had more to do with him not wanting the kid there and MIL not wanting the wife there, but as #NoBlackWomenWereHarmed it all sounds fine to me.

I can't even argue with that. I figured I'd introduce some white foolishness as entertainment.

 

[nysister]

I can't even argue with that. I figured I'd introduce some white foolishness as entertainment.

LOL I hear ya'. Don't get me wrong I thought it was strange when you said Chernobyl, it took me 5 seconds to read past that.

 

[IslandMummy]

I wish I could go on a three week vacation by myself

 

[FlowerHair]

I just googled to be sure. And yep, folks are vacationing there regularly now.

http://www.cnn.com/2015/04/14/travel/chernobyl-tourism/index.html

Add this to the wps thread lol!

 

[Crackers Phinn]

The responses in this thread have furthered my thought process that I must really just not be the "marrying type". I feel like, if they're going to be together forever, what is the big deal about three weeks alone? Honestly, I'm pretty sure I would've welcomed it. Let me breathe. Were they together for awhile before marriage? They might have already felt "married" by that time. Coming back in time for the anniversary makes me feel like he was considering her.

If she'd told him she wanted to go and he refused to change the dates of the trip or arrange care for the child, I'd feel differently, but on the facts stated, I'm not seeing a huge problem.

Sorry, I missed this.

They met on OKCupid and dated a year and a half before getting married. She moved into his house a few months before they got married. I think that even though the wife said she was fine if he went without them that she got resentful while he was gone.

OH, I forgot to add that he didn't call her during the trip. Due to the cost of international calls, he was sending daily "Good Morning/Good Night" texts or writing notes and posting pics to her on Facebook. This caused a lot of her friends and family to be like "WT ENTIRE F". There's some SHADY comments underneath his pictures from the trip on her page.

He, his wife and step son did go to Mexico for the honeymoon about 2 months after the wedding. This was scheduled around the kids school's summer break.

 

[IslandMummy]

Sorry, I missed this.

They met on OKCupid and dated a year and a half before getting married. She moved into his house a few months before they got married. I think that even though the wife said she was fine if he went without them that she got resentful while he was gone.

OH, I forgot to add that he didn't call her during the trip. Due to the cost of international calls, he was sending daily "Good Morning/Good Night" texts or writing notes and posting pics to her on Facebook. This caused a lot of her friends and family to be like "WT ENTIRE F". There's some SHADY comments underneath his pictures from the trip on her page.

He, his wife and step son did go to Mexico for the honeymoon about 2 months after the wedding. This was scheduled around the kids school's summer break.

Hold up! They took the KID on their honeymoon? Nah she can't get pissy about this. I wish someone would bring a child on my honeymoon

 

[FlowerHair]

Sorry, I missed this.

They met on OKCupid and dated a year and a half before getting married. She moved into his house a few months before they got married. I think that even though the wife said she was fine if he went without them that she got resentful while he was gone.

OH, I forgot to add that he didn't call her during the trip. Due to the cost of international calls, he was sending daily "Good Morning/Good Night" texts or writing notes and posting pics to her on Facebook. This caused a lot of her friends and family to be like "WT ENTIRE F". There's some SHADY comments underneath his pictures from the trip on her page.

He, his wife and step son did go to Mexico for the honeymoon about 2 months after the wedding. This was scheduled around the kids school's summer break.

What? He couldn't even Skype her? That's weird!

 

[OriginalBeauty]

Foolishness.

Here's my story. A couple I once knew -- she was white and he was Pakistani -- the husband would always take trips back to Pakistan to see his family. She never went. It wasn't because of lack of cash because they owned a convenience store and bought land to build a house with a MIL suite. Ole girl was so sad when he was gone for that time, but it seemed like something more was going on.

It was. Dude came back with a "new wife" and wanted Ole Girl's blessing as first wife.

I think they divorced but I'm not sure. They still have business dealings with each other though.

 

[toaster]

My aunt got married later in life and often travels without her husband. They have been married over 10 years now, but this was discussed before they got married.

She was used to traveling with her friends or solo before she was married. She wanted her husband to be her travel partner but he doesn't like traveling. He doesn't like spending a ton of time away from home. That's just his preference.

Now they travel for short trips together and maybe one longer trip each year that he's comfortable with. But if she wants to go somewhere that he doesn't, she goes alone or with a friend.

I hope to get married to someone that wants to be my travel buddy. I love my friends, but I don't live with them and I'm not already accustomed to their weird living habits. I figure I'll know my husband and his idiosyncrasies so we should be comfortable traveling the world.

 

[BEAUTYU2U]

Foolishness.

Here's my story. A couple I once knew -- she was white and he was Pakistani -- the husband would always take trips back to Pakistan to see his family. She never went. It wasn't because of lack of cash because they owned a convenience store and bought land to build a house with a MIL suite. Ole girl was so sad when he was gone for that time, but it seemed like something more was going on.

It was. Dude came back with a "new wife" and wanted Ole Girl's blessing as first wife.

I think they divorced but I'm not sure. They still have business dealings with each other though.

She played herself....or he wouldn't let her come. Either way though....

 

[Crackers Phinn]

Hold up! They took the KID on their honeymoon? Nah she can't get pissy about this. I wish someone would bring a child on my honeymoon

He's 8 and her family lives in the Philippines so it was either take the kid with them or come back from the honeymoon to catch a CPS case.

This is one of the reasons that I was adamant that if I had to deal with a single father his kids had to be old enough to be out of the house or within a few years of being out of the house. Nothing younger than high school.

 

[chicitygirl]

I probably wouldn't care if my husband went on a long trip. We've done short trips without each other and it's fine. Everyone's relationship is different. We have a young child, so I'd be annoyed be left on my own dealing with parenting stuff for multiple weeks. But that's it. Honestly, I'll be happy when I can get back to taking some long trips alone. I've never been the type that needs to be around my spouse all the time or not experience things without him. The situation in the OP is weird though. I didn't know people actually went to Chernobyl.

 

[FlowerHair]

My father in law once went on Hajj without my mil because she wasn't healthy enough to go. He's gone on several of them so there was no urgent need to go. The other men he went with took their wives so I can't imagine what made him think that was acceptable.

My husband has gone on trips with his family without me more than once. Years ago they went to Canada and his mother even invited me (and she doesn't like me) and he said no. Also sometimes I'm invited to little family gatherings by the inlaws but he shuts me out or takes no interest in my being included.
I've concluded that he doesn't want his family to like me and that perhaps he's actually behind a lot of their dislike for me.

I'm gonna bring a bunch of ladies from the board and come and free you one day. We'll drop you off at a university somewhere. That's just unacceptable.

 

[IslandMummy]

He's 8 and her family lives in the Philippines so it was either take the kid with them or come back from the honeymoon to catch a CPS case.

This is one of the reasons that I was adamant that if I had to deal with a single father his kids had to be old enough to be out of the house or within a few years of being out of the house. Nothing younger than high school.

It's a time. They are both going to be taking L's for a minute.

She has zero family so in the event that he did want her to go to Radioactive Chernobyl, they cannot because there's no one to watch the kid unless they fly a family member in from the Philippines. I highly doubt his family wants to babysit an 8 year old they have no relationship with. Where is the child's father?

 

[Crackers Phinn]

Foolishness.

Here's my story. A couple I once knew -- she was white and he was Pakistani -- the husband would always take trips back to Pakistan to see his family. She never went. It wasn't because of lack of cash because they owned a convenience store and bought land to build a house with a MIL suite. Ole girl was so sad when he was gone for that time, but it seemed like something more was going on.

It was. Dude came back with a "new wife" and wanted Ole Girl's blessing as first wife.

I think they divorced but I'm not sure. They still have business dealings with each other though.

This dude had a hard time finding a woman to date him while trying to shower them with money and gifts. He has never said this to me but I don't think his wife is his type and I certainly know that a ready made family was not his first choice. He told me a long time ago that all he required was a woman who didn't find him completely repulsive he could build a relationship on that.

I put all of this out there to say, this dude doesn't have the game to cheat. I have discussed the possibility of him using escorts and the consensus is while he would not have been above a sugar daddy or mail order bride set up, his ego couldn't take outright paying an escort.

 

[Crackers Phinn]

It's a time. They are both going to be taking L's for a minute.

She has zero family so in the event that he did want her to go to Radioactive Chernobyl, they cannot because there's no one to watch the kid unless they fly a family member in from the Philippines. I highly doubt his family wants to babysit an 8 year old they have no relationship with. Where is the child's father?

Kids father is dead. He was white too. There's a theme here.

 

[IslandMummy]

Kids father is dead. He was white too. There's a theme here.

The plot thickens.
Did he too enjoy doing WPS?
Does she have a policy on your friend?

The malice may all be a front.

 

[Crackers Phinn]

I never realized how much fun it would be to talk about this with other people. Unfortunately, the person I used to be able to gossip about this dudes shenanigans with passed away on June 1 and the rest of the college friends aren't as petty as me and her are. They have all written his behavior off to an eye roll/deep sigh combo. The deceased friend would have been so pissed off to have missed this tea.

 

[DeRay]

I mean, right. People think of it differently. I don't agree with your post, but I understand a lot of people can't understand my viewpoint on the situation, and that's why I said maybe I'm just not the "marrying type". Three weeks out of hundreds is not that many.

I understand you and your post...
All those rules about when you should make moves with or without your spouse make my head hurt. I love my SO but things like this are why I'm hesitant about marriage as well. I can understand the need to sometimes make moves without your spouse. Sometimes its just more convenient or easier to make moves solo...It gets on my nerves to have to deal with hurt feelings cause I need to go take care of something out of town without someone else or with someone else who is not SO...

 

[Bunnyhaslonghair]

See this is why I have questions about the married life. I can't go somewhere without my husband or ppl might be on my case? I can't be away from the man for a few weeks even with my mom? For the rest of his life? I need a more flexible situation than that.

 

[toaster]

I never realized how much fun it would be to talk about this with other people. Unfortunately, the person I used to be able to gossip about this dudes shenanigans with passed away on June 1 and the rest of the college friends aren't as petty as me and her are. They have all written his behavior off to an eye roll/deep sigh combo. The deceased friend would have been so pissed off to have missed this tea.

I'm sorry for your loss! I know how necessary a fellow petty friend is.

 

[Autumn~Tint~Of~Gold]

That's terrible. Is this anything you two can work on or is this just how things are going to be?
What you describe is exactly how my parents marriage was. I would hear my father say out of pocket stuff about my mother to his relatives and they would talk about her like she was trash. Truth be told, my fathers family's treatment of her extended to me which is why I haven't spoken one word to them *****s after pops died. The disrespect of it all made me resent him. It's one of the reasons why I am adamant that a man cannot be a bad husband and good father at the same time.

I don't know if it can be fixed... he still resents me for something that happened yearrrs ago before we got married.

That makes me angry even to read. It's just so disloyal. I consider it a betrayal.

 

[Crackers Phinn]

The plot thickens.
Did he too enjoy doing WPS?
Does she have a policy on your friend?

The malice may all be a front.

YES. WHY YES HE DID ENJOY DOING WPS!!!!!!!

Her first husband went out like Sonny Bono and hit tree while skiing. I know that the friend has life insurance that he likely made her a beneficiary of but I don't know if she has her own policy on him.

See, you are giving me a whole new line of questioning.

 

[IslandMummy]

YES. WHY YES HE DID ENJOY DOING WPS!!!!!!!

Her first husband went out like Sonny Bono and hit tree while skiing. I know that the friend has life insurance that he likely made her a beneficiary of but I don't know if she has her own policy on him.

See, you are giving me a whole new line of questioning.

I see.

So, she just happened to find two white men with questionable longevity?

I see you wifey, I see you.

 

[Abibi]

You lost me at Chernobyl. Maybe he's trying to commit suicide slowly.

I hope they weren't planning to have kids together in the future. I could maybe (big maybe) see spending 6 hours in Chernobyl, but 3 weeks? If I were the wife, I'd be on birth control for the rest of my reproductive years.

 

[nathansgirl1908]

Don't see an issue with anything except the fact that he went to Chernobyl.

 

[IslandMummy]

This dude had a hard time finding a woman to date him while trying to shower them with money and gifts. He has never said this to me but I don't think his wife is his type and I certainly know that a ready made family was not his first choice. He told me a long time ago that all he required was a woman who didn't find him completely repulsive he could build a relationship on that.

I put all of this out there to say, this dude doesn't have the game to cheat. I have discussed the possibility of him using escorts and the consensus is while he would not have been above a sugar daddy or mail order bride set up, his ego couldn't take outright paying an escort.

Pause.

What's going on with home boy? Ugly? Club foot? Coloring with the crayola crayons instead of the jumbo markers?